Hey. My mind is a jumbled mess right now but I thought it was important to make this post.
Four years ago, I made a post about my ex, who was abusive, and my concern for his kids. I debated telling the mother of his children about his behavior, but ultimately, and unfortunately, decided to not move forward with giving the mother information about her ex's behavior.
My friends and I jokingly look up our exes on the municipal county website from time-to-time, and in February of this year, I just so happened to look up my ex. He had two charges, for domestic violence and assault. The victim was listed with the name of a court-appointed guardian, and my heart sank. I contacted the prosecutor's office and offered any help.
The case was settled in February, without any request for my involvement. My ex was charged with physical abuse, but the allegations in the testimony of his children involved accounts of cruel emotional abuse and inappropriate grooming behaviors that started from when he and I broke up (2014), until last summer (2017). Even though there were witnesses to this behavior, my ex was able to plead down to criminal mischief and two years of probation.
This past Friday, both the guardian and attorney for both my ex's children called me and asked if I would be a character witness regarding my ex's abusive behavior. Apparently, my ex's attorney found some loophole in the system that would force his daughters to reunite with him, even though they remain terrified of him, and this was against their wishes. I gave my statement on Monday morning. I know the case was settled Monday, but have chosen not to ask for details.
I am struggling with a lot of guilt from not telling the mother of my ex's children about his behavior. I know that ultimately the guilt belongs to one person: my ex. Still, I hope someone can learn from this post and maybe evaluate their options a little differently than I did.
I spoke with the mother of my ex's children on Sunday. She said my her kids want me to know that they always loved me, and do not want me to feel guilty for not warning them. I am glad those kids are safe now.
TL;DR: I ended up not telling the mother of my ex's kids about his abusive behavior. He ended up brutally abusing his children physically, emotionally, and starting grooming behaviors until he was arrested and the children were removed from his custody. I was a character witness this week, testifying why my ex should not be able to initiate reunification counseling. The girls said they do not hold anything against me and are appreciative of my help.
I hope someone can learn from this experience.
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