At the beginning of this school year, my son had a falling out with a kid (also 12) who had been his good friend since they were little. This kid was very viciously showing off (to get points at middle school, I assume) by physically and mentally bullying our son. I decided to get involved and called the boys mother which I thought would handle it. That actually made the bullying worse so I went to the school and they handled things but little did I know that the bullying got worse online, on the walk home and other places outside of school.
My son did confide in my husband, but I've since found out he was worried that I was going to get involved again so they kept the extend of the bullying from me. My husband's answer was to start taking my son to martial arts classes. I knew he was in the classes, but I didn't know why. I was not in favor of the karate, both because of the "niceguy" association and that I think him taking the classes is a sort of escalation of potential violence. There are clearly other ways to solve problems but since it was presented as exercise and self confidence, I really couldn't say much.
Yesterday I came home from work to find my both my husband and son sitting at the kitchen table drinking a coke. My son's face was clearly scratched up and he looked awful. I asked what was going on since I almost always beat my husband home and he said "we're celebrating an early start to summer vacation." I asked what that meant and my husband held up my son's hand (which then I saw his knuckles were all scraped up) and said "the champ here gets an extra two weeks of summer!"
So as it turns out the bullying had taken a long break but the boy in question and a few of his new friends surprised my son on the way home and instead of running away or telling an adult, my son used his karate and broke the kids nose and kicked him in the knee. This kids parents had called the school, said my son was bullying him and both were expelled from school since there was documentation of past incidents. Since the fight happened within a certain radius of the school grounds, the school had to get involved and I guess my son, husband and the other kid's parents were brought in. I was left out of this.
I don't know the true extent of the other kids injuries but knowing his parents I would suspect this isn't the last we've heard and I'm an emotional wreck over the thought of paying for medical bills or worse.
I tried to talk to my husband that we needed to stop the karate as now we have a kid who beat up a much larger, stronger kid. My husband actually looked incredulously at me and said that from his point of view the karate was a 100% success and our son will be viewed as some one not to be messed with because he beat up a much larger stronger kid. I told him that we should have taught him to run away, my husband said that's not always an option. I asked him if he's worried about the potential of being sued, he said bring it on since the school has a huge file on this kid and the parents would have to confront and explain that to a judge. He even told me that the school principal pulled him aside after the expulsions were handed out saying that he was "proud" of our son for sticking up for himself and he would back us up in any way he could but district policy said he had to follow through with the expulsion. I said I didn't trust the principal from the start.
For me I want the Karate to stop now. There's no need for it. If we want a sport, it can be track or something else that will teach him skills to get away from violence but nothing centered on violence. I also said we need to get Kenton into counseling immediately for potential PTSD from the fighting and bullying. My husband said that was a gross overreaction and that I don't have to be involved in the karate, but Kenton enjoys it and he's not going to stop taking him.
What is a potential solution here?
tl;dr: my son got in a fight with a kid who has been bullying him and broke the kids nose and hurt his knee. This is a direct result of my husband putting my son in karate. I want the karate to stop immediately. My husband says no.
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