Thanks to a combination of sobriety, introspection, therapy, and Kate’s support, I’m feeling more comfortable showing up authentically both inside and outside this relationship.
The post I Met The Woman of My Dreams, She Lives 2,400 Miles Away appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Years ago, when Susie’s car was new, she merged into traffic on a busy interstate highway and almost ran another car off the road because she wasn’t aware of the car’s blind spot. She learned pretty quickly where the blind spot was and that she …
How to Recognize Your Blind Spots Read More »
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There is always something special about sharing a physical connection with your partner, but did you know that physical touch has health benefits of its own?
Why physical touch is so important in relationships?
Adding more physical touch to your daily interactions can improve more than your relationship with your partner – it could improve your physical health as well.
Humans, much like most animals, are social creatures. Most primates, for example, spend between a tenth and a fifth of their time in physical contact with each other.
Our brains are wired to release certain chemicals in response to different situations.
A stressful environment at work, for example, will trigger the release of cortisol (a stress hormone), while looking at pictures of loved ones can decrease pain perception.
Physical touch releases feel good hormones like oxytocin and serotonin. These hormones are vital for a healthy and balanced body. The benefits of touching your partner every day are manifold.
Tiffany Field, one of the pioneers in the field of research pertaining to the effects of touch, found that premature babies who received 15 minutes of touch therapy every day gained 47% more weight than those who didn’t.
Darlene Francis and Micheal Meany, on the other hand, discovered that rats who were licked and groomed more often while they grew up had stronger immune systems. They were also calmer in nature and showcased a greater resilience to stress, compared to those who didn’t have as much contact from their mothers.
Physical touch from another person activates the part of the brain that is referred to as the orbitofrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that deals with sensations of reward and compassion.
Touch has a calming effect on the central nervous system and can reduce the negative effects of stress.
Since a rested nervous system can dedicate more energy to healing instead of preparing for the next bout of energy while expecting a perceived danger, touch increases the rate of physical recovery.
The orbitofrontal cortex also plays a major role in forming new bonds and relationships.
The more regularly you touch somebody, and the more regularly they touch you, the more likely you are to experience affectionate feelings towards that person. These effects can increase or fade away over time.
This is one of the many reasons why new partners experience greater feelings of love and infatuation at the beginning of their relationship: High amounts of physical touch and contact.
As the relationship progresses and becomes based on more than the physical aspect, people tend to make less physical contact with one another.
This reduces orbitofrontal cortex activation and lowers the effects of perceived reward and compassion in that particular relationship.
The orbitofrontal cortex is activated whenever there is physical contact with another human being. This includes holding hands, stroking the skin, hugging or giving someone a pat on the back.
These small gestures can be compared to little drops that slowly begin to fill a large bowl that contains the love that you have for your significant other.
Touching someone regularly will increase the love that you feel for them. It will also increase the love that they feel for you. That is one of the ways physical touch helps your relationship.
Touch is initially automatic, but should progress into the realm of intention.
Have you ever noticed how a young, new couple can’t seem to get their hands off each other?
When we first fall in love, we are driven to make physical contact with our intention in order to establish a physical bond. We want to make as much physical contact as possible in order to build a physical tie with that person.
As the relationship becomes more assured, our desire to touch them regularly decreases because we become more secure with our existing bond with them.
We no longer do it because we don’t feel the need to do it. It is very similar to the fact that we may obsess over a certain goal until we have achieved it. Our mental energy is very quick to move on to the next task as soon as we have achieved something.
In the same way, our goal should transition from that of wanting to obtain a relationship with someone, to that of wanting to improve on or enjoy our relationship with that person.
It is easier to get passionate about relationship goals when they are definitive, i.e. ‘I want to be with you’. Once that goal is achieved, perseverance is the preferred source of motivation, instead of passion, in order to maintain that goal i.e. ‘Now that I am with you…’
For these reasons, touch is no longer something that we do whenever we feel like it, but an important form of communication that we use to convey love for what we already have.
This makes the majority of touch in established relationships intentional. We used to do it without thinking. Now we do it on purpose. It is important that you do not undermine the power of touch in relationships.
I would like you to investigate the idea of using touch as a remedy for physical or mental ailments.
The next time you experience physical pain or feel a little depressed, touch your partner for as long as what seems appropriate. Give them a long hug, let them rest their legs on you or ask for a massage. Take note of how you feel afterwards.
If you feel better, you may have found a great and productive way to improve your own quality of life – along with that of your partner’s.
Most remedies and solutions deliver diminishing returns over time. But the The benefits of human touch to strengthen your relationship increase with repetition.
Certain pills, for example, have less of an effect on the body as it slowly adapts to the new chemicals. Physical touch, on the other hand, increases with repeated use. If you haven’t touched your partner in a while, it may feel awkward at first.
Doing so might leave you feeling vulnerable. Once the parts of the brain that derive pleasure and relaxation from touch become reactivated, the brain will begin to associate touch with enjoyment.
The more regularly you touch your partner, the greater the emotional and mental benefits will be with each physical action.
Let the small gestures like holding hands, stroking the neck or arms, patting them on the back, giving them a hug hello or goodbye or touching their arm become a regular part of your day, and your relationship will yield physical health benefits that flow from a strengthened relationship.
Hope that answers the question, “Why is touching an important part of a relationship?”
The post 5 Benefits of Touch in Your Relationship appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
I’ve had my fair share of breakups and heartache and let’s be honest, moving on from a break up sucks. Eventually, there’s a rainbow at the end of the storm, but getting to that point takes a lot of strength, faith and time.
It’s important to take time for yourself during this dramatic time of change in your life when you are moving on from a break up.
One of the things to do after a breakup instead of being sad is engaging in self-care.
Self-care is not optional, it’s a necessity.
So often we neglect ourselves because of our devotion to our busy careers, household chores and so on and so forth, but even just allowing yourself your favorite form of relaxation and self pampering for 10-15 minutes, twice a week, will work wonders for your overall health and happiness.
As busy as our lives often can be and as tight as finances may currently be, here’s a few simple and affordable DIY beauty treatments to help you relax and feel your best when coping with a break up.
The lactic acid in the yogurt exfoliates and dissolves dead skin cells while being gentle enough to lightly cleanse without drying out the skin.
Honey is a DIY beauty super food and is moisturizing, an acne preventative and has tons of antibacterial properties.
Turmeric is an anti-inflammatory, antifungal and antioxidant which works wonders on the skin while lemon juice also has antioxidant properties that help fight cell damage. In other words, soul food for the face!
Combine ingredients and lather on body for 3-5 minutes before rinsing. Store any extra in a mason jar for later usage. This is not only euphoria for skin but it also smells delicious and fun to custom to your own wants!
This concoction is so easy that it’s almost hard to believe how life changing it actually is! Cook oats over a stove and add in mashed avocado. Apply on skin and let set for 10-15 minutes before rinsing.
Oatmeal and avocado are both two of my favorite all-natural moisturizers and work great even on sensitive skin. After doing this treatment all over my body, I like to put on my favorite pair of silk pajamas and I literally feel unstoppable! Moving on from a break up needs you to get your sexy confidence back, and a sexy skin adds oodles of confidence in you.
If you’re not so much into DIY beauty and prefer to buy ready-to-go products, here are my Beauty Kitchen recommendations on post-break up must haves:
Hopefully, following these destressing beauty tips on moving on from a break up, support from friends and family, scouring through ideas on hobbies to do after a breakup, and your personal well of strength will help you cope up and inspire you to move on despite the pain and hurt.
The post Destressing DIY Beauty Treatments When Moving on From a Break Up appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
If you haven’t read up on the love languages yet, you should try understanding the five love languages, for identifying and understanding your spouse’s love language.
But, you might wonder, why you need to know your partner’s love language?
Understanding your spouse’s love language is the key to a successful marriage. When you are well aware of what your partner likes, it takes fewer efforts to keep your partner happy and your relationship fulfilling.
Many people can understand the meaning behind kind words, quality time, and physical affection. But one love language that can be a bit harder to speak for some is gift-giving.
How do you know if you got a partner whose love language is gift-giving?
People who can’t get enough of getting presents from their significant other and love buying presents for others appreciate the love language of gift-giving.
If your partner speaks this love language, it can be difficult to figure out how to wow them with every new holiday, anniversary, and more. Partners can feel pressured to spend big or buy many things for their spouses, that they don’t appreciate or acknowledge themselves.
However, this love language, like the others, is more about the expression of love than the material gain. Once you understand that, it will be easy for you in appreciating and understanding your spouse’s love language.
If you have identified your partner’s love language, the next obvious question would be, how to speak your spouse’s love language?
Here are the best ways to keep your gift-loving partner happy and satisfied in your relationship.
Every day should be a day to celebrate your partner. Choose to make any day of the week a special one by surprising your loved one in little ways.
Whether you have flowers delivered to their job or surprise them with a trinket when they get home from work, having a little gift to celebrate every day will help you show your partner how much you love them.
Understanding your spouse’s love language doesn’t need you to indulge in big or expensive gifts to please them. Your smallest, but the heartfelt gesture will be appreciated.
Your partner perceiving the love language of gift-giving can appreciate the smallest gift, such as a flower you picked, a card you made, or even a small note or drawing.
Though many people believe that they have to surprise their partners with a huge, wow-worthy gift every time they give a present, this isn’t true. Partners who love receiving gifts often simply love knowing their loved one is thinking about them.
After understanding your spouse’s love language of gift-giving, choose to make a big impact by giving small gifts to your partner.
Think about little ways you can tell them ‘I love you’ without being too extravagant. Remember: it’s about the expression, not the gift itself. More important than size or cost is how well you know your spouse.
If your spouse loves a certain type of candy or drink, consider getting them that. Even grabbing their favorite sandwich from the deli can be a gift in their eyes.
If you are worried about cluttering your house with small gifts, remember to get things they can use, such as perishable, edible items or useful things that benefit both of you, like pens and papers.
Birthdays and anniversaries should always be extra special days for your partner. As a lover of presents, your significant other will feel most appreciated when surprised with meaningful gifts.
Go big on these days by giving your partner the gift of their dreams. Consider giving your significant other a small box of custom jewelry or something similar as a sign of your undying affection.
One great way to speak your partner’s love language during this time is to shower them with presents on the days leading up to the big day. With a month of celebration, your loved one is sure to feel special during their birthday or anniversary.
Again, for those who worry about finances, after understanding your spouse’s love language, remember that these gifts do not need to be especially expensive or unique.
Handmade gifts and gifts that cater specifically to your loved one’s passions will always be more important than expensive diamonds. For example, finding a beanie baby of a whale for a spouse who loves whales will be guaranteed to be more appreciated than an expensive new pair of shoes.
Everyone has moments when they don’t feel as confident. It is important, understanding your spouse’s love language to pep them up when they are not in a position to help themselves.
Whether it’s after a bad day at work or feeling insecure after a negative experience with a friend, loved ones need to feel extra special during their lowest moments.
Tap into your partner’s love language by giving them special gifts during these times. Seeing you shower them with little presents will help them remember how loved they are by you.
Some gifts that are good for spouses going through hard times include affirmative notes, soothing and uplifting music, and even ‘coupons’ for free hugs and kisses. Be creative and willing to show your love, and your partner will appreciate whatever you give.
If your loved one values gifts, keep these tips in mind. With some creativity and strategic planning, you’ll be able to give your partner exactly what they long for.
Remember, for understanding your spouse’s love language, you do not have to splurge on expensive gifts or ruin your budget. Something as simple as a flower or handmade note will be received as the expression of love that it is!
The post Understanding Your Spouse’s Love Language: Gift-Giving appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
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As humans, we are very sensitive to body odor, one of them being bad breath. So, how does bad breath affect a relationship?
Imagine talking to someone and all you can think of is how bad their breath smells.
Do you continue to talk to them? Or do you make your excuses and run?
If you can’t stand talking to them, you are not going to want to kiss them!
People judge you on everything. It’s just what we do as humans. When we think about dating someone we have certain standards that we want.
We all choose to ignore certain flaws within ourselves and relationships, however, some issues are harder to ignore.
Is poor oral hygiene hurting your relationships?
Let me talk you through ways bad oral hygiene can affect your relationship, so you can imagine situations, and what you would do.
This is one of our strongest features when it comes to attracting a partner. They say the eyes are the gateway to our souls, so is our smile a key to our hearts?
This can be a big deal breaker with relationships.
Imagine looking across the room and seeing this beautiful smile, as you go over and start a conversation you are hit with this overwhelming smell.
Are you going to continue the conversation and try to ignore it ? or would this become a problem?
Bad breath can be caused by many factors.
The food and drink we consume can have a huge impact on our mouths. Now, most people will have bad breath at some point during their lives, however, we can choose to ignore it or choose to deal with it.
The bacteria in our mouths will be passed from person to person via many things. Are you going to want someone’s saliva in your mouth if they have bad breath?
The smell and the taste will be forever embedded in your brain!
Everyone has different levels of intimacy and also different ways of expressing it. A very affectionate part of intimacy is kissing.
Imagine you wake up with your partner, you both have bad morning breath. You get up, do your daily routine, which includes brushing your teeth and then carrying on with your day.
Now imagine that smell every day due to bad oral hygiene.
Are you going to choose to ignore it and hope it goes away? Or do you want to solve the problem?
Do you have children, or want children in the future? Are you worried that you or your partner may pass something on to them? Do you worry that your children will grow up not understanding the seriousness of good oral hygiene?
You could be worried that your oral health will get worse during pregnancy. And, your oral health can deteriorate during pregnancy.
Eventually, your partner will start to realize that something is wrong. Would you want your partner to feel that they cannot talk to you?
Sometimes the truth hurts, however, lies hurt more.
Be honest, they may not know how much of a problem it actually is. The underlying health problems that have been linked to bad oral hygiene, will be far worse than having to tell your partner how you feel.
Tooth decay, gum disease, and heart disease are just a few that can be linked to bad oral hygiene.
You wouldn’t want to have any of these problems and you wouldn’t want your partner to have them either.
You see many adverts on TV about oral hygiene, but what they don’t tell you is, how serious it can become if you don’t practice good oral hygiene.
If your partner had an ear infection, you would want to help them. So why do we choose to ignore it when we notice bleeding gums?
Tooth loss can be caused by bleeding gums. Even if you can get past it within your relationship, how will this affect your partner?
They will have to deal with the fact of people asking questions. Will they stop going out due to embarrassment.? How will it affect their self -esteem?
Think about the impact it would have on your relationship, emotionally and physically. If you feel unattractive yourself then, your partner will not find you attractive as well.
When it comes to infections we all know how easily they can spread. Our mouths hold a lot of bacteria, would you share your toothbrush with someone who had an infection?
I’m guessing many of you wouldn’t, so would you feel comfortable kissing them if you knew it would spread to you?
There are a number of ways that you can bring the topic of oral hygiene up with your partner. Choosing which one is best depends on how your partner is going to take it.
Try talking about someone else’s oral hygiene. See if they comment on this too as they may not know they have a problem. If they think they may need to improve their oral hygiene then this might be a little push in the right direction.
Try buying some different oral hygiene products such as toothpaste, mouthwash, dental floss, etc. You can also choose to book a dentist appointment for your partner.
Ask your partner how they feel about these changes. Give them lots of encouragement and support.
You can also try the direct approach. If you have tried everything else, then this may be your last resort.
You don’t have to be mean about it. Make sure to put yourself in their shoes whilst explaining.
Do you really want to end it or are you prepared to fight for it?
Think carefully about the whole relationship, both good and bad points. Also, think about how better oral hygiene leads to better relationships.
Oral hygiene isn’t a problem that has no way out. If the problem can be solved with some time and support, then it’s worth holding on
Give your partner the support they need. If you feel there is no other way, and it’s starting to hurt them, take a decision that is best for both of you in the long run.
Think carefully before you jump to any decisions. It can be very hard to go back on something you said in the spur of the moment, especially if your partner has been hurt in the process whether you meant to or not.
Relationships are built on trust. Talking to your partner is essential for both of you.
We all have problems in life that we need to overcome. Having someone to help you along the way makes a huge difference.
Keeping good oral health is easy. If any problems arise and you are not sure of ways to tackle them, don’t hesitate to seek the right help and support from the dental experts.
The post How Oral Hygiene Affects Your Relationship appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
When it comes to the wedding celebration, the reception is incredibly important. While the ceremony itself is the purpose of the party, it gets over rather quickly.
The reception takes hours, and in some cases, days. You need to use wedding reception ideas to make it a day to remember for the couple of course and even the people who are gracing the occasion with their presence.
For those who do not wish to follow tradition, one of the best wedding reception ideas is to skip the wedding cake. Instead, opt for a donut wall!
This is a trendy new idea that involves using a creative and themed display of delectable donuts for the guests. Research the idea and you are sure to see some beautiful and fun creations.
Also, you will need to spend significantly less on this new trending alternative to the wedding cake. Make sure you order ahead of time and do the necessary preps for the mouthwatering display well in advance.
One of the unique wedding reception ideas to provide snacks for guests is to have an ice cream bar.
Hire a local food truck service capable of handling the size and scope of your event. This is an especially great choice if the weather is hot.
If you have catered an event where guests are invited to party well into the wee hours of the morning, make sure to provide some fuel!
When you make arrangements with the catering company, you should have them serving snacks a few hours after the main meal has wound down.
A buffet table is one of the best wedding reception essentials at this point to provide guests with new grazing material.
However, if you do not have a caterer, you can still implement this wedding reception idea.
Whoever you assign on food duty can have pizza and chicken wings brought in. If another form of casual takeout is preferred in your city, go for it!
The important thing is to realize that guests need good food and as host, it is your job to provide it.
Likewise, you need to provide beverages for the guests. Consider a smoothie or fresh juice bar if the guests would like that. Otherwise, you could also hire a bartender to serve at a cash bar as one of your unconventional wedding reception ideas.
Some folks prefer a BYOB -Bring your own booze reception while others want to maintain control over the type of alcohol being consumed. The bride and groom should make this decision together, particularly being aware of the potential outcome.
If either side of the family has active alcoholics who will be present, the subject should be out there and solved beforehand. If this means no booze or not inviting that person, it should be a mutual decision.
You remember a wedding reception, even years later if you got a souvenir from the host.
Even if it is a humble gift, you treasure it as a remembrance of all the fun you had and recreate the party in your mind when you see it.
One of the essential wedding reception ideas is to go for a creative gift for the takeaway. If the favor is useful, even better.
Some brides do not provide wedding reception favors, which may be a lack of planning, or for budgetary concerns, but in any event they are very much appreciated!
When planning your wedding consider adding wedding favors at the welcoming table, guest book area, or better yet – at the dinner table.
Your guests will appreciate these wedding reception ideas. Also, the souvenirs allow you the opportunity to thank them for the effort they made in joining your celebration.
Wedding reception favors can come in different forms, and can be a functional part of your décor as well as a “Thank You” gift.
Take into consideration your place settings, there are so many unique and wonderful wedding favors that can be used as place settings, even if that is not what they were made for.
Your imagination is the only limit you will have as to what you can come up with. Some wedding favors are whimsical, some are ornate and elegant, and some can be color coordinated to your décor.
In any event, they don’t have to be expensive at all!
With good planning you can come up with creative and appropriate wedding favor ideas that won’t break your budget, and will show you to be a great hostess as well.
Many wedding reception favor gifts can be purchased in bulk, at wonderfully discounted prices.
For example, candles are one of the top wedding reception ideas that provide to be wonderful table decorations. They can be purchased in bulk, in a variety of styles, sizes and colors, and give an atmosphere of romance and elegance.
Small picture frames also make a wonderful wedding reception idea. Place the name of your guest inside the frame as a place setting and later they can insert a picture of their choice inside.
One of the amazing wedding reception ideas is to get personalized wine glasses for your bridal party so they can toast to your happiness in style, as well as take them home afterward as bridal party gifts.
You can add a bottle of wine for them as well, as a special touch, and that will take care of your wedding party gifts.
Candy boxes or tins make another brilliant option for takeaways. They can be purchased in bulk at extremely low prices and you can fill them with gum, mints or even decadent chocolate for a special treat.
Your guests will love them and they can easily snug into a pocket or purse for the ease of carrying home.
Another creative wedding reception idea would be to hand out audio CDs filled with the songs that were played on your special day.
Getting married is the most beautiful day of your life. There is so much that you need to get done for your D Day.
These pretty perfect wedding reception ideas can get you started for your momentous day. Start planning early and get the help of others as needed to ensure that everything goes smoothly on your big day.
You deserve to have a fabulous ceremony and reception with the person you want to live your life with!
The post 11 Best Wedding Reception Ideas for an Amazing Event appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
We all have love blind spots that keep us from having more of the love and the life that we want. It’s always what we can’t see that’s going on underneath the surface in our lives… That we’re creating, that we’re thinking, that we’re believing… …
Your Love Blind Spots that Keep Love Away Read More »
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Lovers have been penning letters for centuries. They can be written to express feelings for the first time in a new relationship, as a way of showing your commitment to a long-term lover or, perhaps more common in the days before email and text messaging, for keeping in touch across long distances.
If you want to write something to that special someone but don’t know how, or worry you’ll make the wrong impression, here are 5 tips for writing the perfect lettre d’amour.
How to write a love letter to your crush or significant other
When many of us get the idea to write a love letter, our first thought is to write in a totally different style to the one we usually use, opting instead for more flowery language.
But if you want to pen a sincere and heartfelt letter to your loved one, you need to be original. And that means being yourself and not copying anything from the internet.
Writing in your own voice is the best way to really make the contents of your letter feel genuine.
Focus on what you want to say rather than how to say it.
This will help you express your feelings in a natural way that makes the recipient of your letter feel closer to you.
Being in the right headspace is important when writing a love letter.
So if you get stuck and start struggling for the right words to say, flick on the TV or put on some music to clear your mind and get those creative juices flowing again.
Writer’s block is nothing to be ashamed of and will happen no matter how much you love your partner.
The best thing to do in this instance is to put your letter to one side and allow yourself to relax. What you want to say to your partner will eventually take shape in the back of your mind, and the words will come to you when you’re ready.
Modern films depict writing love letters as frenzied, spontaneous acts that happen in the moment.
But no matter how full of love your heart is, you can’t be expected to write a winning love letter straight away. You’re far more likely to write a snog-worthy message if you put some thought into it and write a few drafts first.
Of course, feel free to pick up a pen and write down your thoughts and feelings if the moment takes you.
Just don’t feel under pressure to write this way.
Giving yourself plenty of time to jot down what you cherish about your partner, your favorite memories, or what you hope for in the future, can be used to compose a letter that shows every side of your personality and captures everything you wish to say.
If you can’t seem to make any headway, look for sample love letters online and get some inspiration for writing passionate love letters to your partner.
Receiving an email or text message is nothing special.
So don’t make the mistake of sending your love letter electronically. Take the time to write your message by hand and turn what could be an email into a beautifully hand-crafted missive that’s not only well written but thoughtfully presented.
One of the tips for writing an amazing love letter is to make sure your letter looks just as good as it reads.
Investing in writing paper or splashing out on some personalised stationery will show the recipient you spent time curating your message and thought carefully about everything from the words on the page to the paper itself.
When it comes to love letters, personal touches can make a huge difference to how they make your recipient feel.
Looking for most important tips to write an amazing love letter if you’re in a long-distance relationship?
Spraying your letter with perfume or cologne can close the gap between you and your partner and make them feel like you’re close by.
Surprising your partner is a lot of fun, too. Hide your love letter in their bag or lay it on their pillow when you leave for work in the morning. This will make an event of finding your note and make reading it even more memorable.
Romantic gestures are important in a relationship and can open up new pathways of communication and foster intimacy.
Though writing a love letter can make you feel vulnerable, remember to enjoy the process and know that taking the time to express how you feel will only make your relationship stronger.
The post 5 Tips for Writing the Perfect Love Letter appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Has This Happened to You? From the moment you met eyes, it seemed like fate. You just knew he was the One. Moving too fast was the last thing you were thinking about. You rushed in and had great sex. Only to find heartbreak. Because, the truth is, you were moving too fast. In fact,…
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Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
Its indeed a piece of bad news that divorce is the #2 Life Stressor, right after death!
With the U.S. divorce rate hovering at around 50% (higher for subsequent marriages), millions of people will experience this life stressor. So, it’s good to be prepared with some basic knowledge about how to handle the legal aspects of divorcing with dignity.
The piece of good news is that it is helpful to keep in mind that the process of divorce is not some mysterious or esoteric exercise.
On the contrary, divorcing with dignity is a straightforward process of ending relationships and setting out a path for the future.
There are steps you can take early to keep your divorce civilized and as amicable and affordable as possible.
For the most part, there are three main factors in divorcing with dignity: the children, dividing the assets and debts and spousal support.
While there can certainly be hiccups along the way, so long as both parties are honest, forthcoming and fair, the divorce process can be cordial and not terribly expensive.
Figuring out how to go about divorcing with dignity and pride, by handling these three aspects of a divorce, does not have to be laborious or drawn-out.
If you have been wondering, how to have an amicable divorce, here are some basic guidelines that you must follow: pick the right lawyer, pick a good therapist or support group and pick your battles.
By keeping things simple, you can save your time, energy and most importantly, money in the process of divorcing with dignity. The most important decision is choosing the right lawyer.
Like many of the specialized professions existing today, the legal world is one of the specialties. For example, you wouldn’t pick a podiatrist to perform your heart surgery, on similar lines, you should not pick a real estate lawyer to handle your divorce!
Do good research to find a lawyer with plenty of experience in family law. You can also seek some advice and recommendations from your friends and well-wishers on divorcing with dignity.
You should choose a lawyer who is easy to communicate with, willing to include you in all key strategic decisions in your case and honest about costs and fees.
Don’t get carried away by big offices, fancy desks or a string of names on the letterhead. Remember that you are the one will be paying for all of that!
Ask for references and do a thorough groundwork. Go on a couple of consultations and pay for them to get your questions answered.
You likely put a lot of time and money into getting married. So, you should not be caught on the wrong foot, if it takes a good amount of time and money for divorcing with dignity!
Once you have found your perfect lawyer, use your time wisely.
Lawyers are not therapists and should not be used as such. While your lawyer should be compassionate, don’t expect them to handle the emotional aspects of the divorce for you and your family.
You should take the help of certified therapists and support groups and even divorce coaches to assist and guide you with the emotional facets of divorcing with dignity. Ask your lawyer for referrals if you are not able to find any reliable resources.
Don’t just pay a retainer and hide under a rock. You need to stay on top of what is going on in your case and move your lawyer in the right direction if you don’t see any progress.
It is perfectly fine to nudge your lawyer here and there for an update on what’s going on and to see how your money is being spent.
It is pivotal to remember that your lawyer works for you and not the other way around!
For example, don’t fight a costly battle over an issue just to punish your soon-to-be-ex if the “win” will not be worth the cost of the fight.
We all hear horror stories of divorces that drive the parties into bankruptcy or spend all of the kids’ college funds on lawyer fees. Don’t be that couple.
Put your bitter experiences aside and take decisions mindfully for divorcing with dignity. You must make sure to not hamper your wealth as well as mental health.
It is perfectly okay to forgive at times. Forgiving does you more good than it does to the recipient.
Most States offer alternatives to the old litigation divorce model.
Mediation, arbitration, and collaboration are wonderful alternative dispute resolution vehicles and are often more affordable for couples.
If you are not fond of the idea of a stranger in a black robe making decisions for your new family structure going forward, avoid the litigation route. You will save time, money and aggravation by choosing one of the alternatives.
In conclusion, you can keep your divorce from spinning out of control by having a lawyer who will include you in key decisions in the case and who does not spend your money fighting unnecessary battles.
If you handle the emotional turmoil outside of the legal arena, you should be able to clearly focus on the business decisions involved in the divorce process. While divorce is a top Life Stressor, it is not the end of the world.
Millions of people have survived divorce and today’s society no longer considers one to have a “broken home” just because you are divorced. Hold your head high and do the very best that you can for yourself and your children and your new beginning will be just around the corner.
For more practical tips on divorcing with dignity or to get more information on alternative dispute resolutions, check out the book: You Don’t have to Sell the Farm to Get Rid of the Jackass, by Bonnie Jerbasi on Amazon and NJ DIVORCE.
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How far are you ready to go to enhance your sex life?
Many couples are trying numerous things to keep the fire burning between them, but here is a simple one, try sleeping apart. That is right, the so-called “sleep divorce” is a real thing, and apparently, it can improve the quality of couples’ sex life.
Forget about sex toys, third person, and watching adult content, because the “notorious” sleep divorce is causing a revolution in relationships. Sleeping in separate rooms may improve your sex life.
Many sleep-related studies have been conducted to show the importance of proper sleep. However, recently, sex and sleep became a completely new area for researching, and it seems that everybody has an opinion about it.
For couples or married people who live together, sharing a bed every night seems like a normal thing. You go to sleep and wake up together as a part of your routine. Sleeping together increases intimacy, togetherness, and it makes people feel good. But, not everybody agrees on this.
Sex can improve sleep, but can sleep impact our sex life?
For example, if one partner has sleep disturbances, it hinders the other person’s sleep, and even a study showed that problems in sleep and in the relationship could occur simultaneously.
So, the reason why some prefer sleeping alone is that then they do not need to listen to their partner snoring, talking, mumbling, or even kicking them in the middle of the night. In some cases, partners have different sleep-wake cycles, or their sleep schedule differs due to their jobs, etc.
Those are the reasons why, for some people, sleeping separately is the only option in order to get some rest and avoid arguments. Also, sleeping in different beds can help improve sex life.
Having a consistent sleep pattern and getting enough sleep every night can be significant for increased sex drive and pleasure.
Waking up well-rested means that you will be in the right mood to be close to your partner, which will certainly not be the case after a sleepless night due to snoring. So when you take a look at the bigger picture, sacrificing your nights together could beneficial in the long run.
Also, there is something a bit exciting in the fact that you are not able to sleep every night next to your partner. That answers how sleeping in separate beds creates more intimacy.
At the beginning of the relationship, you two were living and sleeping separately, every new date or potential night together was exciting. It was more unpredictable and adventurous. You were never sure if you were going to spend the night together or if you were going home alone.
That changes when couples start living together. Of course, the exception is when there is a fight, and one person ends up sleeping on the couch.
Couples who live together tend to develop a routine, and somehow certain things become a habit, which does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with their relationship, it is just the way things go.
It is like chocolates. You find the one you love, and in the beginning, you cannot get enough of it. Eventually, the flavor becomes plain, you start feeling sick, and you gain weight.
So you decide that maybe you should not have it every day, but you still love it. Although the first few days are going to be hard, give it a break, and when you try it again after a while, it will taste as good as the first time.
Every couple needs to decide whether or not a sleep divorce is an option for them.
In case one of them is not getting enough sleep, they should consider sleeping in two beds, or even in two separate rooms.
Although this will give them more time to rest, avoid fights, and potentially increase their sex drive, it leaves little to no space for spontaneous actions. In a way, couples who do not sleep together will have to schedule their sex time. That can be interesting too, just do not take it too seriously.
On the other hand, spending a few nights apart, just for the sake of an experiment can trigger back the desire for intimacy and closeness.
Sometimes we need to step away to realize that what we were looking for was right there all the time. Eventually, it is all up to you and your partner, and how do you feel about it.
If couples do not want to sleep apart and lose their bond, they can try several solutions for sleep-related disturbances.
For example, investing in an anti-snoring-pillow rather than in a sofa bed, or consult with sleep specialists about your problems.
The post Can Sleeping Apart Improve Your Sex Life? appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
It looks like more and more couples from the UK are opting to say ‘I do’ on foreign shores, as established by findings from a report by the travel firm Kuoni.
Some of the most popular getting married abroad choices for couples include Mauritius, Saint Lucia, the Maldives, and Antigua. The report also found that Santorini and the Malcesine Castle on Lake Garda were two of the most romantic places for couples to marry abroad.
With a whole globe to explore, the options are endless, and your special day can be exactly how you’ve always dreamed — not hindered by the UK’s lackluster weather.
Planning is essential when it comes to any wedding, at home, or marrying abroad. However, with a wedding abroad you need to put some extra considerations on a place. You must also be aware of getting married abroad legal requirements for a hassle-free wedding.
Angelic Diamonds have provided a useful getting married abroad guide on how to prepare for tying the knot in some of these top destinations!
So here are some tips on how to get married abroad on some of the most exquisite destinations.
It’s no surprise that Mauritius is such a popular option for couples who are chasing the sun for marrying abroad. Its idyllic stretches of sandy white beaches are picture-perfect.
While the climate is categorized as ‘mild tropical,’ temperatures are prone to change across different regions of the island.
As for picking the right month for marrying abroad in Mauritius, October tends to boast the most favorable ceremony weather forecast, with plenty of daylight hours and low rainfall.
November and December are peak summer months, so you can whisk your guests away to paradise just as winter takes its hold at home.
Once you’ve set a date, be prepared to research your venue in further detail. Some package options ask for a minimum stay in the lead up to your wedding, from one to seven days in most cases.
This does give you the optimum time to scout out the beauty spots for your wedding photography.
If you are traveling to a church for a blessing ceremony, then this is also a good opportunity to test your timings — the roads tend to be narrow, so the bride could end up being a bit more than ‘fashionably’ late!
The legalities of getting married in Mauritius are important to be aware of, as the long-haul nature of the destination means there’ll be no rushing back if your partner forgets a copy of their birth certificate on the day!
Both partners will need to provide certain documents, such as passport photographs, birth certificates, and any legal documentation that you may have relating to any previous marriages or name changes.
These should be supplied to your wedding hotel or resort at least eight weeks before your big day. Plus, you’ll need to have original versions with you at your ceremony.
It’s a legal requirement for you to sign affidavits before marrying abroad in Port Louis, hence why enjoying a few lazy days at your chosen resort beforehand can come in handy.
Pack plenty of SPF and prepare for marrying abroad in paradise if you make this your ceremony destination!
For traditional, crisp white church buildings and a shimmering emerald sea, take your wedding ceremony to Greece.
Include the best aspects of this breath-taking country when marrying abroad, from the traditional cuisine to the music and dancing that the country is renowned for.
Civil and religious ceremonies are permitted in Greece, so you can live your Mamma Mia! Dream of taking your nearest and dearest up a winding path to a hilltop church.
As with marrying abroad, you’ll need to allow for plenty of time — there is a waiting period for religious weddings, and depending on where you choose to apply to marry, you could have to wait anywhere between a week and a few months.
For civil weddings, there’s only a seven-day period to wait for most marriage applications. In Greece, it is also a requirement for couples to place their intent to marry in either a local newspaper or at the town hall at least eight days prior to your ceremony.
After you’ve supplied all of your necessary documentation to the town hall or the president of the community, you will be issued with a wedding license, which allows you to submit an application stating where and when you’d like to marry — save the date!
Stay on the right side of the law by applying for a marriage certificate within 40 days of your wedding, or you could incur some costs, and your marriage might not be legally valid!
Need some venue inspirations when marrying abroad in Greece?
Check out Navagio Beach, a stunning secluded cove which features its own shipwreck, Panigirakis Castle, a mythical site with surreal views, or even Corfu old town.
Are you tempted to add some local traditions into your ceremony? From sweet treats to make the marital bed, there are plenty of touches to add to your big day as a nod to Greek culture!
Serve up some koufeta (sugar-coated almonds) — they are usually wrapped in tuelle and handed to guests after the ceremony.
Encourage your guests to kick their shoes off and start a Sirtaki, which is a dance where everyone makes a circle, joined by hands.
When the end of the night is looming, participate in the Greek ritual whereby your friends and family make up the bed sheets — a sentimental symbol, but if a baby is rolled across the bed, then it is also a blessing of fertility!
Asia boasts some of the most panoramic views in the world, and when you set your heart on marrying abroad in Bali, looking back on your wedding photography will be a lifelong treatment.
The sheer beauty of the island will add to the romance of your day, and your guests will be transported to an exotic haven to watch you begin your married life together.
You can keep to a simple Western, blessing-style ceremony or, if you prefer, marry in true Bali style with traditional costumes and a local priest to oversee proceedings.
The best months for marrying abroad in the vibrant Asian island fall is anywhere from May to August, when locals revel in an abundance of low humidity, blue sky days.
If you want to capture the perfect sunset picture with your new husband, have your photographer with their camera at the ready around 6:15 pm to 7 pm, and you’ll be blown away by the outcome!
There are plenty of dedicated resorts for marrying abroad where you can hold your ceremony. If you’d prefer to have an official priest present, then you can request this in advance.
You could, of course, consult help from a wedding planner to ensure that your day runs smoothly, as with an increase in holiday weddings this service has become widely available.
One of the most important documents that you’ll need is a Letter of No Impediment to Marriage, obtained from your embassy or consulate.
You’ll receive your marriage certificate within 10 days of the ceremony, ensuring that your union is legally binding.
Traditional Balinese weddings are a real spectacle, full of bright colors, eclectic costumes, and rife with religious symbolism.
As Balinese weddings follow traditional Hinduism, they do have some interesting rituals rooted in historical, symbolic meanings.
One which is particularly significant for couples is Madengen-dengen, a ceremony which cleanses and purifies the couple, banishing any bad energy and blessing the couple with a prosperous future.
So, you’ve exchanged engagement rings, and now you’re beginning the planning process! Use this ultimate guide to getting married abroad and make the dream of marrying abroad a reality — we’re sure your big day will be perfect no matter where your chosen destination is!
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In the present tense, I believe that God would not have brought us this far to leave us. As I look back, I know now that God first loved me so that I may knowingly love unconditionally.
The night God asked me to “stay.” He said, “If you want her to understand what true love is, you will “stay” That night was the beginning of nearly 19 years of heartache and often times regret.
No one had ever told me that life would be this hard. No one had ever explained the mental and spiritual anguish I would go through just to prove the Love of God.
This is my testimony of a broken marriage.
It was love at first sight. I was 10 years old when my brother brought a picture home to his best friend. She was a 12-year-old middle schooler, and I knew that one day, she would be mine.
I can almost see her now, sitting on that dresser. A smile as beautiful and vibrant as only God’s most skillfully crafted creation could be. She didn’t know at the time, but she was promised to be my wife, a marriage made perfect in every way.
About 4 years later, my brother and I were playing basketball at a neighborhood park when one of his friends from middle school jogged by the court and recognized him.
As I was introduced, I remember thinking WOW, I’m in love. After a quick chat, she continued her jog. I immediately asked my brother, “is she the same best friend from the picture years ago.” To my surprise, he said no.
Now I’m thinking my brother is sitting on a gold mine of beautiful women. Fast forward a couple of years while my brother and I were hanging out, we visited a friend from high school. And yes, as you can guess.
It happened again; I was in love. I asked, “Is this the same girl from the park” “No,” “how about the girl from the picture (my first love)” “No,” he replied.
It most certainly didn’t love at first sight when I met my brother’s closest friend from their high school days. When my niece was born, I’d visit her every chance I’d get after school.
Being the proud Uncle I was, I brought my then-girlfriend and best friend to meet my niece when I opened the door to my brother’s apartment, where she was. Some stranger was holding my precious niece, my brother, and sister-in-law nowhere in sight.
So I did what any loving relative would do. I took my niece from this stranger’s arms and asked two basic questions “who are you” and “where-is my brother.” That’s when the staring contest began.
I almost forgot why I was there. After that day, this stranger, my brother’s so-called best friend (whom I never met), was named the Godmother. So much for the gold mine of beautiful women.
This friend was cute, but my niece is mine, and I didn’t want to share her with anyone, not even her “Godmother.” Needless to say, I couldn’t do enough to keep this Godmother away. She began to come around every day. We even became friends.
It turns out she wasn’t so bad after all. We even began hanging out just to laugh and talk. We realized we had a lot in common. During the summer before my senior year in high school, I built up the nerve to ask her out.
It was one of the most awkward moments of my life. As I stumbled with my words, she said, “yes!” before I could finish my prepared speech. I felt like the luckiest kid in the world; I was dating a college girl. Out of all of my brother’s friends, I had chosen the best.
One day my new girlfriend and I were talking about the old days when she first met my brother. She mentioned that she had known him since middle school.
We laughed as I told her that she almost missed out because, as a kid, I was in love with his best friend even though I had never met her — the girl in the picture.
She didn’t find it so funny when she said, “that was me sitting on the dresser. I gave your brother that picture.” We were amazed at how our lives had played out. Here I was, dating the girl from the picture!
The girl that I said I was going to marry one day. How awesome is that? So I had to know… what about the best friend I met in the park. She said, “oh yeah, I remember that day.”
Now for the last “best friend” What about the closet friend we visited that day so many years ago. If this was a God thing, surely, she would be the same friend.
Well, it broke my heart when she said she didn’t remember us visiting her. Never to surrender, I described what her mother looked like, the house, the big tree out front, the crack in the driveway.
BINGO… yep, that’s my mom and my mom’s house. Long story short… I had fallen in love time and time again with the same girl. The girl in the picture was finally mine and destined to be my wife. She was God’s plan to bring happiness and joy into my life.
After about 4 years of dating, we finally approached the threshold of marriage. We took marriage classes. We prayed every night together, read the Bible together. We were determined to be in love forever.
I asked her mother and father for her hand in marriage. September 11, 1999, God had kept His promise. My first love was my one and only true love.
The person I promised to devote my entire life to love, honor, cherish, and respect until death does us part.
During the previous 4 years, we had our ups and downs, but it was all going to be worth it. I was able to bring my bride home and have that first wild night we all dream about… or so I thought.
How about that for a love story. You can say it was made for Lifetime TV. But I’m not writing about a love story. This is about the power of forgiveness and understanding my purpose.
This is about my journey of faith and the cost it takes to walk the path God has called me too. My story begins with heartbreak and dishonesty, yet I stand firm… unwilling to see anything other than the promises of God.
Life hit us, and it hit us hard. In an unimaginable state of disbelief and nothingness, I argued with God in the spirit, “How could you allow this” “I trusted you, I loved her with all my heart.”
God’s only response was, “If you want her to understand what true love is, you will stay.” You have got to be out of your mind, I said. Somehow I found the strength to trust Him.
You know the saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different outcome.” In my case, that’s faith or stupidity; I haven’t made up my mind yet. How do you love someone who’s hurt you?
How do you trust someone who has the greatest number of knives in your back? Someone who can successfully convince you that you put each and every knife there yourself? How do you find the strength to love someone through all the pain of sleepless nights? How do you find hope for a hopeless marriage?
As a child, God revealed His plan to me. In faith, I watched His plan unfold. The hard part of understanding is why He seemed to have failed to mention the years of me being His whipping boy in order to help save His beloved daughter.
In telling my story, I am not looking for sympathy or to bash my wife because she had a role to play in God’s design. The aforementioned questions are presented to bring contrast between hope and hopelessness.
At the moment in life, during my greatest frustration with God I was given Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I hold tight to this promise from God. I look to the future with hope, even in the midst of my carnal hopelessness. I acknowledge the fact that I have only 1 of 2 choices to make.
I choose to fight! I choose to keep the faith and know that God has not forsaken me. I pray that you, too, will one day find beauty for your ashes. It’s said that in the fire, we are purged and made whole.
You can never know how God can and will restore your marriage, but you must always keep your faith in him.
My hope in writing this is that one day, The Girl in the Picture will realize that she is more than her past indiscretions.
She is more than the choices she’s made. She is beautifully created and molded in the image of “The One Who First Loved her” and destined to love “the one who first loved her.” This is for my Joyce Myers in the making.
I hope these words can comfort you and help you find strength in times when you are wondering how can a hopeless marriage be restored.
The post A Testimony of Hopelessness in Marriage appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you roll over and hug your partner? Or do you grab your phone and start scrolling through social media or checking emails?
Have you ever wondered how cell phone effects relationships? Or how your smartphone is ruining your relationship?
Your cell phone keeps you connected to work, friends, and family wherever you are — but excessive or inappropriate use can damage your closest relationships. Many people ignore the people they’re with to attend to the virtual world.
This habit creates real-life consequences, including different ways your phone can wreck your marriage.
Like any tool, cell phones serve useful purposes. They enable you to locate information quickly — remember the days of having to print out a Google map to navigate? No longer. Your phone helps manage your to-do list, track your health, and even file your taxes.
However, when you spend too much time on your phone, you isolate the people around you. As much as you may think you can multitask, brain research indicates your mind isn’t effective at switching between stimuli.
In short, every minute you spend glued to your phone takes your attention away from your partner — not right when you’re having an awkward conversation or enjoying a romantic meal.
Phone addiction can lead to issues with sex. Even if you don’t grow addicted to online pornography, if your partner does, they may develop unrealistic expectations of regular sexual interactions. But it isn’t only pornography that proves problematic.
The deeper issue is the feeling of disconnect you or your partner experiences when you get lost in your phone. You don’t truly listen or make eye contact, thus making your spouse feel ignored.
You may think, “Well, we’re in the same room. Therefore, we’re spending time together.” But relationships don’t work that way.
To experience richness and fulfillment, you need to let yourself get lost in your partner’s eyes. You need to focus on how their touch makes you feel. You can’t do that when you’re busy collecting likes.
Your cell phone activity may not be as private as you think. If your relationship deteriorates to the point of divorce, cell phone records can verify infidelity or spousal abuse. If you’re carrying on an affair over social media, your partner’s counsel can subpoena those records during proceedings.
Knowledge is power. Recognizing the red flags of cell phone addiction can help you modify your behavior. Watch out for the following negative habits.
Fortunately, you have the power to overcome your cell phone addiction. Give the following ideas a try to break the grip your cell phone has on you and your relationship.
Cell phones ruining marriages are more common than we realize at times, we treat ourselves as an exception and let our vices get the best of us.
You must understand that your phone keeps you connected to work and distant friends and relatives — but can isolate you from the one you love most. By learning to power down and tune in to your partner, you’ll experience a stronger, more lasting relationship.
Don’t become a cautionary tale about ‘how cellphone use can disconnect your relationship‘ and learn some restraint and enjoy the company of your loved ones.
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