I have been friends with my BFF for about ten years now. Long story short, I think she has an eating disorder. She is pretty thin for her height, but is obsessed with food in a way that is hard to watch.
She is always checking the ingredients of everything and won’t eat anything that she doesn’t know what’s in it, and most of the time, won’t eat something if it isn’t straight up a plain vegetable. She has guilt that keeps her up at night for using too much olive oil while roasting some veggies in the oven. She dwelled for days on this new starchy veg she’d eaten that she didn’t realize was “all carbs”. She has taken hours in the store, painstakingly deciding between brands, obsessing over labels, when we’ve popped in for five things. She refuses to do any food related activities like eating out, etc, which unfortunately for our area, significantly limits our options for things to do.
She knows this is a problem, but I don’t think she realizes the impact it has on everyone around her, and I don’t think she’s seeked any treatment on it. It seems to me that she has just gotten deeper and deeper into these fear-mongery health articles that make her paranoid about everything that she puts in her body.
I try not to pressure her and plan our time together around activities that don’t involve food. The only thing is, my birthday is coming up and I was hoping to go out for a nice dinner with my closest friends. I’ve invited her and talked to her about it, and she says I should do what I want for my birthday, and she’ll be able to handle it since it’s a special occasion. Honestly, I’m not so sure. I don’t want to put her in a situation that makes her uncomfortable, but I’m also frustrated that I’m thinking about other alternatives to accommodate her when it’s really a simple and super common social thing to do. I’m worried she’s going to let it ruin an entire week of her life and be really hard on herself. I even tried to pick a place where there were some healthier options opposed to somewhere offering lots of creamy or fried foods.
I care about her a lot and I wish she would just go a little easier on herself because she is totally gorgeous exactly how she is! Even if she gained a few pounds, she would still totally have it goin on. I know that eating disorders warp your sense of self, but a lot of it stems from guilt I think she’s grown up with and it’s hard because when we were younger, it was nowhere near this bad. I just want her to love herself and forgive herself, and be able to indulge once in a while without tormenting herself over it. I know it’s her cross to bear, so to speak, and there’s not much to do about it, but I’m feeling kind of like a bad guy here for suggesting something I know will be hard for her. I have thought about other options, but this is really the only thing that works with everyone’s schedules.
Is there anything I should even do here? How can I make it easier for her without enabling her? Has anyone had any experience with this?
TLDR- My friend is obsessive about everything she eats and I want to celebrate my birthday by going to dinner with my closest friends. Is there anything I can do to help her?
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