I suppose there really is no nice way to say this. My husband has a super short temper, and lately has been particularly easy to set off. He has been telling me with frequency that he does not love me when he gets set off.
We have been married for a year, but together for 8, living together for about 5 years. I knew he was pretty easy to get angry, but lately it's been unbearable and I feel like I'm constantly tip toeing around him, to the point I do not want to be around him at all. He gets angry about every little thing, lately just my existence is enough to get him to blow up. He will start saying things like "I don't love you", "I don't want to be married to you", etc. Which obviously is extremely hurtful and inappropriate. Sometimes the things that set him off have nothing to do with me, such as not knowing what he wants to eat for lunch (really??), work upsetting him, etc. Sometimes it's me saying things like "what did you do with the laundry that was in the dryer?" or "let's make this grocery shopping trip light, we're almost over budget". Which to me seems like pretty reasonable stuff to say, but he thinks I'm being an asshole or something if I'm not chipper 100% of the time. I feel like I should also add, when he isn't saying he doesn't love me, etc. He will do stupid things like hang up on me if something pisses him off, then call me back later and act fine, then get pissed again and hang up on me again. Just little aggressive things like that. When he does get set off I usually just try to avoid him and will stop talking to him until he calms down, at which point he's back to loving me.
I think I am a pretty reasonable and decent wife. I do way more than my fair share of housework, and am incredibly independent so I don't really rely on him for much. I have my own life, career, hobbies, and friends. I take a lot of time to make sure I'm taking care of myself and really make an effort to make sure I'm being sensible and acting in a not overly emotional way. I want to point this out because I'm not sitting around at home nagging him or controlling him or having unreasonable expectations of him. If I'm being honest he does not pull his weight around the house and I avoid asking him to do much because it has a tendency to get him worked up. If I do ask him for help it goes undone for weeks or months on end, even after asking more than a few times.
I should have known it would end up like this, I knew he was short tempered all along. Maybe I was young and naive, I mostly think I thought he would outgrow it. It wasn't so bad at first, but it has gotten worse since getting married. Now he can say things like he wants to get divorced, and they he hates my mom/his mother in law (who is a wonderful woman and has never done anything to him, but I digress). He also will say things like I'm just like my mom, which he never did before we were married. He complains a lot about how I do things around the house, but that might be an entirely separate issue. I'm also willing to admit I'm painting a negative picture here because he's being a total dillhole, but there are qualities in him that I love and enjoy, which is why I married him.
I'm at a loss of what to do now. I don't want to be around him lately. It makes me feel tense and uncomfortable when he does these things. I don't really take it to heart because I know none of it is true and I'm a decent person, but I try to avoid conflict with him as much as possible. I just want to feel loved and right now I don't feel that at all. If he really hates me so much I wish he'd just leave instead of harping on me about it. What do I do reddit?
Tl;Dr husband has an ultra short fuse and blows up on me a lot. He hasn't always been this bad, but is particularly bad right now. Says he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me, but doesn't feel that way when he calms down. What do I do?
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