We've been married 2 years, together for 5 in total. In the beginning my wife was very patient and kind, but since marriage it's like a switch has flipped and she is annoyed all the time, at everything possible. She gets mood swings and she can get upset easily, usually lashing out at me, however I'm expected to solve the issue for her and remain levelheaded, because she says it's my responsibility as a husband to make her feel better. I get where she's coming from but I feel like I don't get anything in return.
Most recent example. Wife works as a middle school teacher but there's been issues at work where several of her students had it out with her. Parents were involved and it turned out several students accused my wife of unfairly punishing them over other students. It's still ongoing, but it's caused a lot of anger and anxiety in my wife. I've tried to support her best I can with affirmative words, gifts, acts of kindness, etc, but it feels like nothing I do is good enough. I took her on a long weekend trip to our favorite beach a few weeks back, and she spent the entire time angry I didn't plan another trip to another beach that she apparently likes more now. I told her I had no idea and I asked her about the trip beforehand and she said it's fine. She said she shouldn't have to tell me how to surprise her with her favorite things. She says surprising her with things she "no longer likes" just shows how little I care about her.
We basically fought all weekend and she told me I don't do enough to "pamper" her on non-special occasions and that's why her work has been suffering, because she doesn't get enough support from her husband. She says other teachers at her school will get flowers sent to them weekly, special dinners cooked, surprise presents, etc. all every few days. I found that hard to believe and told her I think she's exaggerating at how frequent her coworkers get gifts (every 2-3 days?) and she shoved me onto the bed and left to sleep on the couch. We didn't talk for the rest of the weekend.
Ever since then she gets upset at whatever I do. I cook dinner for her, but it's not the kind of food she wants. She's upset. I take her out for dinner, but she doesn't like this restaurant anymore. She's upset. She's convinced I don't "know" her enough but I'm frustrated because she hasn't shown even a MODICUM of effort in "pampering" me. For my last two birthdays she gave me essentially the same sweater from a brand I've moderately liked, on sale. It's not a bad present, but I know she would absolutely LOSE it if I gave her something similar in return.
I've suggested therapy but she shoots me down every time. She thinks it's beyond insulting for me to suggest help for her when it's apparently completely my fault and my fault alone. I feel so small and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like nothing I do is "right" and everything puts me at fault somehow or another. Either I'm not pampering her enough or not pampering her the right way, nothing is okay. What else can I do? Am I really messing this up so badly? Am I justified for feeling angry that I never get anything in return?
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**tldr**: Wife gets upset easily and blames it all on me. She thinks I don't try hard enough to support her or pamper her as my wife. Except when I do try it's all "wrong." Refuses therapy or couples counseling. What else could I possibly do?
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