Difficult conversations can lead to flooding. Here are steps to remain calm while staying present for yourself and your partner.
The post Conversational Boundaries without Stonewalling appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Respect or lack of respect is one of the biggest relationship complaints. Here are 3 ways to have more of it in your life and relationships...
The post Respect: 3 Ways to Have More of It In Your Life appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Cliff was fed up, disappointed, hurt and felt like a fool for trusting too much once again… And his father was the reason. After years of rehashing the same argument about Cliff going into the ministry instead of pursuing a career in what he loved–music… …
How to Know if You’re Trusting Too Much… Read More »
The post How to Know if You’re Trusting Too Much… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
When you feel like your partner doesn’t see you as an equal, especially when it comes to money, it can be a huge wedge that separates the two of you. Here’s a question from a reader and our response… “My husband doesn’t see me as …
When he doesn’t see you as an equal–What to do… Read More »
The post When he doesn’t see you as an equal–What to do… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Otto’s son was in a bad way. He’d wanted a different job for awhile but nothing seemed to be working out for him. In his current job, he’d been making little more than minimum wage and because they hadn’t replaced people who’d been let go… …
How to Have Effortless Influence With the People in Your Life Read More »
The post How to Have Effortless Influence With the People in Your Life appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Digital boundaries are the lines drawn around healthy and unhealthy use of social media.
The post How to Navigate Social Media as a Couple appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
You can do more than "agree to disagree." Learn how to communicate with shared humanity and boundaries in mind.
The post Mindfulness Tips for Hard Conversations appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Otto’s ex-wife was blindsided so hard she didn’t know hit her the day he told her he was leaving. Good, bad, right, wrong… Otto made the decision to leave his first wife completely by himself. Otto’s ex had no idea what was happening, what he …
When to Keep Your Thoughts Private and When to Tell Everything Read More »
The post When to Keep Your Thoughts Private and When to Tell Everything appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Partners need to address how they will integrate recovery into couple and family life and specifically, manage the holiday season.
The post Holidays, COVID-19, and Addiction Recovery: Now What? appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Are you wondering, Should I Text Him? Or, What are the Very Best Texts to Get his Attention? Rosalyn, a diminutive nurse was asking just these questions in the early stages of texting with Zach, a soulful veterinarian. Zach definitely ticked all the boxes for her—he was a George Clooney look-alike, funny, and soulful. And…
The post Should I Text Him? What are the Best Texts to Get His Attention? appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
A confession about gender identity or sexual orientation within a relationship can bring conflicting feelings. What do you do next?
The post What to Do When Your Partner Comes Out to You appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Anger and inner agitation can absolutely ruin your relationships and keep you from the love (and life) you want. But there are ways to keep anger from getting out of control... In this video, we talk about: -- How to Keep Anger from Ruining Your …
How to Keep Anger and Inner Agitation from Ruining Your Relationships and Life Read More »
The post How to Keep Anger and Inner Agitation from Ruining Your Relationships and Life appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
To a lot of people it might seem like the land of magic and fairy tales to suggest that everyone’s lives and their relationships would be so much better if they just did one thing. And that is… Just be love. If you want to …
The post Just Be Love appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
In this article, Certified Gottman Therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser continues to debunk love life ideas that you've got to be in the mood and that great love "just happens."
The post The Top Myths about Lust and Love and How They can Ruin Your Sex Life (Part Two) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
In this video, I interview one of our beloved teachers, Dicken Bettinger, for our "Big Love Relationship Series" where we talk about... -- The Only Thing That Gets in the Way of Love -- How to get Over Upsets Quickly -- The Inside Out View …
An Interview with Dicken Bettinger — The Only Thing That Gets In The Way of Love Read More »
The post An Interview with Dicken Bettinger — The Only Thing That Gets In The Way of Love appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
When you put words to your desire for your partner, you can experience a satisfying relationship in and out of bed.
The post The Art of Sensual Communication appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Research shows couples can move forward after an affair. But how?
The post Rebuilding After Infidelity appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
In terms of priority, where do you feel like you rank with your partner? Are you and your relationship their 1st priority? Or are you and your relationship… 2nd… 3rd…. or (gasp) an even lower priority? If you and your relationship is a top priority …
Relationship Advice When You Feel Like You’re A Low Priority Read More »
The post Relationship Advice When You Feel Like You’re A Low Priority appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
If you're worried your sex life is over, sex therapist Dr. Cheryl Fraser is here to dismantle the beliefs that mess with your head and your bed.
The post The Top Myths about Lust and Love and How They can Ruin your Sex Life (Part One) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Recently, someone wrote to us wanting to know… “How do you handle a nagging wife?” And we’re adding a “nagging husband” to the discussion because that certainly can become an issue as well. First of all, nagging is symptomatic of something else. Something else that …
How to Stop a Nagging Wife (or Husband) Read More »
The post How to Stop a Nagging Wife (or Husband) appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
It’s Otto writing today and I want to share a story about one of the most difficult days of my life in the hope that it will be helpful to you. Enjoy… It was about 9:30 pm on a Saturday night and my son was …
When Anger is Met with Love… Read More »
The post When Anger is Met with Love… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
How can you practice listening in ways that helps your relationship effectively move through whatever challenge it’s facing?
The post 4 Mindful Listening Principles to Better Navigate Conflict appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Rita was tired of holding so much back but she didn’t know how to communicate better with her husband and tell him what was wrong. When she did express her opinion, they often fought with him getting angry and her retreating back into her shell. …
An Introvert, Opinionated but Wants to Communicate Better… Read More »
The post An Introvert, Opinionated but Wants to Communicate Better… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
When sex hurts, communication is key.
The post Talking to Your Partner about Sex When You Suffer from Chronic Pain appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
It can feel very lonely and upsetting when you slowly realize that either you or your partner is emotionally checking out of the relationship. You can make up all kinds of stories as to why it’s happening but the truth is that you probably don’t …
If You or Your Partner is Emotionally Checking Out of the Relationship… Read More »
The post If You or Your Partner is Emotionally Checking Out of the Relationship… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Help your teen manage their fears about learning online.
The post Virtual Social Anxiety: How to Support Teens During the Unpredictable School Year appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
A deeper emotional connection can be built with those you love. Here are 3 ways to begin...
The post Emotional Connection: How to Build it and How to Keep It appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
The Black community needs support. Discover how the ATTUNE method leans into the pain and builds trust.
The post Moving Toward Black Grief appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
One path to rebuilding love after broken trust is to find out if there’s still enough love or enough desire to want to rebuild the relationship in a new way. Most of the time when trust has been broken, one or both people want to …
Rebuilding Love After Broken Trust? Start Here… Read More »
The post Rebuilding Love After Broken Trust? Start Here… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
It’s a fact, your communication either creates closeness, connection and expands the feelings of love, creativity and possibilities… Or it creates walls, barriers and defenses that cause distance, separation and resentments. Wouldn’t it be a whole lot better if the other people in your life …
Communication That Resolves Resentments Read More »
The post Communication That Resolves Resentments appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Want a fulfilling relationship? It all begins with knowing and healing the real you.
The post “Small ‘T’ trauma” and Its Effect on Dating appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
In the span of just a few hours, Susie heard the stories of three people who had been dealing with thorny relationship issues with their partners and didn’t know what to do. One man said he didn’t know how to talk with his wife about …
3 Tips for Handling Thorny Relationship Issues that Build Trust… Read More »
The post 3 Tips for Handling Thorny Relationship Issues that Build Trust… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
You may not even be aware of how you are acting or speaking out of contempt—often it can feel like you are being genuine. Dr. John Gottman realized there needs to be a path that leads to a culture of appreciation, and that is by expressing your feelings and longings.
The post How To Change Your Own Contempt appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
You can manage your work and your child's schooling when everyone is home. Here's how.
The post How to Work from Home and Supervise Home-Based Learning (Part 2) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Balancing working and schooling from home is challenging. Here are some tips for doing both well.
The post How to Work from Home and Supervise Home-Based Learning (Part 1) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
People-pleasing is often so unconscious that we don't know we're damaging our relationships. Here's why it's important to recognize and stop it...
The post People-Pleasing: What’s So Wrong With It? appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
“I’m absolutely sick of it,” Jenny said. “I give and I give and I give and I never get anything in return! Why do people always seem to take advantage of me just because I’m a nice person and I really care about other people?” …
When You’re Giving Too Much in Love and Life… Read More »
The post When You’re Giving Too Much in Love and Life… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
As Carly sat at the kitchen table staring at her husband Frank with resentment, she wondered how things would ever be right in their marriage again. It had been years since she felt important to Frank because he was either focused on his phone watching …
4 Ways to Deal with Resentment Read More »
The post 4 Ways to Deal with Resentment appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Anytime a resentment is present, you have a story about it. You have a story about what happened and how you were wronged… What you would’ve liked instead to have happened… What SHOULD have happened and what shouldn’t have happened. You keep the story going …
Why It’s So Hard to Let Go of Resentments Read More »
The post Why It’s So Hard to Let Go of Resentments appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
There’s been a lot of bad news about not dating during Covid-19. There are risks to be sure. And at this writing 170,000 people have died from the pandemic. So you have to be careful if you do proceed. The good news is that guys are reaching out more because there is a desire for…
The post Dating During Covid-19: Seven Ways to Do It Safely appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
Here are a few tips to consider as we face a new academic year.
The post Getting Back to School When School Isn’t the Same: 5 Steps to Navigating Successfully appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Most of us intellectually know that forgiveness is a good thing–that it’s good to not hold onto resentment, pain and hurt from the past. But when it comes to actually “doing” forgiveness and letting go of resentments, we often choose to hold onto the hurt. …
Forgiveness and Letting Go of Resentments Read More »
The post Forgiveness and Letting Go of Resentments appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
As the summer was coming to an end, Karen was struggling with change and loss in so many areas of her life. She had decided to not accept any long-term substitute teaching positions because of COVID this fall even though she’d had a fall job …
Dealing with Change and Loss in Relationships and Life Read More »
The post Dealing with Change and Loss in Relationships and Life appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Examining efforts to block out and overwhelm residual painful feelings resulting from trauma.
The post When Trauma Blocking Gets in the Way appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
When her alarm rang at 6:30, Cassey groaned and didn’t want to get up. What in the world was going on? After all, she wasn’t 16 anymore and wasn’t arguing with her mom about how much time she had before she had to get up …
3 ways to bounce back when life treats you unfairly Read More »
The post 3 ways to bounce back when life treats you unfairly appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Hi, it’s Otto writing today and… One of the things that I hate most in the world is “getting dirty.” No, I’m not talking about THAT kind of dirty. I like that too but I’m talking about getting physically dirty… Dirty as in working in …
What is Your “Getting Dirty?” Read More »
The post What is Your “Getting Dirty?” appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Actionable techniques to continually incorporate in your relationship.
The post Healthy Relationships in Practice appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Hi, it’s Susie, writing today and I’ll raise my hand. I feel insecure at times and I’ll bet you do too! But what if insecurity wasn’t as big of a problem as we think? I remember when Otto and I were first together and I …
How to Stop Being so Insecure Read More »
The post How to Stop Being so Insecure appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Any conversation can turn ugly and messy if you don’t handle it right and today we give you 3 tips for handling sticky conversations and what to do instead… One of the most uncomfortable feelings you could ever experience when you’re in a relationship or …
Sticky Conversations–3 Tips for Making Them Easier Read More »
The post Sticky Conversations–3 Tips for Making Them Easier appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
When you’re with someone who isn’t all that great with relationships, life can sometimes be a real challenge. You try and try and they just can’t seem to get it. They just can’t seem to figure out how to be a better partner, a better …
Ever wish “they” were better at relationships? Read More »
The post Ever wish “they” were better at relationships? appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Repair happens when we build bridges of validation that connect us, deepening sense of belonging and security.
The post What to Do When You Disagree appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
One of the things that seems to cause us the most trouble in life is the fact that we get blinded by our biases. We have ways of seeing the world, ways of seeing other people and ways of seeing situations that cloud our thinking …
How to Tell if Your Biases are Getting in The Way of Love… Read More »
The post How to Tell if Your Biases are Getting in The Way of Love… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
We all make what we might consider communication mistakes as we go through life and interact with others. It’s just inevitable because we’re all so different and look at the world so differently. As we’ve learned from our own relationships, as well as from our …
5 Communication Mistakes That Push Love Away Read More »
The post 5 Communication Mistakes That Push Love Away appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Everyone agrees... Communicating in ways that bring you and your spouse or partner closer together is a good thing. Communicating in ways that make the important people in your life want to spend more time with you is always something you should want... AND... Communicating …
Communication Fails: The Crazy Things People Try When They Try to Improve Communication Read More »
The post Communication Fails: The Crazy Things People Try When They Try to Improve Communication appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
One of the biggest questions for the two of us right now during this Covid epidemic, and maybe for you as well, is… How much “normal” activity do we engage in and what do we avoid for fear of getting the virus? Are the reservations …
Is Fear Driving the Bus–or is it Common Sense? Read More »
The post Is Fear Driving the Bus–or is it Common Sense? appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
If you feel like you give more than you receive in your relationship, read about what Shirley discovered. Shirley felt like she was always the one to go to Pete’s town which was 30 miles away for weekend visits. She was tired of leaving her …
3 Tips When You Give More Than You Receive in Your Relationship Read More »
The post 3 Tips When You Give More Than You Receive in Your Relationship appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Chuck and Janice argued all the time and often over small things like turning off the lights or when to run the dishwasher. They were both miserable but they didn’t know how to stop fighting and start loving again. The truth is that it didn’t …
A Fixed Mindset or Freedom? Your Choice… Read More »
The post A Fixed Mindset or Freedom? Your Choice… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Are you wondering just how to get over your ex? Perhaps you are feeling lots of pain, loneliness and longing, a sense of emptiness that is hard to shake. Maybe you are obsessing about what happened, how you were hurt or what you should have said or done to keep your partner or spouse with…
The post How to Get Over Your Ex: Five Tips to Help You Move On appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
One of the tricks to finding a better way to resolve conflict than compromising is to pay attention to what’s inside you and be open to seeing something new. So often, when there’s conflict, it feels like you have to compromise where one person is …
How to Resolve Conflict Without Compromising Read More »
The post How to Resolve Conflict Without Compromising appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Many factors contribute to recovery from a relational rupture.
The post The Attunement Bridge: Healing From an Affair appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
As the paralyzing fear of confrontation built inside her, Paula found herself once again lying to her husband. She knew it was wrong, but couldn’t stop doing what she’d done her whole life with everyone she’d been close to. When she sensed the other person …
The Hidden Fear of Confrontation Read More »
The post The Hidden Fear of Confrontation appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Here's a list of warm weather activities to try together!
The post Warm Weather Rituals of Connection: Ideas for Couples and Families appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Here are 3 ways to be more positive when negativity gets the better of you in your life and relationships by Susie and Otto Collins...
The post 3 Ways to Be More Positive appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Suddenly she got quiet. Then she got curious. Her name is Rebecca and she is a smart, funny, intelligent, budding marathon runner and I didn’t mean to make her upset. I just wanted to show her how she was lying to herself and didn’t even …
Rebecca’s Intentional Relationship Blindness Read More »
The post Rebecca’s Intentional Relationship Blindness appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
It can really be confusing when you feel something just isn’t right but you’re not sure whether to trust your gut instincts feeling–or not. So you might pull away to guard yourself from what might happen without really knowing the truth or … You might …
When to trust your gut instincts in relationships… Read More »
The post When to trust your gut instincts in relationships… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Having open, honest conversations about finances will keep families grounded in the trust that grows out of a shared understanding.
The post Creating a Financial Vision for Your Stepfamily During COVID-19 appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Would you risk your life to shake hands with a total stranger? Last week we did and here’s why… We had only met him two minutes earlier and as Christian reached out to shake our hands, during Coronavirus or not… After what had just happened …
Risking Your Life for a Moment of Connection… Read More »
The post Risking Your Life for a Moment of Connection… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Are you wondering what to text a guy to get his attention? Especially, if you are in the early stages of learning digital dating it can be very challenging! How do you get him to engage and respond? How do you avoid blowing it and sending him into ghost-land? After all, you are not a…
The post What to Text a Guy to Get His Attention appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
Invalidation is a form of relational trauma which, over time, harms the brain and nervous system, and also results in the disintegration of any healthy bonds of connection, and dissolution of trust in others. Healing requires the slow, ongoing work of diligent growth in character, self-awareness, and love.
The post Neutrality is Invalidation appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Annette was stuck. She felt like she’d been a pushover all her life in her family growing up and now it was the same with her new husband. In the past, when she’d tried to stand up for herself, she’d either felt like she’d come …
Standing Up for Yourself and Communicating Your Needs Without Being Needy or Bossy Read More »
The post Standing Up for Yourself and Communicating Your Needs Without Being Needy or Bossy appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Nothing can be more irritating than when your partner won’t listen to you and starts trying to “fix” you in the process–and you want him or her to change. **Question from a reader… “My fiance has been through personal development work and so understands the …
He won’t listen–She’s frustrated and wants him to change Read More »
The post He won’t listen–She’s frustrated and wants him to change appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
I’m sad to say, I can’t even relate to the pain, fear and worry that most people of color have had to deal with in my lifetime. I grew up in a white, middle class family and neighborhood where we had steaks on the grill …
Dealing with Fear, Pain and Worry… Read More »
The post Dealing with Fear, Pain and Worry… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Listen to the women. Listen to the people of color.
The post Opinion: Gottman’s Four Rules and the Need for Diversity appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
No one should ever have to die like George Floyd did last week. After looking at the video countless times of Floyd there on the asphalt pavement with that Minneapolis Police officer’s knee on his neck… There’re no two ways about it. He was murdered. …
In times like these… (From Otto) Read More »
The post In times like these… (From Otto) appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
I used to think I wanted an emotional man until I got one! After my divorce when Otto and I were first together 22 years ago, I remember feeling so loved and cared for in a way I had never felt before. But I also …
How to Deal with a Moody Partner Read More »
The post How to Deal with a Moody Partner appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
There was about a two week window of time after I told my first wife I was leaving her that was totally real, raw and vulnerable. Most of the time, I’d just as soon forget all the stuff that happened before (and after) that caused …
Vulnerability in Love and Life– A Good Thing or Something Else? Read More »
The post Vulnerability in Love and Life– A Good Thing or Something Else? appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
There is no avoiding the tragic reality of this pandemic, yet we can hold such reality more easily when set alongside the glorious simplicity of childhood play.
The post The Unexpected Joys of ‘Parenting-in-Place’ appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Recently I had a burst of insight… I was in the middle of one of my “I-know-what’s-right-for-Otto” thoughts as he was telling me a plan he was hatching… And just as quickly, another thought came rushing in… “Oh, wait a minute! Otto’s idea may be …
A Slight Shift in Perspective for Happier Relationships Read More »
The post A Slight Shift in Perspective for Happier Relationships appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
If you’re one of those people who thinks relationships are HARD WORK…. And creating the love you want is REALLY HARD WORK… My answer is… Compared to what? A few weeks ago I had a coaching client tell me that (for her) it was really …
The Truth VS Hard Work in Love and Life Read More »
The post The Truth VS Hard Work in Love and Life appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
As we all know by now–social distancing requires that we keep ourselves six feet apart just to stay safe in this Covid world. Here’s what’s interesting… Even before this virus hit, so many people tried to keep it safe in their relationships and in their …
Playing it Safe in Relationships Read More »
The post Playing it Safe in Relationships appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Why We Need Both and Just Enough
The post Intimacy and Space appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Even though I don’t consider myself a high drama person–in fact, most of the time, I think I’m pretty steady… I have had moments that I imagine I looked like a critical old, dour, school teacher with a pointy, accusatory finger. I was right–the other …
Stopping the Drama Dance in Relationships Read More »
The post Stopping the Drama Dance in Relationships appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
During this time of Covid-19 shut-down and re-opening, tempers are flaring. A friend was standing in line waiting to get into a store in 90 degree heat and two people started shouting over one of them getting too close and not wearing a mask. People …
Handle Upsets, Triggers and Tricky Situations (with love and grace) Read More »
The post Handle Upsets, Triggers and Tricky Situations (with love and grace) appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Two or three work lifetimes ago, I was forced to go through hell for five straight days and there was nothing I could do about it. It wasn’t actual hell but it was a very strange and annoying period of time that mirrors exactly how …
Blinded by Impossibilities Read More »
The post Blinded by Impossibilities appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
What are you feeling? Discover more about your feelings and increase emotional intelligence with this handy, printable resource.
The post Printable Feeling Wheel appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
It’s Otto writing today and sometimes I’ll hear a song lyric, read a line in a book or hear something totally random on a TV show or on the Internet and it strikes me a little bit deeper than it ordinarily might. This happened to …
From Otto: A REASON, A SEASON OR A LIFETIME Read More »
The post From Otto: A REASON, A SEASON OR A LIFETIME appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
As she stood at the customer service counter of a well-known large home improvement store, her irritation level and anxiety sky-rocketed after waiting two hours for her order. Carol thought she was just quickly picking up the large order of pavers for a new patio …
Upsets, Anxiety and Off-The-Charts Emotions… Read More »
The post Upsets, Anxiety and Off-The-Charts Emotions… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Are you wondering, what is emotional cheating? Maybe you are feeling lonely in your relationship or marriage. But it seems like your spouse is focused elsewhere. He or she may have a very “special” close friend, maybe at work or in your social network. And you wonder if they are having an affair. It seems…
The post What is Emotional Cheating? Five Signs to Help You Know appeared first on Love in 90 Days.
Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
She called them the “whiny boys” and my wife Susie is finally warming up to them after all these years. What gives? How did I get her to see rock bands from the 70s and 80s like Boston, Journey, Foreigner and REO Speedwagon with new …
How to Get Someone to Change… Read More »
The post How to Get Someone to Change… appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
Try as we might, we’re all terrible at predicting outcomes and relationship predictions in our lives–but we keep doing it. The problem is that we somehow think this will keep us safe, prepared for the worst or solve some problem in a backwards way but …
Relationships Suffer Because We’re So Bad At THIS Read More »
The post Relationships Suffer Because We’re So Bad At THIS appeared first on Susie & Otto Collins.
In this article how rich people think summary, you will get an insight into how rich people really think. It
The post How rich people think summary appeared first on Denis Doan .
A story of how compassion helped a family find relief when stressful conditions activated trauma triggers and coping mechanisms.
The post Under Stress, We All Regress appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
When your wedding day is behind you, and the photos stashed lovingly away, there’s one symbolic element of your union that remains: the exchange of rings.
Day-in-day-out, the rings you’ve shared serve as a constant reminder of your vows, your love and your commitment.
What’s fascinating about the exchanging of rings, is that this element of engagement and marriage is a ritual we still enjoy, with roots stretching back thousands of years.
Conjure up in your mind a classic image of wedding ring exchanges from a wedding day.
Almost certainly, your mind will come to rest on the couple, hands held delicately between them, exchanging their vows, while giving rings. This iconic image of romance is the one we all cherish, want to remember forever, and will likely display on our wall for years to come.
It’s the one image which doesn’t fade with time.
The rings are still worn and touched every day. It’s even more magical to realize that this tradition stems back as far as the Ancient Egyptians!
The Ancient Egyptians are believed to have used rings as part of the wedding ceremony as long ago as dating to 3000 BC!
Made from reed, hemp or other plants, formed into a circle, perhaps this was the first use of a complete circular ring to symbolize the eternity of marriage?
As in many cultures today, the ring was placed on the fourth finger of the left hand. This stemmed from the belief that the vein here ran directly to the heart.
Obviously plant rings didn’t stand the test of time. They came to be replaced with other materials such as ivory, leather and bone.
As is the case still now, the materials that were used represented the wealth of the giver. Now of course, there’s no ivory, but the most discerning couples choose platinum, titanium and the most exquisite diamonds.
The Romans also had a ring tradition.
This time, the custom around wedding ring exchanges was for the groom to give a ring to the father of the bride.
Against our modern sensibilities, this was actually to ‘buy’ the bride. Still, by the second century BC, brides were now being given gold rings as a symbol of trust, which could be worn when out.
At home, the wife would wear a plain engagement ring, the Anulus Pronubus, made from iron. Yet symbolism was still central to this ring. It symbolized strength and permanence.
Again, these rings were worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, due to the heart connection.
Over recent years there has been a notable trend around wedding ring exchanges for engaged couples to customize their rings.
Whether it’s being involved in the design stage, using a stone inherited from a relative, or engraving the band, couples want their symbolic rings to be unique.
Yet, this trend of unique wedding ring exchange is resurging rather than something new. The Roman’s engraved wedding rings too!
During the Middle Ages, rings were still a symbolic part of the marriage ceremony. However, being associated with paganism, it took a little while before the Church started to incorporate rings in the service.
It was in 1549, with The Book of Common Prayer that we first heard “with this ring I thee wed” in written form. Still part of many Christian wedding ceremonies today, it’s incredible to think these same words, and the same symbolic act, stretch back so far in history!
However, if we dig a little deeper then things get more interesting. Not only was the ring a sign of exchanging valuables, following this, the groom would hand gold and silver to the bride.
This was symbolizing that marriage would have been more of a contract between families than a union of love.
Even more amusingly, an old German marriage vow was very stark about the realities.
The groom would state: “I give you this ring as a sign of the marriage which has been promised between us, provided your father gives with you a marriage portion of 1000 Reichsthalers.” At least it was honest!
In East Asian culture, early rings were often puzzle rings. These rings were designed to fall apart when removed from the finger; a clear sign that the wife had taken the ring off in her husband’s absence!
Puzzle rings have been popular elsewhere too. Gimmel rings were popular during the Renaissance. Gimmel rings are made of two interlocking rings, one for the bride and one for the groom.
They would then be interlocked at the wedding for the wife to wear thereafter, symbolizing two becoming one.
Popularity of Gimmel rings stretched to the Middle East and it’s not unusual for couples to choose something similar today (although often the groom will now wear his half!).
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Ancient Egyptians and Romans may have worn wedding rings on the fourth finger of the left hand (the ring finger) but it’s not actually been standard across history and cultures. Jews traditionally wear the ring on their thumb or index finger.
Ancient Britons wore the ring on the middle finger, not caring which hand to use.
In some cultures, part of the ceremony would see the ring being moved from one finger or hand to the other.
As you can see, wedding and betrothal rings were always made using the finest and longest lasting materials of the time, and in accordance with the wealth of the couple. It’s no surprise that the tradition for more lavish rings has extended over time.
In the 1800s, rings given to brides in North America and Europe became increasingly extravagant. Gold and precious jewels from around the world were sought after and crafted into increasingly intricate rings.
During Victorian times it became usual for snakes to feature in the ring’s design, following Prince Albert’s gift of a snake engagement ring to Queen Victoria, again symbolizing eternity with the act of wedding ring exchanges.
From then onwards we’ve seen how wedding ring exchanges particularly have become a chance for individual expression.
Even with the classic diamond solitaire, the setting and cut can make the ring completely unique.
It’s why brides and grooms now find themselves with an incredible choice when picking up a beautiful band for wedding ring exchanges.
You just need to look at the discussions about different ring designs on Pricescope – an independent diamond and jewelry forum, to see the excitement which is fueled over ring design.
For brides and grooms today, the wedding ring exchanges is still a symbolic element of the wedding.
Rings still absorb so much of our attention, time and budget during the wedding preparation stage.
The good news is that couples today can, with a little research about things like diamond cut, get jewels that dazzle and sparkle, in unique settings which represent their personality and relationship.
They can get a contemporary show-stopper ring which still symbolizes eternity and romance.
Throughout history, rings were worn by brides and wives. However, during World War II, wedding rings became popular for men too.
The wedding ring exchanges symbolized commitment and remembrance for soldiers serving in the war. The tradition stayed.
Today, men and women both see engagement and wedding rings as symbolic of love, commitment and loyalty, rather than ownership.
Couples now choose rings which are representative of their wealth. However, they also choose rings which are representative of their relationship and personalities.
Wedding and engagement rings now are increasingly unique.
Given how long the symbolism of wedding rings has been around, we anticipate that the tradition will continue for centuries to come.
With diamonds, precious metals and exquisite design, we wonder where wedding ring fashion will take us in the future.
The post Symbolism and Promise Around Wedding Ring Exchanges appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
If you read Otto’s story called “Recovered from Rage,” you saw how his anger used to get lit very easily when he thought he was being controlled or wouldn’t get his needs met. He also explained what he learned that changed him from occasionally explosively …
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Social media and divorce sounds mutually exclusive. But they aren’t. On the contrary social media and relationships are deeply intertwined.
The article deep-dives into how social media affects relationships, social media and divorce rate and if the general opinion social media ruining marriages holds ground. Also, if you have a divorce case going on the article offers insights on the forms of social media-related evidence that could be a factor in your divorce case.
To understand why we mention social media and divorce in one breath, let’s look at our dependence on all things digital.
Digital devices are an inescapable part of modern life. While the phone in your pocket is a window to the world that can allow you to stay informed, interact with people who are important to you, and make your life easier, being constantly connected to social media can also have a downside.
For some, social media use grows into an addiction that can affect relationships with family and friends.
Whether social media leads to online affairs or becomes something that drives a wedge between spouses, it often plays a role in the breakdown of a marriage. That’s why it won’t be incorrect to say that social media can become a leading cause of divorce. That’s one insight on social media and divorce connection.
The influence social networks play in your life could extend beyond the end of your relationship, and social media could also be a major factor in your divorce.
When ending your marriage, you will want to be sure to understand the steps you can take to protect yourself from embarrassment and legal difficulties.
If your marriage is ending because of social media or other reasons, you should speak to a Kane County divorce attorney and discuss your legal options.
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Here’s an in depth analysis of social media and divorce.
The use of social media has seen a huge increase over the past decade. According to Pew Research Center, 72% of adults use at least one social media site regularly.
This number is higher for younger age groups; 90% of adults between the ages of 18 and 29 and 82% of adults aged 30-49 use social media.
The most popular social media apps are Facebook and Instagram, but sites such as Twitter, Snapchat, and Pinterest also see a great deal of use.
Social media affects people’s lives in a wide variety of ways, but studies have shown that 71% of social media users find that these sites and apps make them feel more connected with others.
However, 49% of people have reported that they see information on social media that makes them feel depressed, and for some, social media has been found to increase stress levels.
While these issues on their own may not contribute directly to the breakdown of a marriage, they could lead to a person becoming unhappy in their relationship, or they could affect other emotional or personal issues and increase the likelihood of divorce.
Social media may have a more direct involvement in marriage and divorce when it comes to jealousy and infidelity.
Studies have found that 19% of people stated that they became jealous due to their partners’ interactions with other people on Facebook, and 10% of people regularly looked at their partners’ profiles due to suspicions of infidelity. In addition, around 17% of people who use online dating apps do so with the intent of cheating on their spouse or partner.
When a marriage does break down, information posted on social media can increasingly become a factor in divorce proceedings. A survey of attorneys found that 33% of divorce cases result from online affairs, and 66% of cases involved evidence found on Facebook or other social networks.
Clearly, social media is an important part of many people’s lives, and whether it is directly involved in the end of a marriage or not, it can also play a huge role in a divorce case.
If you are considering divorce or are going through the divorce process, it is important to understand when and how you should use social media, and you should be aware of the forms of social media-related evidence that could be a factor in your divorce case. Also, it would be helpful to be aware of divorce etiquette.
Since social networks are public platforms, anything you post could potentially be viewed by your spouse and their attorney.
Even if you have taken steps to make sure messages are private, the people you communicate with could potentially share messages with your spouse or with others who could pass them along.
Information shared online can be found and used against you, and even deleted posts or messages may be saved as screenshots or uncovered in an archive.
Since your updates, photos, and other posts provide information about your life, anything you share could potentially be relevant when addressing divorce-related issues. Social media could affect your divorce in the following ways:
During your divorce, you will be required to disclose information about your finances, including the income you earn and the property you own both together with your spouse and separately. Posts on social media could be used to dispute the information you have reported, and this could affect the decisions made about the division of marital property.
For example, if you post a photo on Instagram showing off an expensive watch or jewelry, your ex may claim that you did not disclose this property during your divorce.
If you expect to pay or receive spousal support (alimony) or child support, the amount of these payments will usually be based on the income earned by both you and your ex-spouse.
The information you share online could be used to question your claims about the income you earn or should be able to earn.
For example, if you have stated that a disability has reduced your income-earning capacity, your ex’s attorney may uncover photos you have shared in which you are enjoying outdoor activities, and these may be used as evidence to claim that you should be able to earn a higher income than you have reported.
Any information you post related to your career or your physical health could play a role in your divorce, and even something as innocuous as updating your job position on LinkedIn could affect decisions about financial support.
During a child custody dispute, courts will be looking at whether parents can cooperate in raising children. Social media posts in which you complain about your ex, call them names, or discuss details of your divorce could be used against you, especially if your children could potentially view this information.
If you and your spouse do not agree about how to divide or share custody of your children, your ex’s lawyer might look through your social media accounts to find evidence related to parental fitness, such as posts in which you have discussed alcohol or drug use.
Even photos of you at an after-work party posted by a coworker could potentially be used to claim that your habits and activities could put your children at risk of physical or emotional harm.
Even if adultery was the reason for your divorce, it may not necessarily play a role in the legal proceedings.
Most states allow for no-fault divorce in which a divorce petition will only need to state that the marriage broke down because of “irreconcilable differences,” and issues such as property division and alimony are often decided without considering “marital misconduct.”
However, some states use fault-based grounds for divorce or allow adultery to be considered when awarding spousal support. In these cases, evidence of infidelity gathered on social media could play a role in a divorce. In addition, decisions about the division of marital property may be affected by claims that a spouse has dissipated assets by spending marital funds on an affair.
If you have posted any information on social media about activities involving a new partner, such as mentioning a vacation the two of you are taking together, this may be used to claim that you have dissipated marital assets.
In some cases, both spouses will use the same accounts, or they may access each other’s accounts for various reasons, such as communicating with friends or family members.
During your divorce, you may agree to close any shared accounts, or you may decide that certain accounts will only be used by one spouse.
In cases where social media accounts have a monetary value, such as when a person or couple is an “influencer,” decisions about their ownership will be addressed during the division of marital property, and income earned through these accounts may affect the decisions made about spousal maintenance or child support.
Because of the ways information shared on social media can affect a divorce case, many attorneys recommend that you avoid using social media altogether while your divorce is ongoing.
Even if you believe that an update or photo is completely unrelated to your divorce, it could be interpreted in ways that you did not anticipate. In many cases, it is best to use other methods of communication with friends and family members until your divorce has been completed. Social media and divorce can get unbelievably messy.
Even after your divorce has been finalized, you may find that the use of social media could lead to legal issues. You will want to be aware of the following:
It is also a good idea to refrain from posting anything that could increase conflict between you and your ex or sharing information that could be used to call your parental fitness into question.
Similarly, if you receive spousal support payments, an update in which you describe moving in with a new partner could be used by your ex as evidence that these payments are no longer necessary and should be terminated.
Even if you “unfriend” your ex and try to avoid any unnecessary contact with them, you may find that they are sharing inappropriate information about you or your divorce, or they may continue to send you messages or communicate with you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
If your ex commits any form of harassment using social media, you should speak to an attorney to determine how to address this, and you may also want to contact law enforcement.
Although the relationship between social media and divorce is complicated, there are potential drawbacks to social media, it can also provide many benefits, including allowing you to remain close with friends and family members and connect with others who understand what you are going through.
As you proceed with the divorce process, your attorney can help you understand how you should and should not use social media, and they can help you determine when you may be able to use social media evidence during your case.
Once your divorce is complete, you will want to establish clear rules and boundaries for how you and your ex will use social media. If any concerns arise that affect your children, your finances, or your safety, your lawyer can help you determine your best options for reaching a successful conclusion to your case.
The post The Only Social Media and Divorce Resource You’ll Need appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
