Tuesday, 15 May 2018

My [21 F] mother [48 F] is writing a book about her divorce from my father. Advice?

For a bit of background, my parents separated in late 2016 and were divorced in November 2017. It was incredibly messy and I will now explain.

My father's motivation for separating from my mother was because of various factors - first of all, she had been controlling and deceptive throughout the relationship. She told him when he could do his hobbies (music, woodwork etc.) and how long he could do it for. She lied about how my brother was conceived (She came off the pill without telling my father, who thought my brother was an accident and just one of these things). Anyway, these things alongside other small yet consistent problems really ended it for my dad and all in all, he did not love my mother any more.

The months following were extremely tough. My mother and father communicated through my dad's lawyer only, for some reason she didn't get a lawyer/ legal aid or anything like that. One minute her emails were apologetic and the next they were utterly venomous. My sister and I were living at the house my parents had shared and this became problematic for my mother. She was given an ultimatum by my dad, to move out of the house as their relationship was over, however my mother was in denial for quite some time, accusing my dad of having a mental breakdown and that she had done nothing wrong. My mother, afraid somehow that my dad had gone off the rails (how she came to this conclusion I do not know) she said she would not move out until my sister and I did, as she didn't want us living with our 'monstrous' father. I could go on about the storm that followed, but I feel I would be here forever.

Getting a little rambly here, but I need to get it off my chest. My father is one of the best people I know. He is honest, understanding, would do anything for his family and has a wonderful character and sense of humour. He would never hurt a flea. Then my mother accused him of domestic abuse and apparently got the police involved, case number and all. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My dad never lifted a finger to her. She said he was doing 'genuinely frightening things'. He was not. When he left on the day he ended it, he never came back in the period where my mother was still living there. He paid for food, heating, etc. and yet somehow he was still the bad guy in her eyes. Nothing ever came of it in the end.

She waited 2 months before beginning a new relationship. Quite funny, considering she kept saying my father was the love of her life, but anyway, these things happen and I'm glad she is happy. We knew she was seeing someone else in January 2017 and it took her almost two months to say anything. She's been pushing us to meet the guy even though he has nothing to do with my life. She forced us to meet him when she conveniently left stuff at our new house.

Two years on, she is in the middle of writing a book (she is already a published author) about her experience with divorce. I am so paranoid she is going to bad-mouth my dad and fabricate past events, making her out to be a completely innocent victim. I feel like I need to talk to her, but the last time I tried I was the most angry I have ever been and I was shaking so much with adrenaline that I couldn't discuss it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I will probably write a fuller post about the entire separation/ divorce, but at this rate it will be like War & Peace...

tldr: My mum wants to publish a book on her experience with divorce and I'm afraid she will fabricate it and make my dad out to be a monster and her an innocent victim.

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