Our dreams of “marital bliss” don’t usually match up to the reality. Instead, humor is found in some of the strangest situations, which is a good sign. If a couple can laugh at some of the crazy and annoying moments that marriage brings, they most definitely have an enviable marriage.
Here are our favorite tweets that capture the highs and lows of married life
1. Netflix & Chill married style
Rodney Lacroix
“Netflix and oh great my wife is asleep already”
2. Wife pressures
Sophia Benoit
“It takes the whole cast of a queer eye to do what most straight women have to do alone in every single relationship they’ve ever been in”
3. Inconvenient mind reading
Dorky Romano
“The best part about marriage is getting in trouble for going to the bathroom when your spouse was thinking about going to the bathroom”
4. Cookie thief
Jawbreaker
“Husband: Where are the girl scout cookies? Me: We were robbed. Husband: They only took the cookies? Me: Well that and the vase your Mom bought us for the holidays. Weird right?”
5. Please say he’s single!
Andy H
“Friend: Our kids are away with their grandparents so I’m taking my wife out tonight. Me: oh wow, like with an assassin or are you gonna do it yourself? Friend: um, like to dinner. Me: Cool, cool.”
6. Imperfectly intune
Rodney Lacroix
“Wife: I love that we finish each other’s. Me: Drinks? Wife: What? No. I was gonna say sentences HEY WHERE’S MY. Me: Margarita?”
7. Yessss lets
Sarcastic Mommy
“Husband: Let’s do something different and fun! Me: *leaves him with screaming kids while I go shopping*”
8. Presumptive pizza
Eric
“{texting wife from work} let’s do “make your own pizza night {texting wife from couch} when will my pizza be done?”
9. In the moment
Stephanie Ortiz
“At the lake with the kids; the husband has been digging a giant moat in the sand. It’s been twenty-five minutes and I’m wondering when he will realize the little girl digging with him isn’t ours”
10. Chocolate shake
Lady Lawyer
“Me: I need to get in shape. Hubs: ‘What flavor? Chocolate or vanilla? Me: Shape, not shake. Hubs: So..Me: Chocolate”
11. Kidneys for sale
Stephanie Ortiz
“I love that cute married thing we do where we decide to be fiscally responsible by reviewing our finances and end up arguing about which of us should sell a kidney”
12. Last words
Josh
“Wife: why are there dishes in the sink? My son’s last words: because you didn’t do them”
13. The wife’s magic
James Breakwell
“Me: Wow. I don’t have anything to do today. Wife: *Materializes out of thin air* actually”
14. The sexy walk
Elle A. Rose
“My husband confused my ‘sexy’ walk with a pulled muscle. I must be getting old or my knight in shining armor needs to polish that suite. (I’m going with the latter)”
15. Differences of opinion
Boyd’s Backyard
“Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife’s is around $643.27. Apparently)”
16. The joy of marriage
Elisabeth
“Yes, marriage is a very good time if you enjoy the idea of living with your parole officer”
17. She knows
James Breakwell
“Me: Ow, I pulled a muscle in my back. Wife: How? Me: Rigorous exercise. Getting out of bed”
The post 17 Funniest Marriage Tweets That Will Make Your Sides Hurt appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.
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