Funny Wedding Quotes You Can Use in a Wedding Speech

We all have to toast to someone during their weddings at some point in our lifetime. It can be our friends, family, or you are too drunk and can’t help yourself from saying something.

It is a tradition or all in good fun. But some of them have genuinely good intentions, but the reality is, most people suck at public speaking. Even with a prepared written speech, they find it hard to say the right words to wish for the best to the newlywed couple on their personal journey.

Don’t fret, it’s not a literary competition, you can steal what you want to say from the internet. You can find the best funny wedding speech quotes there. We have compiled some for you.

Funny wedding toast quotes

“Marriage has no Guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.“

– Emma Bombeck

This is an interesting quote. Simply because, where I’m from, I couldn’t find a car battery with a lifetime warranty either. But I understand what Miss Bombeck is trying to say, it’s about guarantees. Don’t think about it, because there isn’t any, and marriages are more of a gamble than a purchase. That’s an excellent opening for a wedding speech or toast.

“Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”

– Anonymous

This is one of the funny wedding day quotes that perfectly describes a marriage. Any healthy egalitarian relationships are not perfect. There will always be little things about either of you that would drive the other partner nuts.

Here is another one…

“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.” -Anonymous

Another he-who-must-not-be-named, or simply doesn’t want to, in fear of repercussions from their spouse,  flawlessly described the roller coaster of married life.

If you are divorced or separated, it is a great funny wedding quote to warn the newlyweds of the dangers ahead. If are currently married, use those quotes at your own risk.

If you want to know why? Here are another one of those funny wedding quotes that describe a marriage.

“There are two Golden Rules to a Happy Marriage:

1. The Wife is always right!
2. If you feel she’s wrong, slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.”

1. -Anonymous
2. Another awesome quote from Mister Anonymous. I’m starting to think that this person knows everything there is to know about marriage.
3. Funny wedding quotes from movies
4. If you or the couple are movie buffs, it is absolutely necessary to use a funny marriage quote from a movie. You can use it as a toast or base your short speech around. Keep your speeches short, trust me, nobody is really interested in hearing it, people are hungry, and it’s just tradition.
5. “If you are ever with a girl that is too good for you – marry her.” — Valentine’s Day
6. It doesn’t matter if you are on the groom side or the bride’s side of the aisle. This is always true. It’s one of the key points in marriage and makes the two Golden rules a lot less painful.
7. It is the only reason to get immature, obstinate, selfish men to change. No guarantees though, unless you forgot Miss Bombeck’s wonderful piece of advice already.
8. She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.” —St. Elmo’s Fire
9. This is a great quote from an 80’s classic that most people getting married today probably haven’t heard of or seen. The movie itself is great, but the quote is even better.
10. Especially when you compare a woman to the greatest creation of God and that mysterious force that seems to affect me too.
11. If you are going to use this quote as part of your speech, just remember that it’s directed to the bride. Before you start any misunderstandings, make sure to redirect the message as something from the groom or talk about your missing sock.
12. “We were perfectly Happy until we decided to live Happily Ever After.”
13. – Sex and the City
14. It doesn’t come as a surprise that Sex and the City makes an appearance here. A series and movie about four women with diverse personalities (so diverse that they would never be friends in real life) living in the big apple about sex, love, and relationships.
15. This funny wedding quote, funny in a way that it’s a bad pun, is another good quote to create a wedding speech around. Most people who got married are people who are happy with their relationship.
16. However, once they are married for a while, cracks in their marriage begin to appear, and it starts to become a toxic relationship.
17. Every married couple who have been together for a long time will attest to this. Mr. Anonymous even calls it a walk in Jurassic Park. Just make sure you follow it up with a good quote to help them go through it. The two Golden rule works great here.
18. Why you should use wedding quotes and funny wishes
19. Marriage is a serious matter. For a lot of people, it is their ultimate life goal and doesn’t any other than having some kids. Don’t mind them, the brain stops working when people are in love so there’s no point arguing unless you are their go-to person when the couple needs money.
20. But nobody wants to listen to boring speeches. Even if they are something important like the country going to war or someone getting married. That is why you have to say your wishes in funny wedding quotes. It’s the best way to say a lot of things concisely and people will remember them.
21. If you are not eloquent, creative, or funny enough to create one of your own, then steal from the internet. Don’t worry about getting sued. Just blame it on temporary insanity due to alcohol.
22. But like all speeches, be careful with what you say, a lot of people get hurt easily and they are especially sensitive during weddings. So just give your toast, say your funny wedding quote, make your point, and be done with it.

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