I [32F] was with my ex-husband [34M] for 15 years before he left me for a coworker last year. It destroyed me because we essentially grew up together, I still loved him and didn’t want a divorce. I was blindsided and didn’t know why at first until I found out he was dating his coworker [26F], which hurt even more.
They didn’t start officially “dating” until after our divorce was final but I have enough evidence to suspect they at least had an emotional affair beforehand, if not a physical one.
I spent the last 3 years of our marriage begging to have children. He told me I wasn’t “healthy enough” (read: fat) even though he was and still is very overweight. Luckily I lost all the excess weight in the year after he left but I have always felt cheated out of my prime years for having kids. Yeah, I know I’m young, but I didn’t want to wait this long and thought my whole life was planned out.
Shortly before he left, I quit my job to focus on personal opportunities at my husband’s suggestion. So when he left I had to find new work which took several months and ate up most of my settlement money.
Due to other personal issues towards the end of last year I had a nervous breakdown, became an alcoholic, went to rehab, lost my job. Meanwhile he and his coworker bought a house, got engaged, and got pregnant.
They’re due next month and I just had to take a serving job (a huge step backwards given my skill set and career) in order to make rent. I’m sober and in the program with a sponsor but I feel humiliated.
Especially given the circumstances and how my ex handled our divorce (total shutdown, no closure, very cold) I am just seething with rage over this. Why does he get a perfect new life after being so cruel to me? I wanted to lash out at him and be vindictive but I didn’t, I was composed and cooperative in the divorce and didn’t fight him on anything.
Now I’m alone, childless, working as a waitress in a home I can barely afford but don’t want to lose while he lives in a brand new house with a young wife and a baby on the way.
How do I get past this? How do I let go of this rage? I’m in therapy but every time I think about them I just get so angry. It’s not fair.
TL:DR Ex left me for coworker, now lives the perfect life with a house and a baby on the way while my life is falling apart all around me. I’m so angry at him and the world and I don’t know how to cope.
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