How Much Does Your Partner’s Spending Habits Influence You?

Most of us desire to be in a complementary relationship—one in which our partners bring out the best of us.

This could mean through your health, attitude, along with other manners of personal growth. Without question, money plays a huge role in our relationships too. Lexington Law’s study confirms it. And because money is such a vital part of your relationship, it also is one of the top causes of friction between couples.

How does money affect relationships

The study points out that when one and five couples get into an argument, at least half of the time spent arguing is over money. Frequent conflict about this subject adds stress into the relationship. This strain builds up over time, erupting into resentment or a breakup.

Since money is a huge part of your relationship, you must analyze how having a partner influences your and your partner’s spending habits.

Among the surveyed couples:

In 1/3rd of couples one partner influenced the other to spend less

In this manner, having a partner is beneficial to your bank account. Sometimes, the people in these relationships have a higher sense of well-being—if they know that their partner is more responsible with their money. Do you influence your partner’s spending habits or they affect your? Any which way if you motivate each other to spend less, that is great for your finances

18 % claimed that their partner influenced them to spend more

Only 18 percent of these couples claim that their partner has a negative influence on their bank account. Unfortunately, the couples that felt like their partner wasn’t responsible with money, felt less committed to the relationship. If your partner spends more and encourages you to do the same, this how your partner’s spending habits affect your relationship.

In 32 % couple partners don’t influence each other’s spending

A closer look at this stat reveals that those in the 45+ age category reported that they felt the least influence. Mature couples have good knowledge on how should married couples split finances.

Talking about it with your partner

For most couples, money is a touchy subject. If you have different views, it’s easy to allow your way of thinking to disrupt the relationship you have with each other. But communication is vital when you both want to work things out.

If you’re both clear on how money should go around in the relationship, it makes it much easier for you two to focus on the positive attributes of your relationship.

Here are some outstanding ways to stay on the same page:  

1. Make a date out of it

Vanquish the taboo that arises when talking about money with your significant other, by making a date out of it. Turning this conversation into a date makes it a less daunting task to take on.This is a good tip for discussing your partner’s spending habits. 

2. Set up a regular check-in

54% of people in healthy marriages talk daily or weekly about money. A regular check in with each other, one that’s marked on the calendar, keeps everyone together. Keeping a tab on your own and your partner’s spending habits is a good practice. 

3. Discover where both of you are willing to compromise

For example, if one of you prefers name brands, consider buying secondhand or shopping at an outlet mall. You can improve your own and your partner’s spending habits by making more economical choices.

In summary

Money plays a significant role in your relationship and how you handle money. But just because this is the case, doesn’t mean you must always bicker back and forth about money with your loved one. Unsolved stress can result in a broken relationship.

But if you’re transparent about your own and your partner’s spending habits and maintain proper communication, you’ll learn more about your own spending habits and forge a stronger bond together.

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Make Your Wedding Day Special

The ritual of marriage is essential for every man and woman as it binds them to a lifetime pledge.

A couple vows to spend their entire life together. A wedding ceremony is supposed to be the display of a couple’s commitment and promises to the public. So there, the importance of wedding ceremony elevates to its maximum level

How do you make your wedding day special?

Everyone wants their wedding day special and memorable one for the rest of their lives. There are always the smallest details that make that day remarkable and extraordinary. So we have compiled a list of wedding ideas that really make your day a special for you and your loved ones.

Make your wedding day special with the perfect wedding attire

Since both you and your to-be-wife would be the VVIP on the day, every eye will set on you, so you people need to give some extra attention to your attire.

Honestly speaking, you will be the celebrities of the occasion. Quality and fitting of the wedding attire should be your top most priority.

For the bride: for warm weather, a bride should give priority to the linen, organdy fabric whereas, for winter, brocade and velvet fabric should be her choice for a perfect looking.

For bridegroom: in the day, a groom can wear formal shirts, jackets, formal trousers, Suit with a tie or a tuxedo can be worn with all accessories in the evening.

Furthermore, the color of the ensemble should pair with the couple’s attire.

Venue

How to make your wedding unique and unforgettable? One of the unconventional wedding ideas is that you should pick a wedding venue that has beautiful crystal chandeliers that must accolade your wedding design.

In order to give your reception a visual interest and glamorous touch, you should give importance to the theme of the venue, color, pattern, and design. Your venue should reflect your appearance.

Secondly, Lighting plays an important role in the venue. You just need to hire professional lighting experts.

Greet your guests

This is one of the unique wedding ideas.

You need to greet each and every guest. They must have taken out time for you. They got ready for you. You need to spend 2 minutes to each table.

This will show your respect for them. So your guest should not think about you that you haven’t given the proper time.  

Event coverage

Photography and movie making is a fundamental part of the wedding ceremony. Every moment of your wedding is special and it is meant to be captured. Photos are something that will be looked at by your offspring to come. So in order to make your wedding day special, you need to hire a professional wedding photo and videographer.

Wedding dinner

Your guests are very special people that will arrive on your occasion. No matter how cool the atmosphere is, how nice the music too, but if the food is not good, people will talk bad.

So in order to make your wedding day special, you need to make it sure that all your guests are fed adequately. One of the best wedding ideas is to include versatile food items for your guests on your menu. Furthermore, your dessert should be delicious. Scientific study reveals that sweet leaves a good impact on the mood of people.

Adieu to your guest

In the end, you need to express your gratitude towards your guests. Say thanks to everyone for coming with a smile on your face and doing their bit to make your wedding day special. Expressing gratitude to them is one of the simple things that will make your wedding even more memorable.

Follow these little things that will make your wedding day special.

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How to Be an Active Listener in Your Marriage

I believe that at least once in your life you heard someone saying that communication is the key to a happy and lasting relationship. You might have noticed too. The thing is, that communication is not all about communicating your message effectively – that’s only a part.

Communication is also about listening and knowing how to listen to someone when they are talking. The art of active listening is the most important part of the whole communication process because what’s the point to communicate at all if the other person doesn’t listen to you.

Listening means to care what other person has to say. That’s why becoming an active listener is so important in a marriage. Fortunately, you already care and love each other, so becoming an active listener should come easier than in other cases.

With no further ado, learn how to actively listen to your spouse

Here are some useful tips to become an active listener in your relationship- 

1. Don’t interrupt

The first rule in the art of genuinely listening to your partner is to do not interrupt – let your spouse finish their idea and make their point. Only then, after you heard and understood their point of view you can say how you feel about it.

Interrupting someone, especially your partner, is rude and it shows lack of respect. In marriage is all about respecting each other.

Therefore, if you keep interrupting your partner at every two minutes you’ll prove them wrong and sooner or later tension and abstinence will make an appearance when they will try to communicate with you. Not interrupting is one of the most important tips for improving marital listening skills and to become an active listener in your marriage. 

2. Focus

When your partner wants to share something with you, all your focus should be centered on them – not your phone, TV, or laptop. Again, focusing on other things while your spouse tries to speak with you is disrespectful.

How would you feel coming at home to your beloved one after something amazing or bad happened at home and you can’t wait to tell your spouse about it and they are watching at the TV, barely listening to you?

Pretty offended I bet. No one likes to feel that way.

Not to mention that if you try to listen to you your partner and read a tweet at the same time you’ll end up doing none of them. So, what’s the point for risking your lovers’ respect?

You don’t have to google ‘ways to be a good listener for your spouse’, all you have to do is listen to become active listener in your marriage. 

3. Pay attention

Focus and paying attention might seem similar to you, but they are completely different, despite the fact that they go hand in hand.

So, after you centered your focus on your partner, you have to pay attention to the details. No one is using only words when they are transmitting a message verbally.

People are leveraging the tone of voice, specific gestures, and expressions of the face to transmit the message.

Words are just words without emotions, that’s why you have to pay attention to what nonverbal signs they use when they are communicating with you to be active listener in your marriage.

When you pay full attention to what your partner is saying, you make them feel important and valued which can build more intimacy in your relationship. Yes, you have read it right, you can create intimacy in marriage using active listening. 

4. Use body language wisely

Since we’re talking about body language, I have to bring in your attention that when you’re genuinely listening to someone and you’re so caught up in what the other has to say, you’re using your body language too – expression of the face and gestures.

Now, this can be a good and a bad thing. Good because you can show your empathy and letting them know that you understand them.

Bad, because when you have something else on your mind and you’re stressed out because of it, you’ll tend to make some gestures, like checking the time and constantly looking in other directions. Those gestures will show that you don’t really care about what your lover has to say.

That’s why you should be attentive to your body language.To be an active listener in your marriage you need to keep a tab on your body language as well. 

5. Show empathy

Empathy should come naturally in marriage because is love which binds you two together – and empathy comes from a place of love.

Therefore, if you want to become an active listener in your marriage, one of the things you have to do while you’re listening is to show your empathy.

As it is not polite to interrupt your partner while they are talking, you can do this by using several gestures like take them by the hand or smile warmly. This way you’ll make them understand that you are by their side and that you truly understand what they are dealing with.

You need to express empathy to become a truly active listener in your marriage. 

6. Don’t be defensive

Another thing from the category “things you mustn’t do” is to not be defensive. Why? Because when your partner is talking to you and you are defensive you’re turning the conversation into an argument or even a fight.

If you become an active listener in your marriage, you can actually avert conflicts between you and your partner.

When your lover is trying to talk to you, all you have to do is to sit and listen and try to understand their point of view. Don’t jump to conclusions while you don’t know the whole story yet.

Even if you sense that they might be wrong or that they are the one who did the bad thing, it’s not an excuse to interrupt them in a defensive way. What good will your defensive attitude bring to the situation? NONE. 

7. Put yourself in their shoes

Sometimes we can have a hard time understanding our partner’s actions or perspectives. That’s one more reason why you should become an active listener.

To become a genuine active listener in your marriage means to put yourself into their shoes and try to understand the reason behind his actions and judgments.

We’re talking about our loved one, so it’s only fair to try and put a little extra effort to try and understand them, so you can help him overcome their problems or to enjoy their achievements.

One of the main keys to a successful and happy marriage effective communication. But communication is not only about communicating our ideas, thoughts, and emotions effectively. It is also about how good an.active listener in your marriage are you.

To become an active listener in your marriage is extremely important for the health of your marriage. Therefore, simply follow these simple tips every time your partner is communicating with you.

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How to Write a Letter to Your Husband to Save Your Marriage

Can one spouse save a marriage? Well, there is no surefire product that will magically make your marriage problems go away! But should you give up without trying to save your marriage? No.

Can a letter save your marriage? That depends.

It’s like any other big gesture. If it’s executed well, and you follow-up with real action, then yes. It can be the first step in rebuilding a troubled marriage. On the other hand, a letter that lacks honest, and shows the little capability of self-evaluation won’t be received well.

Still, if you think your marriage is worth saving, writing a letter can be a good first step to save your marriage. It’s a great way to articulate your thoughts and feelings without worrying about the interruption, or the nerves that come from interacting with someone during intense moments.

But, where do you begin? It’s impossible to tell you what to write, but the following tips should help guide your process to save your marriage.

Check your motivation

If you want to vent your anger or hurt your husband’s feelings, a letter is no way to do that. Even if you feel there are things about which you are justifiably angry, don’t memorialize something like that in a letter. There are better ways to express negative feelings.

Your letter also shouldn’t be an exercise in falling on your sword. That’s not productive either. Worse, it can backfire and seem a bit manipulative. Instead, think about what it is that you want to accomplish that will move things in a loving and positive direction and save your marriage.  For example:

1. Expressing appreciation for your husband in ways that you haven’t before.
2. Reminding your spouse of the great memories you’ve had.
3. Sharing your desire to connect more physically.
4. Affirming or reaffirming your commitment to them after a difficult time.
5. Encouraging them if they are working on improving themselves.

Don’t try to address everything in a letter to save your marriage

Marriages become troubled for a variety of reasons. You shouldn’t try to address every problem in a single letter. Instead, focus on one or two things that you can act on, and expressing your commitment to working through your problems and save your marriage.

Use ‘I’ and ‘me’ statements

Your statements can feel like accusations (e.g., you never listen to me).

Avoid them if you address anything negative. Instead, phrase them using I and me. This acknowledges that you are responsible for your feelings and reactions. At the same time, it allows you to let your husband know how a certain behavior has affected you.

Try replacing ‘you never listen to me’ with, ‘when I express myself, and only get answers in return I feel unheard.’

Be specific

Neightan White, a writer at Supreme Dissertations says, “In writing, it’s very important for you to be specific. This is true whether you are praising or criticizing. It’s difficult for people to wrap their head around vague statements, and you can come off as being insincere.”

For example, don’t tell your husband that you love how considerate he is.

Tell him something that he did that made you feel as if he takes your needs into consideration. Try, ‘I love that you make sure my favorite coffee mug is waiting on the counter for me every morning. It’s one less thing for me to worry about, and I know it means you’ve thought of me.’

Ask for what you want

Men are often socialized from childhood on to be problem solvers. Many need concrete requests and suggestions from you. This allows them to take real action. By doing this, they get a sense of accomplishment from knowing that they are doing something tangible to improve your marriage. Be specific. Ditch vague suggestions like spending more time together, or being physically affectionate. Instead, try one of these examples, tailored to your situation:

1. I’d like us to take a couple’s dance class at the community center.
2. Let’s make Friday date night again.
3. I need you to initiate sex more often.
4. If you could get the kids ready for school one or two days a week, it would really help me.

Say what you’re going to do

At the same time, you should also be specific when you detail the actions you are going to take when it comes to saving your marriage. Ethan Dunwill is a writer at Hot Essay Service who helps brands communicate their intentions. He says that many of the lessons he has learned apply to interpersonal relationships as well, “Nobody wants to hear, ‘I’ll do better.’ They want to know how you’ll do better.” Try these suggestions:

1. I’m going to spend less time online and more time talking to you.
2. I won’t complain when you go out to play disc golf on Saturday afternoons.
3. I’ll start going to the gym with you so we can get into better shape together.
4. If I have a problem with something you said, I’ll wait until we are alone instead of criticizing you in front of the kids.

Let your open letter to your husband sit for a day

Davis Myers an editor at Grab My Essay is a proponent of letting any emotionally charged communication sit for a day or two before you send it.

He says, “This will give you a chance to reevaluate your words before you are no longer able to edit yourself. More importantly, you can read it with your husband’s perspective in mind. How will he feel reading your letter? Is that a reaction that you want?”

Don’t hesitate to ask for help

Some problems are too big for two people to tackle alone. Whether it’s something that you need to address alone, or as a couple, your letter can be a good place to introduce the idea of marriage counseling, or seeking advice from the clergy.

A sincere letter can save your message

If you want to save your marriage, a sincere letter that comes from the heart can really make a big difference. Just follow the writing tips here and check online sample letters to save marriage for some useful templates that you can customize. Then, take the next steps required to turn your intentions into action and you will be on the fastest route to save your marriage.

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Apr 29, 7 action plans to help you survive your divorce

Complete guide with tips and advice to help you survive a divorce you never anticipated after 25 years of marriage.

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A Trick to Knowing If You’re Ready for a Relationship Reboot

One of the tricks to knowing whether you’re ready for a relationship reboot or not is to look at the connection between the reality of what’s going on in your relationship and what you really, really want. Most people make the big mistake of trying …

A Trick to Knowing If You’re Ready for a Relationship Reboot Read More »

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Here’s What Happened When I Went On Eight Therapist-Designed Dates

We sent a dating coach and her boyfriend on eight dates designed by John and Julie Gottman.

The post Here’s What Happened When I Went On Eight Therapist-Designed Dates appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

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Practice Response Flexibility to Improve Your Resilience

Is it Right to Have a Split Health Plan with your Spouse?

Many people believe, once you are married everything becomes shared property. You combine your two lives into one. This isn’t always the case. When it comes to important issues such as finances and health insurance, some couples choose to combine their accounts and policies, and some keep them separate.

As a married couple, should you have a separate health insurance plan from your spouse? More than likely your initial answer would be yes. Your thought is, it would be less expensive. For some couples, this actually isn’t the case. The choice to have a split health plan from your spouse depends mainly on what each of you needs separately regarding medical coverage.

Insurance Coverage

Health insurance coverage is a primary necessity for most people. Good medical coverage protects you from the high cost of unexpected medical bills due to disease or injury. Many health plans also cover preventative care such as vaccinations, screenings, and check-ups.

There are a variety of health plans for individuals, couples, and families. The most common types are Health Maintenance Organizations (HMOs), Preferred Provider Organizations (PPOs), Exclusive Providers Organizations (EPOs), High-Deductible Health Plans (HDHP), and Point-of-Service Plans (POS).

Many HDHP Plans allow a link to a Health Savings Account (HSA) to offset some of the out-of-pocket costs. An HSA is an account where you can set aside tax-free money to pay for qualifying medical expenses. These expenses can include deductibles, copayments, coinsurance, and out-of-pocket costs.

Other insurance options include Medicaid, Children’s Health Program (CHIP), and Medicare. All three programs are state-run and federally regulated. Medicaid and the Children’s Health Program (CHIP) are health insurance plans that provide medical coverage for eligible low-income adults, children, pregnant women, senior adults and individuals with disabilities. Some Medicaid plans pay directly to the health care providers, and others use private insurance companies to pay for medical coverage.

Medicare is a health plan for individuals that are 65 and older, adults with qualifying disabilities, and individuals with End-Stage Renal Failure.

 

Divided Insurance Coverage

Dividing insurance coverage for spouses can be done in several different ways with each spouse having their own health plan. A common way to divide medical coverage is when each person has their own employer-sponsored health plan with the company they work for.

Spouses can also have different plans purchased through the Marketplace, also known as the Exchange. The Marketplace are websites where people can find information and buy health insurance plans. The sites are both federally, and state supported. Couples can also choose to have one spouse with a health plan in the Marketplace and one spouse with a plan from out of the Marketplace.

When purchasing health insurance through the Marketplace, couples must file a joint tax return in order to be eligible for subsidies. Couples do not qualify for subsidies if a spouse can purchase employer-sponsored insurance through work but chooses to get coverage through the Marketplace.

1

Same Health Plan or Choose Separate Plans?

Sharing health insurance may be an option if it’s an employer-sponsored plan that offers spousal coverage, and the cost of the monthly premium is reasonable. Many employers provide additional coverage for spouses and children but are not required to.

One insurance plan may be the best option if both spouses are healthy and rarely see a doctor. The benefits of sharing health insurance are one premium payment and a shared deductible. When purchasing a shared policy, make sure the plan has coverage for medical and preventative services for both spouse’s needs.

If one spouse has significant medical needs, and the other doesn’t, separate plans may be the way to go. The spouse that has more health care needs should have a plan with maximum medical coverage. This should include an extensive provider network. The cost of the premium will be much higher than plans with less coverage. The spouse with little or no health issues should have health insurance that has minimal coverage and much lower premium payment. This should offset the higher cost policy, and ensure both spouse’s medical needs are being met.

As a couple, it’s important to look at the different aspects of each health plan before deciding whether or not to share one policy. You should also take into consideration both spouses overall health, and lifestyle.

When looking at health insurance plans consider the cost of the premiums, deductibles, and any out-of-pocket expenses. Also, consider what type of medical and wellness services each plan offers. You should not only look at the medical coverage you currently have but other possible health plans that may fit both your needs.

 

Understanding the different types of medical coverage available is the best way to determine if having a separate health plan from your spouse is the right decision for you as a couple.

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5 Things the Happiest Couple Do Every Day of Being Married

Everyone wants to know what the best principles are that can be applied to any marriage to make it a happy one.

What are the things the happiest couple do? This is a question that is becoming more and more important by the day as divorce rates keep going higher.

From my years of doing custom writing, I understand that the whole idea of trying to get at what is the most foundational quality of a happy marriage; the most core principle, is about going way beyond what you can see on the surface. It’s about getting at those things in a marriage that you absolutely cannot leave out if you want it to last and be prosperous.

These are the things that the happiest married couples do every day to strengthen their marriages; the things that help marriages to last till both members of the couple are old and, eventually, until one or both of them pass on. The things that fulfill that part of the marriage vows that claims the marriage should last until death parts the couple.

The things the happiest couple do are no rocket science. Here is a compilation of some easy to follow things the happiest couple do that will help you deepen your love and companionship with your partner.

It all starts with mutual love

To be sure, none of the things you normally do to keep the spark in a marriage can work if the marriage isn’t based on a strong foundation of love, to begin with. If you and your significant other are married for any reason other than love, then trying to make the marriage work or be a happy one will always feel like some kind of chore you have to do, rather than something that brings you genuine joy.

With love, however, you can bet many of the things on this list will come easily. They will just feel natural, and you will want to do them regardless of the effort that is required to do them.

What we’re trying to get at here is a situation where you’ve been married for a while, and you can feel the familiarity creeping in and messing with the spark.

You still love each other, but the novelty has worn out, and the excitement of being with your partner might have exited the building and given room to a collegiate atmosphere where you and your spouse engage with each other more as roommates than lovers. That is a situation that can make the marriage boring, despite all the love that is there between you two.

Little things happy couples do every day helps to keep such an atmosphere at bay.

Would you like to know what these things are? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Here are the things you will find the happiest married couples doing for each other every day. 

1. They acknowledge that no one is perfect

Quite often things do not work out between spouses because they hold each other to impossibly high standards. The truth is that no one is perfect and neither is your spouse. There will ultimately be things about them that will irritate you.

So, what is one of the crucial things the happiest couple do? They find someone with whom they share reasonable compatibility, right from the beginning.

If you’re compatible with most things, then you should focus on the good in your spouse, rather than the bad.

Focusing on the things about them that turn you off will only build resentment over time. However, when you focus on the good qualities, you will begin to appreciate them more and more, and interactions between you two will be based on mutual positivity. 

2. They don’t rely on their spouses to feel complete

Perhaps the wording used to refer to spouses, like “better half” and “significant other”, help to perpetuate this myth, but the truth is that your spouse does not exist to complete you or make you whole or ‘fix’ you; rather, they are there to complement what you already have, like a teammate with whom you can make a great team.

To be fair, your spouse may play certain roles in your life from time to time, depending on your relationship, such as being your best friend or confidante. However, you should not have the unreasonable expectation that they should do these things or you will face disappointment and, ultimately, resent them.

One of the things happy couples do differently is being self-reliant and not depending on their partners to make them feel good about themselves.

Try to expand your support network beyond your spouse to include your friends, family, and your own self. It’s much healthier that way. 

3. They go out regularly

One of the habits of happy couples is going out and exploring different experiences together.

This cannot be stressed enough. Having new and exciting experiences together certainly helps to build a bond between you and your spouse. It should be done in the absence of the children, and you should both switch your phones off and shut the world out. That alone time will help you realize why you love each other after all. 

4. They invest in their marriages

The principle of investment applies everywhere, whether you’re investing in a business, or a custom research paper, or a marriage: you get out what you put in. The happiest married couples will vouch for the effectiveness of investing consciously in their marriages.

Generally, what you put into your marriage, in terms of energy, thought, and time is what you get out of it. So the more good stuff you pour in, the more good stuff you’ll get out of it. Talk to your spouse about what is working and do more of it. Likewise, talk about what is not working and figure out how to solve the issues. It pays massive dividends. 

5. They never stop doing what they did at the beginning of the relationship

What was it that you enjoyed about your very first date with your spouse? What little things do you remember them doing at the beginning of the relationship that endeared them to you? What about you? What endeared you to them at the beginning? Many marriages see a decline in excitement because the couples stop doing all the good things they did at the beginning.

Ask your spouse what they wish you still did that you used to. You might be surprised. Once you know, keep doing it! The key is consistency. One of the key traits of happy couples is that they never stop replenishing their relationship.

Ultimately, marriage is a piece of work that you have to do every single day. Just like a house plant, it needs to be nourished every day, or it will wither up. Try to incorporate things the happiest couple do and you will soon be on your way to building long-lasting marital happiness.

Put in the work, however, and you will see the beautiful results unfold over a lifetime.

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How You Treat Your Spouse Teaches Your Kids a Lot About Relationships

As we considered having kids, my wife and I agreed to do whatever it took to maintain a healthy marriage, especially amid unexpected challenges. By the time we began welcoming our children into the home, we were ready to provide them with the stable foundation of our respectful and loving marriage.

How parental relationships can affect your children

Our firm commitment to our relationship was fostered by the relationships we saw between our own parents and other prominent examples in our lives. I was raised in a relatively traditional home, with my father being the sole wage earner and my mother staying home with us kids.

Overall, my childhood home was a happy one; though, there are some more patriarchal aspects in my childhood home that my wife and I agreed didn’t have a place in our future family.

My wife’s childhood was not so happy. Her parents often fought loudly, and while there was no physical abuse, the mental and emotional abuse they hurled at each other made a significant impact on my wife and her siblings.

However, my wife was determined to break that cycle so that our children wouldn’t feel the same negative feelings she felt. We have made respect at all times a cornerstone of our marriage.

What kids learn from your marriage is invaluable and leaves an indelible mark on them. That’s why it is imperative that you treat your spouse in valuable ways.

In recent years, research has validated our caution, as a condition called child affected by parental relationship distress (CAPRD), has been added to the DSM-5.  As many have known for years, watching parents in a contentious relationship can lead children to:

1. Develop behavioral or cognitive issues
2. Somatic complaints
3. Parental alienation
4. Internal loyalty conflict

Parental modeling makes all the difference

Grim warning aside, there are many ways parents can model positive behaviors in their interactions. It is crucial to follow some effective ways to treat your spouse with respect.

Some things parents can do for each other which teach their children important lessons are:

Divide up work evenly

I work from home, and my wife’s work schedule can vary depending on the season. So, one chore I have completely taken over is making all the meals, including packed lunches for the family.

Though I never had much of an opportunity to cook until college, I genuinely enjoy making food for my family and my sons can see that real men do what is needed. My wife handles the dishes, and the rest of the chores are broken up in a similar fashion, helping our children to understand that their mother and I are equal partners.

Communicate feelings honestly

Sometimes parents will poke each other’s emotional sore spots, generally with no ill intentions. I did this the other day during dinner, making some off-hand comment which hurt my wife’s feelings.

Instead of ignoring me and pretending everything was fine or blowing up, my wife simply replied that what I said had hurt her and asked if I meant it the way I had said it. Naturally, I didn’t, but even though I didn’t mean it, I did still make sure to apologize for the hurt.

Our children have seen us communicate in this open and honest fashion their whole lives, and have returned that openness in how they communicated with us as well as their friends. While not all their friends were able to handle direct communication, many were, and our children have been able to enjoy healthy friendships.

Show affection

If you are concerned that your children may be picking up on discord between you and your spouse, I highly recommend finding a good marriage counselor. My wife and I have been able to continually refine how we parent and keep our focus on our marriage and family with the help of our counselor, and I believe any committed parents can find a way to work together for their family’s sake.

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Navigating the World of Online Dating

There are many advantages to online video dating. It’s fun, it’s easy to begin, and can be rewarding when you find the right person.

Sure, it might seem intimidating as you find so many free online dating sites and apps and wonder which is the best. Or you might have other concerns. It must make you wonder why is online dating so hard.  That’s normal, but it shouldn’t stop you if you are struggling to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.

If you want a great experience, here are 6 steps to get started in the world of mobile video dating and identify the online dating mistakes you should never make- 

1. Know what you’re looking for

When it comes to mobile video dating the options are almost unlimited. You can find free video online dating apps that field a variety of niches that may pique your interest. There are online dating apps that have certain reputations depending on what you are looking for. You will determine the best place for you. And that is the great thing, a mobile video online dating app puts you in control, and gives you the ability to control what you want in a partner.

But it helps to start with a game plan so you’re not just wandering around hoping it pays off. There’s not enough hours in the day, so let’s not waste them trying something that won’t work. 

2. Show your uniqueness

What makes you unique? That’s a pretty important question. The point of a mobile video online dating app is to sell yourself and your qualities. So the best online dating advice is to showcase them.

It’s ok to be different or have habits that some might think are odd. Someone will love it, so don’t be afraid to be yourself.

Find someone who will like you for you. 

3. Pay attention

Video profiles give us a great opportunity to dig into the background of potential matches. If you’re interested in someone, pay attention to what they’re interested in. What do they like to do for fun? What is their favorite TV show? What’s their career? What matters to them? These are all things we can figure out early on. You don’t need to be creepy or sound like a stalker, but showing you’ve read his or her profile or what is most important to them will go a long way in making a good impression.   

4. Honesty is the best policy

Many people think mobile video dating is a great place to be something or someone you’re not. That’s no way to start a relationship. If you want it to work out, you need to be honest and trust you can find someone who will like you for you.  

This saying still holds true today: Honestly is the best policy. Even when it comes to mobile video dating. 

5. Be happy

Maybe you’re going through a difficult time in your life. That’s understandable. We all do. But it pays to have a contagious and positive attitude when it comes to mobile video dating. Potential matches want to see someone who is optimistic, who has a joy for life, and who makes them happier when they are together.

And if the timing isn’t right, you can always pause mobile video dating for the moment. Again, you’re in control. 

6. Get creative

There are plenty of free dating apps to choose from, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are all the same. And as technology changes, so do your options. And that includes video. Think about it. Video is everywhere in our lives, and it’s easier than ever because of our smartphones.

How does this translate with mobile video dating? With the mobile video dating app Zepeel, you create a video profile.

This gives you a great opportunity to share your unique qualities, and what makes you, you. You can then exchange video messages and have live video chats, all before your first date.

We love videos because they tell us so much more than a picture. That is how it works with Zepeel. Take your video dating to the next level and find the love of your life!

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12 Tips for Successfully Planning a Family Reunion

Fast paced life and too many work commitments leave you with little time to spend with your family. However, to feel alive and loved it is important that we stay connected to our families.

Forget the past grievances and grudges and open your arms to the warmth and affection of your family. Plan a reunion and with family reunion games and family reunion activities.

Now if you are looking for a ‘how to plan a family reunion’ checklist and steps to family reunion success, look no more.

Tips for a successful family reunion

1. If this is your first attempt at planning a family reunion, send out a survey asking the relatives what they would like to do. You might find it more productive to include a short list of options and have them highlight and rank what interests them most.
2. If you haven’t planned a family reunion before you would be safe with the simplest, cheapest reunion to host. A classic picnic or barbecue at a nearby park. Make sure the park has lots of shade and plenty of play equipment for kids of all ages. If you still don’t feel confident you can hire a family reunion planner
3. A dinner and reception at a spacious restaurant is also fairly easy. Obviously, reserve a special room or a whole section weeks or months ahead of time.
4. A family reunion camping trip is only successful if most of your relatives are outdoorsy types. Schedule this for the time of year when the climate is most pleasant. Offer a couple of main menu items and have everyone share the list of edibles so that everything is covered when they arrive. Have your invitation clearly spell out what camping gear is absolutely necessary for each family to provide on their own.
5. If you plan a big reunion around an expensive theme park you need to announce it months ahead of time so everyone can plan to fit it into their schedules. This also gives them time to budget and save for the expense. Be considerate of all family members as far as planned cost per family for the reunion. Unless you want to cover the cost yourself.
6. For the larger reunions you will need to organize a reunion committee and raise a budget. You might try a raffle of fun or useful items. Tickets are sold for the chance to win the item. You can take pictures of the stuff and mail off an illustrated email or newsletter if you want to sell the raffle tickets ahead of time.
7. A large reunion can be expensive and you might want to sell tickets for admission to the event and its activities. Figure the ticket price after you totally account for every single expense. Notify the relatives exactly what the ticket price covers.
8. Choose a relative with a great reputation for honesty and financial level-headedness to handle the finances. Keep expenses systematically recorded just as you would for any committee work. Be prepared to “show the books” if challenged. It’s also good for using in update letters to let relatives know how much money must still be raised in order to book a hotel, cruise, or campground reservations.
9. Keep a good database, preferably on computer, of every relative’s physical and email address, home and work phone-numbers. Publish a Family Directory to help everyone keep in touch. This makes it so much easier to organize and get mailers out to all the family while planning a reunion. At the reunion have everyone double check the directory for accuracy and make corrections if needed. The same database can record personal history and genealogical links.
10. Set a deadline to get deposits in, or a percentage of the ticket price. You must have money ahead of time to get everything ready. Also, a commitment of money means people are less likely to cancel.
11. Make sure you have plenty of information about lodgings in town. Be the liaison for your distant relatives and arrange rooms for them. Choose a decent convenient location and bargain for reduced rates by booking a block of rooms. Don’t put this off or the rooms may be taken by some event you hadn’t foreseen. Bringing out of town relatives together at one lodging is more enjoyable for them. Every night they can sit around with each other and have a mini-reunion of their own.
12. Look for family memorabilia to display and compile historical information about your family. Print up a family history and include the families that are coming. It will give the young cousins a sense of who they are that will enrich them more than they know. Later in life they will reach out to each other in remembrance of family solidarity. A family reunion is a much more spiritual experience than might seem apparent. Its value increases as the years pass.

These tips should equip you with all the information you need to plan a large family reunion. Cheers to the love, laughter and memories that you are going to create in the next family reunion!

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Is it Really Love or Something Else?

Is it Really Love or Something Else? appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise

Is it really love or is it something else? Sometimes what we think is love is actually something else entirely, and that something is not a good thing. Almost everyone has heard the quote “If you don’t love yourself you cannot love anyone else.” It really is true. If you love yourself you know what love looks like. You know how to treat people, and how you should be treated. You know what loving dialogue sounds like, and what demeaning dialogue sounds like.

When you love yourself, you respect yourself. You also recognize disrespect right away and will not tolerate it.  You attract, and are attracted, to people who treat you with love. When you do not love yourself, you are insecure. You are attracted to people who make you feel insecure. You want to win their affections, but at the same time, feel unworthy of them.

When we are younger, it seems harder to truly love yourself, because many people are still on the journey of finding out who they really are. This could be why younger people are more prone to become infatuated with “bad boys” that are nasty to them or unkind. They may think they like the challenge, or that they like someone who keeps them on their toes. In reality, they tapped into their insecurity.

Is it Really Love or Something Else?

Feeling insecure makes us uncomfortable, so in an effort to rid ourselves of that feeling, we try and win the affections of people who make us insecure. It may feel like love, but it isn’t. It simply does not make sense that you could care for someone who treats you like garbage. You may have feelings for them, but those feelings are coming from a negative place.

Now, if at one point someone was good to you, and feelings between you developed and then they suddenly (or over a long period) began to treat you badly, that is real love, because it was really present at one point. But if it never was or never has been, take a look at what your real emotional investment with this person is.

Maybe its lust, where the physical pull makes them irresistible even though they have not treated you in a loving manner. You may be obsessed with changing this persons mind about you, and seeing you in another way. You may think then things between you would be more like a loving relationship. But the truth of the matter is, until you heal your wounds, and deal with your own insecurities yourself, you will have a hard time loving yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you will find yourself attracting and being attracted to the wrong people. If you don’t love yourself but find yourself lucky enough to meet someone that can truly love you, you may find yourself sabotaging the relationship. Bottom line? If you want real love in your life, it has to start with you.

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What to Do if You Don’t Trust Each Other

A therapist shares seven ways to build trust in your relationship.

The post What to Do if You Don’t Trust Each Other appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

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4 Powerful and Incredibly Symbolic 1st Anniversary Gift Ideas for Couples

In the US the traditional 1st anniversary gifts are made out of paper.  Which at first might seem like a cheap gift, however, there are plenty of opportunities to create or buy thoughtful gifts out of paper.

Why paper?

It’s a generational thing that we have the Victorians to thank for.  

Paper as a 1st anniversary gift has been carried on since somewhere between 1837-1901 the history and tradition is long. This is why it’s such a nice tradition to continue – especially since it symbolically represents a long period and don’t we all want to see everybody enjoying a long and happy marriage?

But the thing is, nobody knows why we give paper as a 1st anniversary gift – unfortunately, the reasons why this all started in the first place are now long gone. If you think about it, it is kind of romantic in itself.  

But just in case you can’t see the romance that is inspired by the 1st anniversary gift of paper here are some thoughts about why paper is an ideal and very romantic gift.

1. Paper represents the turning of a new page, a blank page, full of new opportunities.  
2. In the last year of your marriage, you will have settled down into married life, enjoyed a honeymoon and all of the seasons and holidays together for the first time as husband and life.  
3. So now as you enter into the second year of your marriage, you can turn over a new page in your story and begin to build on your marriage, lay down roots and grow into something strong and beautiful.  
4. A paper as a gift also symbolizes that the future is yours to write and it also represents the coming together of two separate entities in the interweaving of the fibers on the page.  
5. It reminds us of the fragile nature of our first year of marriage and the potential to strengthen, and it’s also eternal, it can last forever.  

So when you are dismissing the idea of a paper gift for a gift don’t forget the symbolic value that paper brings, and you’ll probably feel much more inspired to choose a paper item as your 1st anniversary gift.  

Typical paper anniversary gifts

The classic type of gift that you might choose to celebrate the 1st anniversary is stationary, and there are lots of options particularly today to pick 1st anniversary gifts that are personalized.  

Gifts such as: 

1. Journal

A journal is a beautiful gift because it gives you the option to write down your goals plans and experiences either to store away your memories of your first year of marriage or to capture new memories in your second year of marriage.  

If you plan to give a journal as your 1st anniversary gift, it’s probably useful to write a little note and place it in the first page to explain why you chose this gift as a first-anniversary gift. 

2. Tree to plant

Paper comes from wood right? And wood comes from trees.  The seed of a tree that a new couple can plant in their new home and watch grow could be one of the most romantic 1st anniversary gifts you could give.  Just be sure that the couple has the space to plant a tree before buying this first-anniversary gift. 

3. Paper photo frame

Photos are always great for keeping memories.  Placing a photo of the couple as they are on their first wedding anniversary into a paper finished photo frame is the perfect 1st anniversary gift.  It’s a beautiful keepsake that captures the couple as they are at the time of their paper anniversary and there are plenty of opportunities for paper frames to suit all tastes.   

4. Love letter

For the husband and wife celebrating their 1st anniversary, a well thought out love letter could be the perfect gift.  

It can be framed and hung in their bedroom so that they can reflect upon it for eternity.  

But also, even if you are a friend or family member, you might like to send an appreciation letter, highlighting how much you are rooting for them, and what their marriage means to you so that they might keep that on their wall to serve as a reminder of how beautiful their marriage is.

This type of gift is so meaningful, yet so frequently overlooked.

Paper is probably one of the most beautiful 1st anniversary gift that you could give a couple, the symbolic meaning, modest persona and resilience that paper represents is powerful and will without question leave its mark on the special couple’s memories for years to come.  Especially since gifts like those we’ve suggested above will probably still be prominent in the couples life even when they celebrate their diamond wedding.

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Why Are Children Impatient, Bored, Friendless, and Entitled?

That’s a whole lot of negative adjectives piled up to describe many of today’s children.  But really, without sounding like an old fuddy-duddy, there is indeed something true about the notion that this latest generation of kids is, well yes, impatient, bored, friendless and entitled.

Wondering why are kids impatient, bored, friendless, and entitled?

Before venturing any further, let it be said of course not all kids are like this.  Gross generalizations can be untrue and even dangerous, but even to the most casual of observers, there is something distinctly different about this group.

Let’s pick it apart and look at causes, possible solutions, and the implications of what this  means when we find ourselves asking, “Why are kids impatient, bored, friendless, and entitled?”

All children are impatient

Impatience is not necessarily a bad thing.  Impatience is in part something which makes us expedite actions; it is what makes us excel at times.

Impatience is what makes us look for new discoveries, new solutions, new experiences.  So, all in all, impatience may be a very good thing. But try telling yourself that when your child is screaming at the top of his lungs to get him some ice cream now, or when your daughter is whining that she wants to go out and play when she has hours of homework to do.

Most children will learn patience in time as they grow older, but we all have had the experience of knowing an adult who has little or no patience. Usually, that person will be found tailgating you on the highway or cutting in front of you as you board a bus or subway car. Alas, some people never grow up.

Children, though, do grow up and can learn patience from parents and teachers.

Is boredom necessarily a bad thing?

An all too common refrain out of the mouths of most kids is “I am soooooo bored.”  This is certainly not new, nor unique to this generation of children. Kids have been saying that they are bored since they stopped playing hide and seek with dinosaurs.

There is, of course, that old cliche about idle hands being the devil’s workshop, but is boredom necessarily a bad thing? As Jordyn Cormier writes, “Boredom can significantly boost creativity.” Boredom makes kids and adults think of alternate ways of doing things and accomplishing tasks.

In dealing with a child who says they are bored, ask them what would make them less bored.  If a child can come up with an answer (and most can not), listen to the suggestion. This answer will demonstrate the creativity and inventiveness that all children should cultivate.

Can you ever have too many friends?

Humans are social beings.  Even that stereotypical hermit in the cave a million miles from civilization is a social being of sorts, even if he only socializes with the bugs that share his cave! 

Unfortunately, with the advent of social media, many people have “friends” whom they have never met.  Is a friend someone you have never met face to face? Many people would agree that a friend you have never laid eyes on in real life, could still be a friend. 

Kids, especially feel this way and try to argue with them otherwise, and you will not get too far.  Children need to meet other children of their same age, so it is up to the parents or caregivers to ensure that interactions of this sort occur: take children to a park, to classes run by your town’s Parks and Recreation Department. 

Friends can be made in art, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tennis and other classes specifically developed for kids.  It is important for the parent or caregiver to make sure that children do not spend days parked in front of the television, iPad, smartphone, or computer screen.  

Real life is just that–real; it does not happen behind an electronic screen.

How do kids become entitled? The answer: the parents

Very simply, it is the parents who create feelings of entitlement in children.

Children are not born entitled; it is not inherent in any child to feel that they deserve things.  Let’s look at some examples of how parents bring about feelings of entitlement in children:

1. If you reward–or worse yet, bribe–your child for good behavior, you are unintentionally helping to create feelings of entitlement in your child.  Think about it: does your child have to be given some sort of treat every time you go shopping with them?
2. If you praise every single thing your child does, in other words, if you over-praise, you make your child accustomed to constant praise. This is a straight line to feelings of permanent entitlement.
3. The overs: over-praise, over-protect, over-pamper, over-indulge, all are a one way street to over-parenting, and raising a child with a huge sense of entitlement.
4. All children must make mistakes.  Children learn from mistakes; they are essential for growth and development.  Do not help your child avoid all mistakes or they will always expect to rescue.
5. Nobody likes disappointment, yet some parents go overboard in making sure that their children do not experience this.  Disappointment is part of life, and you are not doing your child a favor by shielding them from it. Learning to handle disappointment should be part of every child’s development.
6. Birthday parties have become so over the top in recent years (circuses in the backyard, dressed up hired princesses from the latest Disney movie passing around hors d’oeuvres to the guests, petting zoos set up inside the house, etc.)

Keep it simple, and there is far less chance that your child will feel entitled. When you keep things fluff-free, you kids will grow up as level headed, patient and respectful. In all probability, you won’t find yourself tugging at your hair and asking, “Why are kids impatient, bored, friendless, and entitled?

Not every moment in your child’s life is meant to be Instagram-able

Before you ask yourself, “Why are kids impatient, bored, friendless, and entitled?”, you need to do a parenting check-in. In your bid to raise a happy child, are you forgetting about maintaining the fine balance between being indulgent and being strict?

Raising children to be productive happy well-balanced kids is not an easy task for anyone.

Often times it isn’t pretty or fun,  But by instilling children with common sense values (take your turn, share, wait patiently, etc.), you will ensure that this next generation is not impatient, bored, friendless and entitled.

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The Joy of Missing Out (From FOMO to JOMO)

The Only Love Language that Matters

Because we help people clear up relationship challenges and have more loving relationships, we’re sometimes asked about “love languages.” While it is interesting to look into individual preferences and it can be helpful to understand your differences… We have a different take on the subject–something …

The Only Love Language that Matters Read More »

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How to Know If Your Community Is Safe for Your Kid

We as parents tend to protect our children and it’s more important when you are choosing a place to live in. Safety is the first most important criteria which is to be taken care of, especially if you have kids.

But, how safe is your neighborhood? Do you find yourself looking for ways to know if your potential new home’s neighborhood is safe? There are some safety tips for kids that help in creating a safe community for children.

Here are a few ways to protect your child and know if your community is safe for your kids.

1. Security hardware

Before you choose to live in a community, make sure there is security hardware like CCTV cameras or poll surveillance installed.

No matter how many guards are present, there are few crime rates which are always unnoticed. By installing the CCTV cameras we can now monitor the different areas of the community 24/7. This way you know that everything is captured and your kid is always monitored by a security guard no matter where he/she is in the community.

2. Monitoring the visitors

Many communities still use the same old conventional methods of pen and paper to log the details of a visitor. But we know this method has never worked or provided any form of security to the community.

Recently the use of visitor management software has increased over the years, you can monitor and track the visitors who enter the building. Only authorized or approved guests/visitors will be allowed inside the community. There are many visitor management software e.g. MyGate which lets you approve/deny the entry of the visitors from anywhere and at any time.

3. Safe neighborhoods

Before you move in checkout your neighbors, talk to them and know them to understand what kind of people they are. It’s really important to understand the neighbors because sometimes the people inside the community might not be as safe as you think.

Figure out if there are any suspicious people within the community and keep an eye on them.

4. Security guards

Apart from having the cameras installed, it’s also better to have few security guards appointed at each gate and few other isolated areas like play area, gym, swimming pool, and clubhouse. It is more like having a supervisor for your kids, who will be constantly be monitored.

5. Child security

Even after taking a lot of security measures, the kid can sometimes leave/exit the main gate without the notice of the guard. In such cases having software which notifies you the whereabouts of your kid, like the entry or exit may it be with or without the escort will be a great option to look out for.

6. Crime rates

Talk to people around the area and also the management team about the recent crime rates and how safe it is to be here. Ask questions about how secure the place is, what measures are taken if anything happens, what precautions are taken etc.

Knowing things like these and teaching your child important safety tips for kids makes you have a more clear picture of how safe the place is.

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10 Compelling Reasons to Hire a Wedding Planner

Wedding is one of the most precious moments of anyone’s life. We all want our special day to be perfect. If you have been planning to get married but you are confused if you should hire a professional wedding planner or not then trust me, you must hire a wedding planner.

Below listed are the reasons to hire a wedding planner to make your day more special 

1. They give excellent ideas

The wedding planner has been working for years and they have planned many weddings so they have mind-blowing ideas for your wedding. A wedding planner analyses your style, your likes & dislikes, your culture, how you want your wedding day to be and so on. So they give you advice accordingly. 

2. They plan with a budget in mind

One of the benefits of hiring a wedding planner is that they work within the allotted budget. They have contact with many wedding vendors who may offer a special discount to them. They know the limit hence they stop when the budget is crossed. 

3. The timing of each event is taken care of by a planner

A wedding planner is the one who takes care of the timeline of each event during the wedding. They have planned many weddings before so they can create a perfect moment at the perfect time for your day and make it a memorable day of your life. 

4. Save your valuable time

Wedding is a day when you have to do much more important things to do apart from contacting vendors, instructing decorators and caterers, etc. A wedding planner does this for you so you can do your own things and enjoy your wedding. 

5. They have a backup plan

Anything can happen anytime we cannot stop it but we may have a backup plan for the same. As the wedding planners are expert in planning they have experience in handling one situation in different ways so they can help you with the backup plan. So, one of the reasons to hire a wedding planner is that they take care of any contingencies that may impede your wedding celebrations.

Example: If the decorator, for some reason, cancels to come at the last moment then the wedding planner may contact any other decorator because they have many contacts. 

6. They make your day stress-free

A wedding is a day for you to look gorgeous and enjoy your day without the stress. Imagine you are getting ready and then one of your family members comes and asks you how to decorate the mandap or stage then you may have to rush there leaving your makeup aside, stressful isn’t it?

The wedding planner can help you with that. Hiring a wedding planner ensures you can stop breaking into a sweat over arrangements. 

7. Manage guest list and invitation

The wedding planner is the person responsible for managing the guest list and sending them out Invitation on time so your relatives may not come and complain that they haven’t received an invitation. 

8. They help to keep everything organized

Wedding planner keeps everything organized that you may cross check the planning process all at one place. Perfect planning is needed to keep everything sorted and organized. 

9. Help in pre-wedding photoshoot

As they have experience in this field, they may help you to finalize the photoshoot location, Theme to be followed, your dress, and they may help you to get the perfect photographer. 

10. Manage the accommodation for your guest

We may be worried about the accommodation for our guests, if they will be comfortable or not, the expense of their accommodation and so on. The wedding planner helps you to leave this stress behind as they may suggest you some of the great accommodation options for your guest within the budget.

So, these were some of the few reasons to hire a wedding planner for your wedding.

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