I've been with Carl* for three years, and I'm heavily pregnant with our first child (6 weeks away from giving birth).
Carl has decided he wants to lose some weight and get fit, which to him means for the past few nights he's been going into our home gym every night when he gets back from work. Slightly annoying, since I haven't seen him all day and I'm eager to spend time with him, but I dealt with it. Him getting fitter isn't the issue at all, it's the fact our routine (get home, one of us cooks dinner, we eat together and spend quality time with each other) has been disrupted and he has made no acknowledgement of this at all. I cook dinner about 75% of the time anyway, but with Carl's new gym routine, I feel like he has totally assumed I'm fine to be cooking dinner ready for when he gets in, without any offer to help at all. I work full time too (I'm not on maternity leave yet), and I am exhausted, yet it seems like it's expected of me to cook for him and not complain.
The argument started last night, when we'd just got home and I was getting things ready for dinner, Carl announced he was heading into the gym. Admittedly I didn't communicate properly at the time, because I made a snarky comment along the lines of 'oh I'll cook dinner again then', still in my work clothes, and I was so tired. He asked me if I had an issue with him going, and I answered honestly, telling him it bothers me that he assumes I'm going to cook every night and have him reappear conveniently once dinner is on the table. He threw a total fit, yelling at me that he wants to do something for himself and that he doesn't need my permission. He said it's my own fault for believing he was assuming I'd cook, and that I'm responsible for thinking that he wasn't going to help- this confused me because he clearly wasn't, he took one look at me getting the ingredients out and told me he was going to exercise now. At this point I was just tired of being shouted at, so I tried to explain that I'd have appreciated him offering some sort of compromise, like 'I'll go into the gym after work on x and x days, but I'll cook dinner for you on x and x so it's fair' or even just asking if I needed any help before he left. He said he's not a mind reader and that if I wanted help I should ask, but I told him that's unfair and I shouldn't have to ask for help all the time: I'm 8 months pregnant and as someone who is becoming a husband and father this year, it's kind of common sense to offer? We're supposed to be a team.
That didn't do any good, he just continued shouting about how I'm in the wrong for thinking I'd be cooking every night. He then snatched the things for dinner and proceeded to cook the whole thing in such an aggressive way- not letting me see the recipe so I couldn't help at all. Afterwards I headed outside since the weather was beautiful, and asked if he was going to join me (this is our usual routine after dinner, and we clean up afterwards). He responded by gesturing to the rag in his hand and snapped: 'I'm cleaning, can you leave me the fuck alone for five minutes', so I went out alone.
Later that night I calmly tried to talk about it, since Carl hadn't spoken to me since. I explained that I feel really underappreciated, and taken for granted. On my days off from work I do everything I can do clean the house, and get everything tidy so he comes home to a clean environment, and I told him that getting no appreciation or thanks for that really bothers me. I brought up a few examples, like how he had two days off in a row last week, and I came home to the house in a total state- clothes everywhere, no washing done, the bed wasn't even made. Carl just said 'well yes, they were my days off'. That really hurt to hear, because he made it sound like he deserves to spend his time off relaxing while I'm at work, but I'm yet again expected to clean if it's going to get done at all. The second example was a few weeks ago when I got home later than normal and text him saying I was starving. He told me not to worry and that he'd cook dinner, but when I came home he was in our bar (separate building) drinking beer, and hadn't even put the oven on. I tried telling him that I feel like nothing I do for him is ever good enough, and that every time I try to talk to him openly about my feelings it backfires because he gets so angry, but he just continued repeating how I'm trying to stop him doing something he wants to do, and that me thinking I'd be cooking alone is my problem. He didn't acknowledge anything I'd said about being taken for granted, just kept ranting on about how it was my fault because 'for once' he wanted to do something without me, and that it's my problem I can't cope on my own for an hour.
I make a huge effort to make sure we have home cooked, healthy meals, and it gets no appreciation at all. I buy all the food, all the cooking ingredients, research recipes, and lately he doesn't even thank me after I've cooked. He does nothing to try and keep the house clean- he will come home and dump his clothes on the floor of our bedroom instead of hanging them up. I don't even think he notices that I've cleaned.
All he seems to care about lately is fitness and the gym. I really don't have a problem with him using our home gym, but he's also started talking about signing up to another gym in our local town, as well as going into ours every night, which sounds crazy to me. Why does he need to pay to go twice a week somewhere else when we have our own gym he's already using for free? And I feel like he's completely overlooking the fact we'll have a baby in a few weeks- does he really think it's fair to disappear as soon as he's come from work when I'm recovering from birth and have cared for a newborn all day?
I just don't know. I'm starting to think this is all my fault, but Carl always finds a way to turn our arguments around so the blame is on me, and it's really having an effect. I cried most of last night feeling like an absolute failure because I hadn't made him happy, thinking back to the start of our relationship where he'd do absolutely anything to look after me. I feel like I should just let him 'win' this one because he's so horrible to be around when he's in this mood. I honestly feel sometimes like the only point in my life is to be a good fiancee to him and it breaks my heart thinking I might unknowingly be getting things really wrong and being unfair to him. And I think the fact he didn't try and correct me when I said I don't feel like I make him happy means I clearly don't.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I don't know what to do or if I'm even right here. I wasn't trying to stop him improving himself, I just wanted him to at least consider the thought that I need some help in my condition.
tl;dr: I do everything, fiance now wants to spend time in the gym instead of helping me with basic housework, but thinks it's my fault for not asking him to
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