Post-Breakup: How to Know You’re Ready for Your Next Relationship

What Is the Best Step Parent Advice and No-no’s?

Being a step-parent naturally comes with challenges but when done right, it can be very satisfying.

But how do you prepare for the upcoming responsibility of being a stepparent?

The step family scenario is not uncommon.

The original family structure of biologically bonded mother, father and child is now giving way to a multitude of other forms of family, including stepfamilies. The step family statistics are staggering.

You’ve met the love of your life. You’re ecstatic. Over the moon.

They are perfect.

But on the inside, in addition to love, you are feeling some pretty intense feelings.

The marriage is a package deal and you’re becoming a step-parent. Stepparenting is an unchartered territory for you.

While this may be a deal breaker for some, you know a good thing when you see it but can you do this? At this point, you start looking for some helpful step parent advice.

So, what’s the most crucial step parent advice? As a mom of a bonus daughter and a biological daughter, I am here to tell you that you can pull it off. 

I must be honest though.

Step-parenting can be a very scary thing and, not to mention, awkward.

You’re adding a new, little human to your own family and you are starting to wonder what type of influence you will have on your new additions.

You have decided to marry someone who is involved in their child(ren)’s life.

This means you will be assisting with raising the child and providing stability.

If you are struggling with what to do next, read on for some easy to follow step parent advice and effective step parenting tips.

How to be a good stepparent

1. Establish respect between you and the child

I say child, but this can be applied to multiple children.

Terms of respect should, initially, be laid out by the biological parent.

Before I married my husband, I remember he firmly told his daughter: “you see this woman, here? You need to respect her. I never want to hear you disrespecting her.”

He has said this to her multiple times in my presence and till this day, 4 years later, he still reminds her.

But here’s the key step parent advice.

As the step-parent, you are also obligated to give just as much respect to the child.

It’s not a one-way street. Their space, their unique family dynamic, and their feelings matter; never make them feel otherwise.

2. Be their friend

Once respect is understood, then comes friendship.

Yes, discipline is important but as you learn the best way to discipline (by watching the biological parent and by learning more about the child), smile, laugh, and play with them.

Do not be a stand-offish step-parent.

That’s the step parent advice that will help you ease into your relationship with your stepchild.

It will take some work but try your best to connect with the child. As far as discipline goes, talk to your future spouse about limits and what you’re both comfortable with.

I’ll never forget the evening I was playing and having a good time with my stepdaughter when I accidentally hit her (hard).

I comforted her and said sorry as she cried.

When her dad got home, he asked what happened. She said, “We were playing, and she accidentally hit me.” I exhaled a sigh of relief.

I don’t know why I expected her to portray me as the evil stepmother as I prepared to defend myself. She protected me as a friend.

3. Maintain a routine just between you and the child

It doesn’t have to be everyday but there should be something they can identify you with, such as going to the park, having tea parties, or evening bike rides.

I read to my stepdaughter at night and sometimes I watch her favorite YouTube channel with her.

She loves that because it’s just between me and her. In her eyes, I have earned a place in her heart.

4. Be aware, children will try to test you

Another useful step parent advice. Step parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Endure those growing pains. Don’t expect things to always be peaches and cream.

When I would pick my stepdaughter up from daycare, all the kids would yell “Your mom is here!” Very matter-of-factly, she would respond “she is not my mom.” And even though I knew that and wasn’t trying to take the place of her mom, to my surprise it hurt when she said that.

But I pushed those feelings aside to give her the love she deserved.

I gave her a warm welcome, realizing that she was still trying to figure things out herself and that she is entitled to express how she needs to.

So a piece of step parent advice no one tells you. Try not to let your feelings get the best of you when the child tests within boundaries, of course your authority (which they will).

Deal with the situation at hand and continue building the relationship.

My relationship with my stepdaughter is great today because I committed in my heart to be the best I can be for her.

I will never forget my mom’s step parent advice, “just love her”.

Those words still ring in my ear when my stepdaughter and I are having a difficult moment.

Also watch:

A final word on the challenges of step parenting

Step-parenting will not be perfect.

But over time and with consistency, the child will begin to trust you as a parent.

They will depend on you to lead them. And that’s a great feeling.

Can you think of someone you admire as a step-parent? Are you willing to marry someone who has children?

Then, follow these pieces of important step parent advice and strict no-no’s that will help you solve sticky situations that entail step parenting.

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Be My Valentine? Rock Being Single on Valentine’s Day!

The heart-shaped boxes of chocolate are slowly blossoming in the aisles of grocery stores, and the yards of red ribbon is creeping around the till strangling the love cards.

The chatter of plans for “romantic getaways” and surprise gifts by your excited couple friends buzzes around you like the din of radio out of tune. You force down the bile.

Valentine’s Day is upon us once more.

To millions of people around the world – this is the best news ever!

Forget about Christmas and birthdays, you have been waiting to pamper yourself on Valentine’s day.

Time to surprise your new boyfriend, childhood sweetheart or a hot date with that perfect card or gift. A map of when the stars aligned for you!

And who knows what you may get in return? Exciting!

Being single on Valentine’s day

A word of caution! The day is not exciting for all.

As a veteran single on Valentine’s Day, I can assure you it sucks. Your spinsterhood is basically scrubbed in your face by the world.

The only way to stop people seeing you sad is to do the unexpected – and pretend you love Valentine’s Day. How fun!

What are you two up to? That’s not a big enough gift, get him this!

Really, you just want the whole sordid show to be over.

Anyway, this year I have decided to do Valentine’s Day differently.

Why should I miss out on all the fun? Yet by the same token, why should I celebrate a day that doesn’t include me?

It’s a crunchy conundrum that’s for sure. But there is a way! By being single on Valentine’s day, I have decided to be MY own Valentine.

Sure, we should all “love ourselves” every day, and we don’t need to complete ourselves through someone else.

We all need to learn to “be alone” – Bla blah, etc. That can all be done in the mind – for free.

What to do on Valentine’s day when you’re single?

I’m talking about some full-on pampering! This Valentine’s Day, I am taking ME on a date.

Being single on Valentine’s day, I might have a tinkle on Tinder or hit up Hinge to bring along a date for the company, but this night is about me.

There are a lot of things to do on Valentine’s day when single. Like, I will treat myself to all those things I agonized over – then decided I couldn’t afford, or didn’t deserve, or “that’s the kind of thing you wait for someone to buy you as a present”.

Screw that logic, you only live once, and money is for spending!

Being single on Valentine’s day, do things for other people.

From a selfish perspective, this actually really helps you too! Send some “anonymous admirer” Valentine’s to your single gal pals. (I think we ladies feel the single sting more than our bachelor buddies).

Being single on Valentine’s day, give a real gift from the heart – donate some blood!

Most importantly though, be kind to yourself. The world we live in celebrates convention, idolizes success and puts perfect couples on pedestals. Being single is actually amazing!

You don’t have to compromise. You are free, independent and you could do anything – anywhere, no strings. You can focus on YOU and build yourself into the dream future you that would make your six-year-old self-proud.

On this day that slavishly fawns upon conventional, couple love. It is the perfect opportunity to send a reminder. Love is not always about two people.

Love yourself. Love the world. Love strangers.

Being single on Valentine’s day, love Valentine’s Day. You deserve it!

Also watch:

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The Loving Mother Meditation

Practice the Loving Mother Meditation As I’ve mentioned before, the primary relationship we have as a template for intimacy is our relationship with the mothering one. In order to build on that, here is a guided imagery loving mother meditation that can help you develop self-love based on the archetype of an unconditionally loving mother.…

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Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice

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A Perspective on the Increasing Number of Large Age Gap Relationships

As American society ages, psychologists say there’s a pressing need for older generations to receive sustenance from youngsters and for those who are young, in turn, to benefit from the wisdom and guidance of elders.

Normally, it’s as simple as grandparents deciding to spend more time nurturing their grandchildren or agreeing to serve as a volunteer mentor for teenagers at a nearby church or school.

But some oldsters are pushing those boundaries and opting for large age gap relationships. Age gap in relationships is normal but, they’ve begun dating and even marrying women more than 40 years younger to them.

These old men with love on their lips aren’t divorced dads that left their wives for women half their age. Many of them never married at all, and late in life, they’re looking for big age-difference relationships.

And increasingly, they’re finding them. How young are they? To know more about large age gap relationships, read along.

Love across the ages

To delve deeper in the concept of large age gap relationships, consider the case of the 62-year old man in Kansas who goes by the name “J.R.”  In 2018, he hooked up with a 19-year old, Samantha, and convinced her to marry him.

The two bought a house together and plan to live happily ever after, they say. But, many of their neighbors and townsfolk don’t approve.  Strangers often assume that the two are grandfather and granddaughter.

Samantha, who just entered college, says, “It’s even worse when people call JR a ‘child snatcher’ or a ‘pedophile’ when they see us hold hands or kiss in public.”

She told a local newspaper, “There’s not a moment when we are out and about that someone doesn’t make a comment about our relationship, and it’s just exhausting.”

Samantha, who’s now expecting her first child, says she dated men her own age before she met her husband but found them immature and disrespectful toward her.  “Being with JR is completely different — he’s so mature and treats me like a queen, there’s nothing that I would change about him or our relationship,” she says.

“We hope that by sharing the story of our relationship, people will realize that it isn’t a joke and we are very serious about one another despite our age gap and appearances,” Samantha says.

Samantha may be something of an exception because she dated and married the first sexagenarian she ever met.  Other women target this age group repeatedly but never seem to find their everlasting love.

Let us consider another example of large age gap relationships. A 37-year old woman named Megan tried a relationship with 68-year old Gary, but it didn’t last.

Soon after their break-up, she went to a wedding and met the groom’s 71-year old uncle, who made a pass at her.  But it turned out that he was married, and Megan said she refused to be a “homewrecker.”

Megan’s reasons for targeting much older men are largely the same as Samantha’s. She has found these men more stable and settled and more willing to treat her like a lady.  They have “no time for bullshit. If they want you, they want you” she says.

Younger men invariably still have “training wheels” and need to be “mothered” through their schooling and careers.  She’d rather find a man who’s already “accomplished” and has “nothing left to prove,” she added.

The psychology of inter-generational sex

Many psychologists don’t know what to think, either. The standard response is that the woman must have “Daddy issues” and was perhaps the recipient of unwanted attention from older men as a child.

Even accepting the sincerity of intentions, many people question how the two partners can find enough in common to sustain a relationship bond over the long haul.

There’s even a clinical term for people, men or women, who are drawn to older, even elderly partners, it is gerontophilia. But there’s no serious study available to suggest how prevalent the phenomenon might actually be.

What’s in it for the man in large age gap relationships? The sustenance of youth, for one.

A young woman brings a fresh spark of energy and vigor as well as youthful admiration and even adoration that an older man may find downright intoxicating.

But beyond physical intimacy lies emotional intimacy as well. And this is what the two people involved in large age gap relationships might be seeking.

Enter Hollywood

The one place in America that seems to extol the virtues of inter-generational romance is Tinsel Town.  No less than nine major Hollywood movies of the last two decades feature happy romantic couples with an age difference of 30 years or more.

Woody Allen was first to break the taboo, first in Manhattan (1979) and then in Husbands and Wives (1992).  In the latter film, his character was 56 and his love interest, played by Juliette Lewis, was just 19.

The film proved to be scandalous when it was revealed that Allen was leaving his real-life wife, actress Mia Farrow, for their adopted Korean-born step-daughter, Soon-Yi Previn, who is 34 years his junior.

In fact, Hollywood’s fascination with inter-generational romance has only grown since then. A-list actors such as Sean Connery, Liam Neeson, and Billy Bob Thornton have all played dashing sexagenarians pursued by much younger women.

In The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001), Thornton’s character is seduced in his car by 16-year old Scarlett Johannson, who was playing a girl her own age.

Notably, none of these films echo the portrait of romantic and erotic obsession contained in Lolita (1962), one of Stanley Kubrick’s masterpieces.

A much older man is no longer seen as simply preying on a younger girl in part, perhaps, because the girls in question, as a rule, are not quite so young anymore.

Also watch:

Are the sexual attitudes changing

In the dawning feminist era, young women in film are increasingly depicted as mistresses of their own fate, which means their fatherly male partners, when they evince genuine affection, are often deemed “worthy” of them.

Still, none of these film romances seem to end up in lasting partnerships, and few feature women as the elder inter-generational partner.

Men, it seems, can age gracefully with their looks and virility intact even a doddering Connery, in his 70s, could credibly woo Kathryn Zeta-Jones in Entrapment (1999), for example. But, a woman’s beauty and sex appeal are still thought to fade with time.

Undoubtedly, the reality of inter-generational romance is more complex and nuanced than their depictions in film. As Alfred Kinsey taught us long ago, American sex habits have long defied taboos.

Nevertheless, we have a real life to live outside of the movies as well. Even if you come across several studies or psychologies on large age gap relationships, it is you who has to decide for your own life.

As discussed in the case of Samantha at the inception of this article, although people around had apprehensions of their relationship, Samantha and her 62-year-old husband were happily married to each other.

Apart from the stigma surrounding the age difference in relationships, there are a lot of challenges involved while considering large age gap relationships.

There can’t be a definite answer to does age matter in relationships or can large age gap relationships work.

You need to keep your priorities straight before plunging in relationships with age differences and be ready to face the unpleasant consequences as well.

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10 Ways to Combat Depression

Trying to explain depression and ways to combat depression to someone who has never felt it is like trying to paint with milk.

To be fair, I’ve never actually tried to paint with milk, but I imagine it doesn’t go well.

I have, however, dealt with the ups and downs of depression and anxiety. I’ve dealt with it as a young adult, as a woman, and as a parent.

So, how to combat depression when it is dark and deep, and consuming?

It steals your focus and clarity and fills you with lies; lies about yourself, your family, your friends, and your life.

It makes you feel helpless and alone in this world. But regardless of what it whispers to you, I promise, you are not alone.

Globally, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression.

There is a light at the end of that tunnel

A light that you are strong enough to make it into. That you are worthy enough to make it into.

And if you’re reading this because you suspect someone close to you is suffering, or “dealing with depression”, then please read on to know the best ways to combat depression.

This is what we want you to know about how to cope with depression.

Because we can’t always articulate it when we’re in the deepest pits of it, but your support could truly make a world of difference, when dealing with depression.

Before talking about ways to get out of depression, it is crucial to understand that being depressed and having depression are completely different.

You’re sad or depressed when a family member or pet dies – in emotional turmoil, sure, but that is a healthy emotion. It is essentially sadness and grief, part of the healing process. Depression is not.

Depression is when you get stuck in that state and never see a way out of it.

The signs and symptoms of depression

Before deep-diving into ways to combat depression, it is important to take a close look at the signs of depression and depression symptoms.

If you or someone you love exhibits these symptoms outside of normal behavior, it may be an indication of a mental health issue arising. 

1. Change in sleeping habits – low energy, sleeping too much, or insomnia
2. Change in eating habits – suddenly overeating or rarely eating
3. Mood swings or unable to control emotional outbursts
4. Inability to handle stress or common daily problems
5. Withdrawal from family, friends, or other typical social patterns
6. Difficulty connecting to others
7. Excessive feelings of guilt, fears and worries
8. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, isolation, or undeserving

If more than a couple of these struck a chord in you, welcome to the family.

The biggest lie depression tells is that you are alone.

Well, depression is a greedy pig, so that could not be further from the truth!

There are nearly 300 million people living with depression. I underline that for a reason. Because depression is not the end game.

For as many signs and symptoms of depression, there are just as many ways to combat it.

Ignoring it is not one of those ways. First things first, if you feel like you may have a mental health issue, or something just isn’t quite right, speak to someone.

Whether it’s your best friend, your mom, that really nice lady at church, or your doctor – talking about it is the first step to treating it or finding ways to combat depression.

Defeating depression is possible

Just like anything else, combating depression just takes a little bit of effort.

Which is ironic considering that is exactly what depression robs you of.

Talking to someone who can and will support you will give you the go-head you need to combat depression.

If you are the support person, we don’t need you to answer every question, every fear, every ridiculous scenario that our overactive and underproductive brain conjures up.

Just listen.

Just listen to how we feel, just show up and act like we don’t look like we are falling apart at the seams.

Because we are.

Our smile has forsaken our face in these lows, and tears have stained our cheeks for longer than we care to talk about.

Which is why you are so important in these times when we are looking for ways to combat depression. Because when all we see is darkness surrounding us, you can hold the flashlight and show us the way back.

Best ways to combat depression

How to overcome depression?

I’ll be honest though, even when we do have an awesome support system, it still feels like we’re alone.

We still have to depend on ourselves to at least crawl out of bed.

I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s how it feels!

I’m speaking from my own personal experience here about things that help depression.

Don’t worry though, as I mentioned earlier, there are plenty of ways to combat depression.

1. Set a routine

Keep it simple.

If you try to plan your days down to the minute, you will likely get overwhelmed and just give it up altogether.

For me, it was waking up every morning and washing my face.

The simplest, easiest, most common sense action was crucial in pulling me out of the deep funks.

2. Exercise

Just move.

Do squats in the living room. Do push ups, burpees (those are the devil), crunches, run in place – just get your blood pumping.

The natural endorphins your body releases will improve your mood and mental clarity.

If you live in an area with a scenic trail, take a hike and enjoy the view while you’re at it.

3. Monitor eating habits

I am not talking about dieting.

Whether you are a depressed over-eater or under-eater, take notice of your eating habits.

Don’t opt for half a dozen cookies, while yes, chocolate does release “happy” endorphins, the feeling is fleeting, while our thighs are not.

You see where I’m going here.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, make sure you are eating.

Even if it’s toast for breakfast, and a banana for lunch, you will feel better – and your moods more stabilized – on a stomach that isn’t eating your backbone.

Also watch this video on mood boosting foods:

4. Take baby steps

Make little goals. I am a list maker (bet you couldn’t guess that).

I lean on my lists for so many things. When I’m in a depressed state, I have to write down everything, for the sake of remembering it and not getting lost in my own sorrows.

I also use lists to set daily goals for myself.

A list will help you to see your accomplishments, even if you don’t feel accomplished.

5. Check your self talk

This is  so important – I almost want to put it in all caps.

How we talk to ourselves will dictate our day.

If you roll out of bed thinking you woke up in a nightmare, you’ll probably have a terrible day.

Do not set yourself up for failure.

You are in a battle and you will win it.

Ignore the lies swirling in your mind and talk yourself out of them.

Ground yourself to the reality of the day by putting a hard stop to the bad thoughts.

The power of positive thinking is almost everything here.

6. Occupy your mind

Find something to focus on to keep from getting too deep in your own mind.

Especially if you have anxiety issues as well. Start a DIY project, rearrange a room, do a puzzle, read a book, heck write a book!

Do something that you find enjoyable, even if you’re having a hard time enjoying it right now.

7. Be selfishly giving

This is my favorite. This has been my cure a time or two.

Help someone else. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, church function, etc.

The act of helping others is a wonderful feeling in and of itself. It really helps to give a fresh perspective on an otherwise bleak situation.

It’s for a selfish reason – because we want to feel better, but does that make it less good?

I don’t think so. I think it makes it better; healing two hearts with one act.

8. See a counselor

If you’ve gotten this far to no avail, talk to your doctor about counseling or therapy.

Some people hear those words and clam up.

But I promise you, as a private person myself, there is something just invigorating about word vomiting your whole, pitiful, sad, my-life-doesn’t-suck-but-I-feel-like-it-does story on a total stranger.

Tears and snot flying, I was a mess, but man did I walk out of that office with a weight lifted!

9. Medication

I saved the end for this because I am not a fan of medication.

I’m awful at taking it like I should, and I would rather exhaust all options before resorting to it. But at the end of the day – if it’s going to help, then do it.

There is no perfect pill that will instantly cure you – it may take some adjusting and trial and error, but it is a very reliable method of treatment. 

Your doctor can give you all the information your heart desires.

10. Call the Hotline

1-800-273-8255

If none of this has worked for you and you are in the deepest pits of your depression – remember you are not alone.

Suicide is never an option, and if you are feeling suicidal please call this number to speak with someone.

Also know that if you walk into any mental health facility or hospital, and you tell them you are depressed and considering suicide – They will take you in for help right then!

In a time when mental health issues are so common, yet so taboo, it’s our job to educate others on the reality of what we deal with.

The reality is that depression is a bully.

But we are stronger. We are not weak, we are not incapable.

We battle within ourselves everyday, and each day is a little victory. We will endure, survive and conquer.

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Why Sexual Intimacy in Marriage Matters

When a couple gets married, they just cannot keep their hands off each other. Marriage and intimacy are deeply intertwined.

After about a year or so of this lusting after one another, life becomes more routine and the lust evolves into love and the sex may not be as frequent but when it happens there is still that passion and heat that was there in the beginning.

Then the children are born, life throws several curveballs in the course of years, the sex becomes even less frequent and oftentimes, interrupted, and not quite as passionate.

At this point, sexual intimacy in marriage can become a problem if the communication between the couple has broken down or either partner is not able to properly communicate their feelings.

Sex and intimacy in marriage

Just how important is sexual intimacy in marriage?

When a man approaches his wife for sex and she turns him down time and time again, at some point he is either going to get mad and become passive-aggressive with her, taking his anger out on her in other ways or he will become distant from her and withdrawn.

There are many different types of men with different thresholds of how long they can go on in a marriage with very little sex, no sex or sex with their spouse that has no passion for it.

Some men can stay for years in this type of marriage hoping that things will get better, or they may end up venturing out for extra-marital affairs thinking that it will resolve the void and loneliness that they are feeling.

The problem is that the couple has now ventured into the area of cheating or divorce and if they had a proper understanding of what the other person was thinking and how to communicate it properly then the sexual intimacy in marriage would eventually resume and the passion would come back.

Men and sex

The issues related to sexual intimacy in marriage involve both the husband and the wife and how they view each side of the situation.

From a man’s view, he gains an enormous sense of connection with his wife though passionate constant lovemaking.

Most men will forgo the frequency of sex for the quality of the lovemaking with their spouse.

One or two wonderful lovemaking sessions a week or even a month is better than three unemotional, unsatisfying love sessions a week.

There are even men that can be satisfied with it once a month if they only knew that their wife was really into it, desired them, and then the frequency would pick up when she is ready for it again.

Men that do not have this connection with their wives feel rejected, unloved, unappreciated, unmanly, and feel disconnected from their spouse.

Many women do not realize that having sex for a man with the woman that they love is equivalent to food, water and sleep. It is that powerful.

When a man and a woman can maintain that lovemaking in their marriage than many other more important issues can be more easily resolved.

When the sex is good in the marriage than the bickering over the little things usually goes away.

Women need to understand that by not making love with their husbands consistently, it will put the marriage in danger. Resurrecting sexual intimacy in marriage is important.

Also watch:

Women and sex

For the woman in the marriage where she no longer is feeling passionate about her husband and does not want to have sex with him these are some of the reasons why.

For a man to understand, when a woman has children, she must get her hormones back to normal to feel sexy again, and a husband can help his wife in this situation.

A husband needs to date his wife.

A woman especially after having children and as they get older they have to be stimulated outside of the bedroom by their husband.

This involves a date night, a weekend away, lunch date, cards, flowers, and a phone call in the afternoon telling her that you love her and think that she is sexy.

A woman needs to get her mind back into passion and lovemaking with her husband.

The way that a couple communicates with one another can lead them back to the bedroom for passionate sex or away from the bedroom and no sex. 

For men, this is the time when silence is not golden at all!

When your wife no longer wants to have sex with you, you need to take action and be direct. Open up to your wife and tell her that you love her and that when she makes love to you it fills you up.

Do not be angry with her or passive-aggressive or demanding, none of that will work, it will turn her off.

She must hear from you that it hurts your feelings when she rejects you that you are sad, lonely and you need her.

You need to emphasize that you are attracted to her and that you still desire and want her.

When a man can explain his feeling in this way to his wife then she can better understand what he is going through because he is speaking to her in words that she can understand.

If a man gets angry and feels like he expects the sex from his wife, he may get just that “sex”, but no love and no passion.

A man really needs to learn how to openly express himself to his wife, and a couple needs to make efforts to restore sexual intimacy in marriage. It could literally make or break a marriage. Remember, sexual intimacy in marriage bonds you and your spouse together.

Don’t let your marriage end up in a sexual desert.

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Why You Should Write a Thank You Letter to Your Spouse

Having that one special someone with whom you decided to spend the rest of your life has an unmeasurable value.

Have you ever thought of writing a thank you letter to your spouse or have you heard of anyone in your family or friends, having done this before?

When you spend each day with the same person, you can easily forget to express how much that person has changed you and contributed to who you are.

You might think that he or she knows it, but instead of guessing make sure that they do. Writing a thank you letter to your spouse can only make your bond stronger.

It is time for you to go beyond the usual romantic gestures and do something impactful to appreciate your spouse.

If you are doubtful about this idea and contemplating on how to appreciate your spouse, here are the reasons that will change your mind and give you clarity about this noble thought.

Turn “I love you” in more than just routine phrase

Saying “I love you” every day is what most couples do. As time passes, those meaningful three words start to feel like a routine, just as saying hello or goodbye.

Even though you truly mean it, does your partner understand the value of it?

Explain to your partner how much you love them by writing a thank you note. Don’t just write “I love you”. Give them specific reasons.

Explain in detail in your thank you letter to your spouse.

By thanking them for their strength, persistence, for being there during the tough times, for loving you the way you are, you are showing that you stand by that “I love you” and that you mean it from the bottom of your heart.

Remind your spouse how grateful you are for everything

You can’t know that your spouse is aware of how much they mean to you. That is why you should write a heartful appreciation letter for spouse and show how grateful you are to have them.

They should know about all the things you feel grateful about. They should have knowledge about each time they made a contribution to your life.

Sometimes you can be thankful for things that they even don’t remember but they meant the world to you. Marriage appreciation letters can be your chance to let them know.

Show how much you care

Writing a thank you letter to your spouse for caring takes time and dedication.  And, by doing this, you are showing how committed you are to your relationship and your love.

Take your spouse back in the olden days when good old romance was more than just something we read about in books or see in movies. Those seemingly small gestures were a huge depiction of appreciation.

“There is just something about a letter that represents an undeniable affection. I can’t quite say whether it is the fact that someone actually took the time to sit down and write it down. Or the very idea that the person loves you so much that they are willing to write a letter to you. In any case, you can’t deny that it is an irresistibly caring act,”

says Kristin Savage, a writer at Studicus who also runs her blog FlyWriting.

Let them feel loved and appreciated

Is there anything better than reading loving words from someone you love? Give your spouse this fulfilling experience.

When they read all the beautiful things you wrote, they will feel truly appreciated, cared about, and special. If you think your significant other deserves that and you want to be the one who gives them that feeling, this is your chance.

Just imagine how you would feel if they would write you one. Something this simple as a thank you letter to your spouse can be quite amazing and powerful.

Express thoughts that are hard to say

There is something about writing that just unleashes everything that you are holding back. Maybe it’s the fact that you are alone with your thoughts. Maybe it’s because you know there’ll be no response or interruptions.

Whatever it is, use that as an opportunity to say everything that you can’t say in person. Now is the time to say thank you for everything that your spouse has done and you didn’t have the chance to express your gratitude at that moment.

Danielle Morrison, a writer at BestEssayEducation says that writing can be a liberating experience. She expressed the following,

“As a writer, I realized that writing is the only outlet where I can truly open up without any limitations. I highly suggest it to anyone who wants to express something but feel like they can’t speak up.”

Forget about pressing breaks and don’t think about how does that sound or what will he or she think. This is your chance to get it out of your chest by penning down a thank you letter to your spouse for even the things they are unaware of.

Forget about irrelevant indifferences

As time passes and we go through the good and the bad, we sometimes start to take the other person for granted. The same routine, the tiring habits, and the loss of spontaneity leads us to bickering and unnecessary resentment.

Try to put aside all the habits, gestures, and situations that bother you by remembering all the good ones that keep you in a relationship with that person.

Is the fact that he throws socks on the floor revenant compared to the time when in held you in his arms while you were having problems with your family?

Or, do you really have to resent her that she was late for your date when you remember the time that she took care of you after you got ill?

You’ll see how everything you worry about on a daily basis or situations that you bicker about from time to time are in fact irrelevant. What really counts is the big stuff.

Remind yourself why you are the lucky one

Don’t be one of those people who realize how lucky they were only after they’ve lost the person they love. Realize how lucky you are right now.

Writing down a thank you letter to your spouse and seeing all the things your spouse did for you won’t just benefit them. It will benefit you as well.

You might have forgotten about how amazing that person is. About the virtues and strengths and all the good deeds that made you fall in love and ultimately say the big “I do.”

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Writing a thank you letter to your spouse can be a therapeutic experience that will give you some perspective on your relationship. You might have forgotten about the joy they brought in your life so use this opportunity to reflect and realize what you have.

Hopefully, these reasons to write a thank you letter to your spouse are convincing enough to give it a try. If you love your spouse and you want to do something really special for them, this should be your choice.

Remember that no gift in the world can measure with kind, loving, and appreciative words from the person you love.

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8 Tips for Happy Married Life

Every marriage is different, involving two unique people with their own personalities, memories, and experiences. Consequently, every marriage has its ups and downs over time.

The initial flutters and fireworks of the early days can fade as the years go by, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t enjoy a long, happy union that makes both of you feel fulfilled and content.

So, how to have a happy marriage? If a long-term marriage is not a myth, how to stay happily married?

Here are some top tips for a long and happy marriage. Following these tips for a happy married life will help you to deepen your connection and enhance your long-term marriage.

1. The little things can make a big difference

Grand romantic gestures and celebrations are all well and good, but in day to day life, it’s the little things that really add up and make the biggest difference to how we feel.

Sure, getting a diamond ring or luxury vacation surprise from your partner can make you feel simply amazing, but nobody can expect that kind of thing every single day.

Simple acts like making breakfast in bed, offering to help out with the kids’ homework, or cooking a nice meal can really show your partner how much you care for them.

People tend to notice and appreciate these little things, especially coming from their husband or wife, and if both partners are committed and make these little gestures of love and kindness, their marriage can go a long way.

2. Never forget to show affection

The breakdown of a marriage or relationship is rarely instant. It’s usually a gradual process.

In the beginning, the butterflies and passionate, never-ending kisses keep the fire alive with ease, but over time, those kisses when you see one another can start to turn into little pecks on the cheek, and before long, even the little pecks start to fade away.

It’s inevitable that you and your partner will become more familiar and comfortable with one another over time, and you can’t expect to feel butterflies after several decades together.

But, the essential advice for a happy marriage is to take the time to show affection with kisses, cuddles, and handholding. This way, you help to keep your relationship a romantic one, rather than letting it devolve into something more like a friendship.

3. Don’t start off on the wrong foot

It’s a common cliché that people tend to ‘relax’ once the wedding is over. One of the primary tips for a happy married life is to be careful regarding starting off on the wrong foot.

They start to feel a little too comfortable, forgetting about the little things that made their relationship so special in the first place, failing to make time for their new husband or wife, and from there, there’s nowhere to go but down.

Even if you are making big efforts to start your married life off in the best possible way, the post-wedding period can feel quite overwhelming, thanks to all the paperwork involved with joining two lives, as well as changing names and addresses.

So, instead of contemplating on how to live a happy married life, try to make an effort to find some genuine time-saving options on the internet to minimize stress in the early days of marriage.

4. Make time for one another

It’s amazing how much time and effort we can put into certain things that seem important, while totally overlooking the things that matter the most.

There are countless examples of unhappy marriages in which one or both partners spent way too much time worrying about their own personal hobbies and interests, failing to put that same attention and dedication into their marriage.

With careers, kids, and more to keep you occupied, it can feel like a challenge to enjoy time together like you used to.

But, having pre-planned ‘date nights‘, weekends away, and simple cuddle moments before going to bed are some of the tips for a happy married life, that can really help keep the two of you feeling close and connected.

5. Have your own hobbies

Yes, even though we just spoke about the importance of making time for one another and not getting too distracted by personal hobbies and interests, it’s still important to have a little ‘me time’ now and then.

If you start to feel stifled in your marriage and unable to do the things you love on your own now and then, you can start to feel resentful and angry.

You and your partner are great together and can have lots of fun side by side, but you’re also unique individuals with your own passions.

So, one of the primary tips for a happy married life is to never give up on your hobbies. Pursue them!

6. Be honest, even when it’s hard

There are plenty of so-called ‘keys’ or tips for a happy married life, but if we had to pick just one, it would be honesty.

Lies never feel good to tell someone who loves and trusts you, and they always come back to bite you in the end anyway. It makes far more sense to be real with your partner at all times.

It’s difficult, for example, if you have to admit to money troubles or not feeling satisfied in the bedroom.

Ultimately it’s worth it though,  to open up, be honest, and start a dialogue with your partner about ways to move forward, rather than losing yourself in a web of lies.

7. Look after yourself

This is undoubtedly one of the vital tips for a happy married life. Good looks or good physique is not everything. But, it is critical to feel good about yourself to feel great in a relationship.

One of the big issues many long-term married couples have to deal with is declining sex life. When you live with someone 24/7 and have kids and jobs to think about together, it’s easy to slowly lose that initial sexual heat and attraction you used to feel for one another.

This becomes much worse when either partner stops making an effort in their appearance. This is why it can be so important to at least try to be sexy, however, you can.

No, you don’t have to have six-pack abs and perfect hair every time you see your partner, but taking pride in the way you look can help to keep that spark alive, as well as letting you feel better about yourself and more confident too.

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8. Don’t forget your friends

Many people in happy marriages have one thing in common: they see other people. We’re not talking sexually or romantically here, but they have other friends and family members to hang out with and talk to.

These friendships and connections help to fulfill the couple’s relationship needs by addressing hobbies and interests that may not be common to both of you.

If you only ever spend time with your partner, you’ll be more likely to resent or blame them when your needs aren’t being met. Enjoying your mate’s company while socializing with other couples adds to the mystique of your relationship, as you view him/her in a fun social setting.

Socializing as a couple broadens your social circle in a way that can strengthen your marriage as you develop a sense of community with others.

These are some valuable tips for a happy married life that you can try to implement as soon as possible. After all, if you are living with a happy spouse, your life will become worthwhile. They are very easy to remember, but if you truly follow them, you will see an incredible transformation in your relationship with your spouse.

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6 Real-life Ways of Finding Yourself after Divorce

Very often, divorce destroys not only the family but also our personality. Especially if we had to be deeply disappointed in the people we trusted, or endure an unworthy attitude towards ourselves.

If you are reading this, then know that now your divorce has become nothing more than a shadow of the past, and you need to find the strength in yourself to move on.

So, if you are wondering how to find yourself after divorce or how to rebuild your life after divorce, look no further.

In this article, we have put together the best ways to forget the distressing process of separation and finding yourself after divorce. We recommend using all of them for healing from divorce.

1. Change the environment

Perhaps, before starting active steps for rebuilding after divorce, it is definitely worth spending some time away from the usual situation.

Most likely, the environment in which you were in the process of divorce – from deciding to file divorce papers online to obtaining a court certificate, has already had a negative impact on you.

Even returning to your own home after a working day may not be as pleasant as before. Therefore, it is necessary for a while to abstract from everything that surrounded you during your separation for rebuilding your life after divorce. The best way of finding yourself after divorce is to travel.

If you do not have free money left after a divorce for a trip abroad, then even a trip to a neighboring state or to your parents in another city can help you change the situation and gain strength to build your life from scratch.

2. Start creative work

Creativity is a wonderful antidepressant, and it also helps to systematize our thoughts and overcome the sad experience with the least loss.

Creativity heals, and its direction is completely irrelevant. You can bake beautiful pastries, crochet, or write poetry, and you will still get a positive effect.

Even if you consider yourself a person far from creativity to do it personally, you can help yourself through the work of other people for finding yourself after divorce.

Read the works of world classical literature, visit an exhibition, museum or a fair of handmade goods – this will still remain a way to touch the beautiful and fill yourself with some positivity.

3. Go in for sports

This is an ideal way to restore the spent spiritual energy, plus to make your body slimmer. Indulging in some sport after a divorce is the best medicine for both the soul and the body.

It has already been scientifically proven that playing sports helps to cope with depression, restore lost balance and start loving yourself again.

And it is very much possible that when a sports activity becomes your habit, it will no longer be a means of finding yourself after divorce, but a lifestyle that you will follow with pleasure.

4. Meditate

Yoga and meditation is another way to restore your vitality, stabilize your nervous system and learn to disconnect from external influences. When you are immersed in a state of meditation, there is only you and the universe that will do for you all that you ask it for.

Learn to look inside yourself, and you will understand what you need right now to take the path of recovery. In addition, spiritual practices are a way to forgive yourself and your ex, and perhaps this is where you should start your journey of finding yourself after divorce.

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5. Say Yes to new opportunities

Very often, after going through all the circles of hell, filling out ‘do it yourself’ legal forms, we are left alone with our broken lives, and we no longer want to let in new people or new opportunities.

Yes, of course, you need time to restore your state of mind, but start doing it slowly, in small steps. Try to start saying yes instead of no for truly finding yourself after divorce.

This advice is not to urge you to start a new relationship immediately after receiving a certificate of divorce but is to urge you to gradually start a new life. The right people will come to you at the right time, but for this, you need to start saying Yes to new opportunities.

Say yes if you are asked to change your job or move to another city, say yes, if your classmates from college invited you to meet, say yes on the offer to learn something new and you will feel that your life has begun to change, and your inner state along with it.

6. Set new goals in life

Finding yourself anew is a wonderful goal, but it is only the beginning. For finding yourself after divorce, you need to understand why you are doing this and what kind of person you want to see yourself in the end.

To do this, you need to draw up a personal plan and write down your goals. Finding yourself after divorce is the tip of the iceberg, but you need the most specific plans and goals.

Describe how you would like to look, what character traits and habits you would like to develop in yourself, what you would like to do, and how you see your ideal life.

Now you need to identify realistic goals, for example, lose weight by 5 kg, or earn 100 thousand dollars by a certain date. Once the goal is set, begin the real movement.

You know, there is such an expression – depression is the diagnosis of those who have too much free time. Take your time with real actions, and you will not notice how gradually you begin to turn into a better version of yourself.

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Lies That Keep Us From Our Best Love and Life

A little known truth is that as humans, we often tell ourselves lies to make sense of our world and call it reality. We lie to ourselves about people, situations and “the way things are” and call it truth. These “lies” can be just simply …

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5 Steps to Inspire Your Partner to Join You in Attending Couples Therapy

When approaching your partner about attending couples therapy, you are likely to meet resistance. Work past their resistance with these tips.

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Say Goodbye to Self Doubt and Hello to Self-Confidence

Here’s a true story about one woman’s journey from self-doubt to true self-confidence.  Lila, a very successful forty-year-old pediatric nurse, had been through a painful divorce. Lila Shares Her Journey My 15-year marriage had ended. And there I was three years later, unhinged and afraid to jump into dating. I had an extra 35 pounds…

The post Say Goodbye to Self Doubt and Hello to Self-Confidence appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
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5 Single Parenting Tips for Raising Your Child Alone

Raising a child on your own can be an emotionally straining and physically challenging task. It requires a combination of love, dedication, and mutual support to nurture your child’s growth.

Nowadays, single parents raising a child alone are more common than ever, so there is a lot of valuable single parent advice and guidance available to help you tackle a fresh set of challenges and raise a healthy and happy child.

Yet, however difficult it may be, everything can be conquered with the right attitude, a clear mind, and a good support system. To help you out, here are a few useful single parenting tips.

1. Show the love

For those families that have lost a parent through whatever circumstances can find it hard to cope with raising a child as a single parent.

This is the time to show your love and support for one another. Give your child unconditional love and make them realize that they have your complete attention.

You can dedicate time for play dates or even help them do their homework. Your child shouldn’t feel the emptiness or lack of another parent, so always make time for them.

On the other hand, kids are sensitive so they will feel the loss of a parent, but when they’re assured of your presence and love, they will feel much more secure.

2. Creating quality time

Raising a baby alone even for single parents who aren’t working often find themselves unable to spend time with their kids.

In such a scenario, every parent must analyze what quality time means and why spending quality time with the kids is important to them. Quality time is making time to be with each other in the same setting while also giving the person your undivided attention.

This means that if you’re sitting on the sofa working on your laptop while your child watches TV is not considered quality time since you’re not engaging with one another.

Your attention is directed towards your activities, so it doesn’t count. Quality time must be dedicated to the person you’re spending it with, which means you can’t be performing other tasks at the same time.

Often times, parents just focus on buying their children expensive gifts and gadgets even when it’s not what they really ask for; they just want you to be there.

Instead, you can do what they like. Going to the movies, playing in the park, going to the zoo, or reading a bedtime story together can put the biggest grin on your child’s face.

In the race to provide our kids with these materialistic things, we forget the significance behind simple things and how exciting they can be.

Also, keep in mind that these family affairs must be a phone-free zone. By making this a rule and not use phones during family time, you’re removing the possibility of giving in to temptations to check your phone.

What matters is that you’re living in the moment and making new memories that’ll last a lifetime.

3. Maintain boundaries

If you prioritize making time, then creating boundaries with your kids is equally important. Being a single parent means you need to give a double dose of love to your child, but that shouldn’t cloud your judgment.

Another ‘how to raise a child alone’ single parenting tips is to instill discipline in your kids.

Discipline is key to raising a healthy and supportive family. Sit down with your kids and explain the house rules and expectations.

Ensure that there are consequences for disobedience, so your child is aware of the limits. If they exhibit good behavior and speak respectfully, show recognition and appreciation, so their confidence is boosted.

For instance, if your child is given some chores to complete, such as clearing up their toys or dusting the bookshelf, once they’re done, you can reward them with extra TV time or a 15-minute extension to their bedtime curfew.

On the other hand, when they act stubborn, you can take away their toys for a while or playing privileges, so they understand that their actions have consequences.

4. Take care of your health and your family’s

A healthy lifestyle is crucial for you and your child to be productive in every aspect of life. This includes integrating physical activity, adopting healthy eating habits, and getting a sufficient amount of sleep.

If you take initiatives to stay fit, then your children will follow in your footsteps. Raising a child alone and managing the household is a hectic job, especially when it involves cleaning up after your child.

Children are messy, so parents are required to be extra careful to make sure that their homes are clean and tidy. Areas like living room carpets, couches, kitchens, and tables need to be thoroughly cleaned and wiped down to avoid bacteria growth and germs.

When it comes to taking care of your health, it comprises of both physical and mental health as they go hand-in-hand. If you’re in an emotionally bad space, then it will take a toll on your physical health, resulting in a lack of appetite and loss of sleep.

Parents should also allocate time for self-care, so it allows them to relax and unplug from the daily challenges of raising a family all on their own. Take time out to meet up with friends, or plan a day out with your family, so you’re not feeling alone.

5. Stay positive

Creating a transparent and honest home environment is vital for the development and growth of your family.

It’s okay, to be honest with your kids about your emotions and hardships, so they know that you’re trying your best to provide for them. Adopting transparency about your feelings helps you and your kids to stay positive and hopeful.

Give your child some age-appropriate responsibilities to help them feel more involved in decision making. Above all, try to keep things light at home, so you’re able to look at the bright side of matters that seem infuriating.

Wrapping up

Being a single parent is a challenging but rewarding experience if you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Don’t channel immense pressure to provide the perfect childhood for your kids. Aim for a balanced life and not perfection.

It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from your experiences. Nurture your kids with love and compassion, and they’ll grow up to be healthy and successful individuals.

Implement these single parenting tips to overcome the barriers of raising a child alone.

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