My wife and I got married almost 3 years ago now. We were together for 2 years before that. At that time I was stationed in her country. During the time we've been together we've moved because of my job 3 times. To 3 different other countrries. Now I got assigned a long term position, in a 4th different country. This country is not known for being good for women, and she does not want to go there. I understand it.
That on top of more fighting the past couple years related to moves and my job, lead us to realize she's not cut out for being a military wife. She also misses her country. She has dreams to do a college degree back home.
I'm really sad to lose her but I know how unhappy she is. She hates moving so much, but this is my career. We decided it best to part ways, amicably. Our divorce will take place this summer then I leave the next month.
The problem now is she doesn't want custody of our son. Nor can I have custody because of my job, I can't be responsible for a child when on base. I told her the military will provide for them through me even post divorce but she said it's not a money concern. She said she point blank is unhappy not just as a military wife but also being a mother. If it matters, it was an accidental pregnancy and she doesn't believe in abortion. She said she's made those two huge mistakes that she thought at the time was what she wanted. Now she's really upset because it's not easy to fix it now and she doesn't know what to do. She wants to give him for adoption, go home to her country and get the education she wants. She also has some career goals after that.
I don't know how to deal with this, it breaks my heart to think my son will be raised by another family. I thought at least even if she has sole custody, I still get visits when I can. My wife isn't budging, she really wants the freedom of a single and childless person to persue her goals.
This is causing alot of stress between us. I think it's irresponsible. She knows I'm unable to care for him, but is refusing herself where she has the ability.
Also our family isn't possible. I'm no contact with mine for the same reasons I would never want my son around them, and hers disowned her when she got pregnant out of wedlock also they already didn't approve of her dating a foreigner. If our son is adopted it would be by strangers.
What do I do?
tl;dr: My wife is capable of having custody of our son post divorce, but refuses, because she hates being a mother, wants freedom for other goals. I due to being active military cannot have him with me. I may now never see him if he's adopted and am very upset with her.
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