Top 10 Relationship Myths

Top 10 Relationship Myths appeared first on Relationships Reality and was authored by Sarah Adelle and Sophia Elise

There are many relationship myths that can cause people to have unrealistic views of relationships. These can lead to unrealistic expectations as well. We have complied a list of many of the top relationship myths to help end the confusion.

1. Everyone, at some point, will be willing to settle down when they are ready and meet the right person. This is simply false. Not everyone will. It is not just a matter of waiting someone out until they do. Some people will never settle down.

2. Living together leads to marriage. In the past that was more common, but nowadays? No. Living together does not mean at some point your relationship will lead to marriage. Especially if you moved in together way too quickly.

3. Fighting or disagreeing is not a part of a healthy relationship. That is false. There is nothing wrong with an occasional argument or disagreement of opinion or belief. Great couples do not have to agree on everything and share the same beliefs either. What is important is how the fights or disagreements are handled. If they can be discussed like adults without things escalating, that is healthy. If every little disagreements leads to shouting and acting out, then there is a bigger problem in play. What is also important is if the arguments or disagreements never get resolved. Having the same issues over and over again without any resolution is a sign dysfunction.

4. It is always best to express your feelings when you feel them. Not always the case. Some times things are better left unsaid until the time is right to unload your feelings. There is a time and a place for everything. Choosing when and where to express your feelings to your loved one the right way can lead to a better reception.

Top 10 Relationship Myths

5. All problems can be solved. Sorry, but this one is a myth as well. Not all problems in relationships can be solved. Sometimes one person (or both) isn’t willing to make a change or compromise and never will. Also, the couple could be compatible in almost every way except an area that is of vital importance to the relationship.

6. Love conquers all. This one, sadly, is also a myth. Sometimes love brings out the best in us and sometimes it brings out the worst in us. If love is bringing out the worst in a couple (or only one partner) the relationship progressively get more toxic.

7. In the best relationships the couple does everything together. This is another myth as well. Yes, some really great couples with fantastic relationships do everything together. But, some really great couples with fantastic relationships don’t do everything together. People are not all the same, and what works for some couple doesn’t work for others.

8. If you have problems in your relationship, it’s a sign you are not meant to be together. This fairy tale is a big myth. I’m sure there are some couples out there that have never had a problem, but there are more that have had their fair share. It’s how you work through the struggles and bad times together (and as individuals) that counts. So do not think that just because your relationship hit a speed bump that it is a sure sign to bail.

9. Great sex equals a great relationship. Well, great sex equals a great sexual relationship. If you want a great relationship, you need more than just great sex to sustain it. Great sex alone won’t keep a couple together if they are not on the same page and are not compatible outside the bedroom. Also, great sex won’t necessarily lead to a relationship either.

10. Change will come if I wait it out. Wrong. Change only come from effort. If you are waiting around for someone to make a change and don’t see an effort, stop waiting. Move on because chances are you won’t see them ever make the changes you want them too.

We would love to hear your experiences with any relationship myths. Please submit to our list by putting it in the comments below.

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Respect: 3 Ways to Have More of It In Your Life

Respect or lack of respect is one of the biggest relationship complaints. Here are 3 ways to have more of it in your life and relationships...

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Consider These Marriage Preparation Online Tips If You Are Newly Engaged

If you are newly engaged or think an engagement might be on the cards for you, you are about to head into a magical and exciting time.

But you are also about to embark upon a road that is long, winding and sometimes rocky.  While things might be wonderful in your relationship now, it might not always be that way. Life is renowned for bringing its challenges, and even though your picture might look rosy now, it doesn’t mean that your marriage will escape from the problems life brings – you are probably going to have to work for your marriage sometimes.  

Even though life tends to destroy our dreams sometimes, you can take steps to smooth the road, by protecting your marriage. And you can do it without even leaving the couch by considering marriage preparation online.

Learn how to recognize and navigate pitfalls of a marriage

Marriage preparation online is a process that will encourage you and your fiance to consider the everyday challenges that most marriages experience – so that you can learn how to recognize and navigate such pitfalls in your marriage if they occur.  Marriage preparation online will also encourage you to consider your reasons for marrying, your expectations around marriage, and of your life together so that you can ensure that your expectations are realistic (which will avoid disappointment) and will also help you to develop a healthy communication style within your relationship.

You can expect to find your marriage preparation online experience through a variety of different mediums – such as; online counselors, online courses, advice and tips found online, apps, forums and groups built explicitly around marriage preparation online. The format and structure of your marriage preparation experience will be individual to the vendor – but all should revolve around the main focus areas listed below.

Building an open and honest communication style

If you and your spouse stop communicating or communicate ineffectively, you can be sure that problems will arise. When you plan to marry, you are planning to build and live a life together, and you are also committing to deal with all of the responsibilities and problems that occur together, as a partnership – so you’ll need to be able to communicate well!   

If you or your spouse cannot express what they want, if incorrect assumptions are made, if one partner always responds to problems a certain way that is difficult for their spouse, then you’ve got problems that can grow and harm your marriage.   Marriage preparation online can help you to avoid this problem.

Learning how to communicate effectively now and in the future will ensure that if any of these challenging communication styles appear in your marriage that you’ll be able to spot them, and discuss, or work through them together.  You’ll also learn how to communicate well in all situations – not just the difficult ones, and possibly determine how you are currently communicating, so that you can work through any critical topics that you might be avoiding.

Learning how to keep the love alive

If you are about to marry, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that you’ll be thinking positively and expecting to remain in love and happy together for the rest of your life.  But with so many marriages experiencing an emotional distance between spouses at some time or other – which some marriages never manage to recover from (leading to divorce). It’s important to make sure that you maintain the love and respect in your marriage.

Not paying attention to the task of keeping the love alive is a risky strategy for a marriage.  Especially when it doesn’t take too much effort to invest in learning about the common pitfalls and developing strategies or techniques that you can use to keep the love alive through marriage preparation online.  

Whether you develop skills in understanding your spouse’s perspective, learn how to compromise, ensure that you spend valuable time together in the years to come, retain intimacy, have each other’s back, and work together as a team as you navigate through life.  They will all help you in the future and are essential topics that should frequently be discussed in your marriage so that you can keep it stable and secure.

Conflict resolution

Arguments can be healthy, they can clear the air, but the types of arguments you are experiencing in your relationship now will change over time.  

Conflict can arise through family, parenting, poor communication, a distance between each other, pushing each other’s boundaries, bringing burdens from the past into the marriage, misaligned goals and values, unrealistic expectations and from many many more issues. These arguments are the real deal, they are more serious – they’ll be about life issues, and a lot will be riding on them. Which only adds to the drama.   

Conflict can be unpleasant and damaging to your marriage.  But If you can learn to recognize what is happening when you experience conflict in your marriage, and you can agree upon a strategy to diffuse the situation. The story changes into an account of a fabulous and loving marriage despite the troubles.

The three topics discussed above should be essential for every married couple to be aware of and educated in.  All three are often covered in-depth when you undertake marriage preparation online.

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How to Make Time for Your Personal Hobbies When Married

Having a hobby is important to many of us. Without a hobby to fall back on, many of us find ourselves succumbing far too often to boredom. When you’re married, your life is no longer an individual venture; you must now divide your time and attention between you and your partner.  

1. Encourage your spouse with their hobbies

It is much easier to find time to pursue your hobbies if your partner is doing the same. Many couples will have met through a shared hobby or interest, so sometimes it is natural to include one another. However, where you and your spouse don’t have a shared hobby, you should encourage them to find one of their own. You can always invite them to join you, of course, but some couples find the time apart valuable, and some individuals find that they need a little solitude in their lives. Speaking of which…

2. Don’t be afraid to spend time apart

It is only natural to want to spend as much time as possible with your spouse, especially when you are just married. But it is important to recognize the value of spending time apart from one another. It will also be of great value to both of you to have an activity or pursuit you can go to when either of you needs some time alone. If you and your spouse argue (and even the best couples do), it can help a lot if you each have a hobby you can turn to as a way of calming down.

3. Be respectful

For many people, their hobbies are an important part of their life and identity; they can even be the basis of a career. A person’s hobby can, therefore, be something that is very important to them. However, if your hobby is very important to you, and you want your spouse to be respectful of that, you must also be respectful of their wishes and interests. Make sure that you aren’t prioritizing your hobby over other commitments to your spouse and that you treat their interests with the respect you wish for.

4. Be honest

You should never be sneaking off to pursue your hobby in secret. If you are doing this, it will inevitably require you to lie to or mislead your spouse. You should always be honest with your partner, especially when it comes to your interests and passions, and how you spend your time. Fostering trust is a crucial part of any relationship and you should take any opportunity to strengthen it. Being open and honest about your hobby is an easy way of contributing to this.

5. Prioritize

Another crucial component of any successful and long-term relationship is the ability to prioritize. If you consider your hobby to be a major part of your life, make sure that your spouse understands this. As long as you show that you are willing and able to prioritize your time, your partner will find it easy to be supportive.

When you are married, you will often find that you don’t have as much free time to pursue your own interests. However, as long as you are considerate and honest with your spouse, you should find it relatively simple to make the time for your hobby.

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The Handy Marriage Dress Buying Guide That All Brides To Be Must Read

So, it’s getting close to the marriage dress shopping excursion. Excitement might be in the air, but there are also likely to be many questions, and concerns too. Such as ‘do I take my own underwear?’, ‘what’s the process of buying a marriage dress?’, ‘what do I need to consider?’, and ‘how can I make the whole experience something wonderful by avoiding stress?’

It’s not like you pop out to buy a marriage dress every day, it’s natural to have some questions, or even miss some useful tips that would have made the process smooth. So we have put together this quick guide to help you every step of the way.   

Starting with what you might need to consider before you head to the bridal shops, how to go about maintaining momentum, and how to snag the best amount of time and attention from the sales staff at the shop.  

Scheduling your shopping trip

Shop on a weekday

Shopping on a weekday will ensure that you have a higher chance of getting more attention from the sales staff since they won’t be so busy.  You’ll probably get around the shops quicker, and have much more space to sashay, twirl, and gloat over your dress too.

Always book an appointment

It’s much better to book an appointment.  If you are heading out for dress trials, you may as well make sure that you can get the undivided attention that you’ll need, and that your salesperson is in the zone if you shop on a quiet day.  You may not be so lucky if you just walk in.

Skip day one of any sample sale

If you are attending a sample sale, avoid the first day. It’s just going to be busy, stressful and frustrating. Find out how long the sale runs for and attend later. The last day may have even more markdowns too.  

Keep it exclusive

Seriously, don’t bring your ten bridesmaids, your four sisters, your Mum, Nan, Great Aunt Edna and her friends’ dog along to find your wedding dress.  It’s going to be a nightmare that way. You’ll be distracted by them, and nobody will have the same opinion. Instead, take one or two of your closest friends or family members (ideally those gems of friends who are honest and practical with their advice).

Make sure to factor everything in for the bridal shop budget

Pay attention to your budget. Did you budget for your marriage dress on its own and then plan a separate budget for the accessories? If you didn’t then you need to remember to save some of your budget for such things. Items you are going to need are the veil, jewelry, shoes, hair accessories, underwear, and alterations. Allocate these costs first, this way you won’t realize later that you’ve blown the budget and then have to either give up it up or find more money!  

Keep on scouting

Remember you are going to need bags of momentum. Mainly because you might not find the perfect gown on your first trip out. Which might be disappointing.  The thought of going through all of the trying on again might seem gruelling. Try to take it in your stride. Keep on scouting, there is a beautiful gown out there waiting for you.

Additional tips

The underwear dilemma

Many bridal shops have a variety of bras in the fitting room. But if you’ve already picked your underwear, or have a favorite style, or shaper – or just prefer to bring your own underwear then bring it along. You won’t need your chosen undergarments until your first fitting.

Sample gowns

Bridal shops cannot possibly carry every marriage dress available, even if they do stock the bridal gown designer that you prefer. Most will try to obtain a sample of the dress you desire if you call ahead and ask them. So if you have a specific dress you’d like to try, ask the bridal shop to see if there is a chance they could obtain a sample for you.  

Undergarments

Try to find undergarments that match your skin tone as closely as possible, and also consider anybody shaping garments that will enhance the look of your dress (just make sure that you can breathe in them!).

Glam up the shoes  

You don’t have to stick to a classic white stiletto. Instead, if you are into high fashion then stick on your favorite pair of blue Louboutins.  Other ideas are flip flops for a summer wedding, if you are into Doctor Martens wear them – anything goes Trainers, cowboy boots, snow boots, slippers.

Jewelry

If your dress is very detailed, and intricate, play down the jewelry, even wearing nothing but the engagement ring – don’t forget the engagement ring!

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3 Marriage Preparation Resources to Keep Your Relationship Happy

So you’re about to tie the knot and the big day is looming.  By now some thought and even some planning has probably gone into your wedding ceremony.  But the ceremony is just one day, and a long-serving memory. It isn’t your marriage. And since marriage can be a challenge at times, and will require a lot of effort over the years, it makes sense to find some useful marriage preparation resources, so that you can make sure that your marriage will be long lasting, happy and healthy.

But don’t worry, you don’t have to research your own marriage preparation resources because we’ve made a start for you. Here are three ways that you can protect your marriage by preparing in advance.

Journalling

Ok, so this might not be the first thing you’d expect to see as a marriage preparation resource, but it’s a healthy habit to develop.  It’s also a great self-assessment technique and one that will see you through the tough times, not just in your marriage but throughout life too.  

Of course, when we refer to journalling, we don’t mean the type of lifestyle/papercrafts journaling that you see a lot of these days (where images, words, and pretty papers are used to create something visual to look at). We don’t mean keeping a diary either. We mean reflective journaling.  

Reflective journaling is one of the best ways to develop your sense of self-awareness and to figure out what is going on in your life compared to your goals and dreams.  

You simply take a notebook, and a list of topics, ask yourself questions and write down your answers. Then read through your responses afterward to figure out what in your life might need attention, what you are doing to achieve your goals (or how you might be sabotaging your goals) and to critique your decisions.  

Typical questions you might ask yourself :

• What does marriage mean to you?
• What are your expectations from your marriage and are they realistic?
• If your expectations are realistic, how do you know?  
• How can you ensure that you are fully present in your marriage?
• What can you do, (what strategies can you create) for when there is a problem?
• How do you communicate with your fiance?
• How would you like your fiance to communicate with you?
• What needs to change in the relationship?
• How can you create the change in the relationship without forcing your will onto others?
• What do other people who are married say about their experience of marriage?
• Where do you think you’ll experience problems?
• How will you cope with trauma or loss, is it possible to build contingencies?
• What would have to happen to make you leave a marriage?
• What would make you stay in a marriage?
• How will you manage money?
• How do you feel about where you live?
• Are you both on the same page when it comes to children?
• What concerns do you have about marriage?
• What concerns do you have about your fiance?

If you can encourage your fiance to follow this process too,  and then honestly discuss your answers with each other (you don’t have to share them with each other). It’s a great way to iron out any creases, to create contingencies for any problems that may occur and for making sure that you are both headed in the same direction in your marriage.

Pre-marriage counseling

Pre-marriage counseling is a great way to achieve similar results to those discussed above, but without having to assess and critique your own answers, and without having to spend time researching the solutions to any problems you have uncovered.  

A Pre-Marriage Counselor has seen it all, they know all of the pitfalls that can occur in marriage and also know the typical mindset of a premarital couple.  Which means that while it will be more expensive to hire a pre-marital counselor, it’s also one of the best marriage preparation resources that you will find and a great way to protect and preserve your marriage.

Premarital courses

Another, interesting marriage preparation resource is a premarital course.  Courses can vary in time to complete and content, and can also be taken online, or in person (depending upon the provider). There are also courses related to specific religions.  Because the courses can vary, it’s worth researching well to make sure that you pick a course that you feel that you and your fiance will get the most out of.

Courses will cover topics such as communication, conflict resolution, commitment, shared goals and values and how to keep the spark of love alive in your marriage. You might have the opportunity to ask married couples questions, and will leave (or end) the course feeling clear about how to manage your marriage succeed.

An investment in a marriage preparation resource is going to give you the best chance to achieve a strong and healthy marriage, and with these three resources, there’s something to suit all budgets – so there’s no excuse!

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Ever Wonder What It Is like to Be Married to a Soldier?

Every marriage has its share of challenges, especially once the children arrive and the family unit grows.  But military couples have unique, career-specific challenges to face: that of frequent moves, the deployment of the active duty partner, having to constantly adjust and set up routines in new places (often entirely new cultures if the change of station is overseas) all while handling the traditional family responsibilities.  

We talked to a group of military spouses who shared some of the pros and cons of being married to a member of the armed services.

1. You are going to move around

Cathy, married to a member of the U.S. Air Force, explains: “Our family gets moved an average of every 18-36 months.  That means that the longest we’ve ever lived in one place is three years. On one hand, that’s great because I love experiencing new environments (I was a military brat, myself) but as our family grew larger, it just means more logistics to manage when it is time to pack up and transfer.  But you just do it, because you really don’t have much of a choice.”

2. You’ll get to be an expert at making new friends

Brianna tells us that she relies on the other family units to build her new network of friends as soon as her family is transferred to a new army base.  “Being in the military, there’s sort of a built-in “Welcome Wagon”. The other military spouses all come to your house with food, flowers, cold drinks as soon as you move in.  Conversation is easy because we all have one thing in common: we are married to service members. So you really don’t have to do a lot of work to make new friendships each time you move.  That’s a nice thing. You get instantly plugged into the circle and have people to support you when you need, for instance, someone to watch your kids because you have to go to the doctor or just need some time to yourself.”

3. Shifting is hard on the children

“I’m fine with the constant moving around,” Jill tells us, “but I know that my kids have a tough time leaving their friends and having to make new ones every couple of years.”  Indeed, this is hard for some children.  They must get used to themselves with a group of strangers and the usual cliques in high school every time the family gets transferred.  Some children do this with ease, others have a much more difficult time. And the effects of this ever-changing environment—some military children can attend up to 16 different schools from first grade through high school– can be felt long into adulthood.

4. Finding meaningful work in terms of career is difficult for the military spouse

“If you are being uprooted every couple of years, forget about building a career in your area of expertise”, says Susan, married to a Colonel.  “I was a high-level manager in an IT firm before I married Louis,” she continues. “But once we got married and began changing military bases every two years, I knew no firm would want to employ me at that level.  Who wants to invest in training a manager when they know they won’t be around for the long-term?” Susan retrained as a teacher so she could continue working, and she now finds work teaching the children of military families in the on-base Department of Defense schools.  “At least I’m contributing to the family income, “ she says, “And I feel good about what I’m doing for my community.”

5. Divorce rates are high among military couples

The active duty spouse can be expected to be away from home more often than at home. This is the norm for any married enlisted man, NCO, Warrant Officer, or Officer serving in a combat unit.  “When you marry a soldier, you marry the Army”, the saying goes. Although military spouses understand this when they marry their loved one, the reality can often be a shock, and these families see a divorce rate of 30%.

6. The stress of a military spouse is different from those of a civilian

Marital problems related to deployment and military service can include struggles related to service-caused PTSD, depression or anxiety, caregiving challenges if their service member returns injured, feelings of isolation and resentment towards their spouse, infidelity related to the long separations, and the roller coaster of emotions related to deployments.

7. You’ve got good mental health resources at your fingertips

“The military understands the unique set of stressors that face these families”, Brian tells us.  “Most bases have a full support staff of marriage counselors and therapists that can help us work through depression, feelings of loneliness.  There’s absolutely no stigma attached to using these experts. The military wants us to feel happy and healthy and does what it can to make sure we stay that way.”

8. Being a military wife doesn’t have to be difficult

Brenda tells us her secret to staying balanced:  “As a military wife of 18+ years, I can tell you that it’s hard, but not impossible. It really boils down to having faith in God, each other, and your marriage. You have to trust each other, communicate well, and not put yourselves in situations that cause temptations to arise. Staying busy, having a purpose and focus, and staying connected to your support systems are all ways to manage. Truly, my love for my husband grew stronger each time he deployed! We tried very hard to communicate on a daily basis, whether it was text, emails, social media, or video chat. We kept each other strong and God kept us strong, too!”

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Prenuptial Agreement – 4 Major Reasons To Get It Done

Prenuptial agreements are often frowned upon and looked at negatively when they’re discussed in the open, but every couple considers going down this route at least once. Many times, the issue is swept under the rug and never talked about, but in some cases, that can come back to haunt the wealthier party when court proceedings strip a significant portion of the wealth they accumulated during the relationship. With that said, before you’re quick to discard the idea of prenuptial agreements, consider the following four scenarios when such an arrangement makes perfect sense.

1. When you’re already wealthy

If you already have a decent amount of wealth and you’ve just met a partner who may or may not be interested in acquiring some of your hard-earned wealth, it may be wise to have prenups on the table as part of the premarital discussion. It can be difficult to bring this topic up without being controversial, but on the other hand, it is a necessary step to take to ensure your spouse-to-be can’t operate based on bad intentions.

2. When you have high ambitions

Even if you don’t currently have lots of money in the bank, if you have goals of someday reaching that level of wealth, you may want to go ahead and safeguard your earnings from the aftermath of a spoiled relationship. Ten years from now, your relationship probably won’t be the same as it is today, and you never know how things might turn out, so it’s always good to have a prenup as a backup just in case things go sour.  

3. When you don’t want money to be a factor in the relationship

Regardless of whether you’re wealthy or not, having a prenup pretty much establishes the fact that your wife or husband isn’t trying to “play you for the money.” By eliminating that doubt in your mind, you can be confident that you’ve chosen the right person to marry and for all the right reasons. Plus, if a person is willing to sign a prenuptial agreement, that lets you know they have a good level of commitment to wanting to be with you for the long-term.

4. When you’re the owner of a business

If you already own a business when you’re getting into the relationship, then it makes even more sense to make sure you’re protected from any negative outcomes financially. After all, you don’t even want to leave open the possibility that a spoiled relationship can leave you in a bad situation, further down the line, so a prenup at least takes care of the figures.

You don’t need a specific reason to use a prenuptial agreement

In closing, you don’t really need to have a good reason to ask your significant other to sign a prenuptial agreement. If someone loves you then they should be willing to sign whatever paper is required to make the marriage a reality. When it comes down to it, that’s all it really is anyway – just a piece of paper.

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How to Listen Without Getting Defensive?

To begin with, what does ‘defensive listening’ mean? It means exactly what it sounds like which is listening to another person with your defense guard up. People who tend to listen defensively are usually only listening to pick statements that they believe are inaccurate or something that they do not agree with. Some people simply listen to respond, blame or defend, instead of trying to understand what the other person is saying.

Honestly, getting defensive is a natural tendency. It is the best possible way to protect yourself from criticism, something that most of us do not enjoy. But it is common that when one partner gets defensive, it only results in the other one getting defensive as well. This means that neither of you is willing to hear out and understand the problem. This often leads to frustrating arguments between the spouses with no positive result in the end. Instead of having loving, respectful conversations that you initially had planned turns into nothing but fights, resulting in a buildup of misunderstandings and compromised relations. Communication is a key to a healthy relationship. It is necessary for couples to be comfortable enough to share issues and complains they might have with each other without feeling attacked. For those wondering how to listen without getting defensive? Following are a few methods that may help you.

1. Learn to receive criticism

Our very first instinct when being criticized is a backlash. Instead of doing so, take a deep breath and try to keep yourself from doing anything that you might regret later. It is common to get angry initially but trying to calm yourself may only help you out. The cooling off will give you time to think about it and very soon, logic comes into play instead of emotions. You can choose to turn criticism into something positive and gain something from it. Criticism is a great way to get honest feedback and whatever your partner says will help you learn about all the complaints they have from you. Moreover, it will also enable you to make improvements in yourself. You might realize it is actually you who’s at fault here and your spouse’s issues are valid. Nobody is perfect, and we all need constant improvements in order to grow and be successful in all fields of life.

2. Quit interrupting and genuinely listen

Getting defensive also immediately makes the person think that the partner is wrong. What such people are usually doing through an argument or a heated discussion is hearing what the other person is saying rather than listening intently and are completely failing to understand. Instead of planning your next move, you should try to genuinely listen to what they have to say and try to find where all this is coming from. Secondly, refraining from interrupting when the other person is speaking can help you loads. First of all, interruption causes the flow of the conversation to break, resulting in both partners blurting out whatever they want to say without hearing out each other. In addition, the other person may feel angry or unheard due to being interrupted midway. Therefore, avoid speaking in between and wait until the person is done talking, even if you do think what they are saying is false and incorrect. Doing so would allow you to hear all out all of their points as well as aid in a constructive, forward-moving conversation.

3. Watch out for your body language

Body language plays a key part in communication. It really helps in delivering what you actually want to say. Therefore, when talking to your partner, be mindful of your bodily responses. Shaking your head angrily, rolling your eyes, looking away and other similar actions are something that will only make them furious. Avoid doing so, instead look at them and divert your entire attention towards them to let them know that you are interested, listening and open to whatever they have to say. The last thing you would want to do is ignore your partner, their words, and push their feelings aside like they don’t matter. During such tough discussions, it greatly helps to remind yourself of all the love and respect you have for your partner. Focus on all the good qualities of your significant other that had made you love them, of all the fun and joyous moment both of you have shared. This will help you keep yourself from reacting in a way or saying something that might hurt your partner and eventually end you up with a destroyed relationship.

By following these ways on how to listen without getting defensive during an argument, you will feel like a winner once it is over. Instead of guilt washing over, you would as if you made a part in keeping your relationship from falling apart. Being vulnerable and non-defensive with your partner even when you’re hurt or angry is extremely important for a successful relationship.

 

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5 Most Common New Parent Fights (And How to Get Along)

Becoming a parent is a huge adjustment. Together, you and your spouse will learn how to care for another human and embark on your greatest adventure yet. Parenthood also brings about more fights. Partners tend to feel less connected, as the mounting dishes and endless hours without sleep.

The fighting doesn’t have to be continuous, and you can find ways to reconnect and get along. Remember, each of you is going through a hard transition, so a lot of forgiveness is required. Here are the five most common new parent fights and how to get along, because you want your relationship to stay strong.

Who is sleeping more?

Newborn babies don’t sleep as much as we would hope. It is easy to start fighting about who gets more sleep. You both are tired, and it is easy to feel as if the other person gets more sleep. Truth be told, there are times when one parent DOES get more sleep, but that doesn’t mean we must fight about it.

Make sure sleep is a priority for everyone. If you get up with the baby early throughout the week, your partner can let you sleep in during the weekend. Each of you needs to get extra sleep. Some parents find it helpful to create a sleep schedule for themselves, but you don’t have to get that specific!

Who does more for the baby?

“I changed FOUR poopy diapers today.”

“ I held the baby for two hours.”

“I bathed the baby the last three times.”

“I cleaned all of the bottles today AND yesterday.”

The list goes on and on. You might want to keep score and tally up what you are doing, but that’s not fair. Both parents pull their weight. Somedays, you might handle more tasks with the baby, but your spouse does more housework.

In the end, you have to remember you are a team. If it helps, make a list of things that need done for the day and divide it up. You can also set certain days for baths with each partner to equally rotate the task.

Lack of sex

Once you have the good-to-go sign from your doctor, your partner might hope you guys can jump right back in bed. That isn’t always the case. It is easy NOT to feel in the mood after you spent all day with spit up, poopy diapers, and breastfeeding. Breastfeeding decreases your sex drive.

During this time, communicate your feelings, but make sure you don’t make your partner feel unwanted. Cuddle, offer massages, hug and kiss. You can also take time to cuddle at night together, which may put you in the mood. A little bit of wine helps as well.

Some couples find it helpful to schedule sex. Yes, it sounds strange, but sex and physical affection is a love language. It helps couples feel loved and connected. You might find that you communicate better once you have sex on a regular basis again.

Feeling underappreciated

When each of you is working hard throughout the day, it is easy to feel underappreciated. One or both of you might work out of the home. No matter the circumstances, you might start to feel as if your partner doesn’t appreciate all of the work you do.

“He didn’t even notice that I made his favorite dinner.”

“She never thanks me for everything that I do throughout the day.”

Add in postpartum hormones, and it is a recipe for disaster. You might feel like everything you do around the house and for the new baby goes unnoticed. However, it typically goes both ways.

The best thing to do is let your spouse know that you feel a bit unappreciated, but it has to go both ways. Make sure you say thank you here and there for the things he or she does around the house. Compliment the dinner he cooked that evening. Express your gratitude for the awaiting pot of coffee when you woke up in the morning. It doesn’t have to be constant, but you should appreciate your partner if you want to be appreciated as well!

Parenting styles

Now that you are a new parent, there is a chance your partner may have different ideas about parenting styles. Everyone grows up differently or has different plans for their parenting. You may not agree with your partner. You might disagree about:

• Spanking
• Co-sleeping
• Babywearing
• Education styles
• Crying it out

That is just a few things you might not agree with each other, but you can work it out together. Find resources to read together about the pros and cons of each side. Try to come into these decisions unbiased and face them together. Don’t look at it like you want to prove the other person wrong. Parenting requires give and take of each person. You will find a happy medium together.

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The Big Mistakes That Couples Make When Marrying Overseas

Every bride wants to have an incredible wedding day, one that goes without any problems. And if you plan on getting married abroad, then the chance of a mishap is even higher. Reports suggest that the number of couples planning to marry overseas is increasing which means that they should be well prepared and know the potential mistakes they can make.

The ideal overseas wedding involves a magical ceremony, most likely on the sandy beach with the picturesque colors of the sunset in the background and the venue decorated in the most amazing of ways. Here are some of the big mistakes that couples make when marrying overseas.

Roam in the sun

When marrying overseas, couples find it tempting to take advantage of the sunshine as much as they can before tying the knot. However, experts advice skipping all the sunbathing plans until you’ve gotten married. In fact, couples gearing up for marriage are advised to avoid the sun as much as they can before their marriage. It is quite easy for people to give into the temptation of sunbathing, particularly if they are in an exotic location such as the Caribbean. Couples are also advised to book an appointment in an indoor spa just before their big today instead of putting themselves under the scorching gaze of the sun. Moreover, this way, brides, and grooms, particularly those with a lighter complexion can avoid turning up with red colored skin on their big day!

Choose the wrong dress

Couples should also carefully think about the kind of material they choose for their wedding day. If your wedding is in a hot place, then it is better to go for lighter fabrics since it is going to get sweaty with all the dancing and greeting people. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t wear your dream dress, but it is suggested that you change your dress after you are done with your vows. Similarly, men should also choose linen suits in paler colors; these will look great too! Also, remember that for your big day, you need something light and manageable that also suits the climate. Don’t forget to pick a dress for your bridesmaids too!

Inviting too many people

If you are marrying abroad, then you need to be careful when planning your invite list. You don’t want to invite as many people as you can. Instead, you want to invite those who you would like to see there. If you invite too many people, then you just might have to pay for their accommodation and travel too, adding to your expenses. Remember to push out your invites months before your wedding too, so that people can book their flights and hotels accordingly.

Expecting everyone to turn up

Since you are marrying in another country, you should remember that traveling to a new country for a wedding is not the same as doing across town. Keep in mind that many people might not be even able to make it not because they don’t care for you enough, but because there can be issues of time and money. So, you don’t need to be disheartened on your big day; you can just arrange a small after-party for those that were unable to make it.

Not caring about the legalities

You should, in no condition, simply dismiss the legalities of the place where you are getting married. Make sure you find out if the marriage can be made official in that place or if it is possible for you to have a wedding at your dream venue. Apart from doing extensive research, you are also advised to take help from a local planner.

Choosing the wrong footwear

Most likely, you will have to sacrifice your heels when choosing shoes, particularly if you are having a beach wedding. You don’t want your feet to get stuck in the sand as you walk down the aisle! So, it is better to choose some sparkly sandals or pumps; something you can comfortably dance and walk in.

Picking the wrong menu

You need to keep the weather in mind when deciding the foods and drinks that you want to serve in your wedding, including the cake. Spending a fortune on a cake only to have it melt before you cut it is a waste of money. Plus, if you are in a hot location, then keep the guests well-hydrated too.

Forgetting all about the heat

If you are planning your wedding in a hot place, then you need to be careful about your timing. You should avoid the sun at midday since it can get unbearably hot and instead get married in the evening. This way, you will also have to feed your guests only once, thus reducing your total bill.

 

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The 12 Worst Breakup Excuses Ever Given by Men

If you have been on the dating scene long enough, you have heard one or two breakup excuses. From the most honest “I just am not attracted to you anymore” to the worst—when a guy just disappears without even making an excuse (called “ghosting”), there are as many breakup excuses out there as there are couples breaking up.  

Here is a collection of the worst breakup excuses ever given by guys

1. The classic:  It’s not you, it’s me

This is probably the most-used breakup excuse there is. Guys use this excuse so much because it helps them not feel guilty about breaking up with you. Even though it’s a bad excuse, it is actually spot-on.  When a man makes the decision to end a relationship, is it always about him, and never about you. Think about that and you won’t feel so bad.

2. I’m just not ready to be in a relationship

This is a veiled way of saying “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.”  Because you can be sure that when that guy does meet the woman of his dreams, he will be completely ready to be in a relationship.  You weren’t that woman, but don’t be sad. You are definitely the woman of someone else’s dreams, so keep on dating.

3. We no longer want the same things

This is just a more polite way to say “I’m bored in this relationship.”  A better way to approach boredom and routine when you are in a relationship that you have invested in?  Instead of just breakup up, why not try talking about ways you can spice things up and grow together?

4. We’ve got different star signs.  This will never work out

Do you really want someone who would dictate his love life according to his astrological sign?  No, you don’t. You would be doing yourself a favor by nodding “yes” when he uses breakup excuses and finding yourself a partner who bases love on more earthbound ideals.

5. You deserve more than what I can give you

The excuse shows a lot about how the guy views himself. He probably recognizes that he is just throwing crumbs your way anyway.  Listen to him – you do deserve more than him.  Now go out and find a man who treats you like the princess you are!  

6. I’m not ready/I’m scared to commit to you

When a man shows you who he really is, believe him. This guy is telling you something that you should tune in to. He is commitment-phobic. Your love will never change this, and he will probably remain commitment-phobic in all his relationships. Do not stay around trying to convince him that he should invest in your relationship.  That would be a waste of your time, energy and your innate goodness. You’ll find someone who is 100% open to what you have to offer, and when the time is right, he will commit to you without any second thoughts.

 

 

7. Breaking up by text or email

This is more common that you probably thought, 56% of breakups now happen via text message. It’s unbelievable, but yes, there are guys who just can’t breakup with you in person. It robs you of the chance to discuss or try to work out whatever is causing conflict in the relationship.  But it also shows you the type of guy you were dating, so it is a blessing in disguise. Who wants to be in a relationship with a guy so cowardly he cannot even breakup with you in person? Not you!

8. I need some breathing room in this relationship

In other words, he wants to see other women but cannot admit this to you.  Let him go. Do not even try and hang on to this guy—he’ll just take advantage of you and your faithful love, and eventually leave you for some other woman he was “breathing” with.

9. I like you too much, and this scares me

What kind of response is this guy expecting?  “It’s ok. Just like me less so it isn’t so scary.”?  A normal man would be thrilled to feel such an outpouring of love for his partner.  This is just another bad breakup excuse designed to make you feel good about the breakup but it actually leaves you scratching your head, wondering what is really being said.

10. I don’t want to see you anymore.  We want different things

This is not a half-bad excuse, but it doesn’t recognize that it is perfectly legitimate to want different things in a relationship.  In fact, having separate interests is actually relationship-enhancing.  

11. I’m going off to school/work in another state

Some guys think that they can’t manage a long-distance relationship so they end things before they even try.  What they don’t realize is that there are some great techniques out there to make long-distance relationships work well.   You might want to research some of these and suggest them if your guy uses this excuse to break up with you.  Of course, if he is reluctant to even be open to the long-distance relationship suggestion, you will know this is just a bad breakup excuse; he was actually just looking for a way out of the relationship and this upcoming move was the perfect opportunity.

12. I think I’m still not over my ex

While this excuse sounds reasonable, it is actually just an excuse to break up with you.  A guy who is totally into you can still have some feelings for an ex but put these aside because he wants to learn what you are all about and be in your company.  Again, this is an excuse that is well-intentioned; he doesn’t want you to be hurt, but it remains what it is – a breakup excuse.

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Distance Gives Us A Reason To Love Harder?

For all those who have been in a long distance relationship or are in a long distance relationship will know how hard it is and all they dream about is the day that they will be able to share a zip code together. Many people cringe at the thought of long distance relationship, and it is no surprise that these relationships are not only hard to maintain but many such commitments are destined to fail in the long run.  

Statistics show that in 2005, around 14-15 million people in the United States considered themselves in a long distance relationship and the number was more or less the same with an approximation of about 14 million in 2018. When looked at these 14 million, half a million of these couples are in a long-distance but non-marital relationship.

Quick stats

If you take a quick scan of some statistics on these 14 million people in a long distance relationship, you will see that,

• Around 3.75 million married couples are in a long distance bond
• An estimated 32.5% of all the long-distance relationships are relationships that started in college
• At some point, 75 % of all engaged couples have been in a long distance relationship
• Almost 2.9% of all the married couples in the United States are a part of a long-distance relationship.
• An around 10% of all marriages start out as a long-distance relationship.

When you take a look at the stats mentioned above, you may ask yourself “Why do people prefer long distance relationship?” and the second question arises, are they successful?

Why do people prefer long distance relationship?

The most common reason that causes people to end up in a long distance relationship is college. Nearly one-third of people who claim to be in a long distance relationship say the reason they’re in one is due to college relationships.

In the recent years, the number of long-distance relationships has risen, and the factors for this rise include commuting or work-related factors; however, the most significant contributor to this rise in the use of the World Wide Web.

Online dating has given made people more willing to commit themselves to a long distance relationship. With the new concept of virtual relationship, people are now able to forge real connections even if they live on the opposite ends of the world.

The strength of long distance relationship

As the saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” however, it is no surprise distance has a huge role in making meant-to-be together couples fall apart. A survey of 5000 people carried out by Homes.com shows that more people are changing themselves and moving away from their hometown in the name of love. And such “moving out” antics do not always bring about a happy ending.

The results of the survey were: This survey shows that 18% of people in a long-distance relationship were willing to move to make their relationship work whereas one-third of these people had been relocated in the name of love more than once. For almost half of the people who took part in this survey claim that it was not easy and 44% moves around 500 miles to be with their significant other.

The good news that this survey brought is that almost 70% who moved in the name of love claimed that their relocation was very successful, but not everyone ended up being lucky. This means that if you think your relationship is struggling then don’t be afraid to make it succeed and find a way to work on it rather than choosing to break up.

One of the myths regarding long distance relationship is they are likely to fail

One of the strongest myths regarding long distance relationship is they are likely to fail and yes, this myth is not entirely accurate. If you again look at the statistics for how long a long-distance relationship can last, then it shows that the average time for a long-distance relationship to work is 4-5 months. But keep in mind that these statistics do not mean that your relationship is bound to fail.

You need to sacrifice a lot

Long distance relationships are not stress-free, you need to sacrifice a lot and have to give all your time and effort to make them work. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and such relationships are hard; you yearn to see them again, hold their hand, kiss them back but you can’t. You can’t hug them, or kiss them, or cuddle with them because they are miles away.

However, if two people who are willing to make it work, who love each other, believe in each other and are eager to be with that person till the end, the distance does not matter. It comes as no shock that “Love can conquer all” is indeed very true but to conquer everything with love requires a lot of sacrifices. If you and your partner are eager to make these sacrifices and are willing to overcome differences, then there is nothing that can stop you from making your relationship work.

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Tired of the Hookup-Breakup Cycle? 4 Tips On How To Break The Vicious Cycle

The internet changed the landscape of dating, and dating today looks so very different from dating 15 years ago.  Ask anyone who was single 15 years ago how they met their significant other, and they will cite real-life social places such as work, school, church or through friends.  Compare that with this statistic from 2017, where 19% of brides report meeting their spouse through an online dating app.

Dating sites are here to stay, and are often the first stop for single people as they enter (or re-enter) the world of romance.  There are many advantages to these sites, most notably that they offer a vast selection of different people from which to choose and meet with. One important disadvantage to these sites, however, is that they can lead users to believe that there is “always someone better to meet with the next swipe”, encouraging short-term relationships, promiscuity and even infidelity.

The hookup-breakup cycle is thus perpetuated, because the idea of a permanent and stable relationship can seem less tempting when it is so easy to take out one’s phone and see attractive photos of other people, just waiting for us to say “I’m interested” with a right-swipe.

If you want to avoid becoming a victim of the hookup-breakup cycle, try the following tips:

Make an effort to meet people in real-life situations

You can still keep your profiles active on your favorite dating sites, but supplement that with real-world interactions. Be an active participant in life around you, attending community events, doing volunteer work, lending a helping hand to neighbors or other people in need, and just being out in the world.

Your chances of crossing paths with a potential love partner are broadened, and you will already have a pre-established common interest when you meet doing something both of you like doing, rather than randomly on the internet. Because you will have a chance to observe this person in a real situation, rather than a set-up internet date where there is less context in which to interpret them, you will have a perfect opportunity to get a sense of their character, how they interact with others, and if they seem fun, serious, character-worthy and stable.  Should a relationship result of your meeting, there are already firmer roots established which lessens the likelihood of seeing a hookup-breakup cycle begin with this person.

Be friends first

Many rock-solid couples, even those who met through the internet, will tell you that part of their solidity was that they developed a friendship first before they escalated to the physical stage of the relationship.  Few long-term relationships result from a one-night stand; those are more likely to end in a hookup—breakup. So take your time getting to know your new friend.

Do things together that are outside the home, so you won’t be tempted to hop into bed at the first chance.  During this initial getting-to-know-you period, you’ll have a chance to observe them. You are looking for character, personality traits such as empathy, communication skills and if they are happy in general.  Focus on building a good base of friendship. This will serve the relationship well because it is harder to break up with someone whom you truly enjoy as a friend, and the eventual hookup will be all the better as once you become physical, you’ll be doing it with someone you really appreciate and know.

Don’t let those “crush” feelings cloud your view

When we are in the rosy first days of a relationship, we tend to idolize the object of our affections and see them as the most wonderful human to ever walk the face of the earth.  Everything looks sparkly and beautiful; they have no bad, irritating habits at this point. Try to step back and use your rational thinking as you become closer to this person so that you can see them as they really are:  a human being just like you, with all the faults, weaknesses and insecurities that we all share.

If you ignore that part of them, you are likely to jump into a relationship without using your head, and this can perpetuate the hookup-breakup cycle that you are trying to avoid.

As your feelings deepen, think about the next step

You have now reached a critical stage in your relationship, one where you are either going to cut each other loose or move forward:  the growth stage. If during the friendship-building stage you see traits that you know you could never embrace in this person, now is the time to separate.  If, however, you are loving what you see in them, now is the time to grow more emotional bonding with this person.

This is the stage where most couples will introduce sex into the relationship.  If you are considering this, ask yourself if you’ve developed enough emotional intimacy together to prevent a breakup. All of these steps lead to a committed relationship.  This is where you and your partner will establish, via your excellent communication skills, rich conversations and deep, late-night talks, that you do want to be together in a committed, exclusive relationship.  You take action and delete those dating apps, and you establish the parameters of your fully-faceted relationship.

Because you have taken your time, moving through the previous steps slowly but surely, you know that this is the one:  the person with whom you will never have to go through the hookup-breakup cycle again.

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