Hi Reddit,
Just looking for some advice probably gonna be a long post. We’ve been married a little over six months & together for just over a year. This is the first marriage for both of us. I know you’ll probably think I’m crazy to be married just by the timeframe, but that’s where I’m at.
I’m pretty miserable in my marriage and it’s hard for me to see that changing. She’s not all bad. She’s smart, educated, beautiful & loving.
What’s causing me all my misery is she’s very controlling, clingy & insecure. In her defense she was like this before I married her. For whatever stupid reasons I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but it’s starting to drive me crazy.
She pretty much always has to get her way & will comment on/question/correct anything I do.
She’s very career focused & has no hobbies or interests that she pursues outside of work. Whenever she’s not working I’m expected to be doing something with her.
The few chances I’m able to have time to myself (the gym or running to the grocery store, I cook) she’ll want to know exactly how long I’ll be gone. She’ll FaceTime me to make sure I’m doing what I said I was. She wants complete access to my phone & questions me every time I get a text or call.
I pretty much feel like I’m in prison. I can’t be or do anything by myself.
We’ve just started couples therapy and it has been helping a little. Not that she should be, but I feel the therapist is definitely seeing my wife’s actions causing a majority of the conflict vs mine. She also wants my wife to see another therapist on her own for her insecurity issues. I’ve done nothing to lose my wife’s trust, it’s all from previous relationships.
I’m not perfect, I can be passive & hold things in because I don’t want to cause conflict. But the last few months, I’ve really been trying to open myself up, communicate more & express my feelings. I try standing my ground when something is important to me, but it usually ends up causing a huge argument that goes on for hours.
This has been causing both of us tremendous amount of stress and anxiety. I do love her, but sometimes I think it would be kinder to let her go. Like I said in the beginning, sorry for the long post. I just could use some advice whether good or bad. Thanks.
TD;LR
I feel like I’m suffocating in my marriage. I need my own time and space to unwind. We’re in therapy but it’s not changing very much. Would just like advice from others whether good or bad.
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