A few months ago, I met Andy on Tinder and we started hooking up. We also stayed up late talking a lot, and I took hom along for some of my adrenaline junkie hobbies, stuff he'd never did before.
I thought it was a casual thing, he told me he was separating from his wife, and not able to do anything serious currently, and I said that I wasn't interested in anything serious, it just wouldn't mesh with my current lifestyle. I didn't want monogamy, and I enjoy solo traveling and my time consuming hobbies and career.
Despite this, he seemed to be getting pretty emotionally invested, telling me stuff like how he could talk to me like nobody else he'd ever met. I was surprised by that, I didn't find our conversations particularly intimate, I talked to him like I'd talk to any friend or FWB. I find people interesting, and I've been told I'm a good listener, but that's about it.
I tend to have an easy come, easy go attitude about life. I can really enjoy my time with someone, but be able to move on if the circumstances are no longer right. Friendships and relationships end sometimes, but you never lose the good memories and everything you learned from that person.
So I didn't overthink how Andy seemed pretty attached for someone who claimed that he wasn't ready for something serious. I thought, maybe he was just enjoying the moment, like me.
I started to get a weird feeling about things when I spent a long weekend visiting my aunt and niece. They live in a small Midwestern farming town with basically no cell coverage.
I don't mind not having cell service, I usually use Facebook Messenger instead of texting, and that works fine on Wifi. I forgot Andy doesn't have me on Facebook. (He only likes phone calls, no texting or messaging)
Andy called me a lot when I was away. Over 100 missed calls that weekend.
When I turned on my phone afterwards, I called back ASAP to apologise, and he was pretty mad at me. Saying I was inconsiderate, that he was worried, that it was shitty for me to disappear for 3 days.
I apologized saying that I had forgotten he didn't have me on any social media, I figured that anyone who was looking for me would see me active on Facebook messenger / Instagram / Snapchat
I felt a little weirded out how he reacted, especially because we were just casual FWBs, but figured I had made a mistake for disappearing for 4 days.
Two weekends ago, I was going to be doing some traveling, a mini road trip to a National park, and I invited Andy along.
He was saying up till the last minute that he didn't know if he could make it, but then said that he could.
We had a fun time, and when we got back, I was super busy with work for a few days, so we didn't talk much.
Then, Andy called me, sounding stressed. His wife had found out about us.
Wait, what? His wife? Who he was seperated from? And who he was divorcing? Why would she care he was seeing someone new, if she'd already ended things with him?
The truth started to slowly come out. They were not seperating, she hadn't ended things (Unless you count saying some pretty nasty stuff that made him decide for himself that it was over). He'd decided he might want a divorce, decided he'd leave her eventually, then started dating me WITHOUT TELLING HER ANY OF IT.
So he was cheating. That made a lot of things fall into place, his refusal to text or have me on social media (I'd figured it was a generational thing), him becoming "busy" when I invited somewhere my friends would be so he wouldn't have to meet them.
I told him "That's not my problem, it's your choices that got you here" and hung up and blocked his number.
I felt like total shit for not prying into his situation more when he first told me his wife had ended things with him, and they were separating.
I had gone with the flow, trusting he was a good person, and not caring too much about the drama in his life because he was just a hookup to me. And then I'd ended up being the other woman, and being involved in something majorly shitty and unethical.
A few days later, Andy called me from a different number, and begged me to stay on the line. He'd properly ended things with his wife, told her that he was in love with someone else. I think he thought he'd win me over with that, but I was majorly creeped out.
I said that we didn't have anything special, and what was said between him and his wife was their business alone.
He argued about the connection he thought we have, saying stuff about how I encouraged him to do things he's never done before, and how he connected with me like no one else.
I said that it sounded pretty one sided, and ended the call.
He called again from another new number, leaving a voicemail. This time he was angry with him for leading him on and ruining his relationship with his wife. Called me a lot of nasty stuff, but at the end it seemed like he still wanted to get with me.
I didn't reply, and blocked that number too.
So right now, I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep blocking new numbers, and worrying that every time I pick up the phone he'll be calling.
I'm also worried because he knows where I live, and where I work, and where I go for my hobbies.
I think it would be a good idea to get in contact with his wife and give her an apology, but I'm worried that'll make him madder. I don't know if I can do that without him finding out.
Tldr - My FWB lied to me about his relationship status. His wife discovered he was cheating. He blames me for ruining his relationship for nothing, by leading him on. I'm a little worried for my safety.
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