The Danger in Fake Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing

5 Ways to Separate Parental Emotions From Marriage Emotions

In the early days of marriage, I thought I had it all figured out. My wife and I regularly went out and grew closer than ever. I thought that things would continue that way for the rest of our marriage.

Then we had kids and somehow everything seemed to go wrong.

Our eldest son had a host of issues from defiance, attachment issues, aggression and many others. We sought treatment for his conditions, took our son to plenty of therapy sessions and generally did our best to help him lead the best life possible.

However, the one thing my wife and I forgot to do was stay focused on our marriage. The stress of raising a troubled child put a considerable strain on our marriage and it started driving us apart.

We argued frequently and disagreed on everything from each other’s parenting style to what food our son should be eating and how frequent his therapy sessions should be.

Also, read – Navigating the slippery slopes of parenting and marriage

We were miserable and we had to make a few changes to turn things around. If we continued in the same vein, our marriage would end up becoming a casualty of the upheaval that comes with bringing up a difficult child.

Also, read – Balancing marriage and parenting without going crazy

Somehow, we had to find a way to be good parents to our son without losing sight of each other.

Separating our parental emotions from our marital ones took time.

but here’s what helped –

1. Creating time for each other

My son’s tantrums, meltdowns, and impulsivity drained our energy and we found we had little time for each other. 

To make our marriage work, we changed that. We discovered the value of making time for ourselves where we weren’t mom or dad but two people who loved one another.

We put aside half an hour before bed to just sit and enjoy our own company without interruptions.

2. Presenting a united front

Getting on the same page about setting limits, boundaries, and consequences is important, especially when dealing with a troubled child. 

We had to have a discussion on how to handle our son’s outbursts and defiance so that we would work as a team to provide consistent parenting. This helped my son know what was expected of him and he became less troublesome when he saw he couldn’t play us against each other.

Also, read – Raising a special child requires teamwork in marriage

3. Constant communication

Keeping anger, frustration, disappointment and other negative feelings bottled up is a recipe for disaster. It only leads to frustration. We found that open communication and being honest with each other helped diffuse tension at home.

My wife and I both learned to ask for what we wanted and we also gave the support and help that the other needed.

Also, read – Recipe for a happy marriage

4. Looking for little ways to be nice

How often do you and your spouse express admiration, appreciation, and affection?

The hassle of bringing up kids can tempt you to put your marriage on autopilot. But you can flip the script by learning how to do little things to show your partner how much you appreciate them.

Perhaps leaving them love notes, taking over some duties so they can relax, etc.

5. Getting professional help

It’s okay to seek professional help when the demands of bringing up a troubled child become overwhelming. In fact, something like sending them to a residential treatment center for teens can remove them from a negative environment while giving your marriage time to breathe.

Raising children, especially troubled teens can test the strongest of marriages.

When this happens, it’s vital to learn how to deal with things so that the stress doesn’t end up bringing down your marriage.

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6 Tips to Prepare Your Home and Yourself for a Newborn

Once the happy news is announced, you should start preparing your house for your baby’s arrival and yourself for a new family member.

You must’ve heard a great deal about diapers, car seats, strollers, and other stuff, but things to do to get your house in order before baby comes takes much more than that, both mentally and in organization.

So how to prepare your home for a newborn? what are the ways to prepare your home for baby? Is there a preparing house for baby checklist?

Elaborated below are 6 tips and advice for emotionally preparing for a baby and preparing your home for the newborns arrival. 

1. Set priorities

When the baby comes, you’ll feel lucky to get one thing done each day. Sooner or later you’re going to feel like you have a million things to do and you aren’t getting anywhere.

So you definitely must set some priorities for yourself, at least the first month or two after the baby arrives. For many young parents, the priorities are the health and family.

Even when you think you should be working, you should always keep the health and family in mind. Even if you have a bad day and want to treat yourself with all the chocolate you can eat, think of your health.

An important part of self-care is eating well after the pregnancy. On the days you eat healthy, you’ll feel you have the most energy for your baby and the rest of the family.

2. Childproof your home

Babies grow overnight and before you know it, your child will be crawling into every room they can get to. Also, it’s better to prepare your home now than later, when you’re sleep-deprived and unfocused.

So, don’t wait for your baby to get mobile – childproof your home right away. Secure any furniture that can tip over, cover all electric sockets, and put away all the fridge magnets.

Make a gentle, safe crawling zone by placing a colourful and stimulating rug that will soften any wooden or carpeted floors.

Also, as silly as it might sound, it’s not a bad idea to actually crawl around like a baby and see what you can reach. It might help you notice some things that you would otherwise overlook.

3. Stock up on supplies

In the first few weeks it’s hard to get to the store, so make sure your home is supplied with all baby and mom-related stuff you need.

Make sure you’re stocked with lanolin, breast pads, maxi pads, Tylenol, ibuprofen, wipes, diapers, and nursing shirts, and keep them handy in your nursing nook.

A few books can be a great source of entertainment and diversion during those few weeks. While you may not have time to read a lot, but every little downtime on the couch counts.

Be sure to stock as much healthy food snacks you can before the baby comes, and get into a habit of preparing a weekly grocery list with healthy food options someone can grab for you.

4. Manage your depression

Untreated depression during pregnancy makes it more difficult to care for yourself and an unborn baby. Not to mention that mothers with prenatal depression who don’t get treatments have a higher rate of complications during pregnancy.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists suggests taking an individualized approach. If you respond well to drug therapy, but your depression is persistent with frequent relapses, taking medication during pregnancy is safer than not.

On the other hand, not everyone responds well to antidepressants, and if your healthcare provider can avoid prescribing one, they will, often recommending talk therapy and self-help strategies as a first step in managing depression.

5. What dad should do

Your partner should look into taking as much time off as economically possible, as well as any paid leave or vacation time. Make sure the dad accompanies you to a couple of breastfeeding classes or support groups.

Even today, breastfeeding is challenging for most moms, and having a supportive husband or partner helps increase the success of breastfeeding success.

When you’re a first-time day, people are likely to tell you what to do all the time, which can become annoying. Thank them for the advice but say you’ll do things your way.

Eventually, the unsolicited advice will stop. During pregnancy and especially after the birth, your relationship is likely to change.

It’s surprising how small things can become big things. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open to change, even if it seems unfair.

6. Find time for intimacy

Many young mothers soon realize that no matter how much they like romance and sex, with a newborn around, they just appreciate a good sleep more.

You may love your partner, but the suddenly upturned routine leaves little time or mood for slipping naked under the covers. Step one, is to get in the mood, and the best way is to plan time for having sex. Just like back then when you were dating.

Make sure your bedroom is baby-free at bedtime, and to make sure you still get a good rest, consider getting a super comfortable mattress with layers of premium spring and breathable support fabric.

Staying physically intimate after the newborn arrives is incredibly important in feeling connected to your partner. Once you sleep-train the baby, spend time together as often as possible.

Preparing for your newborn at home doesn’t have to be stressful. The anticipation and planning can even be a remarkably exciting time for you and your partner.

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Make Special Moments Cherished With Wedding Photoshoot

Wedding photographer has a keen eye to know what are the essential moments to capture from the wedding day.He keeps in mind all the minute details of lighting, ambiance, frame and other technical aspects while shooting happy faces.

But, in order to avail the benefits of wedding photography services, it is essential to find the best wedding photographer. Basically, the best wedding photography idea is to invest in the services of a professional photographer who holds an expertise in covering wedding with precision.

It is not just the to-be-wed couple who wins the limelight of the wedding photographer, instead, the guests, ceremonies and all the happenings of the venue get captured too.

Hence, it is advisable to select an experienced and versatile photographer who leaves no stone unturned to deliver remarkable results.

In the case of wedding photoshoot, it is worth mentioning that each couple is unique, so, the trivial details must be focused on. For instance, the poses, compatibility, inhibition and some other factors may be focused on.

Generally, there are many couples who have mixed feelings and it is the wedding photographer who needs to offer them comfort. In a way, he has to give them an assurance through candidness.

Here are a few reasons for opting for candid photography services for capturing the special wedding moments and tips for wedding photos you’ll cherish forever:

Couples should look naturally their wedding pictures and videos:

The candid wedding photographers add realness to the images and videos without letting the couple affected. In fact, few moments of wedding guests are covered naturally by them with absolute perfection.

This candidness in the wedding photography service makes wedding moments memorable.

Once in a lifetime moment has fleeting memories:

Wedding is a once in a lifetime event for the two families where guests, family members and everyone enjoy to their fullest. After the event, the magical moments can be re-lived in the best way through images and videos.

Therefore, the wedding photography services should be chosen cautiously. The flair of candid wedding photographer must be checked in advance in order to get the best results.

Find the wedding photographer who has a rich record of excellence:

Interactive soothing effects in the images and special effects in the videos altogether look appealing in the wedding album.

Thus, it is beneficial to count on the services of a wedding photographer who has a vast record of serving the clients with the best photography services.

Zero distraction and perfect wedding photography outcome:

No doubt, candid photography services are intended at presenting images and videos without manipulation. But, the impact of the naturalness in candid wedding photography services should not seem forceful.

This can be avoided by looking up for the services of wedding photographer who has mastered the art of retaining candidness in the wedding photography services.

On a last note, wedding photoshoot is a very crucial phase wherein, the families should conduct proper research initially. Choosing the best wedding photographer on the basis of this research becomes simplified.

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Think About 5 Key Areas to Unfold the Route to Recovering a Relationship After Infidelity, Expert Says

Can a marriage survive an affair?

Now, there are no simple 1, 2, 3 steps for recovering relationships from an affair.

Relationships are founded on trust.

So when that trust becomes degraded, there isn’t a wand that can magically fix the problem.

However, as the case of Jay-Z and Beyoncé proves, recovering from an affair is possible, but only if both sides of the partnership dedicate the right time and effort into rebuilding the trust.

There are some key areas to think about when recovering from an affair. So, here are some tips to repair your relationship after cheating.

Also, read – Couple surviving infidelity

1. Cut ties with the affair partner

The first port of call is to make sure that the affair itself is over. When it comes to an affair, it is not just the betrayed partner who has to recover from it – the deceiver has to recover as well.

Their recovery only starts after they have cut all ties with the person they had the affair with, so that they can then invest their time into fixing their actual relationship.

2. Don’t get angry

When first finding out an affair, most people react by lashing out in anger.

While this is usually justified, reacting in an angry way doesn’t help mend the relationship. Quiet admissions of “I feel so hurt” or “I don’t understand” will better-resonate with the betrayer, and lead to faster healing.

As Erika Myers, a licensed psychotherapist at GoodTherapy.org, explains:

“Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can mask other feelings. [It] may feel like a safer way to manage your pain, but it will slow your healing.”

Likewise, becoming excessively angry at your partner can build resentment, which can also prevent recovery. As difficult as it might be, keeping your temper in check and being able to understand the reasoning behind your partner’s deceit can go a long way towards mending the relationship.

Repeated stingers (i.e. comments designed to infer guilt on the betrayer) also won’t help.

They might make you feel better temporarily, but they won’t help fix the relationship in the long-run.

3. Discuss why the affair happened

Talking to your partner about the affair can be a very difficult thing to do, but it’s one of the most important steps to take. Not only will it give the partner a chance to explain their reasons behind the affair, but it’ll also allow you to see what, if anything, you could have done to prevent it.

Many relationships break down as a result of life changes, external pressures, or due to a breakdown in communication. Therefore, being able to identify the cause of the affair is vital in being able to learn from it and take preventative steps in the future.

Discussing the affair openly with your partner will also allow you to see their reaction to you finding out about it. Are they empathetic? Did they apologise? Do they show regret for their actions?

If they do, it’s important that you, as the betrayed partner, accept their apology. That’s not to say you have to forgive them, but accepting that they are sorry for their actions should reassure you that there’s hope for the relationship yet.

As Amy Begel, a family therapist, wrote in a recent Huffington Post article, “Repairing trust can only happen in a real relationship, with well-meaning people who have been committed to each other. [It] cannot be rebuilt when the “cheater” is a serial sociopath, who has affairs and doesn’t feel guilty about it, or where there is such a power imbalance that one person does not have a voice.”

It’s important to analyse the relationship yourself internally, thoroughly assessing whether the deception is a one-time thing, or has the potential to happen again in the future.

It’s about being able to trust yourself, questioning the strength of your relationship rather than the strength of your sanity.

4. Discuss what the affair means

Discussing about the affair is one of the ways to repair your relationship.

Another important thing to discuss is what the betrayer was intending to achieve from the affair. Were they trying to hurt you? Were they hoping for a reaction? Or were they trying to fill a long-standing sense of inadequacy that their current relationship wasn’t providing?

Understanding this will help uncover any underlying issues in the relationship, and allow you to identify methods to effectively overcome them.

5. Couples counseling

Affairs are often described as addictive, with many occurring as a result of the deceiver receiving a lack of attention or sexual excitement in their current relationship.

As mentioned already, discussing the reason or reasons behind the affair is a vital step towards understanding why it happened in the first place. However, starting that conversation can be difficult, especially if there is a resistance to discuss it by one, or both of the partners.

At this point, enlisting the support of relationship experts can really help, with couple counselling proving to be a great way of analysing the broken relationship.

By discussing it openly with specialists, the counsellors  will be able to act as a mediator, guiding you through the process, and helping you identify methods that can recover the relationship.

As Maggie Morrow, a renowned psychotherapist and life coach at KlearMinds, puts it, “Couple counselling can enable you to resolve problems effectively and build, love, fun and deeper trust back into your relationship. Even if your partner refuses to take part, it’s possible to get them to respond differently by making simple changes in your own behaviour.”

Find a relationship counsellor in your area and get started with the process immediately.

Wondering, how can a marriage be saved after an affair? Well! You just found the right answer to your question.

No more hiding from the truth

There’s no hiding away from it – recovering from an affair can be a very difficult thing to do. However, it’s not impossible and, with the right dedication and attitude, it can actually help relationships to become stronger over time.

The first step to recovery comes from an in-depth discussion between both partners.

Questioning why the affair happened, what it was hoping to achieve, and how it could have been prevented can really help identify where and why the relationship started to dwindle.

Affairs are often difficult to come to terms with.

But, whatever you do, don’t just sit in silence if you’ve been deceived, as that can only lead to further hurt. Put the effort in, and do all you can to recover your relationship.

Remember that it is possible to rebuild that trust back again, but only if you put in the time and energy.

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5 Ways for Helping Your Child Through Social Anxiety

Parenting a child that struggles with social anxiety can be difficult to manage. Social anxiety in kids, if left untreated, is likely to develop them into teenagers and adults that avoid social interaction and withdraw themselves from many social situations.

As their parents, it is important that you assist in working through social anxiety in children, as maintaining healthy social habits is a valuable part of life.

There are many different ways in which parents can aid in encouraging to overcome, or at least manage, social anxiety in children.

So here are 5 effective ways to help children overcome social anxiety and teach kids how to deal with social anxiety

1. Offer a helping hand

Helping your child overcome social anxiety starts by offering them a helping hand. When your child struggles with social anxiety, they are likely to feel very lonely.

There are a number of reasons why social anxiety in children may develop, including past experiences or environments, maladaptive behavior, physical triggers, neurology, etc.

Different causes may have your child unintentionally isolating themselves from others, both at school and at home. Be patient with them and do not force them to partake in any activity they are uncomfortable with, but always encourage them to engage.

You should remind your child that you are always there for them and that they should always feel comfortable coming to you when they are struggling with their anxiety.

Being reassured that they have someone to trust might encourage them to build social relationships with others they trust too. Offer to be a helping hand when they need it, but also teach them to be independent.

2. Teach problem-solving skills

Social anxiety in children often makes them masters of avoidance. By actively avoiding engaging in activities that trigger their anxiety, they actually can cause their symptoms to worsen over time.

By helping them develop problem-solving skills, you are teaching them to work through the feelings of fear and anxiety.

One of the best ways to help in building these skills is by having them practice being in certain situations that make them nervous and coaching them through strategies to calm their nerves.

3. Teach relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques are a positive tool to have when feeling anxious or overwhelmed. If someone is experiencing intense physical symptoms of anxiety, learning to calm the anxious response they are having is one of the first steps in learning to adopt other coping strategies.

Teaching them simple tasks like counting to ten and deep breathing will allow them to center their focus and slowly escape the anxiety inducing thoughts.

More advanced relaxation techniques could include daily exercise, yoga or meditating. These types of activities promote extended mindfulness and relaxation, which can positively impact social anxiety in children with continued practice.

4. Consider medication

In some cases, social anxiety in children is not easily managed by simple techniques or learned behaviors. Many parents have turned to their children’s doctors for advice and are often open to the idea of prescribing their children medication that will help with the anxiety-induced stress.

There are many prescription medications on the market, most commonly SSRIs, that are used to treat children’s anxiety.

However, with the desire for more natural methods of healing, CBD, or cannabidiol, is becoming increasingly more popular among parents who are looking for ways to help treat their children.

CBD is the natural compound found in cannabis, which offers many therapeutic benefits. With its ability to lower blood pressure, decrease heart rate and induce a sense of calm, it is more closely being researched as a natural alternative to prescription medications used to treat anxiety symptoms.

5. Seek professional help

Considering a mental health professional is never a bad idea, even if your child is having success with some or all of the methods mentioned previously in this article.

Although both parents are likely to be highly involved in the aiding of their children’s anxiety struggles, having a third party to assess and provide non-bias opinions and advice can be an added bonus.

By being professionally trained to evaluate different types of social situations and anxiety triggers, a therapist may have other tricks they use to encourage their patients to want to overcome their fears.

Raising a child with social anxiety can create stress on a family, or on a marriage, but realizing that there are a handful of recommended treatment methods and taking charge of learning to manage the anxiety is moving one step in the right direction.

Social anxiety is a struggle for many people but is especially tough when you have to witness your child deal with the symptoms and the increased fear it brings them in certain situations.

As parents, we want nothing but happiness for our children, so remaining a consistent partner for them during their struggles and their steps toward treatment is one of the best ways we can show our support.

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Develop ‘Gratitude Is the Parent of All Virtues’ Attitude in Your Child

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted”– Aesop, The Lion, and the mouse.

Let’s begin by citing the example of the famous story of ‘King Midas and the Golden Touch‘ here – 

“King Midas wished that everything he touched would turn into gold as he believed he can never have too much gold. He never thought that his blessing was actually a curse until his food, water, even his daughter turned into a golden statue. 

Only after King got rid of his curse, he cherished his wonderful treasure of life, even small ones like water, apple and bread and butter. He became generous and thankful for all the good things life has to offer.”

Moral of the story

Like King Midas, we never appreciate things that we have been blessed with, but always grumble and complain about things we don’t have. 

Some parents are often worried that their kids never appreciate/ value things in their lives and are always unthankful. 

Research reveals that thankful kids (even adults) are more physically, mentally and socially active. They sleep better, enjoy their studies and other extracurricular/ co-curricular activities. 

In fact, such kids are more successful in whatever fields they are associating with in their lives. Also, the same feeling of gratitude towards little things in life helps in building a stronger immune system, high level of positive emotions, optimism and happiness. 

Developing an attitude of gratitude is a tough but achievable task. 

Here are a few tips on how you can develop gratitude among your kids –

1. Maintain family diary

Penning down personal thoughts in the form of journal every day is the favorite hobby for many. You can also implement the same practice in your family. 

Each one of you can write at least one thing we are grateful of. If your kids are small and can’t write for themselves, you ask them (if they can answer) or you think and write on their behalf.

2. Compose gratitude letter

Push them to write a gratitude letter addressing the person who has influenced  them in a positive way. 

It can be their teachers, peers, grandparents or any community helpers.

3. Volunteer or donate for social cause

Teach them how volunteering/ donating to help others promote our well-being. Make them see how helping others will help them in many ways, and most importantly, bring them immense joy.

4. Teach them to appreciate

You can start this parenting journey by teaching them how to appreciate every small thing in life. 

Don’t wait for big happiness to practice gratitude.

5. Tutor them to find positivity in every situation

Life isn’t simple, accept it. 

Sometimes finding positive experiences in a different situation can be easier said than done. Tutor them to find positives in every negative situation and be thankful for the lessons they have learned in life.

6. Exercise

Chalk out a one month plan to develop the feeling of gratitude in you child. 

Start a daily Gratitude ritual with your child by thanking good things that happened in your life or even throughout the day before going to bed, after waking up in the morning or starting your meal. 

It can be as small as thanking for a beautiful morning, good food, a healthy life, good sleep, beautiful moonlight, etc. 

This practice will surely help the kids to change their outlook on life. They will feel more content, connected and look at the glass half full. Also, it will teach them to cultivate a sense of appreciation for the things we love.

Pray together, eat together

“A family that eats together, pray together, play together, stay together”– Niecy Nash.

Families that ‘Pray together, eat together, stay together’ is just more than a saying. Study says eating out in USA has become more of an everyday activity. Millennials spend  44% of food dollars on eating out. 

A scary and alarming situation! 

Data further confirms that 72% of Americans visit a quick-service restaurant for lunch frequently. So, the whole concept of families that eat together, stay together is long gone in the cold storage.

In addition to this, do we ever wonder why our stress level is always high? 

One of the reasons is because we don’t realize the significance of eating a meal with our family or praying together which is proven stress relievers. Families must ideally try to pray and eat together at least five-six times a week. 

If you find it difficult to discover any motivation for family meals and prayers, here is your inspiration. 

These are a few proven benefits from research studies of praying and eating together as a family –

1. Both provide an opportunity to practice gratitude which cultivates positive emotions and thoughts.
2. It supports unity, deeper intimacy, provides security, and divine protection among family members’ especially children who feel loved, safe, and stay secured.
3. Parents can teach their children the significance of family values and traditions.
4.  Kids feel accepted among their family members and are less likely to be depressed.

 There are other benefits of dining with your family.

Benefits of eating at home

Family meals include nutrient-rich food which provides comprehensive nutrient to the children. Such nutrients help them to grow strong and healthy, both mentally and physically.

Further, home-made food reduces the chances of children to gain extra weight since the food that they are consuming is healthy.

Moreover, teens who participate in family prayers meals are less likely to use alcohol, drugs, tobacco or cigarette.

 In a nutshell, children learn to listen to others, obey their elders, respect them, share their daily routine, serve, help, practice gratitude, solve their conflicts, and so on.

Tip: – Do involve your kids of any age in planning a day’s meal, preparing a meal and even post-meal cleanup!

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Is Your Spouse in Love With Someone Else? Or Is It Limerence?

The way that love is spoken of in today’s world makes it sound like it’s an easy thing to lose in favor of a “spark” or “connection” with someone else.

In film and romance novels, people speak of being “in love,” as though it were a spell or a state of hypnosis.

Given what people are actually describing when they say, “in love,” hypnosis is probably the closest comparison to reality.

Years ago, the late Dr. Dorothy Tennov researched people who reported to be madly in love with someone. She noted that what they described sounded a lot like they were suffering from chemical addition.

After extensive research, her conclusion was that they, in fact, were suffering from a form of chemical addition or at least chemical influence.

She called this mental and emotional state Limerence and the chemical of choice for someone in this addiction is one produced by the human brain called dopamine.

The highs and lows of this experienced are second-to-none.

Undeniable signs of limerence

Limerent object is the sufferer’s only source of joy.

It seems that the person that causes this state, known as the limerent object, is the sufferer’s only source and hope of happiness.

People experiencing Limerence for someone are often willing to give up their marriage, family, and careers if it is necessary to continue the relationship with the limerent object.

Limerence is infatuation on steroids and is often the culprit in the pull of an extramarital affair.

When someone has only been involved with another outside of their marriage for a few months and is already wanting to leave their spouse to be with this person, you can reasonably point the finger at the pull of Limerence.

It’s not always a bad thing

It is common for two single people who begin dating to experience Limerence and when you are just getting to know someone it is what makes two people feel intense attraction for someone they hardly know.

Why else would two people who hardly know each other want to continue to date, be romantic, and prioritize someone?

It’s the mighty pull of Limerence and it is temporary.

While the chemical experience is temporary because the highs simply can’t be duplicated, what develops underneath of Limerence can be quite special and long-lasting.

What can develop is companionship, commitment, and a sense of family with the other person.

So, when do you know if it is love or limerence?

When Limerence fades, and it always does, the relationship can continue without the fireworks and roller coaster of emotions associated with it.

And that’s a good thing. It can become emotionally exhausting and what often develops underneath it is more fulfilling, longer-lasting, and stable.

Marriage can’t be based on limerence

As a relationship coach, I observe married couples where one or both believed the marriage was over when the highs of Limerence faded.

One of them said to the other, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” It means that they feel some of companionship and a sense of family, but they crave the chemical highs that no longer exist.

Hollywood stokes this misunderstanding of love and long term relationships by pushing the narrative that says that if those highs dissipate, then it wasn’t “true love,” and that we must seek that true love out there.

What is really being pushed here is a constant chasing of the fireworks of a new relationship and such an understanding can allow us to never experience true commitment and companionship that can give us security and love for a lifetime.

So, how to respond to a limerent spouse?

People whose spouse experiences Limerence for another attempt to stop their divorce but often learn that they can’t compete with Limerence.

It must often run its course unless the limerent experiencer realizes what is going on and chooses to let go of the limerent relationship.

Such a sacrifice usually comes with great pain because of the intensity of what is felt. It often requires a leap of faith because it often feels to the person having the limerent affair that  they are giving up true love.

Forcing the limerent spouse to stay in the marriage can backfire

Forcing the limerent spouse to stay in the marriage by threat of financial hardship, loss of child custody and other such threats might persuade them to stay, but this is often short lived as it often leads to resentment and anger toward the spouse who is seen as the murderer of what the limerent experiencer felt was true love.

That is why it is ideal that the experiencer come to the realization of the concept of Limerence on their own or at least isn’t choosing to stay in the marriage simply to avoid negatives.

It is important that the staying spouse understands what is going on and what needs to go on in the mind of the experiencer in order to save the marriage.

What to do if you are married but limerent for someone else?

It is important that you carry out an honest evaluation of your relationship.

If you are convinced that it has a future and your bond is strong, you will need to deliberately work at being fully committed to your spouse, and maintaining an honest communication.

No delayed honesty or other such convenience-driven tenets in a marriage. Prioritizing your partner’s feelings above your limerent object is an imperative.

A shift in mindset can really help

We must not let Hollywood and romance novels define our understanding of love and marriage.

This is especially true since the chemical highs of Limerence are temporary and the relationships that base themselves on it ignorantly doom the relationship.

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John Gottman and Brené Brown on Running Headlong Into Heartbreak

The Gottmans and Brené Brown give us a map—a macro perspective of the wilderness of our hearts, and the wildness of love.

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Navigating Through Make-or-Break Moments in Relationships

Most people think that make-or-break moments in relationships and life are always the big “Oh Sh_t” moments… The getting struck by lightning kind of realizations and discussions that rock your world. Make-or-break moments can be those turn-your-world-upside-down kind of events and your response to what …

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How to Get a Guy to Like You: What Men Love

How to Get a Guy to Like You: The Psychology of Men in Love You may be seriously interested in a new man you met socially or through a digital connection, but you wonder, how to get a guy to like you?  No matter how old you are, whether you are in your 30s,40s, 50s…

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Harmful Effects of Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol Intake During Pregnancy

Mothers want the best for their children. That is why they change their lifestyles, eat a healthier diet, read many pregnancy and parenting books, and make tons of preparation when they are expecting.

Pregnant women endure the drastic changes that happen to their bodies, the volatile mood swings, the uncontrollable cravings, and the hormones wreaking havoc on their physical and mental state.

They visit the clinic for regular scheduled prenatal monitoring and ultrasound scans and other medical examinations. They do many significant things to ensure that the fetus is healthy and developing well.

But over the years, there has been an increasing trend of women using drugs and alcohol and smoke while pregnant. During pregnancy, everything that the expectant mother takes into her body almost always reaches the baby in her womb.

Whether it’s nutrient-rich food and supplements or harmful substances like nicotine, alcohol, and drugs, anything that enters the pregnant woman’s bodies can profoundly affect the fetus.

Being exposed to these harmful substances can have adverse, sometimes fatal, effects on the fetus, as well as the pregnant mother.

Illegal substances and pregnancy

Illicit drugs, including cocaine and methamphetamine, are known to have serious side effects on the body, including permanent organ damage, high blood pressure, destruction of tissues, psychosis, and addiction.

For a developing fetus, exposure to drugs can result in major physical and mental disabilities that may cripple them for the rest of their life or kill them early on.

Cocaine

Cocaine, also known as coke, coca, or flake, can cause immediate and lifetime damage to the fetus. Babies who have been exposed to this drug in the womb are likely to grow up with physical defects and mental deficiencies.

Cocaine-exposed babies have a high risk of developing permanent congenital disabilities that usually affect the urinary tract and heart, as well as of being born with smaller heads, which can indicate lower IQ.

Exposure to cocaine can also trigger a stroke, which may end in permanent brain damage or death of the fetus.

To the pregnant woman, cocaine use increases her risk of miscarrying early in the pregnancy and preterm labor and difficult delivery in the later stage. When the infant is born, they may also have low birth weight and be excessively irritable and hard to feed.

Marijuana

Smoking marijuana or ingesting it in any form is not any better.

Marijuana (also called weed, pot, dope, herb, or hash) is known for its psychoactive effect on the user. It induces a state of euphoria, in which the user feels intense pleasure and the absence of pain, but it also causes sudden mood changes, from happiness to anxiety, relaxation to paranoia.

For unborn babies, exposure to marijuana during their time in their mother’s womb can result in developmental delays in their infancy and the later stages of their life.

There are pieces of evidence that show that prenatal marijuana exposure can result in developmental and hyperactive disorders in children.

Infants who are born from women who use cannabis during pregnancy have been found to have “altered responses to visual stimuli, increase trembling, and a high-pitched cry, which could indicate problems with neurological development,” according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse’s (or NIDA’s) Substance Use in Women Research Report.

Marijuana-exposed babies are also likely to develop withdrawal symptoms and a higher likelihood of marijuana usage when they grow up.

Pregnant women are also 2.3 times more likely to have still birth. There are no human studies that link marijuana to miscarriage, but studies on pregnant animals have found an increased risk of miscarriage with marijuana use early in the pregnancy.

Smoking and pregnancy

Cigarette smoking can kill people and cause cancer.

A fetus in the womb is not exempted from the harmful effects of their mother’s smoking. Because the mother and the unborn child are connected through the placenta and umbilical cord, the fetus also absorbs the nicotine and carcinogenic chemicals coming from the cigarette the mother is smoking.

If this occurs early in the pregnancy, the fetus has a higher risk of developing many different heart defects, including septal defects, which is essentially a hole between the heart’s left and right chambers.

Majority of the babies who are born with congenital heart disease don’t survive through their first year of life. Those who live will be subjected to a lifetime of medical monitoring and treatment, medication, and surgeries.

Pregnant women who smoke may also experience a higher risk of placenta problems, which can impede the delivery of nutrients to the fetus, resulting in low birth weight, preterm labor, and the baby developing cleft palate.

Smoking during pregnancy is also linked to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), as well as the permanent damage on the fetus’s brain and lung, and babies having colic.

Alcohol and pregnancy

Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) and fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) are problems that occur in babies who have been exposed to alcohol during their time in the womb.

Babies with FAS will develop abnormal facial features, growth deficiencies, and problems in the central nervous system.

They are also at risk of developing learning disabilities

Including ones that affect their attention span and hyperactive disorders, speech and language delays, intellectual disability, vision and hearing issues, and heart, kidney, and bone problems.

Despite what other experts may claim, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) firmly states that there is no “safe amount of alcohol to drink” and “safe time to drink alcohol” during pregnancy.

Alcohol, cigarette smoke, and drugs, which have proven adverse effects on fully developed humans, are even more detrimental to a developing fetus. The pregnant mother is linked to her fetus through the placenta and the umbilical cord.

If she smokes, drinks alcohol, takes drugs, or does all three, her baby in the womb also receives what she’s taking in—nicotine, psychoactive substances, and alcohol. While the pregnant woman may experience some minor and major adverse effects, her baby is almost always guaranteed to suffer serious consequences that will burden them for a lifetime.

Recent claims

Many resources and people parading as medical experts have claimed recently that small or carefully curated intake of certain substances, like alcohol, won’t have lasting adverse effects on the expecting mother and the unborn baby.

Currently, there isn’t enough research to back this claim. As a safety precaution, credible and experienced medical professionals recommend avoiding any type of drugs (whether legal or illegal), alcohol, and tobacco during pregnancy.

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7 Major Money Issues in Marriage

Money is an age-old problem that has affected marriages for a long time.

According to research, arguing about money is the top predictor of divorce, especially when those arguments happen early in marriage. Couples often face financial problems in marriage.

Even though some of these marriages don’t end in divorce, there is constant fighting about money problems. This constant tension can kill whatever happiness the couple have and turn marriage into a sour experience.

Discussed here are some of the major financial issues in a marriage and ways to prevent money from ruining your marriage or steps on how to navigate them.

Financial issues in a marriage

Let’s understand what are the top marriage-killing money issues and how to tackle each one of them expertly, without ruining your marriage.

1. My money, your money attitude

When you were single, whatever money you had you spent it however way you wanted.

In marriage, you have to adjust, you are now one and as such what you both make is now family money, regardless of who makes more than the other.

Marriage calls for some serious adjustments, but it is important that you do this.

Some couples open a joint account and others work with separate accounts. It really does not matter; what is important is transparency, trustworthiness, and accountability.

This means that a secret account is out of the question.

2. Debt

This is one of the biggest reasons couples fight.

There are spouses who have lots of debt and even worse, sometimes their partner is not even aware of those debts.

When you get married, money becomes a joint affair, which means any personal debts become a joint debt. In this case, both of you need to sit down from the start of your marriage and consolidate your debts.

Write it down – who do you owe money and how much? Go further and write the interest rates of each of those loans.

For example –

When we got married, I had student loans from my campus days.

We sat down and strategized how much we would be paying per month and right now, we are done paying.

Sometimes you will need to borrow.

Somewhere you will get a lower rate and pay off the one with high rates. The only debt that should take long is mortgage and even this should be paid in huge chunks whenever possible.

Now, credit cards are a no-no.

The idea here is to tackle debt together and fiercely. If your spouse borrows money without your consent, that is a problem and you need to deal with it.

3. Major purchases

Items that cost a lot have to be discussed beforehand. These range from cars to electronics.

As a couple, you need to put a cap beyond which you need to discuss that purchase. This will help you save more by avoiding instances where your spouse went out and bought a fridge without telling you.

The point raised here is ‘marriage is a partnership.’ Discussing purchases allows you to see whether you need it, how much will it cost and can you afford it as well as places you can get a discount.

For example –

After 3 years of marriage, we finally bought a TV last month. I remember we talked about it for a while and both of us checked around for good deals.

As agreed, we set the money aside for the time when we would buy the television set.

4. Investments

The choice of investment and the amount to invest also needs to be discussed.

If neither of you is in the financial sector nor understands investment options, you might need to work with a company that does. Even if you get a company to do it, both of you should be aware of how your portfolio is doing.

Any decisions regarding whether to add or reduce your investment should be jointly discussed.

For example –

if you want to buy land, it would be wise if both of you went to inspect the land and be involved in the entire purchase process.

This will prevent the fight from investing in something your partner considers a poor choice.

5. Giving

This is a delicate one which entails proper discussion every time the need arises.

For example –

My husband and I sit down every end of the month and, as we do our budget, we discuss all for the next month such as support to friends or extended family.

This prevents one person from feeling that their family is neglected. We go a step further, whenever we are sending money to my family, my husband sends it and I do the same with his family.

Such a gesture lets them know that we are on the same page and there is nothing like “my family”. It also puts your spouse in good light with the other family.

However, when we need to say no to money requests (because sometimes you have to) each person speaks to their family.

This again prevents each spouse from looking bad with the in-laws.

6. Saving

You need to put aside an emergency fund and also save for the future.

You should also save for family projects (to avoid debt) such as school fees for you and/or the kids. At any one point you should both be aware of how much money you have saved. Who should be in charge of the money?

In this world, there are spenders and savers.

The saver is usually more frugal and is good at planning the finances. For some families it is the husband and in others, it is the wife. In ours, I am the saver so I handle our money – after we have budgeted each month.

When you are married, you are now a team and in a team, each participant has their strengths and weaknesses. The idea is to allocate duties matching each person’s strengths.

7. Budget every month

You will notice that throughout this post I have spoken on being on the same page in all matters.

Budgeting allows you to discuss each month’s incomes, investments and expenditure.

Budget for even mundane things such as dinner – eating out on date nights. If each person usually gets an allowance, this is a great time to allocate it.

After budgeting, make it clear who is to sort which bills to ensure no bill goes unpaid. Keep a book or use an excel sheet so you can always look back and see how you have been using your money. It will also show you any bad trends and areas to do better.

Two people can do so much together; more than any individual can.

This is true even for money. If you can find a way to pull all your resources together and channel them in areas you have discussed and agreed, you will be surprised about the things you will have achieved in a few years.

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9 Things You Should Not Do When Traveling With Your Partner

Are you considering traveling with your partner? Since my partner and I started our relationship in 2018, we’ve travelled a lot together.

Not only that, but we’ve both worked and undertaken the same project jointly, and that’s given us the lights to know what you shouldn’t do when traveling with your partner (including the journey of life).

We currently travel and work together, and we can say that travel is one of those experiences that takes you to unusual situations with your partner and makes you spend incredible moments and also not so amazing moments.

It can be easy to get frustrated and argue, even while doing something as fun and exciting as travelling. However, the challenges of traveling with your partner for the first time usually subside once you start traveling with your partner more frequently.

Yes, traveling can be stressful. Don’t you believe us? Look at the average family at Disney World, and you’ll see that, even in the happiest place on earth, kids scream and parents look terrified; these people are in their final judgment.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Of course, there will be ups and downs, but if you put a little effort into presenting your best version and avoiding bad habits, you and your partner can do well.

To help you in preparing for your trip as a couple and enjoy the benefits together to the fullest, these are the 9 tips to survive traveling with your partner and things not to do when traveling as a couple.

1. Spend every second together

Something that you have surely heard more than once and that you should not do when traveling with your partner is to spend time together. It is not required for you to be together on your trip 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Even if you only travel with your partner for a week, be sure to take the time once in a while (ideally every day) to be alone. It does not mean that you have to spend a whole day apart, but simply need to make time for yourself.

We hear this over and over again (self-love! Personal care!) But all it really means is taking the time to get in touch with yourself, your needs and rejuvenate yourself.

This is especially good advice if one or both is introverts. Is there a perfect compromise? Spend 2-3 hours alone during one afternoon of your trip, doing what you want.

That is why when we were in the San Blas Islands in Panama, I enjoyed an activity snorkelling alone in a sunken ship, while he stayed in the bow to watch.

2. Expect the whole trip to be romantic

You are traveling with your partner. Every moment should be fireworks, castles and epic moments on top of a mountain, right? Incorrect.

Of course, you will have some moments like that while travelling, but what you should not do when traveling with your partner is to expect everything to be rosy.

Every second of your trip will not be glamour and romance since it can happen that:

1. There are delayed flights 
2. Either one gets lost 
3. There are frustrations of language

All these things can absorb joy (not to mention killing romance). So do not go on your trips waiting for pure and unadulterated happiness.

3. Don’t make time for romance

For the same reason, although you cannot expect traveling with your partner to be a constant love party, it should be mandatory to be able to enjoy romantic moments together.

It doesn’t always sound spontaneous and passionate, but it’s what you have to do!

If your idea of romance is an afternoon in which you choose to ask for room service and stay in bed all day or a special walk where only the two are, think about how to make your couple’s trips sweet and memorable. These intimate moments will stand out and will be some of the best-kept memories of your trips.

4. Discussing money

Arguing about money is the worst, it’s the first thing you shouldn’t do when you’re traveling with your partner. And when you’re on vacation, you shouldn’t even bring it up.

There may be an exception to this if you travel as a long-term partner. Then, inevitably, the money problem will arise, and you will have to work to commit and budget as a team.

But if you’re on a shorter vacation, strive to avoid the financial arguments. Have a serious discussion before you travel about what you plan to spend and where you can waste and make a joint budget.

5. Acting possessively on your partner

This advice is for your daily life, not just to travel as a couple. However, being in a foreign country introduces new environment and new people.

Especially in a few parts of Europe, men are more vocal with their appreciation of female beauty.

Husbands and boyfriends: don’t panic or fight. Almost always, it means no harm, and their whistles are simply a compliment to the charming woman you are escorting.

The same applies to women. Your man might be a little curious about the tall blondes of Scandinavia or Russia, but remember, he came here with you. In their journey together, it is wise to focus on each other.

No one and nothing else matters. It’s just you two and an incredible vacation. Don’t let other people’s audacity ruin your trip.

6. Falling into a routine

This doesn’t apply only to couples who travel long term. Whether you’re traveling with your partner or at home, it can be too easy to fall into a routine.

This is definitely something you shouldn’t do when you travel with your partner, avoid making this a routine. While travel has an inherent advantage: it constantly adds excitement and novelty to your life.

Even so, routines become a habit. Some level of routine is fine, but don’t get so caught up in the daily routine and schedule that you forget:

1. spontaneity 
2. romance 
3. and the special, small gestures.

Try to shake things up at least once a week… whatever that means to you and your partner! traveling with your partner helps you get out of a monotonous routine.

7. Isolate

Now it looks like we’re going to contradict each other directly. The journey may be all about you two and your relationship, but the tour will be enhanced if you expand your group of two people from time to time.

A short vacation or honeymoon can be an exception… then it is natural and you are expected to be over-centred in your partner.

 But if you’re involved in long-term couple travel, don’t isolate yourself. Be sure to take time each week to be social. Try and meet other couples. Get to know the people and their culture.

Participate in group brewery tours,cooking classes, or even city walks. These things will open up your circle and add more to your travel experience. It’s sharing those new experiences with your partner that’s important.

8. Complaining endlessly

It’s awful when a traveling companion is a non-stop moan. That lowers shared morale and can be irritating to your partner. If this rings a bell, try to keep your complaints inside. Or better yet, rethink your thinking and do the next exercise.

Every time a complaint comes to your mind, say something that you are happy or grateful for out loud. This will boost your mood and maybe help your partner feel more comfortable too. Do not divide your travel responsibilities.

On trips of any length, it can be beneficial to designate tasks for each person related to the trip. What you shouldn’t do when traveling with your partner is to put all the responsibility into one, as you’ll end up frustrated and surely blaming something.

If your partner knows that you are responsible for carrying the passports, there won’t be the “I thought you brought them!!!!” at the airport. Your partner will be able to rest easy, knowing that the other member has it under control.

This helps both members and contribute to the relationship to make the process less stressful for everyone. In short, it makes traveling with your partner ten times better.

9. Waiting for the journey of your life

What you should not do when you travel with your partner is focus your trip on the incredible photos you plan to take, enjoy the sunset, look at your partner, know the place.

We believe that Instagram has given us unreasonable expectations about especially traveling with your partner. With carefully selected galleries and pre-planned photos down to the smallest detail, it can be easy to believe that your vacation will be for the record books.

Probably yes, but only if you keep your expectations true to life.

If you wish, you will enjoy romantic sunsets. You will have elegant meals. You will walk hand in hand or take a walk on the canals of Venice, but remember that life is not a film or a fairy tale.

Embrace the good and the bad of your partner and relationships, and you’ll find yourself with an unforgettable gift.

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