I (27F) found out my bf (28M) has been hiding his "friendship" with his co-worker (20ish F) from me. I confronted him and things got bad....fast. I need advice.

First a little background: We have been together for about 3 years and living together for just about 3 years as well. This last year of our relationship has been rocky. We were living in a very tiny apartment. There was no where for either of us to go to have time to ourselves. We were driving each other crazy. The problem was we let it get too far. When we talked about our frustrations it would be when we had let our frustrations build to the point where we were exploding.

When our lease came up we knew we needed to get out of there and found a much bigger apartment. We moved in 2 weeks ago and I was already feeling a change. We felt happier. Even our dog was happier!

While we were living in the old apartment though I felt like he was hiding something from me. He became very distant after awhile and was always texting. One time I was sitting next to him on the couch and saw that he was texting someone and the name just said "A" (changed the letter to match name below). I asked him who A was and he said oh it's a guy I work with that we play battlegrounds with. I didn't quite believe him but I dropped it. Fast forward a few weeks and he texts me to tell me that his car broke down on his way to work. He ended up getting to work while his car was being fixed but couldn't figure out how he wanted to get home. We live in a city that has great public transportation so I suggested he just do that. He text me a few hours later and said that he was getting a ride home and that they were going to grab something to eat. I asked him who was giving him a ride and he said Amanda. I had never heard her name before and asked why they were grabbing dinner. He said he wanted to pay her back for giving him a ride home. I told him I thought giving her gas money or buying her a Starbucks coffee would be far more appropriate than taking her out to dinner. He apologized but did it anyway. This made me suspicious and that is when I connected the dots....the A in his phone was the Amanda who was giving him a ride home. After that I would often ask him who he was texting all of the time and who was so important and he would say no one. This is what led me to finally snoop...

Yesterday night i woke up to find that my boyfriend had left his phone unlocked. I decided to look at his phone and read through text messages he has been having with a co-worker. I found out that while I was out of town last weekend, he stayed at her house on cinco de mayo. He totally lied to me and told me he was with his co-worker, Matt (who I have met and have changed his name). He also texts her quite often and they have even talked on the phone after I go to bed. One text message to her was talking about how people at work think she is his favorite and that they think he loves her. They've even talked about me! I was heartbroken.

I waited until the morning and asked him to tell me the truth about Amanda (name changed for privacy). He said he didn't know what I was talking about and I told him he needed to be honest with me because I know things and I want to hear him say it. I didn't tell him how I found out because I didn't want him to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy. I said I know he went to her house over the weekend and he admitted it but lied about why he did and said he didn't stay the night there. He also continued to lie and said she was just a friend and that he hid her from me because he knew I would be mad. I tried to be as calm and collected as I could without freaking out on him. I told him that if he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have hidden it. I'm not going to get angry over a platonic relationship. I tell him about my co-workers all the time and our conversations and have had nothing to hide and honestly I knew his excuse was bs.

Anyway, after talking for what felt like ages, he said that he is feeling burnt out. The last year of our relationship had been pretty rocky. He said that he felt like we were in a rut and needed to take a break from each other to focus on ourselves and restart. I respect what he is feeling because I was feeling it too. However, we live together....I don't understand how a "break" is going to work. How am I going to treat my boyfriend, whom I've been living with for 3 years, like a roommate while he spends time figuring himself out. I feel so empty and don't know where to go from here. I cried so hard yesterday that I was hyperventilating. He slept on the couch last night and when I walked by him this morning I immediately teared up. I feel like I am losing my best friend. I love him so much. I agree that things need to change. We moved into a bigger apartment with more space and have already been happier, but I guess that's not enough. Where do I go from here? Do I just back off and give him the (break) space he wants? Is that even going to work? How do I go on and regain trust for him again? How can I know that he won't continue talking to his co-worker? I have so many questions and am a huge mess. I need help.

TLDR: My boyfriend spent the night at a female coworkers house and has been having conversations with her that cross the line. He said he needs a break and now I'm a mess and don't know where to go from here. Help!

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