EDIT Realised the title was ambiguous. We decided to give a relationship a shot, not kids. Not yet, haha.
The relationship: So about eighteen months ago I met the most wonderful person I've ever met in my entire life. We have happily been in a relationship for about six months now and it's going superbly well. I have never felt this way about anyone before, ever. I have never had such a strong sense of belonging, meant-to-be, complete understanding and love on both physical and emotional levels. He's incredible. I realise we are still in the honeymoon period but even as honeymoon periods go it's freaking wonderful.
He feels the same way. It's like when we came into each other's lives something just clicked for us both and it's like... we were meant to be together. That is how it feels. I really can't explain it, but it's a very strong and close bond.
My kids thing: I've never really been interested in children. I'm really not maternal. I haven't spend much time around children, I was the youngest in my family by a good few years and mostly grew up surrounded by teenagers/adults. Obviously I had friends my own age, and they were super into being excited to be mothers [even at the age of 14] and I couldn't imagine anything worse. I sort of figured it would change as I got older, or maybe I'd meet someone extra special and decide to have kids with them, but it never really happened. My first boyfriend wanted kids very much [I was 18] but I was still developing my opinions back then. I honestly couldn't imagine having children even when we talked about it though. Then, a few years later, I had a long term relationship of 4 years and we were both childfree. Kids weren't in our future or our plans, so I got used to the idea of never having kids and didn't feel particularly sad or heartbroken about it and lumped myself in with the /r/childfree lot. Eventually that relationship ended, sadly, for its own reasons and I became single again. Enter my current boyfriend from stage right, who's turned my world upside down.
His kids thing: He's always, always wanted children. He thought by the age of 24 he'd have had three already. All he's wanted for most of his life is to settle down and raise a family. He doesn't really have a father figure in his life to speak of and it's been his dream to be an impeccable, loving, amazing dad to his children - a dad he never got. It has been super important to him to have children. I can see why. Fatherhood just sort of oozes from him, in a nice way. There are so many shit parents out there and I can guarantee he wouldn't be one of those, not by a long shot. He hasn't really had a serious relationship before either - a couple of short term things that didn't last longer than a few months, and due to some personal issues he's had to restart his career over the last 18 months too, so he's a little 'behind' in his life plan. But then I guess that's where I come in.
Now: Before we decided to get together we talked about the conflict above, because obviously it's pointless starting a relationship when you both have such differing values on children. We both agreed that if both of us were set in our ways or went in expecting the other person to change, it wouldn't work. The only way a relationship could even potentially work was if we were both open to the possibility of ourselves changing our minds. And if neither of us did, or one or both of us got more stuck in to our own views, then even if we broke up -- we both felt it would be worth the shared love and relationship we would experience together. So we decided to give it a go.
I have to say, I have never wanted to want to have children so badly. This man is amazing and would make a fantastic father; I can't imagine him going through life not being a dad. He has all the building blocks I'd love from a parental side of things. He's fun and silly, but knows how to set and stick to boundaries. He's patient and understanding, kind, selfless, we share the same morals and values, and co-parenting with him would be such an honour. I am remembering what I used to say about not wanting children until I met the man who changed my mind: and I really think I could/might, with him. I really actually want to. I have a feeling our relationship will grow to the point where I will want to create a family with him. But I can't be sure, because I've gone so long feeling pretty much one way on the subject.
From his perspective, as our love and relationship has developed, he's said the more time we spend together and the more he learns about us as a couple, the more sure he is that he'd rather have no-kids with me than have kids with someone else. As far as he's concerned I am the woman for him, and if that means no kids he would rather that and be with me and share our relationship, than leave just for the sake of having them with someone else. He doesn't think he could feel anything like this with anyone else.
He's also made it clear that if I ever did change my mind, he would want to wait a year from when I told him so before we started trying for a family, to make sure it wasn't just a whimsical flight of fancy, because he knows and respects my desire not to bear children.
So. Are we completely doomed?
I'm mostly just looking for insight. People who have had similar situations or made similar decisions. I read a lot on here about women or men who change their mind on children and I am finding myself hoping that that happens to me - not for my boyfriend, I don't wish he were different in any way, but I hope that I change my mind and genuinely want to have children. I read those and think "Maybe there is hope for me!". Which is crazy to me because two to three years ago I would have laughed at those people and been happy with my childfree life. Opinions welcome!
TLDR: I don't want kids. My boyfriend does. We both decided to get together knowing this, each of us open to our own minds changing in the future. He says he would rather not-have kids with me than have kids with anyone else - he just can't imagine being without me and our love. Conversely, I find myself willing myself to change my mind about wanting children because I think he'd be a great father and I can't imagine him not being one, and I want to give it to him. Are we doomed to miserable failure?
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