My brother is an alcoholic. He's been battling it for close to 20 years now. The last three years were really good. He got a house, adopted a dog named Chief, got engaged, had a child. Just a really good run.
Chief was really spoiled at first. We're talking training classes, DNA testing to determine breed-specific food needs, portraits, his own Instagram...you name it, the dog got it. My brother's fiance loves Chief, but, especially after her baby, isn't really a dog person. It's clear she wouldn't hurt him. but it's also clear that Chief is my brother's dog.
Anybody close to someone with alcoholism knows it's a battle, and sometimes you lose. He's started drinking again and like a lot of people battling alcohol addiction, my brother is very angry right now. He and his fiance are trying to work it out for the sake of their baby, but it's a constant battle with frequent fights, tension, and frustration. (My brother's fiance and the baby have moved in with nearby family. She has made it very clear that she will not have the baby around when he's drinking, and from everything I've seen has done a great job of shielding the baby from as much of the fighting and ugly behavior as possible).
When he started drinking again, I started noticing that the dog was always in trouble for something. "Chief is tied up out back because he ran out the front door without his leash, Chief got spanked because he tripped me up when I was holding the baby, Chief peed all over the house so he got smacked."
I really didn't like how he disciplined the dog in the first place (I think hitting something that much smaller than you isn't okay but that's besides the point now), but it seemed like now he was CONSTANTLY in trouble to where I was worried that my brother was taking his stress and anger out on the dog.
I'm finishing up law school and have the week between finals and graduation off. I live about 2 hours away from my brother. I went and visited today largely to check on him and his home. He seemed okay-ish and we talked a lot (a story for another time maybe).
I also wanted to make some time for Chief. He was clean and had food and water and all that, but had been in trouble for one thing or another for pretty much the whole week. Maybe I'm attributing emotions to Chief that weren't really there, but I felt like he was desperate for love. Every time I pet him, he threw his whole body into me. He followed me to the bathroom and then fell asleep on my lap. Chief is usually a daddy's boy, so these were not typical Chief behaviors. At that point I was pretty sure that things weren't good for Chief either, and maybe whatever misbehavior that was going on was just acting out from things being absolutely miserable at home.
Maybe this was a bad idea, but I asked my brother if I could take Chief home with me for a couple days. I just had this intrusive, recurring thought of "dog must be safe, dog must be with me" and I acted on it.
My brother was taken aback and wanted to know why. When I explained that I thought it might be a little more peaceful at my house and would give him time to get settled, my brother got upset. He was offended that I would imply that he couldn't take care of the dog, and offended that I would try to take "the only friend" he had left. My brother also pointed out that he has a house with a yard and all I have is an apartment. He was genuinely upset. I dropped it, had a pleasant rest of the visit, and went home.
I cannot stop worrying about Chief. I'm concerned that he's being hurt emotionally or physically in all the chaos going on in my brother's life. All I know is what my brother tells me and how Chief behaved today, I have no idea how he's actually being treated. I want to go get him and make sure he's safe. If my brother told me to come get him, I'd be in the car within minutes.
But maybe I'm overreacting and making a problem where there is none. After all he is my brother's dog and I can't make him give him to me. And maybe Chief is helping him find some peace in a very difficult time (I say this optimistically but skeptically).
I'm not really sure what to do. I feel the need to make sure that this dog is okay, but I don't know if he'll be okay with my brother (maybe paranoid?). I don't know how to convince my brother to give me the dog either. Do you think the dog is okay there? If no, how do I convince my brother that Chief is better off with me for a while?
Thank you so much for reading this. Please forgive me if parts of this sound really blunt or uncaring towards the human players. My brother has struggled with alcohol for a long time. It is still heartbreaking to see, and he has the full support of my whole family, including offers of help with paying for counseling. I just know that I cannot control my brother, or make him change before he's ready to. But maybe I can minimize the impact it has on innocent members of his family who don't have anyone there to protect them.
TLDR: I'm worried my brother's dog is a victim of other things going on in his life. I don't know if I'm overreacting, or if/how to convince by brother to give me the dog.
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