I've been dating a wonderful woman for nearly a year now, and things have been great up until very recently.
She's a feminist with a self-proclaimed distrust of men. I managed to curb this distrust, and she came out of her comfort zone. We recently started living together. We split chores and expenses, we have a healthy relationship with little imbalance (we make similar money), and alternate work schedules so we're not down each other's throats.
The only real issue is when we discuss any topic even tangentially related to women's rights. Case in point: Watching the Handmaid's Tale, freezing eggs comes up. I state it feels a little weird (bad descriptive word, I know) that women freeze their eggs. She tells me how I have no right to dictate how women treat their bodies. I did no such thing, and I support and understand why they choose to do so. I was trying to relate to the show about a dystopian future where all women freeze their eggs and use a company providing surrogates. That's why it felt "weird" to me. I'm not claiming my feelings to be justified or important on the matter, but that's what they are.
I know it's a sensitive topic, but I'm not attacking anyone, abridging any rights, or pushing an agenda. She gets visibly upset and tells me she can't be logical while personal feelings are involved. It went on for a little while longer, but I kept sensing that she blamed not just men, but me as an individual for the struggles that women face. I am not alright with that, and take offense to the notion.
She tells me she can't discuss women's rights concepts with me because I'll never change her opinion. I'm not asking her to, I'm just trying to understand where this is coming from. I know I haven't lived her life or been in the shoes of a woman, but I want to understand her perspective to feel closer to her.
I'm ok with agreeing to disagree, but I'm noticing a behavior shift in her as a result of our conversation. Sarcastic jokes about other topics that used to be obvious are now taken seriously by her. She's questions my viewpoints as if I hold some terrible opinion on everything. I don't even hold a negative opinion on feminism, but her strong feelings on the topic forbid her from seeing that. It's as if she harbors a resentment for men which filters down to me unfairly. She doesn't even mask her negative feelings towards most men, I just hadn't expected those feelings to bias her opinion of me. If I let this dissipate, and she feels fine with letting it go unspoken, I'm worried that she'll be holding this resentment for years before finally boiling over and taking it out on me a few years down the line.
It looks more like deep seated misandry than feminism at this point, and I'm paying a price for it. This certainly won't fuel a break up, but I hate feeling like part of her hates me just because I'm a man. She knows I'm not a womanizer or chauvinist, and I don't deserve the negative treatment I'm receiving. What can I do?
TL;DR My GF takes some discussions very personally, and I'm worried her distaste for men is being unfairly projected on me as an individual. I don't want a relationship where a part of my partner secretly loathes me and/or my gender.
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