We’ve been seeing each other for 4 months and officially dating for 2. Before we were together he was heavy into casual dating but I never pressured him into commitment and it was something we agreed upon together. We have a passionate relationship and he claims to love me deeply.
Because of his background and our early relationship being exclusively sexual and non-comital, we talked explicitly about our boundaries and I said point blank that him being on any dating apps was cheating in my opinion.
Which brings me to last night. He was actually attempting to show me that he wasn’t running around on my by showing me things on his phone (messages, snap chat history) because some ghosts from his past were coming up recently. I asked him if he was on tinder and he said no, we met on a dating site and he’s said this to me before. He has an iPhone so I swiped up to search apps and turns out that was a lie. He has tinder and has been chatting with girls for a month.
He was very remorseful and said it was because he wanted the confidence boost and he didn’t see it as wrong because it was just words on a screen and he never intended to meet anyone (which as far as I know he didn’t) but this is something we talked about explicitly. I didn’t see all of the messages but from the ones I saw the conversations were flirty/casual but not sexual and though he gave girls his number, I didn’t see date plans.
He wants to work things out but I don’t know how to makes things work after such an obvious disrespect was shown for me. I’m leaving for a month and a half long hiking trip tomorrow to make things worse.
Normally I’d move on, but I know tinder is addictive and we both love to flirt. Sometimes we just need a little validation. He was honest with me, was remorseful, and had just gotten done showing me all of his messages. However, we had a very fulfilling and active physical relationship so he shouldn’t have been left wanting.
TL;DR: bf slipped up while trying to show me he wasn’t cheating and showed me he’s been talking to girls on tinder for a month
Edit: side question: our sex is really fun, is it worth it to just go back to be friends with benefits?
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