My wife and I had similar goals and desires when we were first married 12 years ago. We both had children that had recently moved out on their own, we both worked, and we both were looking for a long term relationship with someone to spend the rest of our lives with.
It was great at first, but over the last 10 years, my wife's 5 daughters have made several bad life choices and always come to their mother for help. This includes cars, rent, food, lawyers fees, etc. I have tried to be as accommodating as possible by helping, but never at the expense of taking care of my wife and I first. This has been the main source of our disagreements.
We slowly went from both taking care of bills, to me taking care of all our bills and my wife taking care of her kids bills, to now when I am expected to take care of everyone's bills.
My wife has not worked for the past 3 years, as her daughters have constantly had 'emergencies' which they needed her for. 4 of them have been divorced at least once, they all have several children, and only one of them has a job.
We constantly fight now with my wife telling me that I am selfish and hate her family because I don't want to pay for every mistake they make. Everything I try to give to my wife she gives to her kids to help them. If she gives her car to her kids and they wreck it, or lose it, she complains that I don't love her because I won't buy her another car.
I have tried to include her in our monthly budget expenses, but she has no desire to know how much it costs us to live. For her, if she doesn't get what she wants, she threatens to divorce me and take everything from me. She doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because this is all my fault. She doesn't want to get a job because she says that's what a husband is for.
I don't want a divorce, but I feel like I am just a resource to take care of her real family. I do my own laundry, clean the house and cook my own dinner because she is always at one of her kids house helping them take care of kids or clean their house. She treats me like I am the enemy and always is fighting about what she doesn't have or what I am doing wrong.
tl;dr: Am I wrong to think my wife should put her marriage before her adult children?
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