If you are a virgin male who is getting married, not only are you probably stressing about all the wedding details, but also about the sex act itself.
Will I be able to perform? Will I make my partner happy? What are her expectations? What is mine? You have a lot of questions going around in your mind.
Here are some wedding night tips that will help make this passage less stressful and hopefully a joyous event.
Communication with your partner
You and your partner have never been sexually intimate.
It is likely that she is nervous, too. Seek out a time when it is just the two of you, and have a conversation about what you both are feeling. Try and identify the exact nature of your fears.
Are you apprehensive because she has experience and you don’t?
If she is also a virgin, ask her if she is scared of any potential pain that might occur with the first act of intercourse. (Reassure her that you will be gentle and always listening to her if she asks you to stop or slow down.) Explain that you anticipate that you might be unable to perform, or, to the contrary, reach orgasm too quickly to satisfy her.
Putting all of your fears out there will help diffuse them and allow your future wife to respond with comforting words (and share her own worries with you).
This kind of communication is important, and a good exercise that you can transfer over to other moments in your married life when you will need to communicate sensitive feelings with each other.
No need to feel ashamed about communicating about sex
This is going to be your life partner.
It is normal that you two will have many many conversations around this subject during the span of your marriage. And that’s a good thing! Sex is a wonderful part of marriage and you will want to always feel free to address this topic with each other.
You might need some extra help the first time
If both of you are virgins, you might want to have on the nightstand a tube or bottle of lubricant, or “lube” as couples call it, so help ease the act and make it less painful for your wife.
Do know that not all women will have pain or bleed with the first act of intercourse, especially if she has been an active athlete or used tampons or sex toys on herself. These will break the hymen, which is the membrane that partially covers the vaginal entrance in virgins.
But that hymen is easily broken by tampon or sex toy use so if she doesn’t bleed when you first sleep together, it does not indicate that she is not a virgin.
Using a lubricant will ensure that things go smoothly and will enhance both of your pleasure. Don’t hesitate to apply again if necessary.
Worried about your erection?
It is normal that you may be concerned about your erection and orgasm.
The most common concern is climaxing too soon, and not be able to last long enough to bring your partner to climax. If you are used to self-pleasuring, you may want to practice that close to the wedding day so you last a little longer than if you haven’t climaxed in awhile.
And if you do orgasm too quickly, no big deal. This is your first time having sex with a woman, and it is exciting. Tell her exactly that, so she understands that you find her beautiful and sexy. Then wait a bit, and try it again. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how fast you will get back to the lovemaking after the first orgasm.
And the second time will be better; you will last longer and have more confidence since you’ll have already done this once before!
What if you can’t get an erection, or sustain one?
Do know that this may happen with your first time.
The nervous system is tricky, and if you are anxious about this first time, your penis may be listening to that fear and let you down.
Again, it’s no big deal.
Take the pressure off of both of you, and do something else. You can explore your new wife’s body with your eyes, your hands, your fingers and your mouth.
Intimacy is not just about the penis and penetration.
There are plenty of ways to help her relax and reach orgasm that does not involve your penis. After a few sessions of getting to know her like that, it is likely that your penis will cooperate. When that happens, full steam ahead!
Take your time
Although your brain may be telling you to “go for it, finally you can have sex!”, you will want to savour this very special moment. You can finally be sexually intimate as husband and wife, with all the sacredness that, that act means.
When you get to your long-awaited wedding night, take your time. You have just had a big day, and now it is the two of you alone. Maybe a bath together, or a message so help you relax. Stretch out on the bed and just hold and kiss each other, slowly and gently.
Talk to each other and ask each other what feels good, and what doesn’t. This is a beautiful moment and one that you will always remember, so don’t rush things.
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