My parents had an insane and expensive divorce. Cheating, prostitutes, parental alienation, custody battles, court-ordered counselling, kidnapping, police, keylogging on computers, pitting children against parents... you name it :) The biggest issue was centered on money, and the fact that my dad's family has lots of money and my mom does not.
My father essentially fucked my mom over emotionally and financially. She is somewhat okay now (after a lifetime of therapy and financial help from her own parents), and he remains incredibly wealthy (think like the top 1%, top end of upper-class). He is an aggressive and powerful personality. I am disgusted by both of my parents, mostly. I love them, but they both acted in absolutely repulsive ways concerning how they talk about money and the divorce around us kids. I have seen firsthand what that kind of money can do to a family, and a marriage.
Fast forward ten years - I support myself at a decent job, and so does my boyfriend of four years. We currently live together in a tiny apartment. We both work hard for what we have, and I consider him my team. I have a huge amount of respect for the fact that he has worked so hard to be where he is. I personally have struggled along to make it where I am too.
The crux of the issue -my father has put together his will, and has begun estate planning, and has been trying to involve me in ways I don't want to be involved. He is getting aggressive about me not accepting money 'before I get married' so that the money will be forever 'mine' in case of divorce. He wants me to accept a few million (!) dollars in advance of getting married so that if I was ever to divorce my future husband, he would get none of it.
I simply don't want the money on his terms. I don't want to hide things from my potential future spouse. I don't want to enter into a marriage with a few million in the bank. I don't want to even have 'just in case' money. I don't want my father's help or control over this money, and I don't want to repeat the massive nuclear blast that nearly eradicated every family relationship I had.
TL;DR - Wealthy parents had nuclear divorce, money was one of the biggest issues and nearly dissolved my family. I don't want my inheritance before my marriage or given to me in advance whatsoever because it feels like I'd be starting off on a different playing field than my spouse. I also don't want that fact to affect my spouses relationship with my dad. Can you help me find the words to tell my pushy, aggressive father this?
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