TL;DR My dad thinks I owe him $7000 in court attorney fees he paid after being charged for breaking my arm. Cutting me out of the family unless that happens.
Apologizing In advance for the lengthy post.
Backstory: Feb 2017, my dad and I got into an argument when he asked me about my personal finances and I refused to give him any details. (My parents have filed for bankruptcy in the past and have a history of being bad with money). I have been on my own paying 100% of my own bills since I turned 21, so to me this wasn’t his business.
This turned into my dad slapping my face, me taking out my phone threatening to call the police, him taking my phone from me, me reaching for it, him throwing me to the ground, twisting my arm in the process breaking my humerus in half.
My dad spoke to me the next day telling me he would have done it again if he was put in the same situation. Not understanding and being hurt by the lack of remorse, I called the police a day later and filed a report against my dad.
The day after that I spoke to my parents again and my three siblings and decided that I would drop the charges and try to work on our issues with a counselor/without the police. However, after removing my statement, a few days later got a call from the DA that she saw my case and decide to pick it up from the state’s end [WA] (my dad had on file another altercation he got in with my brother years before).
The state saw he had a history of aggression toward his kids and picked it up, charging him with a felony. Months go by, he was brought down to a misdemeanor and served no jail time. All that was required were court fees and attorney fees, an anger management course, and he can’t carry firearms.
Fast forward to now: over a year later and we are working on mending things. With my mom and siblings things have been looking up, but every conversation with my dad is still as negative and still as toxic that over the past couple of weeks I haven’t been in contact with him directly.
My dad recently brought up his court fees and that in order for him to feel things have been made good again, I need to “pay him back for the money that my actions cost them” (a total of $7000). Until that happens my dad has cut himself off from me (which is fine) but has also taken any relationship I had with my mother as well. She doesn’t have much of a backbone and after years of someone bullying you into having the same opinions, unfortunately you will lose your own. Another unfortunate thing is my sister had the same job as me so my dad is fully aware that I have the $7000, which pushes him to ask for it more.
He sent me message this morning that he also doesn’t feel safe around (laughs! I’m 4’10, 80lbs, and a grown man is afraid to be around me). He is very religious and raised us heavily in the LDS culture. I have long since left and have tattoos, drink on occasion and smoke weed recreationally[WA]. My dad is in total disagreement of my lifestyle and in that same message said he believes I’m refusing to pay him because he believes I have a drug/alcohol addiction. When I told him I’m never going to pay him hat money because I know I don’t owe him any of it, he said he will not even attempt at mending a relationship until I am “drug and alcohol free for 6 months”.
To me, I recognize the controlling and abusive behavior that we swept under the rug for years growing up. I’m finally standing up to my dad and he’s recognizing that he’s losing all leverage he has over me, but not before proving it by taking literally all he can first (my relationship with my mom). Hoping to hear of ways to mend serious family issues or if maybe it’s time I cut them out?
Edit: updated State
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