We have twin boys, 11 months, and I've recently returned to work after an extended maternity leave due to some health complications. Husband and I both have strong career aspirations and we never once thought about one of us staying at home. The plan was always to hire nannies to help where we can't.
Anyways, my decision to go back to work has been met with SO MUCH hatred from family on my husband's side. In-laws found out that we hired two nannies, one full and one part-time, and they absolutely lost it. My MIL called me unfit to be a mother and terrible names for choosing to leave my babies before the age of 1. I've tried to defend myself (hell, I was raised by nannies and I turned out okay and I have a strong relationship with my mom to boot) but it's pointless with her.
I'd be lying if I said none of this got to me. I do feel a lot of guilt, but I know I can't give up on my career and stay at home. I know myself well and I know I'd grow to resent both my kids and my husband eventually if I'm not allowed to pursue my own professional path. My career is so extremely important to me and I have big plans on where I want to end up. However, I feel like everyone I meet thinks I'm a selfish monster for valuing my job over staying home with my children.
Most recently, I attended my SIL's bday party and she announced that she was pregnant. It was a huge occasion and I was overjoyed for her, but halfway through she broke into a monologue about how she can't wait to be a mother and to raise her kid with a mother's touch, not by strangers. She said she's sure her baby will turn out exceptional because she plans on being _there_ (emphasis on there) and not just birthing them and passing them off like petstore puppies.
Needless to say, it was very obviously directed at me and everyone kept searching my face for my reaction. I felt like crying but held it back and faked a smile for the rest of the party. The hardest part is I have literally 0 friends in the same situation. All of my friends are either career-oriented and childless, or have children and stay at home/have low-stress jobs. At my present company there are less than 5 women at my current level, and all of them are childless or single.
My husband is trying so hard to be supportive and push back at his parents but I feel like he doesn't understand the particular struggles when you're a woman. I just wish I had people in my life who understood and could give me guidance. What should I do?
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tldr: Husband's family resents us for choosing to hire nannies to raise our children instead of one of us staying home. I feel no one understands my perspective, and I'm being treated as a monster by most women. What can I do to cope?
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