I've gained 100 lbs during this relationship (different meds, binge eating, that's just the fact). He also gained around 50, but now has lost it. I've lost 35 now and am still losing. I'm currently 5'3" and 230. I started at 265.
Am I wrong in considering this verbal abuse? Everything else is perfect when it's not a confrontational event (Ex. me asking why he won't have sex with me). I bought a new trimmer and shaved and he was disinterested completely. I asked him if he wanted to see, he said sure. I said do you want to touch it? Sure, "Yeah it's smooth." And that was that. And he went back to playing video games.
This morning I woke up horny and he was like, okay, I can play with you (without me asking. And then I said you're only doing this because you think I'll get upset if you don't - you don't have to, I can do it myself). But he pressed on, and in the middle of it I asked why he wasn't interested last night, and he said, "Sorry I'm not turned on by a fat vagina." The "Why would I want to have sex with that?" was a separate incident. He also has an asian fetish, and I'm very white, if that's relevant.
I love spending time with him, we're alike in every way, but this is too much for me to take mentally. He says it's not abusive. I'm just really hurt. When he insults me, the insults go deep. Any advice would help. Thanks.
UPDATE: he wanted me to add this - “You left out that I'm the one who has been giving you pointers on how to lose weight since I lost weight. And that I go to all of your doctors appointments. Therapy sessions and everything I can attend. And that this is a recurring thing where you press for an answer from me when the situation is the same and act offended when you hear the same answer.” That’s true, but the “answer” is always an insult.
TL;DR Husband thinks verbal/emotional abuse, isn't. I do, and my self esteem is beat to shit in a time where I need support the most (trying to lose weight)
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