Most of the debt is mine. I was irresponsible for college and used student loans for everything, including vacations, partying etc. I never paid interest so now I owe more than I ever took out: 120k. I graduated college and got a 50k/year job with benefits and now make 75k. My fiancée went to a cheaper, non-target school to avoid student loans altogether. While she has 0 debt, she struggled to find employment and made 40k for a couple years post grad but now is makes 70k. She is sometimes resentful that she had to work odd jobs while I didn’t till she got on her feet, but it is what it is.
I still owe 110k. We are getting married soon and her parents are paying half of our wedding expenses, no matter how much it is. So if it’s 20k they’ll pay 10. If it’s 60k they’ll pay 30. (No more than 40, though).
Our original budget was 25k for the wedding. With her parents surprising us with this gift, I thought “awesome, we can save 13k and put it towards debt”. My fiancée thought “now I can have the wedding of my dreams for 50k and still pay 25k”.
Long story short, I can’t understand how she won’t see this is a massive waste of money especially when we already made a plan for the wedding within the original 25k total, so if anything it’s more of a hassle to change everything now too. We’ve been talking about for a while but things got heated yesterday and she essentially said: “I’m already committing a lifetime to your debt- the debt I struggled to avoid. Now I have to deal with it anyway AND you want to cut corners on our wedding?”. I told her she’s being immature, she bit back saying I spent 5 years being immature, and now here we are with the same income but my burden falls on both of us.
We went back and forth and ended in her saying “if all of my wants are going to take a back burner to your debt, caused by you doing everything you wanted and then some, then I don’t know if I can live like that”. She says the debt number isn’t the issue, but she needs there to be a balance between paying off debt and living a certain way. IMO We are both older now and I wouldn’t make the same mistakes I made in college, so making poor financial decisions now just because I made them before seems stupid.
I need advice, opinions and whether or not this issue is a sign of bigger issues down the line.
TLDR: I have student debt, wife wants expensive wedding, arguing about money allocation.
Edit: To clarify, we just have a mental plan for the wedding. Nothing has been booked/paid/set in stone yet
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