Have you ever been triggered by something that, in reality is no big deal or not even real? We mean triggered, really bothered and upset by something that in the grand scheme of this thing called your life is not important at all...BUT...when you think about it--it just makes your blood boil. And it might... [Read More]
The post How to Handle Upsets, Triggers and Tricky Situations (with love and grace) appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
It’s a cliche to say that writing love letters are a lost art. Unfortunately, it’s also true. Romantic communication has been reduced to Instagram ready gestures. This is a shame because nothing quite does the job declaring love and desire the way that a love letter can.
A love letter can be an expression of sweet affection between two people that have been together for decades.
It can keep things hot and heavy between two long-distance lovers. it can add spice to a relationship that’s turned boring.
You would think that people would be willing to write something that has so many romantic benefits. But fear may have something to do with people not attempting it. Nobody wants to write a love letter that flops. They certainly don’t want to be ridiculed for it, obviously that would be mortifying.
There is good news. Anyone can write a love letter. It just takes sincere feelings, a bit of planning, and these seven tips.
If you’re going to put yourself out there, and really share your feelings, this is no time for an email or text. If you have nice handwriting, please use it and write an amazing love letter. If not, at least type it at and print it out.
Create a keepsake, not something the next bit of malware can wipe away.
Amanda Sparks, a blogger at TopDownWriter suggest: “To make your love letter even more romantic, use some really nice stationery. Something with a nice color, or even a subtle pattern would work well here. You can even do something really old fashioned and spritz it with your lover’s favorite cologne or a drop or two of scented oil.”
Forget generic missives about love and how much someone means to you. Those are the things that anybody could say to anybody else. Instead, focus on showing that you pay attention, and that you remember special things that are just between the two of you.
For example, instead of writing, ‘I love you, and you mean the world to me’, write about a specific memory, or a personality trait in them that you find endearing. People love to be ‘seen’ and appreciated.
One way that love letters can go bad is when they ramble on without any real point. Remember that this is a love letter, not a romantic stream of consciousness. Before you start writing, know what you want to communicate.
Maybe you want to get your partner in the mood for a romantic encounter. Maybe you just want them to feel uplifted and appreciated during a hard time. Whatever you pick is fine. It just helps to have a focal point.
Anyone who says that humor cannot be sexy is dead wrong.
Often times, the best romantic memories we have are tinged with humor.
What couple doesn’t have a disastrous date story, or a funny anecdote or two? Even better, who isn’t uplifted by humor?
Of course, humor isn’t something you should force or fake. Still, if your relationship thrives on making one another laugh, don’t be afraid to use that in a love letter.
No, nobody is going to grade you on your romantic letter.
That said, why not take the time to really polish your letter, especially if you’re really trying to impress someone special. Did you know that there are companies that will write letters for you. Most will also proofread and edit your letter so that it really expresses your true feelings. Check out:
The best romantic letter will come from you, not some overly romanticized version of yourself. Write from the heart and show your personality. Your letter should sound natural. Try writing the way that you speak so that it’s truly unique to you.
What do you do if you can’t find the words to write? Well, you can borrow some from another writer!
Don’t be afraid to use quotes from romantic movies or books. You can even try a song lyric or two. Pick up a book of romantic poetry, and see what speaks to you. You can also check out writing samples from, Canada-writers or Getgoodgrade.com for instructions.
It’s time to impress your love! Get them primed up for romance with a beautifully written letter using the seven tips above.
The post 7 Important Tips for Writing an Amazing Love Letter appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Once upon a time, men and women went into marriage with very clear ideas about their duties and responsibilities. The husband went out to work while the wife remained home and cooked, cleaned and brought up the children. The responsibility of the traditional wife was to make the home a place of order, peace, and tranquility: whereas the husband came back in the evening to rejuvenate himself. However, the reality of 2018 is entirely different.
These realities mean that the responsibilities around the home have had to be revised: the husband is no longer the primary breadwinner and it is no longer realistic for the wife to do it all at home by herself.
And it is not only in the job market that things have changed. For instance, the traditional man was also a handyman. In contrast, the modern man has no idea what goes on in his boiler and probably can’t reliably fix the toilet. The modern husband is increasingly relying on professionals for home repairs, an interchange that can sting with emasculation.
Changes in the last few decades have redefined the responsibilities and roles of husbands.
There is no longer the romantic notion that was attached to ‘providing’ and undertaking ‘masculine jobs.’
As a result, many husbands have become confused and insecure. They do not know how to act at home, and, consequently, they have become passive. Some husbands have decided that the easiest thing to do is nothing. With both feet planted firmly in mid-air, they have allowed the wife to take over.
How does a husband remain relevant when the things that defined him a few years ago are no longer strictly his forte?
The reality of 2018 is that only a handful of working parents have ‘the village’ that they need to care for their children. The 2018 woman cannot completely replicate herself while she is at work: She may pay for childcare and even a cleaning service, but that is still not enough. Therefore, husbands have had to come in to relieve their wives at home. It is no longer enough for the 2018 husband to just ‘man’ the grill for the occasional BBQ.
Fun fact: Did you know that according to the Pew Research Poll, sharing household chores ranks as the third highest issue associated with a successful marriage, behind only unfaithfulness and good sex?
The 2018 husband cannot claim to love his wife and then watch while she toils at home after a long day at work. Even if she is a stay at home mum, there is a new understanding that housework is every bit as exhausting as going out to earn an income, if not more. Loving your wife means recognizing that she is exhausted and overwhelmed. If you love your wife, and you want her to feel loved, you will get home and slide into the second part of your day’s schedule, just like her.
Fun fact: Having a husband creates an extra seven hours of household chores a week for women, according to the University of Michigan.
According to Charles William, true intimacy in a relationship comes when you and your wife can identify so closely with each other that you see yourselves in each other: co-inherence. When you master co-inherence, you will not grumble about helping your wife with household chores.
Always remind yourself that your wife is your best friend and there are many little things you can do to make things easier for her:
Remember, the point is not really to do only half the work. It is helping your wife as much as you can. The motto should be: nobody sits until everybody sits. If there is work to be done and your wife is up, you are up too, doing what needs to be done.
Fact: For a wife, the only thing that is more difficult than being a single parent and having to do all by herself is having to do everything by herself, while someone watches from the couch. It just adds anger to her tiredness.
The modern father greatly differs from the traditional married income earner and disciplinarian. He comes in various forms: employed or stay at home, biological, adoptive or stepparent. He is more than capable of being a caregiver for his children for both their physical and psychological challenges. Research by National Institute of Child Health and Human Development revealed that fathers who are more involved in caregiving:
Further, the study showed that the role of a father’s love in his children’s development is great as the influence of the mother’s love. Therefore, maintaining a healthy relationship with your wife contributes significantly to your children’s health and wellbeing.
The 2018 husband must work closely with his wife to provide emotional and financial support for the children, provide appropriate monitoring and discipline and most importantly, remain a permanent and loving presence in both his wife’s and his children’s lives.
Most people believe that being a good provider means supporting one’s family financially. This is the reason many husbands are left insecure and confused when their wives start earning an income as well; sometimes even more than theirs.
Provision means much more than finances. A husband must also provide the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being of his family.
As a 2018 husband, the biggest realization that you can come to is that, in addition to money, there are other currencies that you are called upon to provide in your family.
Protecting your family means more than being the master of your household’s alarm system, being in charge of opening the door when someone knocks at night and shutting the household down before bed. It is beyond beating up the guy next door if he insults your wife.
You need to have your wife’s back, even if it means protecting her from your own family.
Heck, you may even have to protect your wife from your own children! Show others that you will not tolerate any disrespect towards your wife.
Protection also extends to taking care of your wife’s emotional needs.
Beware how you speak to your wife. Like dropping a delicate piece of China, your words can break your wife permanently.
In addition, protect your wife’s self-esteem. Nobody else can make your wife feel like a supermodel despite the sagging breasts and stretch marks.
Part of being a husband is responsibility. It is realizing that you are no longer alone. You have a team that needs to be guided and protected from disunity. Effective marriages, like effective teams, need to be led with a servant leader attitude.
Contrary to popular belief, women do not want to wear pants in the family.
Evidence indicates that despite the strides that women have made economically, most do not want to be their families’ leaders. Many wives want their husbands to lead. And what’s more, men don’t want to be led by their wives.
So, do not wait for your wife to take the initiative when there are problems in your family. Take the lead. Get in the game and create the kind of a family you want instead of wasting time whining about your family’s situation. Remember, you will get the family you create, not the one you think you deserve.
Traditionally, there were clear-cut attitudes about intimacy; the man’s wishes were what counted. You do not believe that anymore, neither does your wife. However, there is still the expectation that a husband should take leadership in a couple’s sexual lives.
You must realize that your wife is probably still inhibited by the traditional attitudes.
Always seek to add new adventures to take your sex lives to the next level. Remember, the level of satisfaction with your sex life will determine the level of satisfaction in your marriage.
Research shows that husbands are happier when their wives are homemakers. It seems that many husbands are still operating using the chauvinistic social codes that were established during the last century. Unfortunately, this is only hurting families. You must learn to be adaptive to the present day realities in order to build a healthy marriage.
At the heart of marriage problems, today is unclear expectations and contradictory goals. Shared expectations and mutual understanding of each partner’s primary goals and roles will save your marriage from dissatisfaction, arguing and misunderstandings. Today’s couples require communication skills to run a successful relationship. This is where your leadership comes in.
Find a way for you and your wife to communicate your needs and responsibilities openly and clearly with each other.
Create an environment where you talk about everything. You will establish a fulfilling relationship on a scale that you have never imagined.
Do not be threatened because your wife has a job or that she is out-earning you. Men and women are not the same; thus, they are not interchangeable. Even if you and your wife are capable of doing what each other can do, it does not mean that you are both capable of performing all tasks with equal fervor. And, it doesn’t even mean you will both be happy if you do. With constant communication with your wife, you will always find equilibrium in your relationship.
The post The Role of a Modern Husband appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Found this on Reddit. We are in an LDR and I keep sending him postacards and letters, but in 4 years he never sent me one. I always organise when we are going to meet next and I’m always the one pushing to see each other and making space and generally time to be together
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The post My Boyfriend Is Too Passive appeared first on Loving FLR.
Let’s not forget the brave survivors of intimate partner violence. Their #MeToo stories matter, too.
The post Intimate Partner Violence and the #MeToo Movement appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Mental illness is a health condition involving changes in emotion, thinking or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illness includes depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors.
Mental illness is usually tough on couples, the stress level caused by the illness often stretches into a crisis mode, in which managing the illness becomes the sole function of the relationship.
Here’s what you can do to overcome a relationship steered by mental illness.
It’s easy for you to think that your partner is simply being lazy, irritable or distracted. But these flaws might really just be symptoms of mental illness. Mental illness is usually confusing to everyone involved which is why it would be beneficial for you and your partner to find out more about the illness and the treatment option available. You could both see a therapist, to begin with.
Healthy couples face a lot of challenge and learn to overcome them together. To prevent mental illness from steering the relationship, you have to see the illness as another challenge.
Once you understand that mental illness is just another challenge, it will be possible for you to face it and overcome it.
You have to learn to work on your marriage as you would without the mental illness intruding. You need to take total control of your marriage. To do this, you can carry out fun activities such as;
This would help to reduce the stress caused by the illness.
Positive Communication is usually found in all healthy relationships.
You have the power to build a healthy marriage by offering your spouse encouragement rather than criticism. This form of positive communication involves some basic habit.
By maintaining positive communication, you would be able to communicate freely and talk about the illness without any hindrance and this would enable you to have a healthy marriage.
Once positive communication can be established, the feeling of someone believes in “me” is usually awakened.
Most often, people assume that self-care is selfish but the truth is that, you need to possess a lot of emotional and mental energy to support your partner who is suffering from mental illness.
Learn to take the occasional break once you realize that the weight of it all is getting too much for a single person.
Understand that not taking care of yourself increases the chance that the illness will pull you both in. It is alright for you to want to catch your breath,
Never forget that you are important too
Counseling provides balance, perspective, and guidance in a situation that can easily become imbalanced under the wrong circumstances.
Mental illness can drive your marriage, therefore, couples counseling isn’t something to be taken lightly.
The post Prevent Your Relationship from Being Steered by Mental Illness appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
As a parent, you want to provide your kids with a lot of love and support. In order for a child to feel safe and grow up happy and healthy both physically but also mentally, you will have to invest in creating a positive relationship with them.
Parenting can be frustrating but can also be so rewarding. The better the relationship you build with your little one, the better our experience and their upbringing will be. Building and strengthening the relationship between you can be challenging.
Here are some simple yet effective tactics to develop a parent-child relationship.
Children that are loved will grow up to become people who will want to offer their love to others too. There is nothing more important than letting your child know that you love them. Children are much simpler than adults. Grown-ups will usually expect a certain gesture in order to believe someone’s love for them. Our little ones on the other hand just need our reminder that we love them in order to feel safe.
Taking the time to tell your child that you love them can help you build trust in your relationship.
Show them your love through the simple things, like tucking them in at night, making their favorite meal or helping them when they need it. This will build a strong foundation for your relationship but it will also teach them important values which they will carry with them in their adult life.
A parent should always encourage their kids to be the best version of themselves. When you’re young, even the simplest of tasks can seem chaotic. One of the few things that can motivate a child to try harder and to not give up is their parents’ encouragement.
Children need their parents’ encouragement in order to see themselves as capable and strong. This will help you show them that you’re on their side and that you are someone they can trust to support them when they need you.
If you mostly criticize what they do and don’t show them you believe in them, neither will they, and you will lose their trust. Children need their parents to show them support and that they fully believe in their powers. At those young and delicate ages, we need to show our children how to believe in themselves and help them become strong and capable individuals, who will always have our support and encouragement. This is extremely critical in building a parent-child relationship that is healthy.
Making your child and their needs a priority is very important. Your child will want you to have time to play with them, teach them things only a parent can teach and give them enough love and affection. A child that knows they have your attention and your time, they will grow up much happier and they will have no reason to feel neglected.
This is an important part of your relationship as you will teach them that it is important to expect those who love them to offer them their time. Even if you’re busy, you should always make some time for your little one. This will help you come closer, have a lot of fun together and develop a parent-child bond that is healthy and strong.
Most parents expect their children to respect them without any effort or reason. Many tend to forget that respect is a two-way street. You can expect respect from your children but you are never going to get it unless you show them the set amount of respect and set the right limits in your relationship.
In a positive parent-child relationship, the child has to know their limits and these have to be set respectfully and be completely understood by both the parent and the child.
You can explain to your child that when you are not happy with their behavior, you can ask them to change it and the same should apply for you”.
Your child should be respectful towards you but you should also respect their boundaries. They need to understand that the way they treat others will be a copy of how others will treat them. This practice should start early and it’s something that you should teach them and have it be a big part of your relationship.
Being close to your child, sharing their dreams and passions and offering them enough time of your day is always important. You can’t expect to build a good relationship with your little one if you are not willing to put enough time and effort into it. Just keep in mind that the values you teach your child through this relationship will follow them for the rest of their life and will help shape them into caring and independent adults.
Which of these tactics do you consider the most important in building a parent-child relationship that is strong and healthy?
The post The Most Effective Tactics for Building Positive Parent-Child Relationships appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
One of the tricks to using the right words with the people in your life is coming from a space of love instead of fear. Okay, so what does that mean and how do you do it? People often use their words unconsciously to argue and make the other person wrong instead of coming from... [Read More]
The post appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Judge Lynn Toler was a guest on IHeartRadio’s The Breakfast Club recently where she discussed the new season of her show, her mental health issues and her amazing husband. When she described her husband it nearly brought me to tears. She may not formally acknowledge that she is involved in a Loving Female Led Relationship
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The post DIVORCE COURT’s Judge Lynn Toler Describes Her Amazing Husband appeared first on Loving FLR.
Rather than having “the talk” with your kids, think of teaching consent as an ongoing dialogue.
The post Beyond the Talk: Teaching Your Kids About Consent appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Many women have faithfully gone to church (even though they are not religious. Spent chunks of money and time in bars (even when they don’t like to drink). Spent hours and hours on dating apps. Sat by themselves or with a friend in a busy place at parties. Gone on blind dates set up by people they don’t really trust to know any ‘good men’
All in an effort to find a good man.
‘Where to find a good man’ is probably the most commonly asked question by single women all over the world. Besides, many people disagree with where you should look for love to find a good man.
Where to meet a good man
Instead of nightclubs, try live music.
Many guys go to nightclubs to grind on women, whether they have any interest in the women or not. It is not that there are no decent guys at nightclubs, it’s that there is no way of knowing; after all it is quite hard to have a conversation over there.
On the other hand, the cover charge in bars that play live music helps to keep most of the weirdo out. Also, the music starts earlier in the night, and the sound levels are most conducive to hearing other people.
Many women spend a good deal of time and money at bars socializing.
Even if the prospects of initiating a great relationship at a bar are not significant, your efforts can be productive if you are more deliberate about your choice of bar.
Find a place that puts thought, efforts and time into their establishment. This is where you are likely to find guys who value their time.
Further, sit at the bar. The bar is the focal point in the room, and it is more approachable than individual tables. Even a bold guy will hesitate before approaching you at a table.
A guy who can donate his time towards his passion and value is, without doubt, a quality guy.
This is a man who is emotionally available and will know how to value and appreciate you.
Any guy who can donate his own blood for a stranger has got to be a great guy. After you have made your deposit, it is easy to strike up a conversation as you hang out by the snack table.
Who knows? From here, you might both decide that a dinner is a good option.
Research in BMC evolutionary biology indicated that women who volunteer in altruistic acts are more intriguing and desirable partners for long-term relationships. Volunteering makes you more attractive to a quality man.
If you have been meaning to attend some meets and greets to boost your career, here is an added incentive. At a business conference, you will find smart, ambitious men. You can start with a general conversation about your paths of life, education, and goals before moving on to more personal information.
Just be sure to check his left hand for a ring or tell-tale tan line. Some men will attend business events with the intention of seeking extramarital flings.
It is clear that there are many different places where you can meet a quality guy. However, if you are serious about finding one, you must believe wholeheartedly in your heart that he is out there.
Quality guys are rare, but they do exist – really!
If you carry the mindset that all the good ones are taken, that all men are evil, that you will never find a man who will treat you in a compassionate, loving way, this will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your negative expectations will shape the way you interact with guys, and you may end up pushing away quality guys without realizing it. Get your mindset right, and when you show up where good men are, you will walk away with the one.
Do you believe that all the good guys are taken or gay? Drop that thought, because there are plenty of good men out there. Use the above-shared tips to learn to find one for yourself and tread ahead with confidence and optimism.
The post 5 Everyday Places to Meet Great Guys appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
One of the most emotional experiences in life is attempting to get pregnant and starting a family. The process can be like riding a roller coaster for you and your spouse, the emotional highs and lows can be extremely hard for both of you.
Resorting to fertility drugs and invasive procedures may seem like your only option, but the risks and side effects can be scary. Not to mention the cost, and generally, your health insurance won’t cover the treatments either.
On the bright side, there are several natural fertility methods you can try on your own that have proven to be quite successful for many couples. Before you decide to foot the bill for costly and risky fertility drugs, talk with your spouse about giving these alternative fertility methods a try.
6 Alternative Fertility Methods You Should Be Discussing
Poor diet is at the root of many health concerns, and fertility is no different. Everyone knows that refined sugars and processed foods should be avoided. But, did you know that eating the right foods can actually boost your fertility?
Many women wait until they are actually pregnant to start eating better, but that’s a big mistake.
Start making changes now by including more unprocessed, whole foods while you are trying to get pregnant.
You will notice gradual improvements in your health overall and the systems in your body will begin to function the way they’re supposed, including your reproductive system.
Be sure to eat plenty of lean meats and lots of fresh vegetables and fruit. One of the most important things to include are tons of leafy green vegetables. Whole, unprocessed grains are also crucial; look for gluten-free options if you have issues with gluten.
Choose full-fat dairy options over the low-fat versions when you’re trying to conceive. Add in other good fats, too, including coconut oil, olive oil, seed, nuts, and avocados.
The typical American lifestyle includes lots of stress and never enough sleep. Women are especially guilty of trying to fit way too much into their day. Stress is a leading cause of so many health issues, including fertility issues.
In fact, stress is one of the main factors that contribute to infertility. Whenever you get anxious or worried, you are causing a stress response that actually makes it more difficult for you to conceive.
Incorporate as many stress-reducing activities into your daily life as much as possible.
Consider meditation, yoga, and massage. Long walks in the fresh air can be incredibly soothing. Sit down and watch your favorite more or read that book you’ve been eyeing. Find ways to relax, and don’t forget to get plenty of sleep, too.
One of the best things you can do to help yourself conceive is learning how to keep track of your reproductive cycle.
Begin by marking your periods on a calendar to help you predict when you’ll be ovulating.
You must also learn how to take your basal body temperature and also what the different stages of cervical mucus mean. These are the best clues your body can give you to help you know when conception is most likely.
Many people think acupuncture is only good for chronic pain, but it has been proven to do so much more. Not only is acupuncture more affordable than many other fertility treatments, but it’s also a natural and safe way to increase your chances of conceiving.
Acupuncture has been shown to improve the flow of blood to the uterus, stabilize hormone levels, and relieve stress. Those are three of the most crucial things when you are trying to conceive.
The increased flow of blood to the reproductive organs helps to regulate your reproductive cycle.
It also makes your uterus more welcoming to conception by creating a thicker lining in the uterus. This also improves your chances of achieving a full-term pregnancy. Even better, acupuncture can also reduce the contractions of the uterus, which is crucial if you have issues with miscarriage or preterm labor.
Another leading cause of conception issues is a hormonal imbalance. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and non-existent or very irregular periods are caused by hormonal imbalances. They can also cause issues such as early labor and even miscarriage. Acupuncture can be a very effective way to regulate your hormone levels.
You probably already know that acupuncture can help you relax. As we’ve already discussed, stress is a huge factor in the inability to conceive. In fact, one of the most common causes of infertility is a stress-related hormonal imbalance.
Fertility acupuncture is often combined with many of the methods we’ve already discussed to form a total mind and body treatment plan to help you conceive and carry to term. A fertility acupuncturist will often incorporate lifestyle and diet changes, bodywork (massage), Chinese herbal medicine, and acupuncture sessions into a highly effective plan to help you get pregnant.
To have good overall health and fertility, you need a healthy thyroid. Issues with either hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism will cause hormonal imbalances and possible miscarriage, early labor, and other fertility problems.
Tracking your basal body temperature can help you know if your thyroid is functioning the way it should.
A consistently low basal body temperature could mean hypothyroid issues. A consistently high basal body temperature could mean hyperthyroid issues.
If you suspect either one, it’s worth having your doctor do a full thyroid panel to uncover any problems. You should also avoid anything that contains soy and focuses on including healthy carbs like root veggies and whole grains into your diet to support your thyroid.
Hormone levels are essential when it comes to fertility and pregnancy, and progesterone is one of the most important ones. Having a good progesterone level can help you get pregnant and stay pregnant.
Common signs of insufficient progesterone levels are chronic fatigue, foggy thinking, cold feet and hands, and mood swings.
Your doctor can confirm it by running a full hormone panel. You can boost your progesterone level naturally by eliminating things like refined sugars, alcohol, and caffeine while including good carbs, more fibre, and whole foods.
Talk to your partner about trying these alternative fertility methods before you turn to the riskier drugs and procedures. You might both be surprised to see how effective they can be. Even better, these few easy changes will improve your overall health.
The post Here’s How You Can Boost Your Fertility Naturally appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Anne Hibbins is in the history books for being one of the women accused of being a witch and hanged in Salem, Massachusetts. Do you remember the famous Salem Witch Trials that happened in the late 1600’s? Well, according to History’s website, some 35 years before it became a trend to accuse random women of
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The post She Was Hanged Because She Wouldn’t Submit to Her Husband’s Authority appeared first on Loving FLR.
Has Your Boyfriend Been Hurt Before? appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise
Has your boyfriend been hurt before and told you that it is the reason for the things he has been doing and saying to you? Have they used the excuse that he has been hurt before to keep from giving you a commitment? Has he kept your relationship stuck because he was damage in a past relationship?
That may be an excuse for why your boyfriend is not moving forward with you, but it is just an excuse. He can do nothing about the past, but he now has a choice of what he does in the future. It is wonderful that you are an understanding woman and empathize with the fact they were hurt before. The problem is that your compassion and understanding isn’t helping the situation get resolved. You may understand his fear of getting close, but you must also realize this is a cop-out. Your boyfriend is allowing his past to affect his future with YOU. That is not fair.
Has Your Boyfriend Been Hurt Before?
You are not the one that hurt him, that is his ex’s fault. Why should you have to pay for her mistakes and what she did? You shouldn’t. Just like you can be understanding when it comes to the fact that your boyfriend was hurt by his ex, he must also understand you don’t deserve to suffer because of it. He may have trust issues because someone from his past. Your boyfriend may be afraid to get close to you or reveal his feelings to you because he was hurt before. Fine, understandable. But now, rather than have you hurt by it, it is up to HIM to deal with it. It is time your boyfriend got over his issues, or EVERY relationship he has will suffer needlessly.
Don’t let his excuses get in the way of him from not getting a grip on his past relationship. They need to find a way to let go of their past hurt, and they need to start right away. They may even be using their past as en excuse to keep from moving forward with you. Either way, this issue needs to be dealt with by the both of you, so you can either move forward together, or you can move on by yourself and stop wasting your time on him.
The post Has Your Boyfriend Been Hurt Before? appeared first on Relationships Reality.
When you feel like your partner doesn’t see you as an equal, especially when it comes to money, it can be a huge wedge that separates the two of you. Here’s a question from a reader and our response… “My husband doesn’t see me as an equal. I’m constantly being judged and criticized for things... [Read More]
The post When he doesn’t see you as an equal–What to do… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
To better understand the steps a happy couple takes to go from their first kiss to saying the magic words, “I Do,” Shutterfly surveyed 2,057 men and women across the country.
They asked 1,030 newlyweds questions about their journey from dating to tying the knot.
Curious how your relationship stacks up against other recently married couples? Check out the results of the survey and see if you and your partner are in the majority.
No two couples are alike. While some take years to tie the knot, some get married in less than a year.
Source: Shutterfly.com
The post Survey Reveals 27% Couples Tie the Knot Within a Year of Dating appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Having to care for ageing parents is a common reality for many middle-aged couples due to cost, care, and trust. A lot of time, patience, and effort go into taking care of an elderly family member.
If your partner or spouse has taken on the role of caring for an ageing parent or parents, we have a list of five ways you can help support your caregiving spouse.
Not all of us are doctors, and when a medical professional informs us of the health issues our loved ones have, it is up to us to further our knowledge of the condition.
There might be times where your spouse has to be his parent’s advocate. Being in this position is not easy, and you can assist your spouse by creating a list of questions he can ask the doctor to help make informed decisions.
Take the time to learn all that you can about any health issues or even ones similar to the issue the doctor said your in-law has.
Providing an informative second opinion will be valuable to your partner, and he will feel better having your support when it comes time to make any serious calls.
Opening up your ears is another way to be supportive of your spouse. Listening to your spouse means you are providing the emotional support he needs. If your lives consist of work, children, friends, household duties, pets, and more, adding in the responsibility of caring for a family into the mix can add a significant amount of stress.
When your partner comes to you to vent, you will want to make sure he has your complete attention.
This will allow him to get any complaints off of his chest.
The easiest way to lighten the load of your partner is to pitch in and be a team player. A caregiver is likely trying to juggle many life responsibilities of her own, along with the responsibilities of the person she is caring for.
To help her find some solace, volunteer to take a few tasks off of their hands, or go out of your way to let them know you care.
You know your spouse best, look to choose a task or do something thoughtful for your partner that will speak directly to her love language. In a time where she is stressed out or spread too thin, one little deed could mean the world to her.
In order for your spouse to care for others, they have to care for themselves, first. To do that, you have to help them set boundaries to avoid burnout. The easiest way to set a boundary is to define the lines from the very beginning.
If you see that your spouse is beginning to blur those lines, it is up to you to remind him that their wellbeing is beginning to dwindle, and they need to press the reset button.
Approach your partner in a very loving manner and be clear about your observation. Encourage them to set aside a time each day to care for themselves and relax.
There will come a day that caring for an ageing loved one becomes too much. If you have not been in your spouse’s shoes, you can only relate and provide helpful advice to a certain extent.
Encourage your spouse to join a support group or to seek counseling from a professional.
These sessions will allow them to talk with people who can directly relate and provide the next level of advice needed.
If the situation has surpassed seeking additional help, there are many senior living facilities or in-home care professionals that provide the care your family member may need. Help your partner look for a facility or caregiving network. Conduct research or talk to friends in a similar predicament for additional information and advice.
As your in-laws begin to age and the responsibility of taking care of them becomes a topic of discussion, it is important that you support your spouse in these five ways. Learn to move with the ebb and flow of life together, but more importantly, learn to be the rock your partner needs. Always remember, you will get through it together!
The post How to Support a Partner Caring for Ageing Parents appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
How do you find your relationship? Is it like a fairytale love story? Or perhaps, a smooth sailing relationship? You are lucky if you have those kinds of relationship. However, some relationship doesn’t always end up happy, and most of the time it results in pain, sorrow, and depression.
Being committed to someone you love is a life’s greatest joy!
Every single hour and day is a treasurable moment with your partner. However, not all relationship is full of happiness, excitement, and contentment. Every relationship has always been tested by time no matter how you try to work for it!
While every relationship has its own unique love story, some of them fail. Here are the key reasons some relationships fail.
One of the most important things about any relationship is loyalty.
Loyalty means you are committed to your obligations, actions, and promises with your partner. However, some people are committed to unfaithfulness.
This includes forming an emotional relationship with someone else. This counts as being unfaithful to your partner and wrecks havoc on a relationship.
One important thing to do to have an ideal relationship is having an open communication with your partner. No relationship can survive without communication. Communication is the easiest way to express your feelings towards your partner.
When your partner tells you the issues in your relationship, be open-minded, so you can both resolve the problems without fighting. Arguing with your partner is something that every couple should avoid.
When a couple starts to argue, sometimes it may lead to fighting. If you know how to communicate well, the damage will be averted and you will foster a stronger bond with your partner.
Every relationship doesn’t always have rainbows and butterflies, full of joy and excitement. Sometimes, we must face the reality that most relationships fail because of our negligence and wrongful dalliances of our partner.
We sometimes don’t appreciate them or give them the attention they need, for example, when your partner needs a little time for intimacy, and you don’t have the time or lack the inclination to indulge in it.
Sexual intimacy is not only a physical need, but it is a way to make a connection with your partner despite your busy schedule. In other words, a way to express love and build a deeper connection with your partner in an intimate moment.
When you don’t have time for this, your partners sometimes feel empty within, and even it isn’t intended, they sometimes look for outside validation and may succumb to an affair outside marriage.
Lack of compatibility is another factor why some relationship fails.
Some couples are not compatible with each other. Even if they are trying to work things out – they end up failing. One of the main issues in failing relationships is a lack of compatibility between couples.
Compatibility is one of the most essential needs when entering into new relationships. When couples are not compatible with each other, they tend to drift away in the relationships easily.
Trust is another important key that every relationship needs to have.
If you want a smooth and ideal relationship, you must trust your partner irrespective of their physical proximity or lack of it. Do not stifle your partner with unnecessary, self-serving restrictions and learn to trust them, unless you have corroborative evidence of instances of cheating.
As a final thought, just remember to practice self-love to avoid unhealthy codependency in your relationship, be nice and gracious to your partner. Be forgiving, patient, respectful and build a strong foundation of love and shared values to foster a happy and long-lasting relationship.
The post Key Reasons Why Relationships Fail appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
If you are searching for guidance for creating and structuring your Loving Female Led Relationship or you just want to be connected to someone who understands and respects the FLR dynamic and has collected hundreds of FLR Stories and coached dozens of singles and couples in FLRs, then participating in one of our FLR Education
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Healthy Relationship Boundaries Test appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise
Healthy relationship boundaries keep a relationship on the right track. These healthy boundaries create an environment of mutual respect and eliminate a lot of unnecessary drama. Fear, insecurity and an unhealthy imbalance between the couple are reasons people are afraid to create and enforce boundaries in their relationship. These relationships have nowhere else to go but down, because the only growth they can achieve growing in areas such as selfishness, hurt, and melodrama. So how can you tell if your relationship has healthy boundaries? Take the test below to see for yourself if your relationship has what it needs to grow stronger, not weaker, over time.
Healthy Relationship Boundaries Test
So now you should have a better idea of whether or not you have a healthy relationship with enforced boundaries, and at the same time explain why your lack of them are hurting your relationship.
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Are you blind to the barriers to love that you put up? Most of us are at various times in our lives and here’s what’s interesting about this… Sometimes it’s easy to see the barriers and sometimes not so much. Take for instance the times you’re in a bad mood and are grumpy when your... [Read More]
The post How to Dissolve Barriers to Love appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
The bedroom is usually associated with women with physical love or rest.
However, you should utilize this space for many other romantic activities in which you can engage with your partner and spice things up. With these things that couples should do in a bedroom, you will get closer to your partner and discover how great it is to spend time with your spouse in ways more than one.
Turn on your favorite songs and dance around the bed.
Such madness will take you back to the old days and make you sleep better. Not to mention those endorphins that will be released in the course.
Talk and really look into each other’s eyes. Try to keep this contact for a while. The eyes are the mirror to the soul. You will learn more about your partner than during ordinary conversation.
In this way, you also strengthen the bond between you.
Organize your favorite food. It can be a typical, dissolute feast consisting of hamburgers and fries, as well as something more exquisite. For example strawberries in chocolate and champagne.
Turn on the music, eat and enjoy your company.
Mutual undressing is a very intimate act.
From time to time, engage in this activity in your bedroom. Not only as an expression of passion but tenderness.
This is one of those activities that will also strengthen the bond between you. You are resting, hugging, and the next day you have a topic to talk about.
Common reading has many pluses.
Let it not aim to create sexual tension, but to feel the closeness of another person.
Give each other a message. In the course, you can be silent, talk or listen to relaxing music. This is one of the coolest ways to spend time together.
When was the last time you hugged each other without initiating sex? Hugs boost oxytocin levels, which heal feelings of loneliness and anger. It’s time to show some love!
Also, get a little bit of romantic communication going on. Indulge in speaking sweet nothings to each other, serenade each other with mushy songs, indulge in a silly pillow fight, kiss and makeup after a tiff.
Such seemingly banal forms of joint activities have an impact on improving your relationship manifold times.
The post 7 Things Couples Should Do in Bedroom appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Long distance relationships are becoming more and more common these days. Dating someone from a foreign country can present you with quite a few problems but there is always a way to work things out if you think she’s worth your time.
A foreign girl might seem exotic and unusual in your country but you need to keep in mind that there will be a few barriers between the two of you which can potentially hinder your relationship.
If you’re not experienced in this field of dating, you might be in need of some help in order to keep up with this situation. Here are some of the best tips to help you make it through the distance and the long waits.
While meeting someone from a different country can be fun and exciting, there are quite a few things which can go wrong. In the early stages of a relationship, things can be interesting and full of new things to explore, but for most couples, a few months can take a toll on the relationship.
Here are some of the most common problems you will come across when dating a foreign girl.
The biggest issue of them all is the language barrier. While both of you might speak English, you need to remember that it will be very hard for both of you to express yourselves in the same way you would in your native tongue. Yes, her accent might be sexy and adorable, but you might not be able to talk about more pressing matters in the long run.
No matter how good your English skills are, each language around the world has its own different expressions and phrases which cannot easily be translated and can lead to miscommunication.
Additionally, while at first everything might seem easy enough, you might come across problems when things start getting more serious. This is a topic that’s always important to every woman and you should know that it is also a step which can put a lot of pressure on most couples from different countries.
A great struggle of dating a foreign girl is not being able to see her enough.
There will be times when you wish you had someone to sleep next to or simply spend time with.
Seeing each other will usually happen over holidays and you will most likely be surrounded by family from either side and that can be a problem as you two will need some alone time.
Whether you are college students or you are both employed, you will come to see that making time to travel to see each other will be tough, not only time wise but also budget wise. For example, if you live in the US and your significant other lives in Europe, tickets are expensive and flights last long, and it will take you a few months of planning in order to spend a couple weeks together.
While most young people around the world speak English nowadays, the same doesn’t necessarily apply for older generations. One of the very first things my intercultural relationship taught me is that while communicating with your girl will most likely be no problem, her parents will most likely not be able to talk to you as you will probably not speak any common language.
You might be perfectly able to understand your woman, but coming in contact with her parents will be a whole different story.
Not being able to talk to them properly will surely become a problem if your significant other doesn’t try translating everything for you while you’re visiting. Any girl’s parents will definitely want to know who you are, where you come from and why you’re dating their daughter; that just comes with dating a woman.
You will truly have quite an interesting time talking to them about yourself if you don’t speak the same language.
Making it work no matter the struggles
Even if you two live far from one another, at the end of the day this will be just like any other relationship as it requires the same level of commitment and communication. When you’re dating someone, there are always a few things you can do in order to make your relationship work a little easier.
One of the most important factors in making a long distance relationship work is making time for one another. Texting each other will most likely be your basic form of communication during the day and since you won’t be able to meet each other often, it will play an important part in your relationship as this will help you get to know each other better.
Throughout the day, it is a good idea to send each other snippets of your daily lives.
Videos and pictures can give your girlfriend a good idea of your everyday life and she will feel included in whatever you are doing.
Making her feel important will make her happy.
On top of that, you should make your girl feel special by organizing frequent Skype dates where you can talk, have dinner together and simply get to know each other better. This is essential if you wish to make your relationship last and the more effort you put into it while you’re away from each other, the more comfortable and happy you will be when you’re together.
The best way to remove the language barrier between the two of you and each other’s families is to learn each other’s language. English will probably always be the language you will use the most in the relationship but learning each other’s languages will help you show that you are serious about being together. Now this will probably be difficult to arrange and it will need some money and time from your side but it’s a small price you’ll have to pay.
This will not only make her happy, but your girl will know you are serious about being with her and her family will also appreciate being able to talk to you more. While this might take some time to master, you should not shy away from practising whenever you go to visit her. Ask her to teach you some basic words and help you keep practising and you can do the same for her.
One of the things that will also help your relationship last is how respectful you are of one another as well as your cultures and traditions. Sure, dating can be fun and by being with a foreigner you will be able to learn a lot more about their country and traditions and that will be something new and fun.
You need to keep in mind though, especially if you’re serious about being with this girl, that you will no longer be simply a visitor to her country.
When you’re there visiting her, you will have to be careful about how you act around her family and the people she cares about.
While something as simple as holding hands might be acceptable back where you come from, it could come off as very offensive where she lives. You might also not be willing to try a local dish that is important in their family’s tradition.
People from different cultures can have different traditions which might be new and even uncomfortable to you so you will have to be prepared in case you find yourself in a new situation as you will still need to be respectful.
After being together for a while, you will want to start talking about how you see the two of you progress in the future as a couple. Making plans don’t have to include marriage and moving in together; if you have only been dating for a while, you can simply start out by planning a trip abroad or visiting each other’s families.
When you go through the basic things and see that you work together well as a team, you can start talking about your future life together.
While it’s never easy to implement every dream that goes into a long-distance relationship, you will still have to have something to look forward to. Your girl especially will truly enjoy knowing that you take your time together seriously.
Even if the distance is hard on the two of you, having some mutual goals and future plans will help you keep going and will remind you of why you two are together when times get rough. Just remember to not rush into it and to take everything one step at a time.
Dating someone from a different country will require a lot of patience for many reasons. Apart from having to wait a while until you can see them again, you will have to be patient with how they process the differences between your traditions, your cultures, your languages and even your families.
While your family might be fully supportive of your relationship, her family might be suspicious and not really accepting from the beginning.
The only thing you can do here is giving everyone time to adapt to the new situation and understand your motives and the importance of your relationship.
Over time, everyone will come to accept the two of you being together and you will be able to have a better understanding of your differences as well as the things that you have in common. Patience is key to making such a relationship work and you will have to have plenty of it if you’re serious about being with this woman.
The good news is that, compared to 50 years ago, 17% of married couples are interracial. Traveling has become a lot more accessible for everyone, and meeting people from all kinds of backgrounds gives these relationships the opportunity to thrive. Patience will help you go through the struggles and know that the day will come when you have your girl by your side for good.
Many people might tell you that long-distance relationships lack the affectionate side regular relationships have and that you will never be able to have some special and spontaneous moments with your loved one. In reality, these kinds of relationships can be a lot more fun and you will be able to have some truly memorable moments together.
What you should always keep in mind is that these relationships require effort in order to work. You should always show your girl your love in various ways and the fun thing about distance is that you will have to learn how to improvise.
For example, if you know her address, you can order some small presents for her whenever your anniversary comes up. A simple Google search for gift ideas can truly become your best friend.
You can even talk to some close family members of hers and arrange a small surprise for her by visiting her earlier than what she thought you had planned.
Showing you care about her will bond the two of you and bring you closer.
It is essentially what will keep the two of you together through all the times when you just wish you could meet even for a while.
Making your relationship worth the effort
While this type of relationship might be more demanding than a normal relationship, you should not let anything stand between you and the woman you love. You mutual feelings for each other should be the only thing guiding you and you shouldn’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
Making it work will require effort from both sides but at the end of the day, it will be very rewarding and calming knowing that despite the difficulties, you made it work. Just remember to embrace your differences and put enough effort into making your families accept your choice and everything will work out just fine.
The post Dating a Foreign Girl: 6 Great Tips for Making It Work appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
