My mom passed away recently. It was unexpected and devastating. We ultimately discovered that she died due to complications from a certain progressive health condition. It is the same condition that killed my maternal grandmother at 53, and I discovered at 24 that I am exhibiting early symptoms of the condition as well. The past few months have been a dark blur.
But this post is more about my little brother. We found out that my mom left her only meaningful asset, her home, to me. My brother is hurt and, frankly, furious. What began as confusion has escalated into him insinuating that I unduly influenced my mom into cutting him out of her will. He has made it clear that he feels entitled to half the value of the house and would like to liquidate the property immediately. Under other circumstances, I would agree.
However, while I never spoke with my mom about her will, I understand why she would leave her house to me. My little brother is highly intelligent, gifted, and gregarious. He also has a history of addiction, poor financial decisions, and chaotic relationships. He has had trouble with alcohol, gaming, and a wide variety of drugs, and has consistently resisted my offers to pay for rehab. He used my mom’s credit card to spend thousands of dollars a month before she limited him to a debit card. And he has had a great deal of trouble with relationships in general, his worst behavior ranging from threats of suicide to bursts of anger to outright blackmail. Due to poor grades, a suspension for cheating, and a violent incident, my brother was unable to complete his college degree—despite admission to a very prestigious school—and is now working at a part-time job to gain somewhat-relevant experience in his desired field.
I see a great deal of potential in my little brother. I remember many examples of him as an intelligent, thoughtful, and delightful person. He is academically gifted, he loves nature and animals, and he is still a fit young man. I believe my intermittently abusive father—who is no longer in the picture—has had a terrible impact on my brother’s mental health. I look forward to the day when my brother accepts my pleas for him to seek therapy. However, in his current state, I do not think it would be wise for me to hand over a sizeable sum of money to him.
While my brother feels entitled to half of my mom’s house, he also knows that I paid off the mortgage on her house and set up a retirement fund for her before she passed away. I decided to pursue a high-paying (but highly stressful) job precisely because I knew my mom wanted to retire to focus on her health but had planned poorly for her retirement because she had insisted on paying for our educations in full in addition to sponsoring my brother’s post-college lifestyle. The profit from this house is likely to be about one year’s salary and bonus for me—a healthy addition to my investment portfolio but not a life-changing amount for me.
It could, however, change my brother’s life. My plan is to sell the house because it is quite far away from where I live and work, and it is in an area not likely to appreciate in value quickly. I would like to diversify and invest the money and create a trust for my little brother. Ideally, I would like to use the money to encourage my brother to go to rehab, seek therapy, and return to school. Spent wisely, this money would even allow him to comfortably pursue a PhD, like he had originally planned. To ensure that this happens, I will of course have to impose some conditions on the use of this money and may want to oversee large payments or ask for receipts. However, I fear that he will see these conditions as a threat rather than an incentive. I know he is old enough to make his own decisions but I fear that if I give him the money with no strings attached, he will squander it on drugs and luxuries (he is fond of expensive clothing, food, and cars). Do you have any suggestions about approaching him? Thank you in advance for your help.
TL;DR: My mom left her house to me in her will. My little brother is angry and wants half the profit from selling the house. I would like to ultimately give him all the money from liquidating the house but I want to incentivize him to use the money for rehab, therapy, and school. How can I approach him about using the money exclusively for these purposes without belittling or alienating him?
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