I [25f] have a crush on my friend [20m] but I feel like a creep

Using an account I forgot about because my friends use reddit and I don't want them to know about this.

This is probably going to be long, sorry.

As the title states, I feel weird about my crush. I have known, let's call him Jake, for about 2 years now. We met in class and became fast friends as well as the people sitting around us- we're all still friends to this day.

A little background on me- In high school, I was always one of those girls who dated older because I considered myself more mature than I really was. This resulted in an emotionally abusive relationship where I was 16 and my boyfriend was 21. Because of this, I am very sensitive to age gaps. Also, I had friends who all dated within the friend group and it grossed me out. Like, 8 guys would sleep with this ONE girl, and they'd all be fine with it. Since then, I've developed a need to date outside of my friend group to avoid it becoming "incestuous". As I've gotten a little older, I see where finding a partner in a friend can be much more beneficial and comfortable for both parties. Maybe this is just years of online dating talking, but I'm not really too keen on going out with complete strangers anymore. As an adult, I find the 24-35 age range pretty swell and usually try to date within those limits. My general rule is "If they can't buy me a drink at a bar, they're too young for me."

Jake is like no 20 year old I've met before. He's more mature than my ex, who is 29. A little background on Jake, he's from out of the country and has dealt with some pretty horrific things that aged him beyond his years. He is responsible, kind, hard-working, and genuinely one of the most incredible and resilient people I've ever met. Not only that, but my roommates knew I had a crush on a youngin' and were poking fun at me- until he was over for an end of the quarter party. They asked who that guy was and why I wasn't trying to date him. I told him that was the youngin', and they balked. "There's no way he's younger than us" and "he has the beard of a God." So it is not just me who thinks he is incredibly mature, physically and emotionally, for his age.

About a year ago, I admitted to Jake that I had feelings for him but felt strange about this since I was so much older. He also admitted his feelings for me, but since he was 19 at the time, I told him I was just being honest for transparency's sake and that I didn't think anything should come from our feelings. He said he respected that and we've carried on like normal and been friends with no drama.

Right to the heart. Guy takes rejection like a champ and has never treated me any differently for it. I can't say the same about men ten years his senior.

Flash forward to today, and we've been accepted to the same university. He will be turning 21 in about 8 months, and I can't deny that I'm kind of excited for it and have been fantasizing about taking him out for his 21st birthday and really telling him how I feel and that I want to do something about it now.

But three things are holding me back:

1. I don't want to take away the dating experience from him. I feel like I would be stealing him from girls his age and that it wouldn't be fair to him if we eventually broke up.

2. I feel like a creep. I feel like I would be putting my 25 year old baggage on this guy who is pretty fresh to the dating game, and I don't think that's fair. I do have herpes (which he knows about) and trust issues (which he also knows about) and I feel like those two things would fuck him up in the long-term and I don't want to be responsible for that. He deserves better.

3. I feel like I'm getting to the point where I want to settle down. I don't want to keep dating. I want a dog, a house, a garden. I want to build a life with someone. Can I reasonably ask a newly 21 year old to build with me? I am by no means ready for any of those things financially, but that is where my mind is now.

My plan is to just sit on this crush and watch as he dates at our new university and be happy for him and be there for him. I would keep it completely platonic and hope that my feelings waned and that I met someone my own age.

I guess my question is: Am I overthinking this? Am I a creep? Should I just stick with my plan to ignore the crush? Or should I go for it?

Tl;Dr: I have feelings for someone 5 years younger and I feel like I have too much baggage would be weighing him in the long run if I attempted to date him.

submitted by /u/alwaysupvotesa9
[link] [comments]

from Relationships https://ift.tt/2I9xCX8