My [30/F] boyfriend [34/M] and I have been off and on for a year and a half. Our longest breakup was 3 months. We recently started dating again back in April and things were going pretty well except the last two weeks.
He’s been inviting me to family events which I’ve been attending. I will admit I would always avoid it in the past before because we had so many issues and were constantly breaking up. It’s embarrassing meeting them and then not knowing if I’ll see them next week because we broke up again.
I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to go hang out with his family since we got back together but he still says it’s like pulling teeth and it’s obvious I don’t want to be there. I haven’t been resistant when he asked but he’s been criticizing me lately. I agreed to spend time with his family for Mother’s Day and he told me I should have dressed up more when I arrived. I don’t think I was dressed like a bum- I had a casual teal plain shirt and stretchy pants. He wasn’t exactly “dressed up” wearing his everyday jeans and a tshirt so I was annoyed. I brought up the issue and he said, “I appreciate you showing up but you should have dressed up. I want to be able to show you off”. I feel like my fashion attire shouldn’t matter and I showed up even though I still get uncomfortable going to see his family.
Side note: We were about to have sex and he made a comment about my pubic hair. I usually get a Brazilian but have been growing it out since the hair was too short at my last appointment. My boyfriend almost looked disgusted and said, “Why haven’t you been maintaining that?! It just feels like you haven’t been trying at all lately. There’s those pairs of jeans that I like and I haven’t seen you wear them in ages”. I’ve been getting really hurt and offended because I don’t think I’ve given up. Some days I dress more casual but not a complete slob. I’ve also gained a few pounds so the jeans aren’t as comfortable lately.
Anyways, he invited me for dinner at his parent’s place which I agreed to. While we were there, I asked “What time are we leaving?” and I could tell he became visibly upset. When we driving home, he said “Wow. I can tell you really don’t like my family. What was the rush?”. I told him I wasn’t rushing but it was almost 11pm and I have been up since 5am this morning so I was tired. I told him I feel like everything I do is wrong lately. He replies “It’s obvious you don’t want to be around my family and I’m honestly embarrassed by it. “I got upset and told him he doesn’t need to invite me anymore if he’s embarrassed by me.
I feel less inclined to want to see his family if he keeps criticizing everything I do. I feel like I’ve been trying the best that I can and have been respectful to his parents, but a little shy. I also feel like I can’t reject his offer or else he’ll get upset and start ignoring me like he usually does.
I’ve been the one initiating texts lately and I feel like stopping that. That’s probably not the best way to cope but it’s been feeling like he doesn’t want me around. He say he’s been busy working and doing home renovation on his off days, but he doesn’t even send me a quick text. I had to drive over yesterday just to see if he was home from work.
Please let me know the best way to handle this. Are we both at fault?
TL;DR: Boyfriend gets upset because I don’t get excited to see his family but criticized me when I do
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