My friend Julian is a great guy. He’s part of a larger friend group of guys that have known each other since children, my boyfriend, and me. Throughout the time I’ve known Julian, he’s always been the punching bag of the group of friends. They bully him because he’s a little more sensitive than the rest, and they bully him because he’s not as good as the others in the videogames they play. He’s pretty chill about the bullying, but when they’re being especially harsh, I try to speak up and bully them back on Julian’s behalf, through some good-natured ribbing. Like if they’re teasing him for not having a girlfriend (despite not having one themselves), I’d say something like ‘Yeah but Julian’s 6’2, what girl’s going to want to go out with your 5’4 ass?’ I do this with all the guys, so it’s not like I’m his big defender or anything, but I also do this with Julian.
In any case, we play a videogame (Dota2) which is a team-based game where ONE of the players plays a role (support) that basically means they’re the bitch. You don't do any of the fun stuff, you just run around protecting people and sacrificing yourself to make sure they live. Typically this goes to the lowest-skilled player in the group. I always play this role because within my group of friends, they are very good (5k/7k) except for me (4k). Julian is 4.5k, which is barely above me, but he’s been playing for five years more than me. This creates a dynamic where he obviously feels he’s superior (and he is) but to an EXTENT. He’s not better than the other guys.
The problem arose when there was a circumstance that required me to play a role that wasn’t support in a game. I play 90% of my games as support, and when I don’t feel like it, some other friend will pick up the slack without too much issue, but most people see it as a chore. I was playing with Julian and my boyfriend, and since my boyfriend is better than Julian, he assumed Julian would pick up the support role. My performance in the game (I was playing a role called Carry) DIRECTLY depended on Julian coming with me and helping me out, but despite him picking a character that could easily play support, he chose not to. It's important to note that the game BEFORE I played carry I played another role called mid which I NEVER play (and doesn't need a support, while the role carry DOES), and I did ridiculously well despite everyone considering me to be a liability if I played that role. He got destroyed while playing carry, while I won the game single-handedly for the team. So we quickly lost when I played carry, and Julian blamed me (despite it being his fault for not supporting me). And on the next game, he did the same thing, and blamed me again. And the game after that.
I didn’t say anything because I was annoyed and I knew he was doing it because he felt like he was ‘above’ supporting me (although he supports any of the other guys with no real issue), but then he started being super passive-aggressive. Sighing whenever I made a mistake, offering little sarcastic tips like ‘Remember to do (really obvious action)’ when I was getting destroyed. So when he said another comment, I blew up and I confronted him about the situation. I asked him directly what was his problem with supporting me, that he had been doing this all day and we’ve been losing because he’d been stubborn, that I even GAVE UP AND STARTED SUPPORTING HIM and his shit attitude kept up, and I told him I wasn’t about to listen to his stupid tips because he’s a trash player and he’s not all that much better than me. That I could take a tip from any of our other friends but CERTAINLY not from him so he could shut the fuck up and do his goddamn job.
Aaaaand his response was to ignore me completely, leave the game, leave all the groups we have in common, and completely refuse to play with the group if I’m playing as well. He won’t even come to the Discord room if I’m there, lol. It’s been like this all week, and I’m frankly pretty done with it. I think he's being a child, and I'm the kind of person who deals with issues head-on instead of pussyfooting about.
So I want to apologize, but I feel very strongly that I’m in the right here so I need help in knowing how to navigate this situation. I also have my bday coming up and I don’t want him to miss it for a stupid fight that shouldn’t have lasted this long anyway.
TL;DR: Sensitive friend refuses to speak to him because I angrily told him he shouldn’t be giving me sarcastic and passive-aggressive ‘tips’ because he’s trash at the game we play.
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