My FWB and I met on tinder, and she told me that one of the reasons I might not have much success in the dating world is because of my red flags. To give context to this situation, we went out, but since I'm leaving in a few weeks for another country, we decided that we would be sort of FWB. We have sex, and would probably be in a relationship if it were not for me moving (we both agreed that we didn't want a LDR). So we were talking about how weird it would be for me to date in this new country, as I only lived there as a kid, so I'd likely do most of my dating through apps like Tinder.
She told me that the following are red flags which might make someone hesitant to date me, and I don't know how to resolve them.
- I don't have facebook. I detest the platform. But I have messenger. She says that it might seem like I either only want something casual or that I might be cheating on someone. For that matter, I don't have instagram, or snapchat either. So this is apparently a big red flag. (and getting on these social media platforms is not an option. I'd rather cut my own foot off)
- I don't typically dress "well". I dress how I like to dress, and if needed I can dress up. To me, this is just because I'm comfortable with who I am and I wear what makes me comfortable. For example, when I was on Tinder part of my bio read: "I'll never ever wear khakis and a blazer, sorry." (but this is more about how I think that outfit looks stupid, as opposed to me not being willing to ever dress well, I own two well-fitting suits) According to her, it screams "casual fling" and not someone who wants to be serious. My stance is that you shouldn't change who you are. In the right situation, I might make more of an effort to dress well (the first date or an occasion), but most of the time I'm just going to be me, so there's no point in misleading someone.
- I have scars from self-harm. Once again, I can't hide them. I've been told that the best way to be comfortable with them is to not be ashamed of them. Plus they're very old. However, she says that because they're fairly visible, it makes me immediately undate-able (like serious relationship date-able). I'm not going to cover them up with make-up, though I might not display them openly on a first date, but I don't know how to bring up a topic like that before the person I'm dating makes up in their mind that I'm an unsuitable candidate.
**Tl;Dr**: My FWB says I have several red flags which might hinder my dating life when I move. 1) (almost) no social media; 2) unwillingness to dress "well"; 3) my self-harm scars, which I try not to hide from, but which are very old
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