TL;DR: We have two young children so someone always has to be alert and present. My husband always makes this person me. He has to drink with every meal, often a lot. I always have to be the designated driver.
My husband drinks with almost every meal and it is usually fine at home. We have two young children so someone always has to be alert and present. At home, this isn't such a big deal (even though it would be nice for him to watch the kids while I had more than a few sips of wine after they go to bed) but when we go out, even with the kids, he always makes me be the designated driver while he gets smashed.
We don't live in an area where there is a lot of ride share services or uber or lyft or anything. Just cabs. Not many buses and no subways. Anywhere you go, we have to drive. So someone has to be sober enough to drive.
This happens even on days when they are suppose to be my days like days that celebrate me. Mother's day for instance, my birthday. We go out and he just has to have a beer or two or three or four. Or a margarita. And I can't because I have to drive and be sober for our return home for the kids.
I've asked him to please just let me have the drink this time but he always says we can both drink, even if we have the kids there, which isn't a great idea. One time I ordered first and he ordered anyway. I stop after my first because he just kept ordering and ordering and before he knew it, he was drunk.
That actually happened this mother's day. He got his mother to watch the kids briefly and we were going to go out and enjoy a nice brunch. I ordered a mimosa because he said it was my day and he would drive. He ordered one too and said he would stop after the one but he didn't. I left to go call and check on the kids and he ordered another so I had to stop. He said he was fine and it was just two but they were sort of strong and I knew him. If I had another, he would too and then we would both be too drunk to drive home.
" You know I like to drink with my food". He can't eat without having a beer, even at home. It is exhausting because after work and dealing with the kids, I too want to pop open a cold one or 4 and breathe but I can't because he is already doing it.
When I go out with my friends, I have to stay sober as well because he will be at home watching the kids but I know he will have had a few since he ate (he says he only drinks when he eats)and I will have to available and ready for the kids. Or if he doesn't drink he might when I walk through the door and someone in the house needs to be alert.
We have a small baby.
That isn't to say I want to get wasted every day. I just want to enjoy a meal where I too can drink and not have to worry. Just one meal. A year.
When we go out with friends he always instantly volunteers me for designated driver too. My dad flew in and kept the kids one days while we went out with my brother and his new wife and my husband was " Katy will drive. you'll enjoy yourself." And he was already drinking away. So I sipped a soda all night and checked in on the kids. I got babysit adult all night on a night out. It wasn't fun.
I've offered to pay for a cab but my husband thinks that is a waste of money. " I'll just drive then" he says but he can't because he has been drinking. A DUI would really mess up his job and mine because of what we do so he really needs to drink nothing when he drives. I do too.
I am tired of always being the designated driver.
I know this seems trivial but it is so annoying and he thinks I am overreacting when I mention it.
Am I being silly here? I mean it is only a drink. It isn't that important but it feels like I never get to relax with one and I want to.
I've tried the just drinking at home when the kids are around and that does work. That has been my compromise but I feel like it would be fairer if we just switched off. Like Daniel drinks one night out and I drink the next or if we don't have the kids, we get a cab. But he would never allow a cab. He would refuse to leave our cars anywhere.
Is this dumb for me to be frustrated about or should I talk to him more?
TL;DR: We have two young children so someone always has to be alert and present. My husband always makes this person me. He has to drink with every meal, often a lot. I always have to be the designated driver.
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