I (26f) am seriously considering calling of my wedding (this Saturday) because of my future mother in law (60f). Am I just being rash or do I need to consider that this is the rest of my life?

Like most posts here, this could go on for days but I don't want to bore everyone so I will keep it short.

I met my fiancé in college 5 years ago. We've been together ever since and we still live in the same general region while my family lives on down the west coast, his family is from the DC area. I love him very much but he's not without his faults and he comes from what I call a very privileged, but repressive upbringing. To me you can pull a direct string between the things that bother me about him to his childhood. But all in all he's a great person who does amazingly well despite suffering what I would call borderline abuse.

In the five years of knowing Josh, I've met his parents maybe 10 times. His dad is a nice man who has been a career government lobbyist who apparently is feared in Washington for the power he wields but at home he's almost like a broken entity that sits in his study reading. The reason is Josh's mom. She is an absolute terror. She's a very beautiful and wickedly smart woman but it almost seems like she gets off on the power she wields over the family and she wears her husbands job on her sleeve even though I haven't seen a hint of love shown towards him.

The first time we ever met she was giving me a tour of their house which was like a museum and just kept saying the rudest of rude and odd things to me about where things would go in the will, estate attorneys and how Josh and his siblings better not fight over money. It was just such an odd way to introduce herself to me that I kind of figured that's the way "old" money people were.

Every visit with her since then has been along those lines. Every time we see her there's always some mention of the estate and will. Sometimes I think its just awkward conversation and sometimes I get the idea that it's almost like a warning.

When Josh and I announced to them that we were engaged, at first his mom asked if she could help with the expenses. At first I politely declined but she sent me a very nice (and even loving) hand written letter how her mom had not come to her wedding and that her daughter had eloped and how highly she always thought of me and just to please consider allowing her to help because she's always dreamed of being involved in a daughters wedding and she considered me a daughter from the start.

She really pulled at my heartstrings and I accepted. Big--fucking--mistake. I'm not really into wedding planning so I pretty much let her run with it and she does have impeccable tastes but in doing so, she deeply insulted my mom, our upbringing, our home, my dad's job and my sister. I felt like I was always playing referee with them. All of that passed and wedding planning moved along until this past week when my mother in law announced the following:

1. She's buying us a house...and not as in let's go house shopping and see what's available in the Portland area...it's I'm closing on this house at 123 River Drive on June 3rd and moving trucks will be at your apartment on June 4th. So not only is she buying us a house, she's also buying the house at 126 River Drive because she's "fallen in love with the flowers" in Oregon and she can't bear another DC summer. I told my fiancé that this is a crazy overstepping of her boundaries and he basically said that he knew this was going to happen when I accepted help with the wedding. I asked if he seriously expected us to move and he said absolutely not but he's just too stressed over the wedding to address it with her but he will. I asked when, he said not to worry about it and i'm reading more into it because she's bought huge houses in every corner of the US and Canada and she'll lose interest when she realizes her DC friends aren't around to impress and intimidate. When I asked him about his opinion on moving to this house, he's said two things at two sepreate times...A. he'll address it after the wedding and then B. Maybe we should just try it out?

2. She's now insisting on coming to my bachelorette party tonight. I have no idea why and she won't explain what her reasoning is. We aren't even doing any thing "bad" but I feel like she has to be there to monitor me.

I haven't been sleeping well just because I feel stressed that this whole thing has gotten out of my control and I'm worried that all eyes will be on me. I can admit that maybe I'm not seeing things strait and that might be causing me to have a throw the baby out with the bathwater mentality but I can't imagine living the rest of my life always under suspicion, being reminded and played favorites over some estate and have the woman responsible for all my husbands issues living 3 houses down from us--in an enormous house that I would never pick for myself in a million year.

I hope I've given enough info to help but I feel this is getting long as it is. I can fill in any more details if needed...but am I right in thinking that walking away from the wedding less than week out? I love Josh but I just can't imagine living my life like this. Get out now? Or see if we can make our distance after the wedding?

tl;dr: My future mother in law is driving me crazy and I'm seriously considering walking away from the wedding which is supposed to be on Saturday. Am I just being rash or do I need to consider that this is the rest of my life?

submitted by /u/runfarfarawa
[link] [comments]

from Relationships https://ift.tt/2x3A9kv