I am absolutely devastated right now. For some backstory, my husband and I have been together for six years, dated for four years and married for two. I am currently seven months pregnant with our son, and this pregnancy was very much planned and wanted by both of us. We have always had a strong relationship, we are each other's best friend and share a lot of the same interests and hobbies. I've literally never had a reason to not trust him, and vice versa.
Yesterday was our baby shower, we decided to do a casual co-ed BBQ with family and friends at our place. People brought a bunch of food, we ate a lot and everyone seemed to have a good time. There was also a lot of drinking, which I was totally fine with as I wanted people to enjoy themselves and hey, I'm a fan of drinking when not pregnant of course. A group of about six people were still up drinking around 11pm, two being my cousins who both live about two hours away and were planning to crash in our two guest rooms. My one cousin Rachel (31), who I have always been close with growing up, is absolutely gorgeous, super smart (she's a doctor) and has a great personality. I've had jealousy issues in the past with her just because it seemed like every guy I brought to meet my family seemed instantly enamored by her, even when we were teens. I've never blamed her for it because it's not her fault. My husband and Rachel get along well but I've never felt insecure about it, there's been nothing flirtatious between them that I've ever picked up on.
Anyways at about 11 pm last night I tell everyone I'm going to bed, they are still playing drinking games, no big deal. Sometime through the night my husband comes to bed, we cuddle and I go back to sleep. The next morning I wake up relatively early and go down to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. Rachel comes into the kitchen looking distraught. I ask her what's wrong and she tells me to sit down, we need to talk. Instantly I'm in a panic, and she tells me that last night after everyone else went to bed, my husband hugged Rachel goodnight but lingered to a point that made her uncomfortable and then propositioned her. She told him he was disgusting and that she was going to bed, he followed her upstairs telling her he was just joking and he didn't mean it, not to tell me, etc. Of course I feel sick to my stomach, and I can tell that Rachel feels awful about this and having to tell me. I thank her for telling me and then say I need to be alone and go for a walk.
When I get back to the house, I start cleaning up and eventually my husband wakes up and can tell something is off but I'm too busy cleaning for us to really talk. Once everyone left I tell him that Rachel told me what happened last night. He breaks down instantly in tears and tells me that he was really drunk and he didn't mean it, he never would have followed through with anything.
I honestly don't give a fuck. In my opinion, he is now a cheater and has betrayed my trust forever. At the same time, I don't want to be a single mom and I am terrified at the idea of having to divorce and raise our son in separate homes. This isn't what I signed up for. I am also just heartbroken that my husband could do this to me, if he can do this then I really feel like anyone can and that is just making me so depressed. Reddit please help me, I can't do this alone.
TL;DR My husband of two years "propositioned" my cousin while drunk and now I feel like I can't stay with him but I'm terrified of having a baby on my own.
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