My fiancee and I have been together for about 11 years. We have 2 kids, 1 of whom is not mine biologically but I've raised as my own since birth. About a year into our relationship, she cheated on me with an ex. I didn't find out until she yelled it out during an argument as a way to just get me out, and considering I didn't want the relationship to end, I wanted to work through it even after finding that out. I had already moved out, but still stuck around quite a bit afterward hoping that everything would work out.
After leading me on for a bit, screwing with my mind and making me think all was good again; she decided to bring another ex over. At that point I was finally done trying to fix it, so I stopped talking to her. Some months pass and we started talking again. She admitted that she made the worst mistake of her life and she would do anything to make it work. So we got back together and things have been fine since, at least from what can be seen physically.
On to the present, I find myself wondering quite often if it was me who made the mistake in wanting her back. I'm not the same person I used to be. She see's that herself, as she has said before that wants the man back that I used to be. Well, she killed that side of me. Obviously I "forgave" her for what she had done, but I can't forget it. It eats away at me almost on a daily basis. Things I see on TV, certain places in the community, when I'm alone, certain names, etc., make me think about it. Occasionally I'll lash out at her for what she thinks is no reason at all, but really what she done had entered my mind.
I often wonder if this is really how I want to live out the rest of my life? Constantly thinking about something that happened almost ELEVEN years ago. Why the hell can't I just forget it? I do love her and I can't imagine putting her or my kids through a separation, especially when everyone else thinks nothing is wrong except for what is going on in my head. I've came close to sitting her down and talking to her about it before, but it seems so stupid to bring up something that happened so long ago, right?
tl;dr: fiancee cheated 11 years ago, still for some ridiculous reason, I think about it constantly and am not sure if I won't to continue living like this.
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