It’s Otto writing today and sometimes I’ll hear a song lyric, read a line in a book or hear something totally random on a TV show or on the Internet and it strikes me a little bit deeper than it ordinarily might. This happened to …
From Otto: A REASON, A SEASON OR A LIFETIME Read More »
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As she stood at the customer service counter of a well-known large home improvement store, her irritation level and anxiety sky-rocketed after waiting two hours for her order. Carol thought she was just quickly picking up the large order of pavers for a new patio …
Upsets, Anxiety and Off-The-Charts Emotions… Read More »
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Are you wondering, what is emotional cheating? Maybe you are feeling lonely in your relationship or marriage. But it seems like your spouse is focused elsewhere. He or she may have a very “special” close friend, maybe at work or in your social network. And you wonder if they are having an affair. It seems…
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Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
She called them the “whiny boys” and my wife Susie is finally warming up to them after all these years. What gives? How did I get her to see rock bands from the 70s and 80s like Boston, Journey, Foreigner and REO Speedwagon with new …
How to Get Someone to Change… Read More »
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Try as we might, we’re all terrible at predicting outcomes and relationship predictions in our lives–but we keep doing it. The problem is that we somehow think this will keep us safe, prepared for the worst or solve some problem in a backwards way but …
Relationships Suffer Because We’re So Bad At THIS Read More »
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In this article how rich people think summary, you will get an insight into how rich people really think. It
The post How rich people think summary appeared first on Denis Doan .
A story of how compassion helped a family find relief when stressful conditions activated trauma triggers and coping mechanisms.
The post Under Stress, We All Regress appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
When your wedding day is behind you, and the photos stashed lovingly away, there’s one symbolic element of your union that remains: the exchange of rings.
Day-in-day-out, the rings you’ve shared serve as a constant reminder of your vows, your love and your commitment.
What’s fascinating about the exchanging of rings, is that this element of engagement and marriage is a ritual we still enjoy, with roots stretching back thousands of years.
Conjure up in your mind a classic image of wedding ring exchanges from a wedding day.
Almost certainly, your mind will come to rest on the couple, hands held delicately between them, exchanging their vows, while giving rings. This iconic image of romance is the one we all cherish, want to remember forever, and will likely display on our wall for years to come.
It’s the one image which doesn’t fade with time.
The rings are still worn and touched every day. It’s even more magical to realize that this tradition stems back as far as the Ancient Egyptians!
The Ancient Egyptians are believed to have used rings as part of the wedding ceremony as long ago as dating to 3000 BC!
Made from reed, hemp or other plants, formed into a circle, perhaps this was the first use of a complete circular ring to symbolize the eternity of marriage?
As in many cultures today, the ring was placed on the fourth finger of the left hand. This stemmed from the belief that the vein here ran directly to the heart.
Obviously plant rings didn’t stand the test of time. They came to be replaced with other materials such as ivory, leather and bone.
As is the case still now, the materials that were used represented the wealth of the giver. Now of course, there’s no ivory, but the most discerning couples choose platinum, titanium and the most exquisite diamonds.
The Romans also had a ring tradition.
This time, the custom around wedding ring exchanges was for the groom to give a ring to the father of the bride.
Against our modern sensibilities, this was actually to ‘buy’ the bride. Still, by the second century BC, brides were now being given gold rings as a symbol of trust, which could be worn when out.
At home, the wife would wear a plain engagement ring, the Anulus Pronubus, made from iron. Yet symbolism was still central to this ring. It symbolized strength and permanence.
Again, these rings were worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, due to the heart connection.
Over recent years there has been a notable trend around wedding ring exchanges for engaged couples to customize their rings.
Whether it’s being involved in the design stage, using a stone inherited from a relative, or engraving the band, couples want their symbolic rings to be unique.
Yet, this trend of unique wedding ring exchange is resurging rather than something new. The Roman’s engraved wedding rings too!
During the Middle Ages, rings were still a symbolic part of the marriage ceremony. However, being associated with paganism, it took a little while before the Church started to incorporate rings in the service.
It was in 1549, with The Book of Common Prayer that we first heard “with this ring I thee wed” in written form. Still part of many Christian wedding ceremonies today, it’s incredible to think these same words, and the same symbolic act, stretch back so far in history!
However, if we dig a little deeper then things get more interesting. Not only was the ring a sign of exchanging valuables, following this, the groom would hand gold and silver to the bride.
This was symbolizing that marriage would have been more of a contract between families than a union of love.
Even more amusingly, an old German marriage vow was very stark about the realities.
The groom would state: “I give you this ring as a sign of the marriage which has been promised between us, provided your father gives with you a marriage portion of 1000 Reichsthalers.” At least it was honest!
In East Asian culture, early rings were often puzzle rings. These rings were designed to fall apart when removed from the finger; a clear sign that the wife had taken the ring off in her husband’s absence!
Puzzle rings have been popular elsewhere too. Gimmel rings were popular during the Renaissance. Gimmel rings are made of two interlocking rings, one for the bride and one for the groom.
They would then be interlocked at the wedding for the wife to wear thereafter, symbolizing two becoming one.
Popularity of Gimmel rings stretched to the Middle East and it’s not unusual for couples to choose something similar today (although often the groom will now wear his half!).
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Ancient Egyptians and Romans may have worn wedding rings on the fourth finger of the left hand (the ring finger) but it’s not actually been standard across history and cultures. Jews traditionally wear the ring on their thumb or index finger.
Ancient Britons wore the ring on the middle finger, not caring which hand to use.
In some cultures, part of the ceremony would see the ring being moved from one finger or hand to the other.
As you can see, wedding and betrothal rings were always made using the finest and longest lasting materials of the time, and in accordance with the wealth of the couple. It’s no surprise that the tradition for more lavish rings has extended over time.
In the 1800s, rings given to brides in North America and Europe became increasingly extravagant. Gold and precious jewels from around the world were sought after and crafted into increasingly intricate rings.
During Victorian times it became usual for snakes to feature in the ring’s design, following Prince Albert’s gift of a snake engagement ring to Queen Victoria, again symbolizing eternity with the act of wedding ring exchanges.
From then onwards we’ve seen how wedding ring exchanges particularly have become a chance for individual expression.
Even with the classic diamond solitaire, the setting and cut can make the ring completely unique.
It’s why brides and grooms now find themselves with an incredible choice when picking up a beautiful band for wedding ring exchanges.
You just need to look at the discussions about different ring designs on Pricescope – an independent diamond and jewelry forum, to see the excitement which is fueled over ring design.
For brides and grooms today, the wedding ring exchanges is still a symbolic element of the wedding.
Rings still absorb so much of our attention, time and budget during the wedding preparation stage.
The good news is that couples today can, with a little research about things like diamond cut, get jewels that dazzle and sparkle, in unique settings which represent their personality and relationship.
They can get a contemporary show-stopper ring which still symbolizes eternity and romance.
Throughout history, rings were worn by brides and wives. However, during World War II, wedding rings became popular for men too.
The wedding ring exchanges symbolized commitment and remembrance for soldiers serving in the war. The tradition stayed.
Today, men and women both see engagement and wedding rings as symbolic of love, commitment and loyalty, rather than ownership.
Couples now choose rings which are representative of their wealth. However, they also choose rings which are representative of their relationship and personalities.
Wedding and engagement rings now are increasingly unique.
Given how long the symbolism of wedding rings has been around, we anticipate that the tradition will continue for centuries to come.
With diamonds, precious metals and exquisite design, we wonder where wedding ring fashion will take us in the future.
The post Symbolism and Promise Around Wedding Ring Exchanges appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
If you read Otto’s story called “Recovered from Rage,” you saw how his anger used to get lit very easily when he thought he was being controlled or wouldn’t get his needs met. He also explained what he learned that changed him from occasionally explosively …
Do’s and Don’t’s in Loving an Angry Partner by Susie Collins Read More »
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Understanding and adjusting to emotional needs in the midst of uncertainty.
The post For Better or for Worse: Conflict and Connecting in Crisis appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
For people who know me these days it’s probably hard to imagine me as a really angry person… But I was. Not all the time, but some of the time. Not just angry, but once in a while–bordering on rage and on a couple of …
RECOVERED FROM RAGE by Otto Collins Read More »
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We often discuss how important it is for men to uphold the FLR concepts of Please Her, Protect Her, Promote Her. But, in a Loving Female Relationship (Loving FLR) women have certain responsibilities too. A man wrote in recently to say: I cannot imagine that I’m the only man who gave his all to a
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Ambiguity related to the ongoing virus pandemic leads to complicated feelings and overwhelm.
The post Coping with Uncertainty During COVID-19: An International Gottman Trainer Shares Their Perspective appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
I know how men can wheedle and press their partners to get what they want, when they fear they won’t get it. I am not lily-white in that regard. If she says she’ll think about, or gives a “hmmm” or a maybe, whether to soften a “no” or because she really does want to think
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The post I Have Always Respected My Wife’s Decisions appeared first on Loving FLR.
What are you most looking forward to when the Coronavirus is finally over and our lives get back to normal? Seriously? What will be the thing you most want to do or have happen that isn’t possible right now? You have these things in your …
Why Living in the Future is a Dangerous Place Read More »
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Mindfully managing co-parenting from separate households during shelter-in-place conditions.
The post Living Apart With Love appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
I’ve been really emotional all day today. This morning, a friend, a person I used to be friends with in real life, now a Facebook friend who I don’t see in person anymore said on Facebook that she was grateful that her sister was now …
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In this Think and Grow Rich summary, we’ll discuss the 13 steps you need to take to achieve wealth and
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Social media and divorce sounds mutually exclusive. But they aren’t. On the contrary social media and relationships are deeply intertwined.
The article deep-dives into how social media affects relationships, social media and divorce rate and if the general opinion social media ruining marriages holds ground. Also, if you have a divorce case going on the article offers insights on the forms of social media-related evidence that could be a factor in your divorce case.
To understand why we mention social media and divorce in one breath, let’s look at our dependence on all things digital.
Digital devices are an inescapable part of modern life. While the phone in your pocket is a window to the world that can allow you to stay informed, interact with people who are important to you, and make your life easier, being constantly connected to social media can also have a downside.
For some, social media use grows into an addiction that can affect relationships with family and friends.
Whether social media leads to online affairs or becomes something that drives a wedge between spouses, it often plays a role in the breakdown of a marriage. That’s why it won’t be incorrect to say that social media can become a leading cause of divorce. That’s one insight on social media and divorce connection.
The influence social networks play in your life could extend beyond the end of your relationship, and social media could also be a major factor in your divorce.
When ending your marriage, you will want to be sure to understand the steps you can take to protect yourself from embarrassment and legal difficulties.
If your marriage is ending because of social media or other reasons, you should speak to a Kane County divorce attorney and discuss your legal options.
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Here’s an in depth analysis of social media and divorce.
The use of social media has seen a huge increase over the past decade. According to Pew Research Center, 72% of adults use at least one social media site regularly.
This number is higher for younger age groups; 90% of adults between the ages of 18 and 29 and 82% of adults aged 30-49 use social media.
The most popular social media apps are Facebook and Instagram, but sites such as Twitter, Snapchat, and Pinterest also see a great deal of use.
Social media affects people’s lives in a wide variety of ways, but studies have shown that 71% of social media users find that these sites and apps make them feel more connected with others.
However, 49% of people have reported that they see information on social media that makes them feel depressed, and for some, social media has been found to increase stress levels.
While these issues on their own may not contribute directly to the breakdown of a marriage, they could lead to a person becoming unhappy in their relationship, or they could affect other emotional or personal issues and increase the likelihood of divorce.
Social media may have a more direct involvement in marriage and divorce when it comes to jealousy and infidelity.
Studies have found that 19% of people stated that they became jealous due to their partners’ interactions with other people on Facebook, and 10% of people regularly looked at their partners’ profiles due to suspicions of infidelity. In addition, around 17% of people who use online dating apps do so with the intent of cheating on their spouse or partner.
When a marriage does break down, information posted on social media can increasingly become a factor in divorce proceedings. A survey of attorneys found that 33% of divorce cases result from online affairs, and 66% of cases involved evidence found on Facebook or other social networks.
Clearly, social media is an important part of many people’s lives, and whether it is directly involved in the end of a marriage or not, it can also play a huge role in a divorce case.
If you are considering divorce or are going through the divorce process, it is important to understand when and how you should use social media, and you should be aware of the forms of social media-related evidence that could be a factor in your divorce case. Also, it would be helpful to be aware of divorce etiquette.
Since social networks are public platforms, anything you post could potentially be viewed by your spouse and their attorney.
Even if you have taken steps to make sure messages are private, the people you communicate with could potentially share messages with your spouse or with others who could pass them along.
Information shared online can be found and used against you, and even deleted posts or messages may be saved as screenshots or uncovered in an archive.
Since your updates, photos, and other posts provide information about your life, anything you share could potentially be relevant when addressing divorce-related issues. Social media could affect your divorce in the following ways:
During your divorce, you will be required to disclose information about your finances, including the income you earn and the property you own both together with your spouse and separately. Posts on social media could be used to dispute the information you have reported, and this could affect the decisions made about the division of marital property.
For example, if you post a photo on Instagram showing off an expensive watch or jewelry, your ex may claim that you did not disclose this property during your divorce.
If you expect to pay or receive spousal support (alimony) or child support, the amount of these payments will usually be based on the income earned by both you and your ex-spouse.
The information you share online could be used to question your claims about the income you earn or should be able to earn.
For example, if you have stated that a disability has reduced your income-earning capacity, your ex’s attorney may uncover photos you have shared in which you are enjoying outdoor activities, and these may be used as evidence to claim that you should be able to earn a higher income than you have reported.
Any information you post related to your career or your physical health could play a role in your divorce, and even something as innocuous as updating your job position on LinkedIn could affect decisions about financial support.
During a child custody dispute, courts will be looking at whether parents can cooperate in raising children. Social media posts in which you complain about your ex, call them names, or discuss details of your divorce could be used against you, especially if your children could potentially view this information.
If you and your spouse do not agree about how to divide or share custody of your children, your ex’s lawyer might look through your social media accounts to find evidence related to parental fitness, such as posts in which you have discussed alcohol or drug use.
Even photos of you at an after-work party posted by a coworker could potentially be used to claim that your habits and activities could put your children at risk of physical or emotional harm.
Even if adultery was the reason for your divorce, it may not necessarily play a role in the legal proceedings.
Most states allow for no-fault divorce in which a divorce petition will only need to state that the marriage broke down because of “irreconcilable differences,” and issues such as property division and alimony are often decided without considering “marital misconduct.”
However, some states use fault-based grounds for divorce or allow adultery to be considered when awarding spousal support. In these cases, evidence of infidelity gathered on social media could play a role in a divorce. In addition, decisions about the division of marital property may be affected by claims that a spouse has dissipated assets by spending marital funds on an affair.
If you have posted any information on social media about activities involving a new partner, such as mentioning a vacation the two of you are taking together, this may be used to claim that you have dissipated marital assets.
In some cases, both spouses will use the same accounts, or they may access each other’s accounts for various reasons, such as communicating with friends or family members.
During your divorce, you may agree to close any shared accounts, or you may decide that certain accounts will only be used by one spouse.
In cases where social media accounts have a monetary value, such as when a person or couple is an “influencer,” decisions about their ownership will be addressed during the division of marital property, and income earned through these accounts may affect the decisions made about spousal maintenance or child support.
Because of the ways information shared on social media can affect a divorce case, many attorneys recommend that you avoid using social media altogether while your divorce is ongoing.
Even if you believe that an update or photo is completely unrelated to your divorce, it could be interpreted in ways that you did not anticipate. In many cases, it is best to use other methods of communication with friends and family members until your divorce has been completed. Social media and divorce can get unbelievably messy.
Even after your divorce has been finalized, you may find that the use of social media could lead to legal issues. You will want to be aware of the following:
It is also a good idea to refrain from posting anything that could increase conflict between you and your ex or sharing information that could be used to call your parental fitness into question.
Similarly, if you receive spousal support payments, an update in which you describe moving in with a new partner could be used by your ex as evidence that these payments are no longer necessary and should be terminated.
Even if you “unfriend” your ex and try to avoid any unnecessary contact with them, you may find that they are sharing inappropriate information about you or your divorce, or they may continue to send you messages or communicate with you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
If your ex commits any form of harassment using social media, you should speak to an attorney to determine how to address this, and you may also want to contact law enforcement.
Although the relationship between social media and divorce is complicated, there are potential drawbacks to social media, it can also provide many benefits, including allowing you to remain close with friends and family members and connect with others who understand what you are going through.
As you proceed with the divorce process, your attorney can help you understand how you should and should not use social media, and they can help you determine when you may be able to use social media evidence during your case.
Once your divorce is complete, you will want to establish clear rules and boundaries for how you and your ex will use social media. If any concerns arise that affect your children, your finances, or your safety, your lawyer can help you determine your best options for reaching a successful conclusion to your case.
The post The Only Social Media and Divorce Resource You’ll Need appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
We can all feel it when we’re in a healthy relationship, but we’re usually unable to pinpoint what it is exactly that makes us feel that way.
What is behind that strong sense of connection with our partner? Trust? Respect? Intimacy? There’s so much more. The reason why we feel that way is that a healthy relationship leads to a significantly healthier life.
But developing healthy relationships is something that needs to be maintained. Keeping it strong and stable requires a fair amount of work.
Healthy relationships are not only vital to our emotional and mental wellbeing but are at the core of our survival. Our urge to connect with others is a significant part of what makes us the way we are.
Numerous research on biological processes have discovered a strong link between our health and the relationships we keep, but we’re about to dive deeper and beyond the research results.
So if you have been wondering what is the importance of healthy relationships and how to have a healthy relationship?
We’re about to provide some clarity on why building healthy relationships feels like it does and how to maintain it that way.
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As human beings, we’re constantly in search of our “place in the sun,” a place we can call our own, a place that will provide us with a true sense of purpose.
That elusive place, often marked by the term “utopia”, has also been described many times as non-existent or imagined.
Nevertheless, utopias do exist, but not as geographical locations. Rather, they’re discovered in the beauty of another human being, a soulmate.
When we feel truly needed, we immediately become a part of something bigger. If there is a significant someone who can be happier, trying to improve the world in some way becomes more than worthy.
This sense of purpose is the key thing that keeps us going in life, moving forward. All the little quirks of our partner(s) enrich our worlds, and these become the things that endear the most.
Of course, the physical plane is equally important as the emotional one. Numerous taboos have made our bodies into locked fortresses, turning our sex lives into guarded routines.
But today we’re past that, we’ve become comfortable with new approaches and physical aids that can stimulate all our erogenous zones.
Behind sexual experiments involving anal orgasms or S&M lies an absolute trust in our partners – the trust which can turn our bodies into temples as places of true worship.
If we’re ready to explore them with love and affection, each of them can become our own personal utopia – a place where we truly belong and have a unique purpose to fulfill.
So what makes a healthy relationship is when you get that overwhelming feeling that you have attained utopia.
Pink Floyd’s legendary album “The Wall, “especially the song “Mother,” brilliantly shows us how we’re all building the inner walls from our early childhood.
Firstly, we are often overprotected by our parents; then we continue raising these walls higher still on our own, not aware that we’re crushing our self-esteem and self-respect at the same time.
Respect becomes a form of hierarchy, and we start to hurt inside, detached from our true selves.
The benefits of a healthy relationship is that it is able to reestablish respect in its true form – as an awareness of another human being, and the appreciation of everything that makes an individual unique.
Mutual respect in a relationship leads to mutual understanding, eliminating the need to raise walls inside in order to conceal our weak spots, fears, or things we’re ashamed of.
Stress is one of the main building blocks of these inner walls, and the emotional and social support provided by partners is like taking a sledgehammer to it.
It has been proven that a healthy relationship is tied to a reduction of the stress hormone cortisol, especially in the case of cohabitation.
Of course, nurturing honesty and open communication is crucial for this process. Our inner walls will break only if we’re able to speak about what we feel and think with our partners in a transparent way.
Mutual respect and understanding come from honesty without the fear of being criticized. Secrets and lies have no place in a healthy relationship.
Breaking the inner wall doesn’t mean we don’t need to have boundaries – they’re an equally important part of our health and wellbeing.
In order to reconnect with our true selves, we need to be aware of what we are not.
A great portion of social interactions today doesn’t allow us to let others know what makes us comfortable and what doesn’t, and we spend so much time pretending we’re something we’re not.
Subject to the expectations of others, we wear masks before so many people – our employers, parents, even our friends.
But by maintaining healthy relationships, we’re able to set our boundaries and maintain them.
They may seem like a set of limits or rules in a relationship, but the truth is that a loving partner will always want to know how we want to be treated.
That’s why it is crucial to let your partner know when you need some space and vice versa, as well to respect each other’s needs, wants, ideas, and opinions, being able to “agree to disagree.”
We are not fully aware of our boundaries until we establish them clearly. Once we do so in a relationship, we would demand nothing less in other aspects of our life, knowing who we are and who we don’t want to be.
There’s a good reason why imaginary friends are frequent occurrences in childhood. Blood relations are one thing, but we’re in need of someone who is able to understand us on a deeper level, as the second half of one beating heart.
This is why partners are referred to as “the other half” – studies have even shown that a loving partner can even help us recover after heart surgery.
As in the case of an imaginary friend, it’s not magic. It is about having someone by our side who is able to take our mind off the pain, able to provide a true form of emotional support.
Partners in healthy relationships feel like the lost parts of themselves, finally reunited. This is why in such relationships, we’re encouraged to make changes toward healthier lifestyles – to exercise, quit smoking, eat healthily, etc.
If footsteps toward healthier behaviors are made by our soulmates, we’re more likely to follow them towards the reunion we’ve been waiting for our whole lives. So healthy relationships are not just about realizing who we are, but also who we can become.
As you can see, a healthy relationship is like our own place in the world. A place without inner walls of fears and anxiety, but with established boundaries.
A place with a clear sense of purpose where we can become the best version of ourselves. This is what true health and wellbeing are all about.
And all it takes to maintain such a sanctuary is to take a risk and share what’s going on in our heads and hearts with our significant others.
The post How Maintaining a Healthy Relationship Can Lead to a Healthier Life appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
Men always are asking me, What Do Women Want? Well here are the 9 must-know tips that will answer that question once and for all. If you are a guy, read on. If you are a woman, share this blog with your boyfriend or husband. You will be very happy you did! What Do Women…
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Love in 90 Days - Dating Tips, Relationship Advice
Whether you're social distancing or quarantined together, during stressful and uncertain times, it's more important than ever to prioritize rituals of connection with your partner.
The post 24 Dates You Can Try at Home appeared first on The Gottman Institute.
Addiction expert and Certified Gottman Therapist Dr. Robert Navarra shares advice for couples in recovery during COVID-19.
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Welcome to the Kissin’ Kitchen where we whip up long-lasting love, stress-reducing strategies, and conflict conversation starters to set your … Continued
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