Are Relationships Worth It? What to Consider Before You Decide

The question ‘are relationships worth it’ is extremely variable, and totally dependent upon an individual person’s perspective and experience. However, there are probably many people who don’t even stop to think about why they feel that relationships are worth it or not.  

Some people gravitate towards answering with a ‘no’

A person who thinks that relationships are not worth it may not stop to consider that they’ve just had some bad experiences in their life and need to improve their esteem or change some internal patterns so that they attract and feel worthy of drawing a good person into their life.  

And so they attract the wrong people and maybe don’t develop fair and reasonable boundaries in their relationships or don’t know how hold them.  

A person in this situation would likely be biased toward a ‘no’ when asked the question are relationships worth it.

Some people think relationships are essential for happy existence

Whereas, a person who believes that relationships are worth it could always want to be with somebody; because they don’t do well alone nor have they been alone for a long period.  

They identify themselves as somebody who needs a partner, and don’t know what it’s like to live life independently or as a singleton long enough to find out who they are beyond their relationships. Which means that this person would probably be biased toward a ‘yes’ when asked the question are relationships worth it.

Both the answers ‘yes’ and ‘no’ may be stemming from an unhealthy place

Both parties don’t necessarily have a healthy and balanced perspective when it comes to relationships.  Probably owing to the fact that according to research published by Princeton University 4 in 10 infants form an unhealthy attachment style.  

4 in 10 adults will grow up with an attachment disorder and unhealthy biases that influence their relationships and their perspective on relationships.  

You need to be asking yourself something else

So instead of asking ‘are relationships worth it’ a better question may be ‘what is my perspective on relationships and why?’ or ‘what are the pros and cons of relationships?’.  

And with this in mind, to answer the question ‘are relationships worth it,’ we first ask you to question your own perspective on relationships. And also question why you feel that way so that you can identify what biases you may have toward relationships.  

Then you check out the pros and cons of relationships listed below so that you can assess whether you think relationships are worth it and address anything that you might have going on in your psyche that might be preventing you from enjoying a loving relationship, or from finding your ‘self.’

So here we go,

Are relationships worth it: The pro’s

1. You can find comfort and security from your relationship
2. Somebody else is thinking of you, loving and protecting you
3. You can enjoy a healthy sex life
4. Facing the world can be easier in numbers
5. You have somebody to express your love to
6. You’ll naturally have somebody to explore life and the world with
7. Financial pressures can be alleviated (if your partner or spouse is good with money!)
8. Statistically, people in healthy relationships are happier, healthier and live longer

Are relationships worth it: The cons

1. If you like the chase and the spark of a new relationship – those days are over
2. You can’t be as independent, autonomous or flexible as you would be as a single person
3. You are going to have to learn to compromise
4. Your equilibrium can be influenced for better or worse by your partner
5. Sex can become dull or uninspiring unless you work for it
6. If you have a poor attachment style, you might attract the wrong person and end up in a challenging, toxic or even dangerous relationship
7. If your partner or spouse is not good with money, addicted, sick or depressed you suddenly become very alone and burdened with the responsibility of the life you’ve created together
8. You may live in fear of losing your partner
9. Complacency might set in for you, but your partner may be unwilling to acknowledge it
10. Tough decisions have to be made if there are problems in the relationship which can be unsettling and heartbreaking
11. Your life is built on the notion of two of you together, and if things change it can be devastating

So when we look back to our original ideas about having an unhealthy or biased perspective on relationships, you could see that people who advocate relationships but have an insecure attachment style are likely to find the idea of losing the partner in any way tough to deal with even if they are toxic.

Whereas a person with a bias against relationships would probably look at the idea that building a life with somebody you love only to lose them or realize they aren’t good is enough to make them keep their distance from relationships.  

However, ask a person who has a balanced attachment style; ‘are relationships worth it’ and if they are at the age in life where they are ready to settle down, then they’d probably say yes.  

Because they know they have to work at things, they can hold healthy boundaries, they know who they are, what ‘freedoms’ they might be giving up and they know that they can survive with or without a relationship.

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