My normal meter for what is right and wrong or acceptable in a relationship is waaaaaaay off. I think I know the answer to this. But I need to double check and read proof with my own eyes before I try to form a sliver of a backbone.
DH and I have been married for 8 years, together for 13. We have 5 kids. 2 of them are from my first marriage. They consider my DH to be their father. They were 1 and 4 when we started dating so he’s all they know as a dad.
I get a very menial amount of child support. Sent only as he feels like it. (Kids 1 and 2.)
DH works and makes decent money. Enough for me to stay at home with 5 kids. Sometimes it’s tough. But it’s part of the sacrifice of me having the amazing opportunity to raise our children full time.
I stay at home, but I also own a business. A real business. Not MLM. When baby 5 came, things slowed way down, so did income. It’s here and there and I’m working to change that.
I contribute financially a significant amount when it comes to the kids. DH has no idea. All he knows is I don’t pay the mortgage or bills, so that makes me a worthless, lazy SOB that is taking advantage of him and needs to get a job. He does the weekly grocery shopping which, with 5 kids, you can imagine the cost and effort is substantial
I say he has no idea because he is only here on the weekends. I pay for everything when he is gone. Sports. Gas. Groceries. Money for school, etc. Nothing fun or elaborate. Strictly the needs of the children. (I don’t get my haircut or buy clothes or makeup. I don’t go to the doctor unless I’m 100% certain I’ll have to have a prescription. I won’t even get my eyes checked because I will need glasses and don’t want to spend the money on myself. I don’t go out with friends. We don’t eat out.) He doesn’t understand that these financial needs exists and fall on me. I never ask for money. (I was very recently given a card to access a side account he has that has a small amount from each of his paychecks for me to use. I use it as a last resort.)
I don’t tell him about this because it becomes “I pay the bills and mortgage!!” Like he thinks I’m asking for praise. When I’m just talking to my husband about our life.
Here’s my question. Oldest two are in a sport. A very expensive sport. I always pay for it on my own. The first of the fees were divided into two with two deadlines. I met the first deadline. Second deadline is tomorrow. I have scrimped and saved and salvaged and I’m very short of having the money. There is also another deadline that is thousands. That’s not for several weeks. I’ll figure it out.
Anyway. I believe that in a normal, happy, functioning marriage, the spouse should be able to say “Kid and Kid need X amount of money for sport. Let’s figure this out.” Or just say “Hey, can we write a check for X amount? Kid and kid need it by X date.” Is this me being spoiled and naive? Or is this the real world?
On my end, I can’t discuss the need with DH because it becomes a lecture on how if I need money I need to get a job. But he also tells me he wants me to stay at home because it’s best for our children.
TL;DR In a normal marriage can one spouse tell the other spouse the kids need X amount to pay for a sport? Or should the mom struggle to figure it out on her own in secret from the husband for fear of being insulted?
[link] [comments]
from Relationships https://ift.tt/2KQZHnd
No comments:
Post a Comment